Realize
by Goo82
Summary: Edward is a hot up and coming actor and Bella is his ever faithful best friend and personal assistant. Bella's feeling for Edward have changed, but he is oblivious to her feelings. With the help of her friends, will she get the courage to tell him...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N **: This is my second attempt at writing. Thanks to my first one being recieved well, I decided to give it another go. Let me know what you think.

As usual, I am not the owner of the characters below.. I just like to play with them.

**Beep, Beep, Beep**

I lifted my hand from under my covers and blindly waved it around to smash the annoying buzzer off on my alarm clock. I took notice of the time-five o'clock. I groaned loudly. It was still dark outside. I laid back into the cushions of my bed and stared at the ceiling. Why, oh why did I ever agree to do this job? I mused to myself as I tried to overcome the strong feeling of drowsiness fighting to overtake my body. Then, I remembered.

Oh, that's right, because Edward. My best friend for as long as I have been alive-thanks to our mothers being best friends and all - needed to be tended to. That is pretty much how it had been our whole lives though.

Edwards mother Esme, and my mother Renee were roommates in college. They met each other freshman year and had been attached at the hips since. They each met their husbands at the same party, were engaged and married a few months apart, and both were pregnant together. They even ended up moving into the same neighborhood. Esme had Edward in June and then Renee had me four months later. From that moment on, Edward and I were always a part of each others lives. Esme was like my second mother, as was Renee to Edward.

Going over to Edwards house always made me laugh. If you didn't know that Carlisle and Esme only had one child, you would think they had two. Along with all the pictures of Edward from birth on up, there were pictures of me as well. Our first time sitting up, together. First trip to the zoo, together. When we lost our front teeth, again, together. It was the same at my mothers house- pictures of Edward were everywhere. We had sleepovers from the time we were little to the present. If it was anyone else of the male species, I am sure Charlie would have flipped. Edward -being like the son he never had - made him ok to sleep in the same bed with me. He knew nothing was going to happen. We were just friends, remember?

When it came to school, I was always the one to remind Edward of a homework assignment or a test that we needed to study for. His parents and him were very grateful for my nagging of him. Without it he would never have even bothered with school.

When it came time to apply for colleges, it only made sense to attempt to attend the same one. Neither of us could picture being apart from the other one for an extended amount of time. We had talked our 

parents into letting us rent an apartment together to save on money and the dreaded ordeal of living with a complete stranger, so we moved into an apartment right off campus.

One day, Edward was approached by a man on campus telling him he had a face for modeling and handed him his business card. We laughed about it, Edward said the man probably just wanted to see him naked. A few weeks later and a serious lack of cash flow, Edward decided to drag me along to see if anything came from the man's offer. Boy, did it ever! it seemed right away Edward was being booked for photo shoots and local add campaigns. Soon after, he caught the eye of a few big wigs over at the T.V. station and began making small appearances in commercials. Shocked by how fast his career had picked up, he sent head shots out to agencies in L.A. and was astonished when every single agency seemed to want him. He went with the one that threw the most money at him, and started working immediately.

He was participating in a fashion show during fashion week in New York when he caught the eye of a director who thought he had the perfect look for a character in his new movie of a struggling artist who battled a heroine addiction. That movie earned Edward a Golden Globe nomination and sky rocketed him to super star status over night. Since then, he had been in constant demand.

When things started happening for him he said he couldn't imagine doing it without me, so I came along to fulfill my role as the person watching out for him. Making sure he stayed level headed, helping him remember important dates, auditions, and so on. Then, becoming Best friend/ personal assistant extraordinaire.

He claimed that he couldn't see anyone else being his personal assistant other than me. I knew everything there was to know about him. Plus, who would turn down a job where they got paid for being a best friend and helping him out like I always did? He mentioned on numerous occasions, that he wouldn't know how to survive if I wasn't there being the responsible one.

Edward was such a wonderful person but he never gave himself enough credit. He was beyond talented in everything he tried and everyone knew it. He has been playing concerto style piano since he was in elementary school. His teacher said she had never seen a child pick up piano so fast nor as well- was a natural. He wrote beautiful musical pieces off the top of his head. He was passionate about everything- friends, family, and food. When Edward did something, he did it all the way. He never half-assed 

anything. When it came to his family and friends, they always came first. When he made a promise, he kept it. Edward never lied, he just wasn't that type.

However, since becoming this big star, people only saw him for his outward appearances. I knew better. The people who fell in love with Edward Cullen, the "Movie Star", didn't know the real him. They knew he could play piano, but had never heard his work. They just thought he was a triple threat of perfection, actor/model, and musician. To them, he was the strange bronze disheveled haired actor with a ripped muscled body with abs that just begged to be licked. The actor that sported a perfectly crooked smile that he flashed at any given moment. The actor with the amazing emerald colored eyes that looked too amazing to be real. But to those who loved him, he was so much more then all that. He was the sweet and fun loving Edward who would do anything to make his loved ones happy.

Sure Edward was gorgeous, there was no denying that. I had known it since elementary school when every girl was drawn to him like one of those bug zapper lights. Even more so when he started to become the chiseled god he is today.

His personality is what I think kept us friends for so long, though. Although he was beautiful and came from a wealthy family, he never let any of that go to his head. When in high school, he was super popular and everyone wanted to be his friend. He was always invited to the biggest parties, and was asked out by the prettiest girls, but never once did any of that matter to him. Instead, he liked to camp and read books, and play his piano or watch really bad horror movies. Anything and everything always had us rolling on the floor laughing. The fact that he stuck by me no matter what all the time made me love him so much.

I, on the other hand, wasn't popular by anyone's standard. I was the police chief's nerdy daughter who spent all her time studying and hanging out with Edward. To all the girls who wanted to date Edward, I was nothing more then his charity case; the family friend he felt bad for. So that was why he hung out with me. I overheard some of the girls in gym one day talking about all the qualities I lacked in being worthy to be his friend. They mainly involved my looks. My hair was a dull boring brown color that came down past my shoulders. My eyes matched my hair- lifeless brown color- except, they were hidden behind glasses. My skin was a pale color that was made more noticeable by the dark color of my hair. My clothes were all off brand, and all I did was read. Obviously, besides my dreary looks, the fact that I could read at all for pleasure made me a poor match for Edward in their eyes. He found me later that day walking home instead of riding with him. When he finally got it out of me what was wrong he was upset.

"Bella, you know those people have no idea what they are talking about. You are my very best friend because I can't live without you. Who would cook me pancakes every Sunday if it weren't for you? Who would make sure I was on time to everything, and who would inspire me to work on my music more? None of them hold half as much interest as you hold. You along with them, don't see yourself clearly. You never have. Ignore them. You are beautiful and funny and so smart! Not to mention you have a super hot best friend." he was wiping away my tears and I started to laugh.

"Promise me Bella, Promise that you won't listen to them anymore. Only you and I know what we mean to each other, nobody else matters." he implored as he pushed my the curtain of hair from my face.

"I-I promise." He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, giving me a squeeze.

That is how it always was. We were always just the best of friends and he never traded me in for a better model.

We had been through everything in our lives up until now together. Through the death of our grandparents, to school and dances. We shared every detail of our lives with each other and we were the only ones who truly knew the other one inside and out.

He watched me go on many dates that left me without anyone that interested me. He would tell me, "Don't worry Bella, your prince charming is out there. Just you wait and see."

Too bad I had already found that man.

Unfortunately, Edward was wrong because this man didn't notice I was alive.

Well, not true. He knew I was alive, alright. I just happened to be alive in his eyes as his dorky, best friend/personal assistant.

Yep, the man of my dreams and my best friend were one in the same. I was stupid enough to fall in love with the super attractive, super talented, actor best friend, Edward.

I think some part of me had always been in love with Edward. But after attempting to date around, I realized that the reason they never lead to anything more then just a first date was because I spent the whole time comparing them to him. Some would be cute, but they weren't him. Some would be super smart, but not as smart as him. Or as funny.

It didn't matter though. It was hopeless. He was a huge actor now, and I got to sit by and watch actresses and models throw themselves all over him and him eat it up. I was still just good ole' best friend, Bella. I was just like a sister and nothing more.

So, I didn't say a thing. I don't need him to tell me what I already knew.

When presented with the choice between a beautiful blonde model from Germany to plain Jane Bella who looked like she just walked out of the Sears catalogue, who do you think he would pick?

I wasn't stupid, I knew who.

So, I decided to keep my feelings to myself and keep my friendship intact. I don't think I could handle being around him if he told me straight out that I wasn't his type. I liked to bask in the warmth that is denial.

An annoying buzzing brought me out of my self pitying thoughts and I reached over to the nightstand to see it was my vibrating Blackberry flashing a reminder to get Edward up for an audition he had today.

I threw the covers off my sleep drunken body and stood up slowly. I shuffled my way to my closet to grab some clothes and headed off to the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

I took my time letting the warm water trickle down my back to help relax my stiff muscles. Trying to deal with Edward in the mornings was like dealing with a five year old who wanted candy and refused to take no for an answer. He was not a morning person, and it was my job to wake his lazy ass up and deliver him some coffee. It helped that we shared a house together. It made things easier and harder for my situation.

Easier, because living with Edward was natural It gave us both comfort to have one another so close. It also made things easier work wise. Instead of waking up and driving over from a separate home, I just shared one with him. I was with Edward all the time anyway, so paying rent for a place I was never at didn't make any sense.

Harder, because with my current feelings, I got my heart ripped out on a regular basis when I could hear Edward bringing home another random chick. Or, walking into the kitchen in the morning to fix Edward coffee only to be greeted by a stranger in nothing more then a shirt of Edward's. My personal favorite way of having my heart stomped on, was walking into his room for his daily wake up to find that he wasn't alone. Seeing his arm curled around someone else's body always did a number on my heart.

Once I was done showering, I got dressed and threw my hair into a clip and made my way to the kitchen to start the coffee. I fell into my daily routine by opening the front door and grabbing the paper, lay it on the kitchen table, and then pop two pop tarts into the toaster. we may be adults now, but pop tarts would always remain Edward and mine's ultimate breakfast food.

Once the coffee was done, I made a cup for him and myself then wrapped the now warmed pop tarts into a paper towel and walked to his room.

I slowly opened his door mentally chanting, "please let him be alone, please let him be alone…" I scrunched my eyes shut as I thought this, then opened one cautiously before letting a sigh of relief escape me. He was.

There laid Edward in only his black boxer briefs, sprawled out on his stomach and his covers kicked to the foot of the bed.

I, of course, took a minute to ogle his perfect form laying there. It was the only time I could fully take in his perfection without him noticing me doing so. He was beautiful and of course I had seen him in less, I mean we used to bathe together as toddlers, but now it was different. Now, the thought of bathing with Edward caused a blush to rise to my cheeks which caused a myriad of mental images to run through my head, all of which were very NC-17.

I snapped myself out of the daze I had fallen under and made my way over to the side of his bed, setting the coffees and pop tarts on his nightstand. I sat down on the bed next to him and prepared myself to listen to his whining.

I placed my hand on his bare shoulder and gave it a nudge " Hey, time to wake up Cullen"

I paused waiting for impact, but received none. Time to bring out the big guns.

"Cullen! Time to get your ass up, you have things to do today, come on now." I shook his shoulder vigorously, which elicited a low growl from his sleeping form.

He started to move, smashing his face into his pillow moaning, " Noooo.

Bella, a little longer , please?"

"Edward, we don't have time for this. Come on, I brought you your coffee and a pop tart, get up."

He turned his face towards me and his eyes fluttered open.

"Why do you make these things so damn early." he grumbled before smashing his face back into his pillow.

"Oh yes, I make them early. Intentionally. Because I love waking you up every morning like this. It is the highlight of my day, Edward."

I felt his arms wrap around my waist and tug me down to him so that I was laying next to him, face to face. My breathing hitched. Too close.

"Oh, silly Bella, you know you love coming in here every morning and getting a good look at me in nothing but my BB's ."

Oh, How right he was, but still he didn't need to know that.

"Edward, you walk around the house like this all the time, so it's not like I never get an unwanted peepshow." I answered back sarcastically, attempting to hide the blush now crossing my cheeks.

"Whatever Bells, So what am I doing today, then?" he reached over me grabbing the pop tarts and handing me one.

"You have an audition today for a period piece drama directed by some up and coming director. I have all the info in my room. Do you think you could get up and be ready to leave in an hour?" I asked as I finished the last bite of my tart and started to push myself off the bed.

Edward once again grabbed me and pulled me close to him. My heart started to pound and the butterflies in my stomach went nuts. Stupid, attractive, best friend.

"Bella, just cuddle with me, sheesh, so eager to leave your best friend alone." Edward pouted and gently tugged on the ends of my hair. I slapped his hands away playfully.

"Edward, we have things to do today. You need to get ready, I have to get ready. We don't have time for you to be silly."

"You know, Miss. grumpy pants, you need to chill out. I am going to force you to go on vacation if you're not careful." he threatened playfully.

"How many times you have told me that and it never happens?" I shot back.

"Fine, then I guess I will have to settle for this-"

He bounced up to his knees suddenly and towered over me catching me completely off guard. He took that as an advantage and placed his hands on my sides and commenced a tickle war.

"Ahhh, NO.. Edward Please!! S-Stop it!!" I stammered as I attempted to push his unrelenting fingers away from my sides.

"Are you going to relax Bella?" he asked through a laugh as he continued his torturous tickle attack on me.

"Yes!!"

"You promise me?"

"I-I promise, Please stop!"

"Fine," he released me. " I am not afraid to use my powers on you again miss, so chill out."

"You are such a jerk sometimes, you know that?" I spat at him before shoving him onto his back and climbed on top of him, pinning his body to the bed.

"Yes but that is why you love me." He answered with a taunting smile.

Oh if he only knew…

"Okay, so your going to get up now?" I climbed off of him and jumped off the bed.

"Yes Bella, I am going to go shower now. Anything to stop you from nagging the crap out of me." I swatted at him.

"It is my job to nag, now go. I will be in the living room." with that I left the room.

I made my way to my bedroom to grab my messenger bag and filled it with the things I needed for the day-my folder full of Edwards info, headshots, notepad, and random things Edward might need while we were out. I threw my laptop in and grabbed my blackberry off the charger along with my ipod, and headed back out to the living room. I plopped down on the couch and started to look over what we had to do today and if there were any other meeting.

Edward had the audition I had mentioned this morning and then needed to stop by his agents to talk over any other project he may have. The rest of the day seemed free so far, but knowing how in demand he was, I was sure something else would be bound to pop up.

My phone started to ring and a glance at the caller ID made me feel happy that I had my morning coffee.

"Hello Alice," I answered with a sigh. It took all the strength I had to get through conversations with that pixie in the mornings.

Alice was my other best friend and Edwards stylist. She was in charge of dressing him for red carpet events and openings of clubs he attended. Anything that there would be a lot of photogs at meant that Alice was going to be hard at work. Alice had gone to Parsons in New York for fashion before moving out here to be a personal stylist/ designer. She was this tiny 4'10'' little pixie-like ball of energy. She just had 

this personality that no matter what mood you were in beamed rays of happiness to you in an instant. It was impossible not to love Alice.

"Hey Bella, how did waking Edward up go this morning?"

"How does waking up Edward go every morning Alice?" I answered dully, flipping through a stack of papers that were propped precariously on the coffee table.

"-Was he at least alone today?" she laughed

"Yes, I was very lucky not to have seen little Eddie this morning."

"Oh don't pretend that you don't like seeing little Eddie. You would just prefer to be the person in the bed next to him." Alice teased. I rolled my eyes in response.

"Alice, jeeze. Always a lady."

"Well you know it's the truth. Why you won't tell him is beyond me, Bella."

"Do we always need to have this conversation first thing in the morning, Alice? You know why I don't tell him." I answered in defense. I heard her scoff on the other end.

"Bella, you are so beautiful and smart. Those blonde bimbos that he brings home don't even begin to compare to you. How you can sit by and watch him with those idiots is horrible. One day, you are going to get sick of it.. and just tell him."

"Maybe one day Alice, but today is not that day." I quipped back, hoping the conversation would end there.

"Well, it better be soon, because sooner or later some skank is going to latch her claws into him and he is going to end up with the wrong person and then where will you both be?"

"Alice-" I warned, hoping she could hear the discomfort coloring my voice.

"Fine, no more on that topic, for now," she finished. "I was calling to see if Mr. wonderful needed my services for anything today?"

"Not that I know of, but I will have to get back to you on that. He may have something come up some time today."

"Alright, I will talk to you later then."

"Bye Alice" I hung up the phone and tossed it onto the coffee table. I rubbed my temples gingerly.

That girl was going to be the death of me. Of course, it wasn't anything I hadn't heard from all our friends before. At least one of them brought it up daily; how I should tell him and that would cause him to realize he loves me too. I just couldn't take the risk that he didn't.

Just then, the door opened to Edward's bedroom and out he came in a pair of low rise jeans resting dangerously low on his hips, and a t-shirt in his hand. His hair was wet and all mussed around on the top of his head. He looked like a god. I groaned internally. why did my best friend have to be so freaking hot, and why must he walk around looking like that?

I leaned my head back on the couch and closed my eyes counting to ten, hoping his shirt would be safely covering the abs I had just been drooling over.

"I hate my life," I mumbled to myself and gave a silent pout.

**A/N: **Hope you enjoyed it Updates will be slow on this one as I am trying to make it super good and long.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: So thanks for all the reviews and alerts from just the first chapter. That was pretty amazing to see, even more so that some of you are also fans of my first story, thank you so much.**

**I forgot to mention the first time, but thank you so much to my amazing rock star Beta Ereeen.. she pretty much is surrounded by awesome. **

**My story has a thread on twilighted (dot) net so come talk to me about it there if you want.**

**As always, I still am not an owner of these characters, sadly :(**

**Chapter 2**

Edward finally got his butt in gear and we were headed out for his audition.

The audition was ten minutes from out house, so we stopped by a local Starbucks for another caffeine jolt. I got my normal venti carmel frappicino and Edward got his venti white mocha latte.

Edward never seemed to prepare for these auditions. He entered all the things he did with such a calm, relaxed manner. The director had requested him personally; he pretty much had this project in the bag. Edward was fiddling with the Ipod trying to find something to listen to as he sipped on his latte.

"Edward, please stop messing with that thing. You know you never get it working in time before we get where we are going. Why do you even bother?" I asked with feigned annoyance. His odd habits always amazed me.

"I bother because I wanna listen to some music. It isn't my fault that there is so much to choose from." He scoffed playfully then looked up from the Ipod to flash me his crooked smile.

I just rolled my eyes at him and pulled into the parking lot where the auditions were being held.

"See, twenty minutes early, Bella. We had nothing to worry about. You and your crazy obsession with being early to everything." he laughed with a mocking tone.

"Right, must be like your obsession with being thirty minutes late to everything." I shot back.

"Bella, it's called fashionably late." he said with a smile.

The cocky ass had an answer to everything

" If they had a problem with it I wouldn't be getting the jobs, now would I? You worry too much." he finished with a long sip from his latte then placed it back into the cup holder.

" Someone has to make sure we get to see more of your pretty face" I said pinching his cheeks. "Now, do you need to work with Emmett today?"

"Sure, have him come over when we get back to the house. We can have a little get together. Call Alice and have her bring Jasper, and Emmett can bring Rose if he would like."

"Okay, I'll call and let them know. You should head inside; make a good impression by getting there early. Makes you look like you really want the part."

"Yes ma'am " He leaned over and placed a kiss on my cheek " Whatever would I do without you Bella?"

"Well," I placed a finger on my chin, and let out an exaggerated hmmm. "sleep through your auditions, most likely." I said making a face at him.

"Very funny, Swan," He pinched my leg and then hopped out of the car, making his way into the building.

_Now to call Emmett_. I looked at the clock and was pretty sure he was up.

Emmett was a good friend of ours, we had met him when we moved out to Hollywood.

We went clubbing one night and Edward had left me at the bar to go the restroom. I was standing there and this guy came up to me, introduced himself as Tyler, and offered to buy me a drink. I politely declined. He continued to talk to me despite my subtle decline and asked me to dance. I again as nice-as possible-said no. The guy apparently didn't like being rejected, so he attempted to force me out to the dance floor. I was desperately searching for Edward while telling this guy to back off when I heard a loud booming voice yell, "Hey baby, there you are. I've been looking for you." I felt a pair of huge arms wrap around me. I looked up to see a huge muscle-wound man smiling down at me. Apparently the size of this man scared Tyler, because he practically ran away stuttering an apology. He must have seen the look of shock and terror on my face because he immediately released me and began laughing as he explained that he saw the guy harassing me and he figured that pretending to be a hulky boyfriend would be the best way to get rid of him without starting a fight. He went on to introduced himself as Emmett McCarty. He had just moved out here from North Dakota to become a personal trainer, which I wasn't surprised by taking in the size of him. He was about 6'3'' with brown curly hair and beautiful blue eyes. His arms looked to be bigger then my waist; he was a beast.

Edward finally reappeared and I introduced him to Emmett and told him how we met. Edward thanked Emmett for helping me and the we all sat and chatted for the rest of the night. Since all of us were new to this town we decided to keep in touch and became fast friends. When Edward was told to get a trainer to keep in shape, we could think of no one better then Emmett. Not that Edward needed it. Edward was blessed with perfect genes; the man ate like a pig and never had to do a thing to keep in shape. It was more like having a good friend over to work out with when they had sessions. These so-called work outs always ended in all of us going out and doing something as a group.

I picked up the phone and quickly dialed his number and listened to it ring. He picked up on the fourth ring and sounded out of breath.

"Hello?"

"Hey Em, it's Bella. I'm not interrupting anything am I?"

"Why, hello my little luster," _Oh, Here we go again. _"No, you're not interrupting anything I was just lifting some weights for fun."

"What is with you people and harassing me with this shit." I asked with an exasperated sigh. Damn all of them.

"Uh oh, who got to you first?" Emmett questioned, chuckling

"Alice, she lectured me this morning."

"Well, you know an easy way to make us stop teasing you about it would be to just tell him." explained Emmett as if it was nothing, just something you drop on someone. I could just picture it.

"_Hey, Edward, here's your coffee and by the way, I have been in love with you pretty much my entire life. Have a great day!" _

_Yeah, that would work wonders._

"Yeah, and what are you going to be doing for me then when I am unemployed, my dear friend?"

"So your telling me that if you tell Edward that your in love with him, he'll fire you then kick you out of his house? Yeah Bella, that'd be my first reaction if my best friend told me she's been pining over me for the past..how ever many years its been."

"No, Em. I think that once he rejects my ass, I will be too embarrassed to look him in the face and I will quit. Then, I'll be homeless and without a job."

"Bella, Bella, Bella, whatever are we going to do with you? You do know the boy is crazy about you, he just doesn't know it because you haven't said anything? He's a guy Bella, we suck at the signal game."

"Yeah, Emmett," I felt annoyance creep into my system. "He loves me, but just like a little sister. The things I think about him, you just don't do with your siblings." Emmett busted into booming laughter.

"Really? You think about that stuff with Eddie? I am going to have to rename you my little kinky Bella."

"So do a hundred thousand other girls, Em."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know those other girls. They love him because he is famous. He would be with you and know that you have always loved him, even before he got big."

"Whatever Emmett, you can't know that. You've seen the girls that throw themselves at him. I look like a dirty dish rag compared to them."

"Bella, you are beautiful. Please stop putting yourself down. Why on earth would you be friends with someone who only looked at a person's outside and not who they really were? You can't really think Edward is that shallow."

Now I felt bad. Did I really think Edward was the guy who wouldn't date me because I wasn't pretty enough? I never thought he was, I don't know why I would think so now. I was letting my insecurities cloud my perception of my best friend. That wasn't the type of guy he was.

"No Emmett, I don't think Edward is like that. I just don't want to get hurt, and I don't want to loose him."

"You wouldn't loose him Bella, he does love you. You just need to help him figure it out."

"I know," I said, not entirely believing that.

"Anyway, sorry I teased earlier. It was my shot of the day I won't do it again until tomorrow." I could tell he was smiling again, I just rolled my eyes.

"Edward wants to invite you and Rose over this afternoon. We should be home around three. He wants to work out a bit, and then we are going to have a little get together. Alice and Jasper are invited as well. We might grill out or something; a little relaxing time."

"Sounds great Bella, I'll call Alice and Jasper and let them know."

"Alright Em, thanks. I'll see you and Rose later." I said goodbye flipping the phone shut.

I sat there in the car doodling on a notepad I carried with me and checking through my blackberry to see what the rest of the week looked like. Nothing much going on. We just came back from Seattle where Edward had been filming a teen flick. His boyish good looks allowed him to still pass for a teen, and with him being a big heart throb in the public eye, they practically begged him to do the part.

Knowing Edward though, he often got offers to make appearances at clubs or stores for a little bit of cash in order to help pick up business. You know, the mags would post something like, " Movie heartthrob Edward Cullen seen partying at Hyde with Paris," and that would get attendance booming for a chance to bump into "the" Edward Cullen.

Edward's audition was taking a little longer then I anticipated, so I got comfortable and put on the play list made for me and reclined the seat and leaned back closing my eyes. As soon as my lashes touched, my mind went to the two conversations I had with my friends this morning and there constant plea's for me to just tell Edward how I feel. Them reassuring me that he felt the same and that all would work out like it was meant to could be probable, but what if I wasn't meant to be with Edward, what then?

I couldn't deny that I saw a life where what my friends said was true. I would go to Edward, look him in the eyes and pour my heart out to him. How I think I may have loved him from the moment we were brought together as babies. I would tell him he is the only person that I wanted to grow old with, have babies with, raise a family in a home on one of those streets like in _Father of the Bride_, with a white picket fence. He could act, I would write. We would have two children; a little girl with my brown hair and his green eyes, and a little boy with his messy bronze locks and my brown eyes. He would look me in the eyes and tell me he has always felt the same, but was too afraid to tell me. We would be so overcome by the moment that we would embrace and he would kiss me. He would then pick me up and carry me to the bedroom where we would make love for hours- maybe days- making up for all the lost time that our insecurities had stolen from us.

I could feel a smile start to pull my lips up at the thought when I was pulled out of my happy place by the door opening.

"Are you sleeping on the job Bella?" Edward tugged on my hair.

"Ow, do you always have to be so annoying Edward?" I sat up and attempted to fix my hair.

"Vacation Bella, Vacation. Stop being such a grump." I just rolled my eyes at him.

"How did the audition go?"

" It went great, the director seemed to really like me; he said he would give me a call this week."

"That's great! I hope it works out."

"Thanks Bells." He leaned over giving me a hug, and my stupid heart started to beat rapidly. _Not you too _I thought, _Traitor heart_.

" So, I called Emmett while you were in there and he is calling the others and they'll be over around three. I told him we would probably just grill out and relax."

"Sounds good to me, we don't have anything planned for later anyway, do we?"

" Nope, we just have to stop over at your agent's office to check in and see if you have any offers for jobs, and then we are done for the day." I said starting the car and putting it in drive.

" Good, Angela promised me a break in between filming. I didn't want to have to run off again immediately to another job. I need a break."

"Well, as far as I know, this was it. You, of course**,** may have some small things like photo shoots and interviews coming up, but other then that I think this is as good as you are going to get."

"That's good," he said, leaning his head back on the headrest and closing his eyes.

We drove the rest of the way to his agents in silence. Once we pulled up, I nudged Edward and told him we were here. He sighed and we made our way out of the car and up to Angela's office.

We made our way to Angela's secretary and told her we were expected. She made a call back to Ang, and we were ushered back at once.

We walked through the oak door into her corner office that seemed to be all window. It had this amazing view of the Hollywood hills. I took a seat while Edward walked over to her giving her a hug.

"How is my golden boy doing today? Did the audition go well?" She asked taking a seat and adjusting her skirt.

Edward came and plopped down in the chair next to me and smiled at her as he slouched into a more comfortable position.

"It went great, they seemed to like me. Said they would contact me within a week."

"Well that is good to hear. When they contact the office I will make sure to let you know then. So, we don't really have anything for you to do the rest of the week. Until further notice you are on break." She typed something into her computer and brought up Edward's file. "Bella, he does have a photo shoot with EW magazine next week as one of the top thirty under thirty spread. We have been contacted about you doing a "Got Milk" ad, and People is looking to get an interview with you about the same old skyrocket to fame article. Nothing you can't handle. They will want to know about any upcoming projects, so hopefully you will know the results of today's audition by then."

"Will you fax me over the dates and times for those things and I will enter them into everything at home?" I had a system that helped keep Edward's jobs organized. Not to mention that I needed to file everything for records just for future references if ever needed.

"Of course Bella, I always do. So that is it, really. Enjoy your time off, Edward. I will be in touch with you or Bella if anything else comes up in the mean time." with that she stood as did Edward and I and said our goodbyes and made our way back to the car.

"Well that was great news, I haven't had this much time off in ages." I could tell he was beyond excited at the chance to relax and have time to himself.

"What are you going to do with this new found freedom?" I asked as we got back in the car and made our way towards home.

"I haven't the faintest idea, Bella. I don't remember what free time is." he laughed.

"Well, I'm sure you'll figure out something to do in meantime. You always do."

"Yes, yes. We will find something to do to make the best of it."

We had arrived at home and we still had a few hours before the others arrived. So we settled in to watch a movie. Edward whined at my choice of movies, so I let the big baby choose something he would like to watch. Of course he had to go with an something random and gross like Planet Terror. The moment Quentin Tarantino's penis started to melt off I just rolled my eyes at the ridiculousness of Edward's movie choice.

The movie was finally over and we made our way to the kitchen to grab a snack, seeing as the gang would be here soon to grill out. We settled for some grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato slices. After we cleaned up the mess from our snack, I went to put my bag away in my room. I sat down on my bed and leaned back, resting my arms across my eyes and took a deep breath.

This being in love with Edward stuff was starting to become draining. It was bad enough when we were just friends and the idea of being in love with him hadn't crossed my mind while I watched him be surrounded by other girls, and to date around. But now, everyday was like a knife in my heart. Seeing him do the things I long to do with him with someone else. Kissing someone else… holding someone else… Maybe if I had the courage it would be me holding him, me kissing him and he would be in love with me.

I didn't have the courage, though. I was a chicken through and through, and the thought that it was possible for him to feel an ounce of love for me like I did for him was ridiculous.

I gave a heavy sigh and continued to lay there until I felt the bed sink down next to me and Edward speak.

"What's wrong? You feeling alright?" concern showing in his tone.

I removed my arms from my eyes and turned my face towards his. I was taken a back by how close he was, and how much I wanted to lean in and taste the lips the were inches from mine _Gah! stop it, Bella._

"Just a little tired." I said, pulling my gaze up to the ceiling. "Did you need something?"

"Nope, just thought I would come in here and talk to you until the others got here."

"What's on your mind?"

"Well, I was trying to think of things to do besides the obvious of sleeping in, while I have some free time."

"What did you have in mind?"

"Nothing really too spectacular. I know I want to have some time with you guys. I don't see enough of the others. I thought maybe going on a trip to Santa Barbra or something for a day or two."

"Sounds good to me. Just let me know when you decide and we can get some rooms booked."

"I'll call Angela tomorrow and see if it's alright that I can leave town for a couple of days and not have to worry about a surprise job coming up."

"Well, I am sure if something too good to pass came up, you could come back that day."

"True, but still going to double check."

We settled into a peaceful silence and my eyes had started to close, then I was asleep.

I was suddenly pulled from sleep by the motion of Edward standing up from the bed. As my eyes focused on him, I noticed he must have fallen asleep as well because he was rubbing his eyes and yawning. He glanced at me.

"I think they are here" He called over his shoulder then left the room to greet our guests.

I pushed myself off the bed and made my way to the bathroom and looked myself over in the mirror. My eyes were red from sleep and my hair looked like a haystack. I picked up my brush, running it through my hair and trying to make myself somewhat presentable.

I heard voices in the living room talking and made my way to say hello. As I turned the corner I collided with my tiny spiky-haired pixie.

"Umph, Oh Alice, I'm so sorry!" My power to damage everything with walking showed its face again.

"Oh Bella, I'm used to being almost taken out on a daily basis by people who don't notice me standing there." _Ha_! As if Alice could go unnoticed. She looked like a big bright crayon box exploded on her. She was wearing a hot pink wrap dress with a thick bright yellow belt around her waist, giving the appearance of curves she really didn't have.

"No, I wasn't paying attention as usual."

"Daydreaming about anyone special?" I breathed out a sigh of frustration shaking my head.

"Alice, please, not now."

"Oh Bella, relax. I'm just teasing you."

"I know Alice, I'm just tired. Sorry to be a grump."

"No problem." she said in her normal upbeat tone.

We made our way to the living room to join the others. Everyone was sitting down and chatting. Alice went and took a seat on her fiancé, Jasper's, lap.

Jasper and Alice had met when Alice first came out to L.A. She went to bar one night and they where having an open mic night. She said she was sitting there sipping on her drink when she heard the most beautiful acoustic guitar playing, followed by the most angelic voice she had ever heard. She looked up to the stage to see this tall, blonde god of a man, who was not too big, but well built in all the right places. She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She said that eventually he made eye contact with her and it never broke through out the whole song; it was like he was singing to her and only her. When the song was done she left the table and he stepped off stage and they met halfway; as if drawn to each other. When they were finally face to face Alice simply said, " I have been waiting for you all my life." They had been together ever since.

Jasper was now signed to an indie label and was in works to get his first album out by the fall. He was actually very talented. Not only could he play and sing amazingly, but he wrote all his music and the lyrics this man could come up with were beyond words. So emotional and real, while being beautiful and heartfelt. Jasper just had a way of playing to your emotions with his art.

Emmett was standing near the Entertainment center checking out any new DVD's that Edward had. Being famous, he usually got advance copies of movies before they were out to the general public. Emmett's girlfriend Rosalie was sitting across from Alice and Jasper talking about her latest job.

Rosalie was a model. Once you saw her there was no question of what she did. She was like an Amazon. She was tall and tan with long flowing blond hair and bright blue eyes. She had a body that kept local plastic surgeons in business trying to re-create for their patients, however nothing would ever come close to the original because the original was au' natural. Rose was just born with the beautiful goddess gene, She had legs that went on forever and curves in exactly the right places. She started her career by doing modeling at local car shows. You know, the ones where you strut around in tiny bikinis and are basically there for just another object for the guys to oogle. She was discovered there and made it into the big leagues in to time. Now she had campaigns with Chanel and Victoria secret, among others. She and Emmett had met when he was hired as her personal trainer, she thought he was a bumbling jackass, and he thought she was a stuck up bitch. They said that made them perfect for each other. They were going on two years now.

I couldn't help the pang of jealousy that hit me looking at the two happy and obviously in love couples sitting in our living room. I longed to have that type of relationship. Where I was head over heels, can't live without the other person love, and they felt the same for me. Yea, the key part, they had to feel it too, that is where the problem lies. As much as I was head over heels in love with Edward, I was almost certain he didn't feel the same way about me. I sat there watching him interact with our friends and he was just so much better then me. I had absolutely nothing to offer him that he didn't already have from me. I was way too plain to ever be seen out and about with him as anything other then the best friend or personal assistant. It was a lost cause.

After everyone had a few laughs and had some time to catch up, we made our way out to the backyard to start the food. The men, of course, stood over the grill with utensils in hand arguing over who would be the cook and the one to tend to the food. They battled to see who had the stronger grilling skills, but Eventually they all gave up trying to beat out the other guy's credentials and went for just standing around the grill pointing out how they would have done better.

The girls and I were sitting in the pool chatting and laughing at the guys and their testosterone filled macho banter.

"So, Bella hun, how are _things?" _Rose asked arching one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

"Oh God, Rose, not you too." I rolled my eyes. These so-called friends were never going to give up. "Alice, should I expect Jasper to have a heartfelt sit down with me later?"

"Huh?" she asked looking up from her Italian Vogue. " I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, of course you don't. You all are like freaking telemarketer driving me mad. First you Alice, then Emmett this morning. I swear, now you got Rose in on it as well." This was just getting beyond ridiculous.

"Bella," Rose said placing her hand on mine. "Why do you sit around and let that boy bring around all these girls that mean nothing to him when all you would have to do is tell him that you are in love with him and he would be yours?"

"Right, if only it were that simple and that possible. Hell, then I would have done it ages ago, but, it isn't. I could lose everything I had if he didn't feel the same. It just isn't a risk I am willing to take. You all need to trust me on this, I can't live knowing I would have let my emotions destroy a 20 some year friendship." however I wanted so badly to tell him and for my friends to be right, I just couldn't risk it, no matter how much I wanted to.

"Bella, I wish you would trust in me, in us. We love you, we would never tell you to do something if we thought there was a chance you would get hurt. That boy is in love with you, he just needs to know you feel the same. He needs to know that you love him and all will be well." Alice spoke so matter of factly.

"Well then why aren't you all talking to him about it. He is the braver of the two of us. Why aren't you all harassing him and asking him to declare his love to me?"

As if that were the case.

"Because Bella, he doesn't know he loves you. He is a man, they are always the last to know." Rose pointed out.

"Well, I don't feel like having to show someone they love me, I think that they should just know. It would be like forcing him , I would feel like I was trying to brainwash him into believing it to be true."

"Oh, Bella, so silly. Guys have no common sense, they don't see what is right in front of them. So you either need to tell him, or leave yourself in the hands of Rose and myself for a day of teaching, and he will come to you!" Alice bounced up at down at the prospect of getting me into some designer duds. She was delusional if she thought I was going to allow her to torture me willingly.

"No, Alice, I think I am going to pass on dress up Bella time."

"But, Bella, If you want Edward to see you as anything but his best friend, you have to stop acting like his best friend all the time. Start acting like a sexual being, first step, get you sexy. Second step, getting you out on dates."

"Alice, I don't want to date anyone. I want _him _" I whispered.

"We know that silly. But tell us this. How many dates have you been on since you have lived here in L.A.? Rose asked.

"I don't know like two" I was trying to count them in my head, felt like I was missing someone here or there.

"Really, did it ever go anywhere? You know, past a first date?" Alice eyed me knowingly.

"No, I wasn't interested in them, there wasn't any chemistry at all." _More like they weren't Edward._

" Uh-huh, more like they weren't our friend over there." Rose glanced towards the guys.

I just rolled my eyes, they were never going to let this go.

"So, what is it then?" Alice asked giving a menacing glare

"What is what?"

"Your choice Bella, you tell him yourself soon, or we get to try our way."

I was trying to weigh my options, me telling him could turn out to be horrify and embarrassing ending in him telling me he didn't love me back. Letting Rose and Alice tart me up to see if their theory worked didn't seem to have any lasting effects, so with a sigh I agreed to do it their way.

"Oh Bella, your going to thank us when that sexy friend of yours can't keep his hands off of you!" Alice clapped her hands together, bouncing up and down.

"Sure thing, Alice." I sighed.

Rose and Alice were suddenly looking at me through narrowed eyes.

"What?"

"First thing we are going to work on is your confidence. It needs a major tune up." said Rose.

"Sure, Sure" I gave up.

Soon** after the harassment I endured,** Emmett came over to us to tell us that the manly battle was finally over and dinner was ready. We all grabbed plates and made some fruity cocktails and sat around chatting and eating. Once we were finished the night was still young and we were trying to figure out things to do.

Being that we all were very bored, and obviously not that creative, we agreed to Emmett and Alice's ridiculous suggestion of truth or dare. Everyone else seemed extremely excited to play this game.

I took a look around at the faces of my friends and noticed everyone but Edward were looking at me and giving me a mischievous smirk. I thought, _this can't be good, not good at all._

Edward was up first.

"Alice, truth or dare ?"

Alice brought her finger to her lips and looked up as if she was in deep concentration.

"Dare"

"Great, I dare you to go into Bella's closet and put on one of her outfits. You have to wear it for the rest of the day."

A shriek of terror could be heard from Alice, as the others burst into muffled laughter. I, however, didn't know whether to laugh or be slightly offended, my clothes were not that bad. _Were they? _

"A dare is a dare Alice, now be a good sport and hurry up.. This is fun." With a reassuring hug from Jasper and a pout plastered on her face, she stomped off to the house.

We got another round of drinks while Alice was trading in her designer clothes for my Old Navy attire. Finally we heard the door wall open and we all turned to look at her.

Alice came out scratching at her arms. She was wearing a pair of my faded Old Navy blue jeans that had holes in the knees. She topped it off with one of my oversized hoodies that absolutely swallowed her. She walked up to us sitting next to Jasper and continued to scratch at herself.

"Alice, something wrong? Why are you scratching?" Rose asked

"Bella's lack of clothes that don't contain all synthetic fibers is causing me to break out in hives."

"Hey!"

"Bella, I can't help it if my skin is used to clothes that cost more then 25.99 at the local strip mall."

"Wow, Alice, tell me how you really feel about my clothing." My clothes were so not that bad.

"Nope, that's alright. I got a good look at your closet, and you agreed to shopping with me.. So all that stuff will be replaced soon enough." I groaned internally. "Anyway, now it's my turn." she was giving me a death stare, and I was worried she was going to get me back for laughing at her having to wear my clothes. Thankfully, she turned to Jasper.

"Truth or dare, Jasper?"

"Truth."

"Okay, who was your first love?" She was now focused on only Jasper.

"You know this," whispered Jasper. " Her name is Alice Brandon and she is the one and only girl that I have ever and only could love." he said in his best southern drawl and pulled her closer and onto his lap.

Alice threw her arms around Jasper's neck and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

"You know how I love it when you speak with your accent, baby." She squealed between kisses.

" Oh. My. God. That was like, sooooo sweet." Emmet placed his hand on his heart and wiped away an imaginary tear.

Alice turned towards Emmett and in the most mature fashion she could conjure, stuck her tongue out at him. Emmett busted out into laughter and told her to keep her tongue to herself. and Jasper. of course.

"Well I guess I'm up." Jasper said. "Well Emmett, seeing as you seem so eager to comment, truth or dare?"

"Truth." a smug smile played on his face, he wasn't at all worried.

"What is the most embarrassing job you have ever done?"

"Hands down, I was a male stripper for a week. It was great money, but as much as I loved the ladies throwing themselves all over me, I couldn't deal with the women who were old enough to be my grandmother shoving dollar bills down the front of my pants."

I could feel my jaw pop open as I pictured Emmett in those little thongs with dollar bills sticking out of them.

"I went by the name _"The Big Daddy Dangler" _and my outfit was nothing but black thong Speedos with a yellow BD on the important part."

A round of laughter exploded at not only the name, but how matter a fact Emmett spoke these words. It was obvious that nothing was going to embarrass the people around me. It took a few minutes to recover from Emmett's revelations. Then it was Emmett's turn.

"Well, your up Emmett."

"Good, I pick you Rosie"

"Truth, Emmett." She rolled her eyes like there was nothing that she could be asked or dared that mattered.

"First time you had sex. How old were you, how old was the guy and where was it?"

" I was fifteen and a sophomore in high school, he was seventeen and a senior, it was in the auto-shop classroom after school. On the hood of 1967 corvette sting ray. It was our teachers pride and joy, he had rebuilt it from scratch basically and brought it in to show us the fruits of his labor. "

"Holy shit Rose, I didn't know that!" Emmett boomed "That is kind of hot"

I just shook my head at how open and free with things my friends were.

"Now, it is my turn" Rose said, I could only imagine what she was going to do to me.

To my surprise it wasn't my name she called.

"Edward, truth or dare" I would have to thank her for cutting me a break.

"Dare" he said simply

"I dare you to French kiss Bella for two whole minutes" I take that back, I was going to freaking murder her.

I was rubbing my hand over my face trying to think _it could be worse._

Edward walked over to me and sat Indian style facing me. My heart was this close to exploding out of my chest. I was trying to focus on breathing so not to pass out. He hadn't even touched me yet and I felt like I was going to die.

I felt his hand come up to my face, his warm strong hand cupped my cheek, his other hand did the same, he gave me one of his famous half grins. He started to lean in to me and I thought _I can't do this, I can't do this._ It was to late however, I felt his warm lips brush against mine and the shock that I felt was instantaneous. It just felt right, I wonder if he felt it too. I felt his tongue sweep across my lower lip asking for entrance, and boy did he get it. What started off as me approaching this nervous, something clicked. I attacked. Our tongues fought to dominate the other and I couldn't breath, but I didn't care, who needs air. I moaned as he tightened his grip on my face and I was gripping his hair. This would probably be my only chance to ever kiss him and I was going to take full advantage of it. But all to soon the moment was over and I knew our time was up by the hooting and hollering that our wonderful friends had supplied us with.

I slowly released Edward, not wanting to let go. He chuckled.

"Wow, who knew you had that in you, Bella? That was pretty hot." He said out of breath. His cheeks were flushed and his lips looked swollen.

"Yea, I am so proud of my talent," I shot back, still attempting to catch my breath.

"That's right, my best friend is very talented." My heart dropped.

I knew it. He didn't feel a thing from that kiss. I was stupid to even entertain the idea. I let my insecurities immediately take over and I had to get out of there. I didn't want to play anymore. I needed to go before my emotions started to get the better of me.

"Alright, well, that is enough for me tonight. I am going to bed." I stood and Alice and Rose shot me a concerned look. They must know why I am upset.

They all said good night to me and once through the door, I ran for my bedroom. I held the tears that were threatening to spill until the door was shut and locked. With my back pressed against the wall, I slide down silently sobbing. I knew it wasn't possible for him to care for me any other way. He felt nothing from the most amazing kiss I had ever experienced.

To Edward I'll forever just be the friend.

**A/N: So, was this a good addition?? Please make sure to review, I love to hear your comments.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: WOW! This story has basically blown my first story out of the water in two chapters on reviews and alerts and that one is complete. Thanks so much for being so nice.**

**Thanks to the ladies at twilighted for being so awesome and funny, you sure make writing fun.**

**My amazing beta Ereeen, thank you for being so awesome, and FRENCH! I dedicate this dance in here to you!! People, check out her story What a Horror**

**As always, I own none of the characters, except Edward in my mind.**

I sat with my face in my hands on the floor of my room crying, because the one person I loved more then anything would never love me back. Not like I wanted him to.

There was a small knock on the door. I groaned and attempted to ignore it; I really didn't want to hear Rose or Alice lecture me or throw a pity party.

"I'm in bed guys, I'll talk to you tomorrow." I shouted.

"Bella? It's me, can I talk to you?" Oh god, not now. _Edward._

With a heartfelt sigh, I pushed myself off the ground and wiped my face clean of the stupid, treacherous tears that continued to flow and sucked in a deep breath.

"Come on in," I said as I made my way to my bed.

"Hey, you kind of just left, are you ok?" Edward walked over to me and sat down next to me on my right.

"I'm just tired; I think the drinks may have gone to my head." _keep your cool Bella._

"So…that was…that was some kiss back there, huh?" Edward asked as he nudged my side with his elbow playfully. I could hear a strain in his voice; he was holding something back.

"Ah, so you came in here to make jokes?" I flipped away from him and stared at the wall morosely.

"No, I didn't come in here to make jokes, Bella. It's just…something about that kiss…it was like you meant it," He glanced over at me to gauge my reaction to his statement.

"What do you mean?"

"Well…what I mean is, I understand the difference between a kiss and a _kiss._ A kiss is something you do for a dare; something I do for when I have to lock lips with a complete stranger in front of 30 different people. A _kiss, _however, has feeling. Emotion. Meaning. Bella, you meant that kiss."

_Stupid lack of self control._

"Edward, it was a dare, that's all." I answered, trying to ignore the tingling sensation his speech on kisses had caused.

"Bella, if you don't want to talk about it then tell me. Don't lie about it, I wouldn't lie to you. As a matter of fact, I'm not going to lie to you now."

_What…?_

"What do you mean by that?" I asked carefully.

"Bella, when we kissed I felt something. I never thought about it before, but when our lips touched, there was an undeniable spark and I never wanted to leave your lips."

I couldn't breath.

he couldn't be saying what I think he's saying.

"Bella, breath." Edward commanded as I felt like my lungs were about to burst.

I felt his hands cup my face gently and I closed my eyes. _This had to be a dream, I needed to wake up before I went to deep…_

"Look at me Bella." Edward asked softly.

I forced my eyes open and discovered that he was mere inches away from my face. I could feel his warm breath blow across my lips.

"I think…I think I may be in love with you Bella." He ducked his head and found a stain on the carpet that had suddenly interested him.

_WHAT!_

I was still unable to speak, my mind was racing a mile a minute and it was beyond impossible to form any words. Everyone had been right! He loved me too! After all this time I thought I wasn't good enough, and he loved me too.

I was just about to tell him I loved him too, when I felt his lips on mine which stopped any words from leaving my mouth. His soft, warm lips ravaged mine in open mouth kisses, and his tongue once again asked for access and was granted without hesitation. I felt one hand move to the back of my head, pushing me tightly to him. My arms snaked around his neck in response. I could do this forever; every day for the rest of my life.

I couldn't believe this was happening.

And then it happened.

_I like big butts and I can not lie_

_You other brothers can't deny_

_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist_

_And a round thing in your faceYou get sprung_

_What the hell?_

Edward's grip on me loosened and he started to fade away as light started to invade my vision.

My eyes blinked furiously as I tried to find Edward in my room, until they finally opened up and I realized what happened. It was a dream. Everything was just a stupid, torturous dream.

My phone, which was currently screaming Sir Mix a lot to notify me that Emmett was calling, was the reason my dream was ruined. A dream, of course, because that would never happened. I pressed ignore so it would send Emmett to voicemail. I pulled one of my pillows over my eyes, willing myself to go back to sleep so that I could finish the closest thing I would have to what I wanted… But it was useless. I was up.

Upset at my current situation, I kicked my legs a few times against the cushioned mattress in frustration. _GAH! _

I laid there for a while longer trying to relax. It was just a dream, no need to be so upset.

I finally kicked the covers off and stood up.

Destination: Shower.

I walked to my dresser and grabbed a pair of underwear and a bra, then made my way to the bathroom. Once I turned on the shower to the correct temperature, I undressed and stepped in. I allowed the water to beat against my tense body while I tried to clear my mind. Once I was a little more calm, I continued with my normal shower regimen of washing my hair and body, then made my way out of the shower. I toweled off, and put on my bra and underwear.

I began the trek back towards my room while I was towel drying my hair-and not paying attention-when I crashed into something hard and soft.

Before I could look up to see what it was, I felt two arms wrap around me instinctively and it spoke.

"Bella, what am I going to do with you? Can't even come out of a shower without attempting to get yourself hurt," said the smooth husky voice.

"Very funny, I do recall you having eyes, though. Why didn't you stop me from crashing into you?"

"Well, I was a little distracted by your choice of outfit." _oh no._

I had completely forgot that I was in a bra and panties, nothing else.

"Hey," I quickly wrapped the towel around me." Don't you knock?"

He obviously found something amusing about the situation, but I didn't.

"Bella, we've taken baths together, I have seen you in much less."

"Yea, those baths happened before we both developed anything worth looking at."

"Oh, you think I have something you would like to look at now, do you?"

Now he was being a smart ass.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Edward, you walk around the house practically naked all the time. That isn't something entirely new."

"Yea, yea," He ruffle my wet hair playfully, "I came in here to tell you something, but you distracted me."

"What?"

"Angela called. There's a night club opening tonight and they would like for me to make an appearance. I can bring whomever I want, so I figured another gang experience was called for."

"Sounds good. I'll call Alice and Rose and let them relay the message to the guys."

"Alright, and I will let you put some clothes on." He gave me a nudge causing me to almost tip over and left.

I made my way to my closet to grab a pair of dark denim peddle pushers, and a hunter green capped sleeved T-shirt, and put them on. I made my way back to the bathroom to brush my teeth and hair and decided to toss it up in a ponytail, before making my way to my bed to call the others and see if they were up for joining us tonight.

I grabbed the phone off the nightstand and flipped it open, taking a deep breath before I punched in the numbers belonging to the tiny pixie whom I knew wouldn't let me off this phone call without mentioning last night.

The phone rang three times before she picked up..

"Bella!" She answered with too much exuberance.

"Hey Alice, what are you up to?'' I hoped she would forego the questions of how I was doing.

"Bella, are you alright? I was so worried about you! He is so blind Bella, I am so sorry. We are going to make it up to you, you're going to get all dolled up and then he won't know what hit him," And my hopes were dashed.

"Alice…Alice, stop! I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I just want to forget it ever happened."

"But Bella, you…" I cut her off.

"Alice…no…I am asking you, as my friend, to please let it go for now."

"Fine, for now." I could hear the pout in her voice.

"Anyway, the reason I called is because Edward was invited to a club opening tonight to show off his pretty face. He wanted to see if you and the gang would like to come?"

"Of course, how exciting is that? Oh, you have to let me dress you for this. Please, Bella, please?" she was using her little girl voice and I couldn't say no.

"Fine, but nothing crazy. You can doll me up all you want, but I am not leaving the house in anything that if I move the wrong way, parts of my body will pop out."

"Deal!" she screeched.

"Alice, can you call Rose and let her and Emmett know? I don't feel like hearing the Bella pity party this morning ok? I saw the looks you all gave me, and you know Rose doesn't take no for an answer."

" Of course Bella. I am sorry, though."

"I know. I will see you all here at the house around eight, okay?"

"See ya then!"

With that, I hung up and tried to think of what I would do today. I got up and went over to the computer to see if there was anything I could do that was work related. I cleaned up my desk, and filed away some of Edward's recent jobs. But I kept going back to what happened last night, the way his hands felt on my face, how his lips tasted like the fruity drinks we were having. How he smelled-I was no stranger to Edwards scent-but in the moment, it was so much more potent.

_Stop it Bella, he only sees you as his friend. _

I leaned back in my desk chair and ran my hands threw my hair and over my face trying to focus on something else; anything else.

I looked at the clock on the computer and saw that I had been putting off leaving my room now for almost three hours. I hadn't eaten anything today and was in desperate need of some form of caffeine.

I stood up and made my way out of my room to hit up the kitchen. I walked down the hallway and stopped as I entered the living room. Edward was sitting on the couch in nothing but a pair of olive green cargo shorts. His feet were resting on the coffee table and he was watching something on the T.V.

"Hey goober," Edward said once he noticed me there.

"Hey," I responded with a smile. "Whatcha doing?"

"Nothing much. I was bored and decided to watch some movies. Nothing much going on until we go out tonight. Did you talk to the others?" I walked over to him plopping down on the couch.

"Yep, Alice is calling them and letting them know. I get to be made into a Barbie tonight. So Alice most likely will be over here early,"

"Fun stuff. I know how much you love being treated all girly." he mushed my hair with his hand.

"Yea, it's what I live for." I said smacking his hand away.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes before I remembered why I had come out here in the first place. I stood to get something to eat and drink from the kitchen.

"Want anything to drink?" I asked, seeing as I was heading that way.

"Sure, I'll come with you. I'm starving." He held his hand out for me to help pull him from the couch. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and walked with me to the kitchen.

Why did stupid little actions like that have to send my heart in overdrive?

We got to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I pulled out my jumbo Red Bull. I didn't feel like coffee at the moment but needed the jolt. Edward pulled out things to make sandwiches and proceeded to make one for each of us while I grabbed some chips out of the cupboard. Edward pulled the plates down from a cabinet, and plated the food.

"Grab me a Coke, would you? I'll carry these out to the couch." Edward said picking up the plates and heading back out to the living room.

I grabbed him a coke and went to my seat next to him and grabbed my plate. I had to laugh at us, he knew me so well. I looked at something as simple as the sandwich he made me. He had cut the crust off, knowing I hated it. Even though he complained about it when I did it, he still did it for me.

He was just too perfect. He knew me so well and I loved him for it. I couldn't give that up; I wouldn't. There was no way I would ever be able to tell him that I was in love with him. The consequences were too great to risk.

We sat for the rest of the day, watching movies and chatting. At some point, we both fell asleep.

When I was woken by a bell going off at an annoying rate, I opened my eyes slowly trying to focus and remember where I was. I felt a body move beneath me and popped up. I had fallen asleep and apparently ended up with my head on Edward's lap. I turned and looked at him. He was still asleep with his head leaning back and eyes closed.

The Bell rang again and I slowly pushed myself off the couch and made my way to the door, only to dread what was about to happen.

There stood Alice in all her crazed shopping addict glory. She held multiple bags in each hand, she had her huge bug sunglasses on top of her tiny head and a hand placed on her hip as she tapped her designer shoes impatiently.

"What took you so long to answer the door, Bella?"

"I fell asleep watching the movie." She walked past me to head to my room.

She noticed Edward asleep on the couch-basically naked- and raised a perfectly groomed eyebrow.

"I take it your were sleeping with him?" She inclined her head towards Edward.

"Not like that. Must you bee such a perv non-stop?" I said shaking my head.

"Pssh, Bella it's a natural response. Ease up a bit."

Edward was starting to stir on the couch as I took a few bags from Alice and went to lead her back to my room.

"Hey there stud," Said Alice as she past the newly awoken Edward.

" Hey Pix, I see you've been out doing what you do best." he nodded towards the many bags.

"Ah, my style-challenged friend, it is only one of the many things I am good at. The others however are only for Jasper's eyes." She had a smirk on her face

"Oh man, way too much info,Ali, no more." Edward and I said in unison. Edward and I looked at each other then laughed.

_Well, that was strange…_

"Well, we are off to get ready for this club thing tonight. Oh! I almost forgot."

She took one of the bags from me and handed it to Edward. Inside was a new outfit for him to wear tonight.

"Wear that, it will look great."

"What ever would I do without you?" He was amazed at her ability to think of every detail.

" Oh lord, Edward, you would probably end up on Cosmos do and don't list."

He just rolled his eyes and made his way to his room.

Once inside my room, Alice went to work and started removing my clothes.

"Alice, I've been dressing and undressing my self for many years now, and going to the pottie all by myself. I think I candle handle stripping myself, thank you." I laughed as I swatted away her eager hands.

"Yes, but Bella, you've been dressing yourself like an assistant librarian for all those years. The mission is to get you noticed for the hot sexy bia you are. Now stop the bitching, and get dressed."

With more force then I expected from her, she shoved two bags at me. One was obvious as to what was in it, seeing as it was the trademark pink and white strips, but the other was a plain silver bag. I headed off the bathroom to change. I didn't understand the point of such skimpy bra and panty set when no one was going to see them.

However, I dressed without too much complaint for fear of facing the wrath of Alice. For someone so tiny, she could be extremely scary.

When I pulled out the dress from the unmarked bag, I was confused.

"Ummm, Alice? I think you brought me the wrong dress, not that I am complaining or anything," I shouted from the bathroom. There was no way Alice meant for me to wear this to a club.

Alice came peaking around the door with a smirk on her face.

"Do you like it?" She asked, already knowing my answer.

" I love it Alice, it's beautiful,"

I pulled the dress over my head to exam it on. I was stunned. It was very me; comfortable, but not over the top sexy.

The black silk Michael Kors dress Alice had picked out for me was stunning. It a little below mid-thigh on me and had elbow length sleeves with banded cuffs. It tied at the waist and had a pleated neckline with a tie and keyhole detail. The fabric felt amazing on my skin and I loved it. Normally if Alice was playing dress-up Bella, she would have put me in something over the top revealing wise, but this felt like me.

"Well, I felt bad about last night, and you know I thought I owed it to you to allow you to be yourself. You're beautiful no matter what Bella. And this is classic sexy, rather then trampy sexy...He's an idiot you know."

"Alice, don't worry about it. I told you he didn't feel that way about me. There is no reason to be upset with him. He doesn't know. You can't be upset with him for it."

"He is blind, then. Because you are perfect." She pulled me into a warm hug.

" Sure, sure. Let's not get all mushy."

"Alright, well it is hair and makeup time, then!" she crowed as she began to bounce on the balls of her feet. _Of course it is._

By the time Alice was through, she has pulled all my hair into a low pony tail that was slightly off to one side and draped over my left shoulder. She even gave me one of those little poofs on the top to make it more "stylish". The makeup she did simple; a little mascara and some liner with a little blush and some red tinted gloss to finish it up. I actually really liked what she did. It was a lot less clothes and a lot more makeup then I would normally wear, but it was still me.

We were walking out into the front room when the doorbell rang and Edward stepped out of the kitchen. I felt as if all the air had been knocked out of me once I laid eyes one him.

His hair was still a little damp from his shower, so it was somewhat slicked back, with pieces sticking out here and there. He had opted not to shave, so he had some of that sexy, scruffy stubble that made him look rugged. He was wearing a black button down shirt, which he left un-tucked with his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, and the top three buttons undone, showing off his amazing chest. He had on faded jeans that had the worn out holes in the knees and the messy edges around the bottom of the leg.

He looked absolutely beautiful.

I watched him get the door and our friends enter. I couldn't help it, I was drooling basically. Well, that was until Alice elbowed me in the ribs.

"Snap out of it Bella, or he is going to notice." She hissed behind a smile.

"OW, must you be so violent?" I whined as I slowly rubbed the area where she had elbowed me.

"Hey, I'm trying to be a friend; look out for my girl." She answered with an innocent smile. _Stupid pixie._

"Damn, Bella, you look hot." called Emmett's boisterous voice.

I felt my face start to warm as everyone turned to look at me now.

"Ha, and I got a blush out of you. SCORE!" Emmett bellowed as he made the 'cha-ching' movement with his big arm.

I gave a small laugh. He really was easily amused.

We started to grab our things to get ready to leave, when Edward walked over to me.

"You clean up good, kid," _Ugh._

"Too bad I can't say the same for you…couldn't find any pants without holes in them?" I teased.

"Hey, I am trying to bring this trend back, it was my favorite," he said proudly. "Plus, blame Alice. She dressed me."

We made our way out to the cars and headed to the club.

_Forbidden _was the club's name, and it was it's opening night. The owners were three of Hollywood's golden boys who decided to venture into the new trend of being co-owners of hot new nightspots. They wanted the hottest of the hot people to show up tonight to help promote their business in hopes to get the crowds flowing.

Once we were close to the club, we could see the carpet out and the photogs lined up behind the rope in order to get pictures of those entering for the night. Edward seemed cool and calm about it, but I however started to feel my stomach begin knot. No matter how many of these things I had walked with him, I still hated being in front of all those people. I knew they weren't there for me, but it still made me nervous.

We made our way out of the car and waited for the others to catch up. Once we were all together, we headed for the carpet.

"Relax Bella, a few photos and we're in." Edward whispered into my ear as he squeezed my hand. I felt a shiver run down my spin as his warm breath tickled the nape of my neck.

We had reached the carpet and the flashes from the cameras were lighting up the night. The voices of the photographers screaming out the names of the others in attendance were all that could be heard. Rosalie and Emmett went first. Of course Rose loved the attention and gave the guys a show, posing and kissing Emmett. Then went Alice and Jasper. She was pretty well known stylist to the stars and had a few calls for her name. And like Rose, she loved it and did her signature over the shoulder pose. I took a deep breath as Edward started to walk forward. If I thought the shouts for the first of our friends was loud, it compared nothing to what Edward got. He kept my hand firmly in his, and stopped to flash his famous smile. He began to move slowly, still posing and smiling. His hand left mine, and he snaked his arm around my waist; signaling that it was almost done. They were shouting his name, asking him to look here or there, each trying to get their big money shot.

We finally reached the door and I had never been more thankful. We made our way inside to see that the others were waiting for us by the bar. They had already ordered some drinks, so we took them to find a place to sit. The inside of the club was pretty normal for around here. There was a huge stage and dance floor in the middle, on a level slightly higher were nothing but big round white booths were located for people to sit and take a break from dancing. Of course a little higher up was a VIP area for only the "important" people. We hardly ever took advantage of the offers, Edward liked sitting in the regular area, he saw no reason to be separated from the normal population. It is just how he always was.

We headed over to sit in an empty booth and chat and drink until we wanted to dance. After about ten minutes of sitting, Alice was about to burst with impatience and to chant that she wanted to dance. She of course grabbed my hand, and Rose followed. The boys stayed behind. I glanced back and saw Edward laughing and shaking his head. He knew I had no rhythm and this was going to be a disaster. We had danced to about three songs; Alice and Rose of course looking like they were natural born dancers, while I looked like I had contracted a rare form of Parkinson's, when I felt someone's hands wrap around my waist. I spun around quickly and came face to face with Edward.

"I couldn't stand watching you attempt to dance any longer, so I came to help." He whispered in my ear.

"Really, and what do you plan on doing?"

"I plan on showing you that it isn't as hard as you're making it out to be."

Just then, a song that I new very well came on; one that Edward would blast in his car just to sing the lyrics, which would always cause me bust out laughing at his attempt to some-what rap. He had to have requested this to help relax me and try to get me to have fun.

The beat had started and then I heard the lyrics. Edward was already moving to the beat, hands on my hips looking into my eyes telling me silently to just follow his lead.

_You can do it put your back into it_

_I can do it put your ass into it_

_You can do it put your back into it_

_I can do it put your ass into it_

_Put your back into it_

_Put your ass into it_

I started to mimic what Edward was doing and I was getting pretty good at it. He would smile and laugh helping my nerves ease. It was something about this song; the memory with Edward.. Just made me smile.

I was really getting into it, which caused Rose and Alice to give out encouraging cheers.

All of sudden, Edward spun me around so that I was pressed up against him dancing to the song. His hands were on my hips, and I was grinding my ass right into him as the music played on. I could feel his hands tighten on my waist as I made contact with him in an area I had never before made contact.

_You can do it put your back into it_

_I can do it put your ass into it_

_You can do it put your back into it_

_I can do it put your ass into it_

_Put your back into it_

_Put your ass into it_

Every time Ice Cube said put your ass into it, I did just that. Earning a response out of Edward each time. I don't know what came over me and made me so brave, but I was thoroughly enjoying his reaction to it. I was leaning slightly forward and he had one arm wrapped around my waist, and his other hand was on my back and he was grinding into me too. Being this close to him like this-sweaty and in a club full of people where he was only paying attention to me- caused me to tremble with joy. In that moment,I was able to forget that he saw me as a friend, and hoped that maybe he saw me as more.

"Damn Bella," Emmett's voice boomed. "You're going to cause Eddie to have a heart attack if you keep dancing with him like that!"

I felt the blush rise, but I didn't care because what happened next made my heart stop.

I stood up and leaned my back into Edward- still dancing- and he put his mouth next to my ear and said…

"You really are beautiful Bella, you know that, right? His voice was deeper, huskier then it usually was.

I was at a loss for words and just shook my head, thankful to have my back to him.

"Well, you should, because you are." He continued to dance with me until the music ended and we all went to take a breather.

We made our way back to our booth and Edward said he was off to get us another round of drinks. As soon as he was gone I felt four pairs of eyes looking at me. I couldn't help but widen the cheesy grin that I had plastered on my face.

"Oh my God," Alice squealed. "Did you tell him?"

I shook my head.

"What then? what is this smile for?" Rose asked.

"Hell, I bet Edward has a huge smile too. Did you see her grinding into him? That was enough to excite anyone." Emmett laughed.

"Should have known that all it would take to get Bella to dance like that is Edward." Alice joked.

"You all are being silly, it was just dancing. You act like I had sex with him on the dance floor." I scoffed. My friends were easily pleased.

"No Bella, you should have seen you, heck you should have seen him! He had a look of shock, and you looked so happy. It was way too adorable." Alice chirped happily.

"Well, he did tell me I was beautiful…" I couldn't help grinning when I thought back to his breath fanning across the side of my face…the words he whispered…

A round of squeals came from Alice and Rose.

"So, does that make you feel better about maybe having a talk with him?" Alice asked excitedly.

"I don't know, a little bit I guess. I'm just scared. I don't want to lose him."

"Oh, Bella, you won't. When he comes back, lets all have our drinks and then we can go dance again." Rose suggested.

"Sounds good to me." The thought of dancing with Edward again gave me a permanent smile.

"I'm going to go see if Edward needs any help at the bar, come with me Jasper." Emmett scooted out of the booth and Jasper followed.

The girls and I continued chatting while we waited for the boys to come back. I saw Emmett's curly head bobbing through the crowd as he made his way back. But once I could see his face, I knew something was wrong.

He sat down and leaned over to Rose and whispered something into her ear, and her head shot up with what looked like anger in her eyes.

"Rose, what's wrong?" I asked as I felt my stomach begin to knot uncomfortably.

She didn't answer me, but leaned over to Alice and said something in her ear, and again the same expression came across her face. I spotted Jasper as he made his way back over, also with a look of annoyance painted across his features.

"Will someone please tell me what is going on? Where is Edward? I thought you all were helping him bring drinks back?"

"Bella, come to the bathroom with Rose and I. We need to freshen up." Alice started to move over, trying to get me out of the booth. I didn't budge.

"Alice, tell me."

"I will Bella, lets just go to the bathroom ok?"

I sighed and decided to follow her there. I wanted to know what the deal was.

I didn't have to wait till the bathroom, though. As I waited for Rose to get out of the booth, Edward made his way over to the table and he had a strawberry blond girl attached to his hip and an arm wrapped around her.

I couldn't breath. I swayed a bit as the pain of seeing someone that close to him shot through me.

"Hey guys, I want you to meet someone. Everyone, this is Tanya. Tanya, you met Jasper and Emmett already. This here is Rosalie, she's Emmett's girlfriend, and this is Alice, Jasper's girlfriend… and then of course, this is my best friend, Bella." She shook everyone's hand, but when she came to me, she looked me over as if to size up the competition. By the look on her face I could tell she was satisfied there was none. _Of course there wasn't._

"Tanya and I have worked together before," Edward began, completely oblivious to Tanya stare down. "Tanya is a model and actress. She was just telling me about a shoot coming up and they are looking for a male model, she is going to recommend me."

"Well Edward, they said they were looking for someone extremely sexy, and I immediately thought of you." Tanya cooed as she ran her fingers down his cheek. Edward looked down at her with a sly smirk.

I gasped at the pain that shot through my heart seeing someone this up close throw themselves at him. He was responding.

He just laughed and Emmett- trying to be nice- said, "Now don't go giving Edward a bigger head then he already has Tanya."

"Oh, I don't believe it." Tanya exclaimed flirtatiously, " I have worked with him before and he is ever so humble." she was looking up at him batting her eye lashes.

I heard Rose make a vomit sound that gladly only Alice, Jasper, and I caught.

"You want to go back to dancing, everyone?" Edward asked.

Everyone agreed happily, that was until Tanya said she didn't have anyone to dance with and said she was going to go back to her friends. Edward stopped her telling her that I didn't really like dancing anyway so he could dance with her.

I watched him and Tanya go hand in hand to the dance floor. Rose looked like she was about to hit Edward, Alice turned to me to say something but I stopped her. Holding back the tears as best I could, I stopped her.

"I don't want to hear it, Alice. Please. I am just going to go, ok? I am going to take a cab back. Just tell him I got tired, not that he'll notice I'm gone anyway." I sniffled slight and ran the back of my hand over my nose as it began to sting harshly.

"But Bella…" Alice cried, her expression looked torn between sadness and hatred.

"No, I'm fine, I'm just tired… I'll talk to you all tomorrow." I gave them each a small hug and left the club as fast as I could before the tears started to flow.

One of the bodyguards hailed a cab for me and once in the back seat I spent yet another night crying over Edward.

I couldn't keep doing this, it would have to stop soon.

**a/n: won won won... stupid boys**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks everyone for your amazing reviews, I have never had people so involved in what happens it is pretty awesome.**

**Thanks to all the awesome chicks at twilighted(dot)net Ereeen, Upthedownslide, jandco, WTVoC, Saram, BIT BIT!! and my goober friend Christina.. you all are love**

**To my amazing beta Ereeen who edited this on her way to florida for vacation.. and to her soon to be hubby Chris.. for letting me borrow her.. even though he doesn't like to let us..lol**

**I still don't own these characters, only the idea for the story.**

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling. The clock said it was five a.m., but it felt much later. I had not managed to get sleep last night at all. I tossed and turned trying to get the image of Edward's hands on Tanya out of my mind._ Was he dancing with her like he danced with me, did he tell her that, she too was beautiful? _

I was beyond terrified to walk out of my room. The possibility that Tanya had come home with Edward last night was pretty good, and she didn't seem like the type of girl who would hold out on sleeping with a guy.

The look she gave me at the club made it clear that she wanted Edward, and I'm sure if she put her mind to it, she will get him. It made me think back to Alice telling me that I had better hurry and tell him before some skank got her claws into him. Was Tanya going to be that skank?

I didn't even want to think about it. I had stayed in my room long enough. If I wasn't going to get any sleep, I would need a cup of coffee. I sat up in my bed and attempted to mentally prepare myself for what may occur. Did it really matter? I mean, I don't think my heart could break anymore. Not after last night, anyway. How Edward went from paying me compliments and dancing with me, to easily blowing me off when something better came along was astounding. I should probably be mad at him, but I couldn't. How could I blame him for being oblivious?

_You have to stop doing this to yourself, _I thought.

I took a deep breath, then stood up and walked over to the mirror on the back of my door really quick to make sure I didn't look too much like death. I quickly brushed my hair, and threw it onto a messy bun. I wasn't even going to worry about the dark circles under my eyes.

_This is as good as it gets._

With a final deep breath, I turned the knob on my door and listened for any hint of someone being awake…nothing.

I walked down the hall, and everything was still dark. No one was in the living room, and there were no signs of a trail of discarded clothes leading to Edwards bedroom, so that was good. I made my way to the kitchen and started making the coffee.

I was standing there humming to myself, putting scoops of coffee grounds into the filter, when the door to Edward's bedroom opened and I froze. I closed my eyes and silently prayed.

_Please be alone…please be alone…_

"Hey punk," Edward said as he walked into the kitchen.

"Morning to you to sunshine." I answered. I kept waiting for someone else to come out of his room, but no one did.

"Why did you leave so early last night, I we were having fun?" Edward question as he gave my middle a quick squeeze. I winced when my heart began to beat erratically.

" I was just tired. I guess the drinks got to me a little too fast."

_Not to mention the fact that you chose to make me a seventh wheel._

"Awww, little Bella is a light weight!" Edward teased as he nudge me playfully. "You should have stayed, we had a lot of fun."

"Maybe next time I will be able to hang in there."

"So, what are we doing today anything?" he asked as he took down a mug and poured himself some coffee.

"I don't know, I'll call Angela in a bit."

"You have any plans for today?"

"Nope, I was just going to lounge around today."

"Want to do something tonight, just me and you?" There goes the heart.

"What did you have in mind?" I was curious.

"Well, I know how much you like sushi so I was going to take you to that place that just opened. You know, the one with that nifty conveyer belt."

"Oh yeah! I have always wanted to go to one of those."

"Well, it's settled then. We have a date." Edward flashed me that famous smile of his and my heart skipped a beat.

_Date? Did he say date?_

I ignored the palpitations my heart was having and took a mug from the cabinet.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and made some eggs for Edward and I. We took a seat at the table and chatted a little bit. Edward brought up wanting a mini vacation again, and I told him I would make sure to check into it today. He cleared the plates and I walked over to the couch and sat my coffee on the coffee table. I headed towards the front door to grab the paper off the porch. I was feeling a little silly about how I reacted last night. He didn't bring her home, and I was relived. Maybe they were just friends. I mean, he is bound to have famous friends. I can't get jealous over everyone… It's not like I'm his girlfriend.

I was back at the couch now and plopped down. Edward had gone back to his room to shower and dress for the day. I was reading the paper when I heard my cell going off.

I jogged to my bedroom quickly to grab it before it stopped ringing. Flipping it open, I already knew one of three people it could be without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hey Alice,"

"Bella?" she asked in a concerned tone.

"Yes?" I mirrored her questioning tone.

"Bella, are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Alice. Sorry about last night, I think I may have overreacted." I said as I walked back into the living room.

"So, everything is ok there then?" She still sounded weird.

" Yes…why wouldn't it be?"

"Bella, have you read the entertainment section of the paper?"

"No… I was just about to sit down to read it when you called, why?"

"I'm going to come over and we will go to lunch this afternoon, ok?"

"What's in the paper, Alice?"

"Bella, you'll read it soon enough. I don't know if it's true, so don't get worked up over it. You know how they like to blow things out of proportion. We left a little while after you, so I can't tell you if what is says is correct. I know you though and you're going to be upset. So, I'm coming over, and we are going to go out."

This couldn't be good.

I grabbed the paper and flipped through the sections until I located the one I was looking for. I threw the rest on the couch next to me. I opened it up, scanning it for what she could be worried that would upset me.

I didn't see anything so far-just the normal movie show times and articles on upcoming concerts. That was until I reached the gossip section.

There was an article on the nightclub opening last night. There were a few photos of stars in attendance, but one caught my eye right away. There was Edward leaving the club hand in hand with Tanya. They looked to be laughing and huddled close together.

The caption under the picture read:

_Hollywood golden boy, Edward Cullen, was spotted at the opening of the new nightclub, Forbidden. Sources say that they saw him and model/actress, Tanya Avery, getting pretty cozy inside. "I was in the booth behind them," says a witness, "they were making out like crazy! It was like they couldn't keep their hands off of each other." Tanya has dated some of Hollywood's top leading men, looks like Mr. Cullen is next on her list. Reps for both parties had no comment._

"Bella…Bella? I know you can hear me." Alice chirped from my phone.

I hade forgotten I had Alice on the phone

"I'm here, Alice." I said quietly.

"Bella, don't freak out until you know for sure. Has he said anything about her today?"

"No, he said he wished I would have stayed. He came home alone last night."

"Well, that's a good sign. Hell, she has literally worked her way up through every single actor in this town. She is giving Penelope Cruise a run for her money. If she didn't sleep with Edward, that is a good thing."

"Alice, I don't even want to think about it."

"I know you don't."

My phone started to beep indicating I had another caller. I looked at the screen to see it was Angela.

"Hey Alice, Angela is calling in. I will call you back later, ok?"

"Sure thing, Bella. Chin up girl."

With a weak smile, I clicked over.

"Hello," I said through a sigh.

"Hey Bella, it's Angela. I've got a job for Edward today. Sorry it's such late notice, but they called first thing this morning. He was recommended, and they only wanted him."

"Alright," I grabbed a notepad. "what time do we need to be there, and where is the location?"

Angela filled me in on the details of the job, and I went to my room to write down the info in Edward's schedule. It was a photo shoot on the other side of town, and we would need to leave by noon to get there in time for Edward to get ready.

I called Alice back to let her know that I wouldn't be able to go out with her, so we made plans for the following night because Edward had already snagged tonight.

I walked back out into the living room to let Edward know that he had a job today, but he wasn't there. He must still be in his bedroom. I walked over to his door and I could hear him talking on the phone. Not wanting to interrupt, I turned and went back to sitting on the couch.

I tried not to let what the paper said get to me. We had been in this business long enough to know to take all gossip columns with a grain of salt. They were hardly ever true. Everything about this town was all about what got money…and stories like this got big money.

I finished reading the rest of the paper, and Edward finally came out from his bedroom.

" Hey, Angela called." I told him as I set the paper onto the coffee table

"Oh yeah, what did she want?"

"You have a job today, we need to leave here by noon."

"Alright, sounds good to me." He said and walked out the room quickly.

He was acting odd.

"Do you want to know what the job is?" I yelled at his retreating form.

"Oh yeah, what am I doing?" he asked, not really acting concerned.

"You have a photo shoot with Abercrombie & Fitch, so basically be prepared to be half naked all day. You know what their ad campaigns look like."

"Awesome, nothing like getting paid money to take off my clothes."

"Yep, one step away from a male stripper. I could always look into getting you some gigs working a pole, I mean if you really want." I said sarcastically.

"Nah, I think I'll pass on the pole work." he rebutted, then went back to his room.

We spent the rest of the morning getting ready to go. Hopefully this shoot wouldn't last too long, I was excited about going out with Edward tonight. Even though we lived together, we never really got out of the house. I decided not to bring up what I had saw in the paper.

At eleven we decided to head out. Edward's shoot was on the other side of town, so I had called Angela to get the directions. This place turned out to be a studio, which looked more like an empty warehouse. Edward was sporting a knowing smirk the whole way over, but when I asked him what was up, the smirk disappeared and he said nothing. We got through the gates and pulled into a open space. Edward basically bolted for the door, not pausing for me as I got out the car. That wasn't like him. I had never seen him so excited for a modeling job.

When I finally headed inside, Edward was talking to a very tall, russet- skinned man. He had long black hair that was pulled back into a low pony tail, and his size rivaled Emmett's. I walked up to Edward, and heard the large man talking to him about the concept of today's shoot. When they were finished talking, Edward introduced me.

"Bella, this is Jacob Black. He is the photographer for today. Jacob, this is my personal assistant and best friend, Bella."

Jacob extended a hand to me.

"Nice to meet you, Bella. Just call me Jake, please." He nodded his head toward Edward. "Both of you."

"Nice to meet you too, Jake." I smiled.

"Well Edward, you want to head over to make-up and wardrobe to start getting ready? We will start shooting soon."

"Sure thing," Edward said with a smile.

"Bella, stay here if you want." Edward said then walked away.

I just stood there, staring after Edward. Something was going on; he never asked me to stay back. It was all too soon when I found out why.

I had been watching the men and women fixing the set. There were four areas set up. One was an all white bedroom. It had white hardwood floors, white walls, and a beautiful king sized bed with fluffy pillows and crisp white linens. The next set was a white and blue bathroom with one of those claw foot tubs, and a double sink. Then, there was a kitchen set which had a color scheme consisting of shades of light green, an island made from a light oak color. It was very clean, and very crisp. The last set looked like a wrap around porch on the outside of a house. It had these beautiful oak chairs that reclined some, wind chimes, and the faux side of the house was white with blue shudders with a light blue painted floor. Everything was beautifully detailed. If you didn't know that this was a set, you would think it was a real house. it was utterly amazing.

I was standing there admiring the detail, when I saw someone walk on set. At the same time, all the air in my lungs whooshed out.

_Tanya._

She was followed by a few people who seemed to be messing with her hair, attempting to get the perfect amount of wave, and touching up her make-up. She was wrapped in a fluffy terry cloth robe. I watched as Jacob walked up to her, and seemed to be talking to her about the shoot. She looked up at him and nodded every now and then. As I stared in shock at the fact that this was happening, I noticed Edward come onto the set, and Tanya's face brightened. She ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck. He returned her embrace, and lifted her off the ground for a minute then gently placed her back on her feet, releasing her.

_This can't possibly get any worse._

I was wrong, though. It got worse-much, much worse.

I should have known, seeing as this was Abercrombie we were talking about. They were known for having some very racy ad campaigns, so when I finally found out the theme of this shoot, I felt like I was going to be physically ill.

The first shot was the kitchen one. Edward had on low riding khaki cargo pants, and a tight grey t-shirt with the Abercrombie logo across the chest that showed off his stomach muscles and abs perfectly. Tanya had on short khaki shorts, and a mens' button down shirt tied at her waist. They had Tanya sit on the island, and Edward stood between her legs with his hands planted on either side of her, kissing her neck or placing his hands on her face. She would tug on his shirt, and throw her head back. He started to untie her shirt, and they were laughing and having a grand old time.

While I proceeded to get sicker and sicker.

After a good amount of shots in the kitchen, they moved to the bathroom. If I thought the kitchen was bad, the bathroom was much worse. This one they actually started to remove each other's clothes. Edward unbuttoned Tanya's shirt, and it fell open. She tugged his shirt over his head and threw it behind her shoulder. Jake was calling out things for them to do, and I thought,_just shoot me now_.

Tanya was now down to a black bra and just her shorts, while Edward was in his cargo pants and nothing else. Edward sat on the tub as Tanya stood in front of him. Jake told him to kiss her stomach, and for Tanya to run her fingers through his hair.

I had to be some sort of masochist, because as much as it was killing me to watch, I couldn't stop. I wanted to be the person touching him like that, the thought of it being someone else was excruciating.

As if things couldn't get worse, the next scene was the bedroom. I had a pretty good idea how bad this was going to get…and in no way was I prepared.

In basic fashion of this company, no ad was a good ad, unless sex was implied. This one wasn't going to be any different. Jake basically told Edward and Tanya to have at it; do what they would do with a lover up until the point of actual actions. Also, no showing breasts and prizes.

So, of course, they started. Tanya started to unbutton Edwards pants, and Jake was yelling "perfect!" and telling them where to look, how to move, where to go. Edward started to do the same to Tanya- undoing he shorts. All these motions were slow, so the camera could capture them. Long, drawn out stabs in my heart. They were kissing now, both in underwear. Jake told Edward to remove Tanya's bra, but to keep her chest pressed against his so that nothing could be seen. So he did just that. They were kneeling on the bed together, Tanya in skimpy black boy shorts and nothing else, pressed snugly to Edward who was now in nothing but a pair of very low riding boxers.

I had my limit, there was only so much I could take, and that limit had been reached in the damn kitchen. I turned and left, not wanting to know or witness how much worse it would get.

I needed to talk to someone before I burst, but I had no one to talk to. I didn't want to hear Alice, Rose or Emmett. All they would do is tell me to tell him my true feelings. It would be any help.

I thought of Jasper. He never bothered me about the Edward situation, and he was so calm about things. I thought maybe a good talk from him would help.

I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. The phone rang a few times and then he picked up.

"Yeah?"

"Jasper, it's Bella. Can you talk for a few minutes?"

"Bella? You don't sound to good, are you ok?" he sounded concerned.

"No, I didn't know who else to call. I didn't want to be lectured. I just wanted someone to talk to."

"No problem. What happened?"

"Edward got booked for a photo shoot today. It's for Abercrombie, and the female model is Tanya," I went on to tell him about the photos and what was going on.

"Oh Bella, I am so sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that is for you," he really seemed to feel bad.

"I know I have no right to be upset, I mean it is his job, and I am not his girlfriend, but I just have a bad feeling about her. Like there is something more going on between them."

"Bella, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, Edward is your friend and you need to talk to him about this. I know it is going to be hard, but do you honestly think that you are going to be able to sit by and watch him with her everyday if it is something more?" He was right, there is no way I am that much of a glutton for punishment.

"I'm just scared Jasper."

"I know, Bella. But, if he doesn't feel the same you deserve to be happy; to find someone who does love you for you. You are standing by, hoping he notices you and he is too stupid to pick up on it. So, you are going to have to bring it to his attention. If he doesn't feel the same, then you can finally move on. But you can't keep doing this to yourself Bella, you deserve better." Tears were welling up in my eyes. I knew he was right.

"Thank you Jasper, it means a lot to me."

"No problem, Bella. We all love you. We just want to see you happy. Be it with Edward, or someone else. Everything will work out how it is supposed to."

"I know, thanks again. I'll talk to you later."

"Later, Bella."

I threw my phone back into my bag and took a deep breath. I hoped they would be done shooting by now.

I walked back into the studio to see Tanya putting her robe back on, and Edward doing the same. Jacob was over there talking to them and turned and started walking to were I was standing next to the food table.

He came up next to me and grabbed a can of pop.

I watched as Tanya flirted with Edward, and he sat there eating it up. Her fake laugh and her hands were always touching him. I was fuming. Why did she have to be such a whore?

"I would be pissed too if someone was throwing themselves all over the person I loved." Jacob's husky voice said next to me.

I was snapped out of my staring and looked up into his warm eyes.

"I have no clue what you're talking about," I answered gruffly and hunched my shoulders. where did he get off?

"Right, I see the way you look at him. I've caught glances of you all day. I practically heard your heart breaking."

"Are you always this rude?" I said with some venom

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude; just observant."

Tanya and Edward were still laughing and chatting.

"Well, you're wrong, he is my best friend."

"Right, who you just happen to be in love with. However, you haven't told him, have you?"

I said nothing, he was really getting on my nerves.

"The problem with that is, if he does feel the same, he doesn't know you do. Now that she has entered the picture, I doubt it will make a difference."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I turned back towards Jake's towering figure.

"I've worked with her before. Tanya is a very determined young woman, and she is relentless when it comes to what she wants. When she wants something, she always gets it. From the look of things, she wants your Edward…and it doesn't look like she is going to have to put up much a fight."

I took another look, and he was right. Edward was playing right into her hands like putty.

"Not to mention she is not a fan of competition in any way. She won't stand for anyone being more important then her in anyone's life that is with her."

"Edward would never do anything like that to me. We have been friends since birth."

"He must not be a very good friend."

"Why would you say that? You don't know him."

"Bella, if you don't mind me saying, I see beautiful women all the time in my line of work. You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on; not even Tanya could compare. The fact that Edward and you aren't together, and you are the one chasing after him and not the other way around, leads me to believe he is a moron. You deserve to be the one being chased."

"Are you hitting on me?" I asked shocked.

"I'm being honest. Why don't you let me take you out; let someone else do the chasing?''

" I don't even know you." I scoffed. This guy was unbelievable.

"That could change if you have dinner with me." Jake pushed with a flirtatious smile.

I couldn't believe this guy.

"I'm sorry, I have plans with Edward tonight." I turned my attention back to Edward, attempting to ignore Tanya's roaming hands.

"Here," Jake reached into his back pocket and pulled out a card and handed it to me. " Take this. when you get tired of doing the chasing… give me a call."

He gave me another smile and walked off.

I looked back over to where Edward was standing and he was gone. He must have gone back to get ready to go. I grabbed a bottled water off the food table and unscrewed the cap taking a swing. This job was starting to suck, but it was worth it if I got to be with Edward. _Was it worth it? _I had to remind myself it was.

After about fifteen minutes I saw Edward emerge from the side of the studio, he walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"So stud, have fun?" I asked playfully.

"Yeah, that was very interesting," he chuckled.

"I'll say." I would also call it sickening but hey, I was bias.

"So, I need to run something past you," he was fidgeting.

"Shoot."

"Well, I know we had plans tonight, but…" Edward trailed off nervously. This wasn't good.

"Tanya wanted me to go out with her tonight to celebrate having a good day. She is leaving tomorrow for a job, and so she wouldn't be able to do it tomorrow."

_So much for spending alone time together._

What was I supposed to do, throw a fit like a little child? All I could do was say yes.

"Y-Yeah, sure, go have fun," I was trying not to show that I was hurt.

"Really? You sure you don't mind? I will owe you big time Bella,"

"No, course I don't mind. You deserve to have fun. We can go out tomorrow."

"I promise Bella, what would I do with out you. You're the best friend a guy could have." He threw his arms around me and hugged me.

"That's me; awesome friend."

Just then, Tanya walked up and put her arm around Edward's waist.

"So, I take it you're letting me borrow your best friend tonight?" She put emphasis on the word friend.

"Sure, he's all yours."

"Perfect." She said with a smirk

We turned and started walking out to the car.

"Oh Bella, I'm just going to go with Tanya now that way we don't have to make extra trips."

"Oh, umm…Ok, have a good night."

"Oh, we plan too." Tanya said, like she had some sort of double meaning.

I got in my car and watched them pull away together.

I wasn't going to cry. I couldn't cry, not again. I refused to spend yet another night crying over him.

I rested my head against the steering wheel, trying to think of what to do. I didn't want a pity party from my friends. I wanted to stop with this. I was better then this.

Then it hit me.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out the card I had placed there. Maybe Jacob was right, maybe I needed to take a break from being the chaser.

I punched his number into my cell phone, I listened to it ring. All of a sudden, there was a knock on my car window and I jumped.

Jacob was holding his phone in his hand, wiggling it at me. He made the motion for me to roll down my window which I did.

"You rang?" he asked with a brilliant smile.

**A/n: So, someone wants Bella.. how excited are you! Will she let someone do the chasing?? Is Edward going to continue to be such a douche? We shall see. Let me know what you think about this chapter.**

**People keep asking for a EPOV.. it will happen.. but as of now, he has NO feelings for her other then friendship and his POV would be boring. But we will get it soon, I promise.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: First off, everyone needs to give a big thanks to my beta who is usually a awesome person, but even more so because she did this while on vacation because so many people wanted an update.. so HUGE thanks to Ereeen. Make sure you check out her fic What a Horror.**

**Songs that I was listening to while writing this.. Chasing Pavement and Best for Last by Adele**

**Thanks for all the review, you all are to much. Chapter 6 has already started and should be done in a day or two. I must state again for those worried.. this is a Edward and Bella story. I don't do any other kind.. so yes, it may be hard now, but it is going in the right direction.. I PROMISE!**

**As always, I still don't own these characters.. but owning Robert Pattinson would make me SOOO beyond stoked!**

**Carry on**

_"You rang?" Jacob asked with a brilliant smile._

"I…um..I," I stuttered loudly. I couldn't get past his brilliant white teeth. I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shot to stop them from further blinding me. "Yes sorry…umm…I was wondering if your offer for dinner was still open? It seems like my plans were cancelled."

Jake leaned into my open window and rested his arms on the car door.

"Ah, so let me guess; he's out celebrating the shoot with Tanya?"

"Yeah…how did you know that?"

"I told you, Tanya gets what Tanya wants. She isn't very original when it comes to how she goes about it."

" Well, That's just great." I felt my stomach twist.

"Well, your friend can't be too picky if he fell for it."

"You don't know anything about him," I spat at him, suddenly feeling very defensive.

"You're a little defensive considering how your best friend just blew you off for a piece of ass." He saw straight through me.

"You know what? I think I am just going to go home. Calling you was a bad idea." I stated through grinding teeth.

I turned the key in the ignition to start the car, and went to roll up the window. Jacob stopped me.

"Alright, I'm sorry. You're right. I don't know anything about Edward, and I shouldn't have assumed. Just come to dinner with me. You have to eat." Jacob's expression turned soft and a look of pleading crossed through his eyes.

At the mention of food my stomach growled, and he was right; I was hungry.

"Fine, but mind your manners." I snarled. He laughed in response.

We picked a place to go eat and, I followed in my car. Once we parked, he came up to my door and opened it for me. I rolled my eyes. Was he seriously trying to be romantic?

"Oh, how gentlemanly of you." I said sarcastically.

"It's been known to happen." He shot back with his own sarcastic smile.

We walked in silence to the restaurant entrance. Jacob opened the door for me, and I brushed past him quickly with a quiet, "humph." I heard a deep chuckle from behind me as we met the hostess.

"Hello, how many?" she asked as she started to reach for menus.

"Two, please." said Jake.

The hostess grabbed two menus, and beckoned us to follow her. She found us a booth toward the back and placed the menus on the table.

"Your waitress's name is Amanda, and she will be with you in a moment." The hostess then left us to fiend for ourselves.

We stared at each other for a beat.

"So," I began awkwardly.

"So" he responded with a smirk.

"Are you always so cocky?" I asked before I fully thought out what I was saying. Jake raised an amused eyebrow.

"What do you mean_, cocky_?"

"You just seem cocky. You have a permanent smirk on your face."

"Is that what makes me cocky in your eyes?" Jacob asked as he leaned forward slightly.

I didn't know how to respond to that. When he noticed I had no reply, he continued.

"Well, it isn't me being cocky. I happen to be smiling because I find you to be beautiful, and I'm just happy that you decided to come out to dinner with me."

"Oh, thanks…I guess." I smiled slightly and felt the familiar heat of a blush warming my cheeks. A wide smile splayed across Jake's lips.

Just then, the waitress came and took our drink orders. Once she left, he started again.

"You act as though no one has called you beautiful before." he stated lightly.

"It's not something that comes up." I replied and adverted my gaze to the table, tracing the patterns with my eyes.

"Well it should, because it's true."

Again, the waitress had perfect timing, and she handed us our drinks. She asked us if we were ready to order. Truth was, we hadn't even looked at our menus. We took a moment to look it over, and I went with a simple burger and fries. Jake chose the loaded nachos. Amanda took our menus and left again.

After a bit of an awkward silence, Jake spoke again.

"So what's the deal with you and Edward, then?" he asked while taking a sip from his drink

"What do you mean? He has been my best friend since birth. Not really much to tell." I said as I stabbed my straw into my drink.

He wasn't buying it.

"He doesn't know your in love with him?"

"No, because I'm not,"

Jacob shook his head in disagreement.

"Bella, I'm not stupid. I could see it today, and I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you. Then, to have him break a date to be with her…" he trailed off, and shook his head again, "why do you put up with it?"

"What am I supposed to do? He's my best friend; he's my life. I can't just give up on everything we have because I went and fell in love with him. If this is the price that I have to pay to keep him in my life, it's what I'll do."

"Wow, you love him that much," Jake mused sarcastically, "I wonder if he would do the same for you?"

"Oh course he would. You don't know him like I do." I felt my nostrils flare slightly. Jacob just knew how to press all the perfect buttons, didn't he?

"True, I don't know him. But, I do know that he can't be very smart to see what is right in front of him."

"There's nothing to see."

"You're wrong," His tone was light again. I danced around it, acting like I hadn't notice the difference in his tone.

"Jake, you don't know him, and you don't know the situation."

"Are you in love with him?" Jake asked simply.

"Why does that matter to you?" I really wanted to stop talking about this.

"Because, you seem like such an amazing person. You should spend time with someone who appreciates that. Someone who can see only you…So are you in love with him." he asked again.

"Yes, but it doesn't matter."

"It matters to you."

"What matters to me is that I keep my friend; nothing else. I want him to be happy and if he is happy with Tanya, then that is all that matters in the end."

It was true, I did want him happy. Jacob shook his head again.

"But, what about your happiness? Doesn't that matter to you as well?"

Of course it matters! how could he think it didn't? It didn't matter though, I can't make someone love me.

"Of course I want to be happy," I answered finally.

"Well then, why not focus on you first? He's a big boy, so he can take care of himself."

"I know that."

Just then, the waitress came with our food. We continued to chat about random things. He asked about my life, family, and school. I asked him about things as well, but mainly about how he became a photographer. It was nice talking to someone new. I had to be honest, Jake was very attractive, smart, and very sweet.

Once we were done eating, we continued to talk. I hadn't sat with someone and talked about things that didn't involve Edward and me in a long time. Jake might have brought it up in the beginning of the dinner, but he didn't harp on about it. He seemed more interested in wanting to know about me.

It was oddly nice. And surprisingly refreshing.

Eventually, we noticed that we were the only ones left in the place and decided to it was time to go. I went to get money for my meal out of my wallet, but Jake stopped me.

" I wanted to take you out Bella; I'm paying." He said and slipped his card in the waitresses hand, then turned to me to smiled.

"I can pay for my own meal Jake," I said quietly as I stuffed my money back into my purse.

"I know, but let someone take care of _you _for a change." I looked away from my purse and saw the slightest hint of a smile of Jake's lips. I looked down and rummaged through my purse in hopes of looking busy.

Thankfully, the waitress reappeared with his card and a slip for him to sign. Once she was gone, Jake stood and extended his hand to me to help me up. We left the restaurant, and he walked with me to my car. Once we reached my car, I turned to look at him.

"Thanks for taking me to dinner tonight. It was really nice of you…it was really nice to have someone to talk to."

"It was my pleasure, Bella. You make for really good company." he smiled. I blushed.

"Well, I guess I should be going then. Thanks again for tonight," I turned and went to open my door. But, before my hand was on the handle, I felt a large, warm hand on mine.

"Bella, would you do me a favor?" Jake asked as he turned my body to face him.

"D-depends," I stuttered and felt another blush grace my cheeks.

"I like you, Bella. I would like to see you again, and get to know you better. Maybe go out and have some fun."

I couldn't understand how he could like me or want to spend time with me. He was a beautiful, well-know photographer, who spent all day with beautiful people. He knew that I was in love with another man, and didn't plan on getting over that anytime soon. But he still wanted to hang out with me.

I didn't get it.

"Jake, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"And why not?" he pushed.

"You're such a sweet guy. You deserve someone who isn't messed up at the moment; someone who isn't lusting after her best friend. Someone who wants you, and only you."

"As do you Bella, and I am that man for you. I want you, and only you." Jake said softly. I felt his warm hand leave mine, then cupped my cheek against it. I closed my eyes and felt my heart skip a beat.

"You don't even know me really…" I said in an exhale of breath.

"And I would love to get to know you better. What I already know, I like. I want to know more."

"Jake…"

"Bella, let someone chase you… try it out. See how you like it. Go for someone who likes you; who wants you."

"But I'm in love with someone else-" he cut me off by wrapping his other arm around my waist. The feeling was delicious. I felt heat radiate from his arm to the center of my body. I felt my eyelids close in response.

"That's my problem, I can handle it." he whispered.

Jake took a step closer to me and I froze. My breathing hitched, and I wasn't sure what he was going to do.

"Bella, you are way too beautiful and kind to be in pain."

He unwrapped his arm from my waist, and brought his hand up to my face to brush a loose piece of hair behind my ear. His touch caused me to shiver.

"I noticed, Bella. From the moment you walked into the studio today, I noticed."

He placed his other hand around my waist, and the hand he used to brush the strand of hair out of my face was now cupping my cheek. My body had gone numb. No one had ever talked to me like this before.

"You deserve to be noticed Bella,"

He leaned in, and in the moment, it felt nice to be the center of someone's attention; someone's affection. So I let him. I felt his lips press against mine in a very sweet, very chaste kiss. I had closed my eyes tight, and my lips were on fire. I felt him pull away and I couldn't open my eyes.

"Bella?"

"Hmm," was all I could get out.

I heard him give a light chuckle and I opened my eyes.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.

"You're just so adorable." Jake pushed another lock of hair behind my ear.

I felt the blush rise, and I ducked my head and looked at the ground. I felt my face being lifted up by one of Jake's fingers under my chin. He waited until I would look him in the eyes before speaking.

"I like adorable Bella. And the blush… It is beautiful on you." he whispered as he looked into my eyes intently.

That caused me to turn a brighter shade of red, and caused him to laugh a little bit more.

"Ok," I said. "You can call me, and we can hang out. But Jake, I don't want to hurt you because I can't promise you anything. You are going into this knowing that I am in love with someone else."

"I know what I'm getting myself into, Bella. I think it's worth it."

"Alright then."

"Thank you, Bella. I should let you get home. I will call you tomorrow. Have a great night and drive safe."

"You too, Jake. Thanks for taking me out."

With that, I got into my car and drove towards home, smiling the whole way. Something about Jake made me smile. The things he said to me, the way he treated me. All those things were somewhat new. No one, other then friends or family, had ever told me I was beautiful. Not in the way Jake had.

I pulled up to the house, and noticed it was dark. I looked at the clock on my dashboard, and it was midnight. Maybe Edward was sleeping already.

I parked the car and made my way to the door and tried to be quite as I went in. I didn't want to wake Edward. When I got in, I threw my keys on the table. I noticed Edward's door was open and his bed empty. All the happiness I had been feeling from the night was gone as my imagination ran wild.

Where was he? What is he doing?

I didn't even want to know.

I let out a sigh, and I felt my shoulders slump. I headed to my room to get ready for bed. I was so stupid to think that I would be able to not let this bother me.

Once ready for bed, I pulled the covers back and slipped in. I tried to sleep but it was impossible. I kept watching the clock waiting to hear the front door open, but I never did.

By four in the morning, my body decided it had had enough and sleep over came me.

I was deep in sleep when I was pulled out by someone shaking me awake. It took me a few moments to fully come to, but when I did, I noticed I was laying next to Edward. His green eyes piercing mine.

"Gah! What the hell are you doing in my bed?" I whined loudly.

"Well good morning to you too, Princess."

"What are doing in my bed Edward?" I asked in a bitter tone. I was not a morning person.

"Well, I just came home, " _He is just now getting home, nice. "_And I found a rather large floral arrangement by the front door. To my shock, they are addressed to you, not me."

"What?!" I shrieked. _Who would send me flowers?_

"Someone sent you flowers, Bella. They're in the kitchen."

I pushed the covers back on the bed, and jumped out hurrying towards the kitchen.

When Edward said large, he wasn't kidding. There was a huge bouquet of the most beautiful, and fragrant flowers I had ever seen. I searched all over for a card, and finally found it buried deep inside. I pulled it from the tiny white envelope and was shocked.

_Had an amazing time with you…_

_Looking forward to the chase,_

_Definitely worth it._

_-Jake_

I felt the corners of my mouth pull into a smile, and my heart swooned. It was unbelievable. No one had ever sent me flowers before. I was pulled from my swooning state by Edward.

"So, who are the flowers from?" Edward asked trying to peak over my shoulder at the card.

"Huh? Oh, from no one." I pulled the card close to my chest.

"Oh, does Bella have a boyfriend?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"Why? Is it such a shock that a guy would actually like me? Am I that bad looking? Thanks Edward." I grabbed my flowers and stomped towards my room.

"Bella!" Edward ran after me, "I didn't mean it like that, Bella. Come on, don't be like that." he pleaded.

"Whatever, Edward. I have to set up your trip. You still want to go, right?" I asked nastily, ignoring his pleading.

"Bella…please, I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I'll talk to you later. I have to shower." I closed the door to my room. I walked over to my desk and set the flowers down. I wasn't going to let him ruin this for me.

I gathered some clothes, and headed to the bathroom. I turned on the shower, and let the water adjust while I undressed. Once the water was just right, I stepped in and started to get myself cleaned up. I couldn't help the mix of emotions I was feeling. Edward didn't come home until this morning, which meant knowing him, he slept with Tanya last night. I guess I should just be thankful that he didn't bring her here and do it. That I didn't have to walk in on it. On the other hand, I was super happy about my flowers. I think I was fighting so hard not to like Jake; to not complicate things even further in my life. But he was right. I deserved to be happy, too. I obviously wasn't good enough in Edward's eyes to date.

Why did this have to be so difficult?

I finished up my shower, relaxing a bit. I had to plan the vacation Edward had planned.

I got out of the shower and toweled off, then dressed.

With the obvious new relationship brewing between Tanya and Edward, I wasn't sure if I was still making reservations for six of us, or if I was now making reservations for seven. I wasn't sure that I wanted the answer to that. If that was the case, then I wasn't sure if I would even want to go.

I walked out of the room to find Edward, dreading his answer.

He was sitting on the couch flipping through channels on the television. When I entered the room, his head snapped up and he started to stand and apologize to me again.

"Edward, stop. Just forget about it. I didn't come out here for this. It's obvious that you have something going on with Tanya, and I am making the arrangements for the trip and I need to know how many there are going to be" I held my breath waiting for an answer.

"No, she isn't coming with us, Bella. She is going to be out of town." Edward answered quietly.

"So, you are dating her?"

"Kind of, I guess. It just started."

"Well, you're already spending the night with her, Edward. So, it must be a little more then just started." I snapped.

"We've been on a few dates," he started cautiously.

"When?" I was in shock. "How did I not know this?"

"It's new, I didn't want to say anything if nothing came from it."

"Were you dating her the night we went to the club?" _oh god was he?_

"Yes."

"Oh…" I felt a sharp pain rip through my chest.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you upset?" he asked, confused.

"It's nothing. I just didn't realize we kept things from each other now."

"It wasn't like that Bella, I just didn't want to bring it up if it was nothing."

"It's fine, Edward."

Suddenly, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID, and saw that it was Jake. I smiled. Edward noticed, and gave me a questioning look.

I turned my back to him and answered.

"Hey…" I practically cooed into the phone.

"Hey, beautiful." Jake replied warmly. _Boy, was he laying it on thick. _

"I got your flowers. they were beautiful, thank you."

"Well, I'm glad you liked them. I was hoping that you would like to go out with me tonight?"

"I don't know, I have plans with Edward," I glanced over my shoulder and saw Edward staring up at the ceiling. I turned around quickly. "What did you have in mind?"

"Dinner and Dancing?"

"Oh, you may want to reconsider the dancing." I said, laughing slightly.

"Why?"

"You haven't seen me dance. It isn't something I do well."

"Bella, I highly doubt that's true. You seem like you would be good at everything you do."

I could feel my face becoming hot.

"Fine, but it's your feet."

"I think my feet can handle it."

"Then it's a date?"

I had plans with Edward, but he broke our date for another girl; I guess I could too.

"Yes, it's a date."

"Good, I'll pick you up at eight."

I smiled, and gave him the address. Once I was done and had hung up the phone, I turned to see that Edward was still in the room.

"Oh!"

"Did you just make a date for tonight?"

"Yes,"

"But, we had plans tonight," Edward said. I saw a small frown form.

"And?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" he looked taken aback.

"Umm, I recall us having plans yesterday, and you didn't give me a thought when you cancelled on me for your secret girlfriend. Don't be a hypocrite, Edward."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Bella? You have never acted like this." he looked shocked at my tone.

"Edward, someone wants to take me out. He is nice and I like him. I watched all my friends have happy, loving relationships, and I watch you bring home girl after girl. I need some form of companionship, as well." I myself becoming pissed.

Why was everyone else allowed to be happy, and I wasn't?

"I'm not saying that, Bella. I just don't understand why you're so angry."

_Of course you don't, you ignorant asshole._

"I just don't like double standards. You broke our date yesterday for a girl, and I have a chance to go out with someone who likes me so I am taking it."

"Fine. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's fine, Edward. I have to finish booking our trip. We can hang out tomorrow if you want."

"Fine. I guess I'll see you later," Edward sounded pissed.

When he left, I took a deep breath trying to get rid of the annoyed feeling growing in my chest, and finished planning our weekend. I had booked us three rooms at the new luxury Hotel, _Andalucia_, It was located in the heart of historic downtown, Santa Barbara. Edward and I would share a room; something that I normally would be excited about. But with everything going on now, I wasn't so sure.

I was just glad that I wouldn't have to deal with Tanya.

I spent the rest of my day in the room filing things away for Edward, and cleaning up. I couldn't go out there and face him. The fact that he didn't tell me he was seeing someone, when he had never hid anything from me before, was eating away at me. Why would he start now? I wondered if he had been seeing her the day we kissed. I felt sick just thinking of it.

Maybe Jake was right. I don't think I'm hideous. Why is everyone else better then me in his eyes. Had the thought of me and him ever crossed his mind. I mean, I knew him, before he was famous. Wouldn't he want someone who loved him for him and not his name or celebrity? What was so wrong with me, that he didn't see me like that?

I couldn't keep thinking about this.

There was someone who was interested. Granted, it wasn't Edward, but is that such a bad thing? I just didn't want to lead Jake on. At the moment- no matter what-my heart belonged to Edward. Even if he didn't know it.

But my heart was also being ripped to shreds by Edward, and it was a relief to have someone who wanted to focus on only me.

I didn't know what to do.

I started to get ready for my date. I didn't know where Jake would be taking me, so I went a little dressy, but casual. I put on a pair of black skinny jeans, and a turquoise empire waist shirt that came a little below the waist, and topped it off with black heels. I left my hair down, and just threw on some tinted lip gloss and mascara. I wasn't one for a face load of make-up.

I heard the door bell ,and looked at the clock. I hadn't realized that it was so late. I ran to grab my purse and phone, and stole one last look in the mirror before running out of my room to get the door.

I was too late, though. Edward had answered the door, and by the look on his face I could tell he was a little shocked at who my date was.

"Bella, you look amazing," said Jake, walking past Edward to give me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. He then whispered in my ear. "I think Edward there is a little jealous, guess I was wrong about him being blind." I felt his breath caress my ear as he chuckled. My heart warmed.

"What?" I looked at Edward, and I couldn't help but notice that he didn't look too pleased. Once he saw me looking at him, he put on his best happy face and spoke.

"Wow, so I didn't know you guys knew each other well enough to go out."

"Well, I had to talk her into it. But I mean, who could see this beautiful woman and not want to try and get a date?" Jake smiled. "I just couldn't believe my luck when I found out she was single. I mean, she is so smart and funny and one of the nicest people I have ever met; I was sure someone would have snatched her up."

Now he really was laying it on thick.

I was blushing all the way to my ears. I appreciated Jake so much for trying to talk me up.

"Yea, she is one of a kind." Edward said quietly.

"Well, I'm just lucky that she has decided to go out with me." Jake smiled as he ran a hand across my cheek.

"Well, I hope you both have fun tonight. I guess I will see you later then ,Bella?"

"Yea, I'll see you later." I said in a dismissive air. Jake took my hand and lead me out to his car.

He opened the door for me and helped me in the car. I watched as he walked around and climbed into the driver's side before I spoke.

"So, what was that in there?" I asked.

"What are you talking about?" he said with a smug smile.

"You know very well what I'm talking about."

"Well, as much as I like you and would love to have you for myself, I want you to be happy. If it be with me, great. If not, I would love to help you make that fool realize what a catch you are. You know the saying, 'you never really know what you have until it's gone'? Maybe that will be Edward."

I was shocked. I couldn't believe he would do that for me.

"But Jake, I don't want to play games with him or you. You're a sweet guy. I don't want to hurt you."

"Bella, I like you. I know right now your heart is with him. If I can help you be happy with him, that's fine. But maybe you will find there are better fish out there. Either way, I get to spend time with you."

I couldn't believe him.

"You're too much Jake. Thanks for being such a sweet guy."

"Your welcome Bella."

With that, we drove off.

That night, Jake took me to an amazing restaurant where we ate out on a beautiful terrace. He then took me to a club where we danced until the late hours of the night. Being with Jake at the club was great. I knew there were no chances of blondes popping out of the woodwork to whisk him away. He really did only have eyes for me. For once, someone noticed only me.

He took me home and walked me to the door, and even all the drama I was dealing with on the inside, in that moment I wanted to kiss him. I leaned up on the tips of my toes, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He looked into my eyes deeper, and I could tell what a sweet and honest man he was. He really did just want me to be happy. He leaned down, and our lips met for the second time in two nights.

This first kiss had been very sweet and innocent, but the way he treated me and made me feel struck a nerve, and I wanted to give him more. I started to move my lips faster against his, not breaking the kiss. I felt his start to respond moving with mine. I deepened the kiss a bit and he followed suit. I felt my back being pushed directly into the door and I moaned in response. His hands tightened around my waist, and he pulled me closer to his warm body. It was an amazing feeling to be kissing someone because they wanted, not because of a dare. I broke the kiss finally, needing to breath.

"Wow," he stated huskily. We were both out of breath.

"Yeah…" was all my mind could come up with.

"I think we better call it a night. I don't think I could take much more of that and not have you right here." Jake said with a suggestive smile

That caused me to laugh out loud.

"You think I'm kidding? You are far to sexy for your own good, Bella Swan." He placed a sweet kiss onto my nose.

"Thanks for a great night, Jake." I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Call me soon."

"Have a great night, Bella."

I went inside and headed straight for my room. The house was dark, and I noticed Edward's door was shut. He would be asleep by now, and I was glad. I had to get my emotions in check if I was going to be spending the weekend with him in Santa Barbara in a room.

I couldn't believe that I had a night this week where it hadn't ended in me crying over Edward. Maybe this was a start of a good thing.

I dressed for bed, and let my mind wander to the upcoming weekend. I turned on my side and stared at the flowers Jake sent me and smiled. Slowly, my lids grew heavy and I was immediately in one of the most sound and peaceful sleeps I had in a long time.

All because of Jake.

**A/N: So... Good? Bad? Make you wanna sleep? let me know.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: So, you all went CRAZY with the reviews.. thanks so much. This chapter here is a long one, I hope you enjoy. Chapter 7 is almost done, so it should be up maybe this weekend. My beta is having some family stuff..and so please be patient. Ereeen, yet again the most amazing person for doing this while on vacation.. be sure to read her story "What a Horror" It is awesome.**

**I will say this again so PLEASE READ.. stop worrying.. this is a Edward and Bella fic.. I can't stress that enough.. it will happen.. give it time lovies.**

**Thanks as always to my lovies at twilighted(dot)net for being sooo amazing and making me laugh. Teasers are given over there for my story.. check it out.**

**Enough talking.. go read. oh and I still don't own these characters just the Idea for the story**

EPOV

To say I was shocked by who was standing at my door to take Bella on a date would be an understatement. I would have _never_ guessed that Jacob Black was the type of guy that Bella would go for. To think that she had already been on one date with him and he was already pulling the flower card was mind blowing. It wasn't that I wasn't happy for Bella, it was just that Jacob was not who I saw her with.

I knew his type. He was some hot shot photographer who had models throwing themselves at him constantly in a feeble attempt at trying to be made the next big thing. I didn't want to see Bella hurt. She was very sensitive, and liking a guy who had women throwing themselves at him wouldn't be easy on her. I mean, it was hard on her to see it happen to me and I was nothing more then a friend. I couldn't imagine how hard it would be for her to see it done to someone she had feelings for.

To hear her make plans in front of me with Jacob when she was well aware of our postponed date was a little hurtful. She brought up the fact that I had done the same thing to her, but that never my intention. I really liked Tanya, and I just wanted to spend some time with her before she left. I knew Bella would be there tomorrow; Tanya wouldn't.

Bella seemed so upset to find out that I hadn't told her about Tanya, and I didn't understand why. I guess it was Bella's protective nature, which I appreciated, but she didn't know Tanya like I did. Once she gets to know her, Bella will see that we were a good match. She would be happy for me, because that is just who Bella is. She always wants to see the people she cares for happy.

When Jake came over and started rubbing his relationship with Bella in my face, I couldn't believe the nerve of this guy. He seemed so down to earth at the photo shoot, but here he was, in my home, trying to tell me all the things I knew already about my best friend. I already knew how kind she is. I also knew how beautiful she is, and that he was lucky that she was single. Laying it on thick much, buddy?

It made me want to gag.

Not to mention the fact that Bella seemed to be falling into his trap of bullshit. The way she walked up to him and threw her arms around him and kissed his cheek. She was a goner. I was seriously going to have to talk to her about him. She deserved to know how guys in Hollywood truly act. She is way too sweet to be taken be deflowered by one of them.

I tried to go to sleep later that night, but it was impossible. I was worried about her. She didn't know this Jacob character that well, and she was out alone with him. He seemed to be a smooth talker, and I was afraid he was going to try something with her then leave her. She had said earlier in the day that she watched all of her friends have loving relationships, and she wanted that too. She was lonely, and I didn't realize it. It hurt me that I hadn't noticed.

At about one in the morning, I heard a car pull up. I ran to my window, and I could see Jacob's towering figure walking her to the door. She stretched up on her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck. For what seemed like an eternity, they just stared into each other's eyes. After the excruciating pause(which, I'm sure was only felt on my part), Jacob finally leaned down to Bella and pressed his lips to hers. I felt weird seeing this. This was Bella… my Bella. The girl who knew me inside and out; the girl who knew the true me. I felt like a voyeur. A horrible, masochistic voyeur.

As I resurfaced from my thoughts, I saw the beast of a man push my Bella up against the door and she threw her head back in satisfaction.

She seemed to have liked his brute force, and for some reason that realization carried a sharp, shooting pain to my hurt. I rubbed my pex slightly.

_Huh._

Finally, after another short eternity, he released her and they said there goodnights. I debated on whether or not I should talk to her now or later about my concerns.

I decided not to ruin her night with my suspicions, but I had to make sure she understood. I wanted her to be careful. After nodding silently at myself, I laid back down and attempted to go to sleep. I tossed and turned thinking of him taking advantage of my Bella, but was finally overcome with sleep in the early hours of the morning.

BPOV

The weekend was finally here and I was glad. I had spent the past couple of days with Edward off and on, and hanging out with Jake.

Edward was acting really strange when Jake came around the house to hang out, and I didn't understand what his damage was. When Edward was working with Jake on the photo shoots, he was fine. but outside the studio, he didn't seem to like him at all.

Tanya had called a few times, and I was now refusing to answer the phone. If it was her and Edward wasn't here, I would let the answer machine get it. She treated me as if I was just some lowly employee of Edward's, and not an actual human being. Her attitude sucked. I wasn't surprised, though. Edward didn't really have the best taste in women.

But on a happier note, Alice and Rose were excited about Jake and I.

I tried to explain to them that it wasn't really like that; we were just friends. Really, really good friends. But after they had met him, they insisted that he was the better choice. Jasper and Emmett, however, both thought I owed it to myself to have some sort of talk with Edward. I guess they were Team Edward all the way.

They did like that I was happy, despite being such killjoys.

We were leaving first thing in the morning to make our way down the Pacific Coast Highway to Santa Barbara for two days to relax. It was about a four hour drive, and the scenery was amazing. We could have flown, but this weekend was about being together. So we settled on driving together.

I was packing and talking on the phone to Jake at the same time, which was a major feat for my usual clumsy tendencies. He said he was going to miss me, which I thought was very sweet.

I was still confused on the whole Jake thing. I had never had a guy chase after me before. It was always the other way around, so all this was new to me. Not to mention the fact that despite telling that person up front that you're in love with someone else doesn't stop him from trying, is a tolerable plus.

We talked a few times a day in some form of communication; email, texting, and talking face to face were our usual choices. He was fun to talk to, and was very smart and interesting. I told him that photography was something I had always wanted to learn, and he offered to help train my 'third eye'. He also joked about wanting to have me model for him. well, I thought it was a joke, but he said he was being completely serious.

I knew he was just being a kiss ass. _Prick._

I couldn't stop the smile that formed on my face when I thought of him.

I was finally done packing and was completely bushed. I was actually going to miss seeing Jake, but it would be good not to see him for a few days. I was afraid he was getting too attached, and I was still unsure about our situation.

"Alright Jake, I'm beat… going to hit the sack now," I said yawning.

"Ok Bells, have a safe trip. Let me know when you get home so we can hang out. If you need anything while you're there or need to talk…just call me."

"I think I'll be fine." I answered with a slight smile. He worried too much.

"Ok, g'night, then."

"Night, Jake." I flipped the phone shut.

I really was excited for tomorrow. It had been a while since all of us took a mini vacation together. It was going to be a lot of fun. Edward and I would be able to spend the much needed time together that we hadn't had. I was getting the courage to tell him with Jake's help, and Jasper's kind words. It was getting easier to want to tell him.

I dragged my bags over by my door, and set out an outfit to wear tomorrow. I then checked my alarm clock to make sure it was set, and my cell was plugged in. Finally satisfied that everything was in order, I climbed into bed.

It wasn't long before sleep stole me away.

I was awoken by the alarm clock blaring it's annoying beeping in my ear. I threw my arm over and slammed the off button. Whoever it was that had the idea to get up so damn early should be shot. _Oh wait, it was me. _

I quickly threw on my clothes for the day and pulled my hair up into a messy bun. _No need to get all dolled up to spend 4 hours in a car._

I grabbed my bags and pulled them out into the living room. Edward's door was still closed, and I sighed. I really wasn't in the mood to play his wake up game.

I set my bags down by the front door, and threw on a pot of coffee in the kitchen. Once I had that done, I decided that it was time to wake up sleeping beauty. As usual, I slowly cracked the door open to look in and make sure he was asleep, which thankfully he was. I was not prepared to see him with Tanya.

I walked over to him and placed my hand on his shoulder and shook it lightly.

"Cullen, wake up. Time to leave," I said while shaking him.

Nothing.

"Edward, please…you're the one who wanted this trip, we have to go."

Still nothing.

I sat down on the edge of the bed facing away from him. This was getting old. How much longer could I spend my life trying to get my adult friend to be a grown up and wake himself up?

Just then, I felt two arms snake around my waist and pull me down.

"Morning Bella," Edward said, sleep heavy on his voice.

"Edward Cullen, knock it off." I smacked his arm.

"What?"

"You know very well what. I can't be in bed with you so stop. What would Tanya think?"

"Tanya knows that you're my best friend. She wouldn't have a problem with you being in my bed."

_I beg to differ._

"Whatever Edward," I said, pulling myself out of his arms. "We have to go, so get dressed and come on."

"Bella, have I done something to you?" He asked quietly. His voice was thick with an emotion I couldn't recognize.

"What do you mean?"

"You've just been acting very different towards me. Are you mad at me for something?"

"Nothing is wrong Edward, everything is fine."

"Bella, don't-" He was cut off by the doorbell.

"Get dressed, Edward. Everyone is here, and we need to get going.

I left him sitting there while I ran to get the door.

When I opened it, I had to bite back a laugh. The gang stood before me, all looking like death.

"Oh well, isn't this a happy bunch?" I teased.

"Zip it, Swan. It's too damn early to be sarcastic" Emmett whined.

"Oh, you poor baby," I soothed playfully, "aren't you usually up early anyway?"

He mumbled something incoherently as he passed by me.

"There's coffee in the kitchen, kids. Help yourselves." I called after the group of happy campers as they walked past me.

They all filed in, and headed straight for the cabinets to grab a mug.

"So Bella, how is Jake doing?" Alice asked, taking a sip from her coffee

"He's doing great. He said when I get back he will start teaching me how to take amazing pictures just like him."

"That's sweet of him." Rose commented.

"Yeah, he is a really good guy." I smiled.

Edward finally emerged from his room, his hair was a messier than his normal bed head.

"Hey buddy, rough night?" Jasper asked Edward while pointing at his hair.

"Nah, it has a mind of it's own. I gave up trying to mess with it."

"Maybe if you got a decent hair cut, you wouldn't have so many problems with it." Alice teased.

"Hey, my hair is just fine the way it is. It has personality," Edward said, running his fingers through the already disheveled hair.

We all sat around The table chit chatting a bit more and finishing our coffee before we started to head out.

We were all taking different cars. We needed our own just incase Edward got called for a job, and he didn't want to ruin the other's trip. Emmett and Rose were staying an extra day or two so they needed their own, and Alice packed so much luggage, that it was impossible that she ride with anyone but Jasper.

After packing up our bags and making sure we weren't forgetting anything, we were off. Edward insisted on driving, which was fine by me. It meant that I got complete control of the radio.

I plugged in my Ipod, and flipped to my favorite play list and leaned back against the head rest, watching the scenery pass.

Driving the Pacific Coast Highway, or the "PCH" as everyone called, was so relaxing. The breathtaking view of the ocean and beaches were the best part of it. The colors of blues, browns, and greens passed by us in a flash as we drove. We drove along the coast through Point Mugu State Park to just beyond the park's western boundary, where we continued on to Santa Barbara. We had spent the first part of the trip in silence, until Edward decided to break it.

"So…how are things with you and Jake?" he asked, keeping his eyes trained on the road before him.

"Things are good; he's really nice." Edward grimaced slightly.

"Just be careful, Bella. You don't know anything about him; I don't want to see you get hurt." _As if he knew anything about me being hurt._

"I'm a big girl, Edward. I think I know how to take care of myself."

"I know you are. It's just, the guys out here are nothing like the guys back at home. They are not always the nicest people."

"Edward, I've been here just as long as you have. I've been on every film set, every photo shoot, and to every party with you. Do you think I don't know all this?"

"I'm just saying your too nice. People like to take advantage of that."

"What, you think Jake is taking advantage of me?" I asked incredulously. Now I was getting pissed again.

"No, I'm just asking you to be careful."

"You know what Edward? I never lecture you on the people you choose to fool around with, so please do me the same favor. You don't know anything about him," I couldn't believe this. "'Cause if you really want to get into it about who is dating someone who is not a good person, it sure as hell isn't going to be me we are talking about."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You've known him for what, like, five minutes? You think you know the type of person he is?"

"You haven't known Tanya much longer," I shouted. "Do you know something about Jake that I don't? You have something about him you have to tell me?"

"No. I'm just saying don't move so fast; take things slow. People out here aren't who they seem to be."

"I'll take that into consideration." I said bitterly.

"Fine, I'm just trying to be a good friend, Bella. Whether you choose to believe it or not, I care for you. I just don't want to see you hurt."

"Yeah, now you care." I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

We finished off the rest of the ride in silence. So much for having a nice relaxing ride.

A few hours later, we finally arrived in Santa Barbara and pulled into the hotel.

The Hotel Andalucia was located in the heart of downtown historic Santa Barbara. The new luxury hotel was beautiful. It had a Spanish motif with urban flair, and a rooftop pool that overlooked the town and had an amazing view of the ocean.

We checked in and were handed our room keys. Of course, we paired off into couples. This was a vacation, and no one wanted to intrude on the other's personal time. Edward and I were the odd ones out, so we shared a room. We requested to have rooms next to each other so we would still be close. The bell boy lead us to our suites, and we decided to meet up in Edward and mine's room once we were unpacked.

The room was beautiful. It was decorated in sunny gold tones with rose colored accents. Fine art from local regional artists adorned the walls, hand painted ceilings and furniture, and arched doorways. Pieces of art including watercolor paintings, etchings, and photographs from Santa Barbara artists a were all over the room. It was stunning.

Immediately, I noticed a problem. There was only one bed. I had requested a double. This was a problem. I decided to wait until the bell boy left to bring this up to Edward and see what he wanted to do.

"Umm…problem," I began once Edward tipped the bell boy and he left.

"What?" Edward asked as he looked around the room, nodding approvingly.

"Notice anything that might be an issue?"

He stopped his inspection, and took survey of the room then shrugged his shoulders.

"No, should I?"

"Edward, there is only one bed."

"Hah! Why is that a problem, Bella? We have slept in the same bed many times." He acted like I was being ridiculous.

"We aren't little anymore, Edward. Plus, you have a girlfriend whom I don't think would appreciate us sleeping together."

"Bella, she knows we are just friends. Stop worrying about it."

"I don't know."

"Is this really about Tanya caring, or are you worried Jake would be upset?"

"No, Jake wouldn't be upset. Then again, Jake is much different then Tanya."

"You don't know her," Edward dismissed.

"Not my fault."

"Bella, I don't want to fight with you. We are supposed to be here to spend some much needed time as a group. Lets not stress it. If it bothers you that much, I can sleep on the couch."

"No, it's fine."

"Fine. Now, would you please relax? Let's have some fun."

We unpacked our things, and soon the others were all in our room trying to figure out how to spend the rest of the day. We decided to hit up the pool on the roof and have some dinner. Maybe go to a club later.

Rose, Alice, and I were lounging on the side of the pool chatting while the guys had gone into the bar, _El Cielo, _that was located near the pool.

"So, how are things with Edward?" Alice asked as she got herself comfy in her chair.

"Just peachy," I answered sarcastically.

"Oh yeah, sounds like it."

"Well, lets see. Not only was he hiding the fact that he was dating Tanya, but I found out he was seeing her the night of the club, and most likely the night of the kiss. He has already slept with her because he didn't come home the night of the photo shoot. She is a nasty bitch who talks to me like I am a servant. And to top of the delicious slice of drama that is my life, Edward is now lecturing me on who I should date. Twice now."

"I am so sorry, Bella." Alice as she rubbed my arm soothingly.

"Why are you sorry? You haven't done anything wrong."

"Yeah, but we pushed you to talk to him and we shouldn't have. We should have let you go about it how you wanted."

"Don't worry about it. He's still just as clueless to my feelings as he was before. No harm done."

"Well, you better not let me see that wanna-be bottle blonde anytime soon," Rose sighed as she flipped to her side to face Alice and I. "let her get lippy with me; she will have to cancel jobs for a month after I finish with her."

"Oh, don't even bother. Believe me, she is not even close to being worth it."

"Yeah, but it would be fun. It's not every day you can make one of Edward's skanky girlfriends cry." Rose said smiling.

"I'm sure he would be pleased." I smiled back.

"I'm surprised she isn't here with us." Alice commented as she picked up a magazine and began to flip through it.

"I was, too. I asked him when booking the rooms if we should be expecting her and he said no. I guess she had a job. I don't think I would have come if she was here too. I mean, I'm only an employee in her eyes; you don't take the help out on vacation with you." I imitated her nasally voice and laughed slightly.

"Man, Edward has horrible taste in women." Alice shook her head.

"Ah well, what can you do?" I settled against my chair and closed my eyes.

"Maybe if he stopped thinking with mini Eddie, he would see what is right in front of him."

"Maybe it's for the best that he hasn't. Maybe we aren't meant to be anything more then just friends. Jake is pretty amazing, no one has ever treated me like he has. Even after I told him that I was in love with Edward and I didn't plan on that changing, he still didn't care."

"That's really sweet, Bella." Rose said happily.

"He is a really sweet guy," I felt myself smile just thinking of him.

"And…?" Alice asked, her eyebrows arching.

"And…what?"

"I saw that smile, Miss Swan. what are you hiding from us?"

"Nothing." I answered quickly.

"Don't you dare lie! Have you slept with him?" Alice squealed.

"God no, Alice! We have only been on a few dates."

"So?"

"So, I'm not going to jump in the sack with the first guy that shows me some attention."

"Fine, have you kissed?" Alice complied.

I felt my face turn red; it was a dead give away

"OH MY GOD!" Both Alice and Rose Jumped up and hugged me tightly.

"What's going on here?" Emmett's booming voice broke through the girls squealing. "Not that I mind, it's kind of hot…continue jumping…I just wanted to know what caused it."

I looked up to see Jasper and Edward looking at us confused, a drink in both of their hands. I saw Rose get a mischievous look in her eyes before she spoke.

"Bella was just telling us what an amazing kisser Jacob is,"

Alice caught on, and with her own evil smile, she added her two cents.

"Yeah, what was it you called it Bella? So good it made your toes curl?"

"Best kiss she has ever experienced." Rose said as she fanned herself playfully.

I could do nothing but laugh to myself. They really did mean well.

"Really, Bella is getting all hot and heavy with a guy? Emmett plopped down next to me.

I smacked the back of his head for teasing me.

"Hardly, it was just a kiss." I scoffed.

"Best kiss you have ever experienced." Emmett shot back.

"Enough teasing me, you weirdoes!"

I looked up and I saw Edward. He extended a hand towards me that was holding a drink. I took it, but not before noticing his face; he looked like someone had run over his puppy.

"You ok, Edward?" I asked.

"Just tired. Long day." A weak smile crossed his face.

I dropped it not wanting to know what his real problem was. I was pretty sure after the lecture in the car today that he must think that I am making a bad choice by hanging out with Jake.

We spent a few hours at the pool laying out and messing around. We had ourselves a nice game of chicken, which is pointless to play when you have to go up against the personal trainer and his tomboy girlfriend.

We all headed back to our rooms to shower and relax until dinner. Tomorrow, we were going to spend the time shopping. I wasn't really big on the idea, but when you have Alice in tow, shopping will always be on the agenda.

I took a shower, first and just threw on some comfy clothes until it was time to get dressed. I didn't want to lay around in my nice outfit for hours. Once I was done, I laid down on the bed and took a nap.

When I woke up, I felt a strange weight across my mid-section. I turned my head and saw Edward was asleep next to me on his stomach, and he had his left arm draped across me. He had on his plaid pajama pants and nothing else.

My mind drifted off to happy thoughts of waking up every morning like that with him. Snuggling up, and breathing in his scent. I couldn't help it. It was out of habit to think of things that could be instead of living in the reality of what will never be. He looked so peaceful, so sweet. The Edward I had always known. My Edward.

I was snapped back into reality by the fact that he wasn't my Edward. He was someone else's Edward. And with the way things were going, he was never going to be my Edward.

Once reality reared it's ugly face, it no longer felt nice to have him this close to me; it only hurt. I slowly tried to lift his arm and scoot out from underneath his weight.

Sleeping Edward had other ideas, though. As I shifted ,so did he. He used the arm that was across my stomach to pull me closer, and buried his face in my neck. His arm was now wrapped around my back, and his hand tangled in my hair.

Man, did this feel good. He felt perfect. Like we were meant for each other.

Then the other feeling came back, and my emotions were playing an epic battle of emotional ping pong. Sure, it felt amazing, but it wasn't real. He didn't know he was doing it. He didn't love me like that. He could snuggle up to any warm body. I could be anyone to him.

It was too much, and I finally got enough strength in me to push him away. His eyes fluttered open and I watched as his eyes focused on me. A soft smile danced across his lips.

"Hey you," He said, bringing his hand up to rub his face.

"Hey…" I answered awkwardly.

"What's wrong?"

"You're invading my personal bubble, Edward."

"Oh, sorry." He retracted his hand and unhooked his arm from my waist.

"I thought you were going to sleep on the couch?"

"You said not to,"

"Alright, just don't be such a bed hog."

"I'll try to remember that."

"You better, or I might have to reconsider you sleeping on the couch." I playfully nudged him.

After we both took a moment to fully wake up, we decided to get dressed for dinner.

There was a restaurant and bar called _31 West_ in the hotel, and we figured that would be easiest for tonight.

There was a knock on the door. Edward was finishing getting ready, so I went to answer it. There stood the gang all dressed nicely. We planned on going to a local club after dinner, so we were dressed a little nicer then normal for dinner.

Once we were all ready, we headed down to eat.

We were sat almost immediately at a round table in the middle of the dining room. Edward and I were sitting next to each other with our backs facing the entrance to the restaurant. The place was amazing. Just like the rooms, it too was decorated in art from local artists. We were handed a wine list, and some menus. We went ahead and ordered some drinks.

When our drinks arrived, we placed our orders and chatted about what was going on with us. I was always the boring one in these types of conversations. Everyone was booking jobs or gigs, or working with famous people and traveling. I was basically nothing more then someone who waited on Edward. At least, that is what it was starting to seem like. I was the one who knew people in high places and was basically along for the ride. Nothing interesting was going to come from me in this conversation.

Jasper was telling us about what he had been going through with recording a demo and how it was to meet music execs. Emmett told us about a new client he had this week, commenting that he couldn't believe that he actually got to work with these people. Rose was going to be heading out to do some work in Paris in a few weeks, and was really excited to see the world.

Alice was in the middle of talking about how horrid some of the people in the town were when it came to being dressed.

"You would think they never learned how to dress themselves as children, honestly. They come in and they just act so confused! They don't even have preferences! They just want to be dressed in what ever the latest trend is, no matter how horrible it looks on them!" She said laughing. " Like, I had this one girl come in, and you would think as fashionable as she plays on T.V. she would have some amount of fashion sense, but no, she actually…"

Alice stopped talking and her eyes grew huge. I saw her elbow Rose, and saw Rose's eyes make contact with whatever she saw, because Rose's expression turned killer. Before I could even look up to see what was wrong, I saw two skinny arms wrap around Edward's face and cover his eyes.

"Guess who?" The voice cooed.

_This can't be happening…_

Edward's hands reached up and grabbed the hands off of his eyes at the same time that he turned his head around to look at the person.

"Tanya! What are you doing here? I thought you had a job?" Edward asked excitedly as he stood up and pulled her into a hug.

"Oh Eddie, my job was rescheduled for another day, and I missed you." Tanya squealed as she threw herself into Edward's embrace.

I pulled my eyes away from them, and looked at my friends instead.

Everyone except Rose looked like they pitied me. Rose looked like she was five seconds away from jumping across the table and grabbing Tanya by the hair.

My eyes were filling with water quickly, and I was trying desperately to stop it. I was biting on my bottom lip in order to keep my chin from trembling. This was just too much. I was not in anyway prepared to see them together.

Edward flagged down a waiter and motioned to him that he needed another chair. Tanya took a seat next to me, and I stiffened. Why was she here? He said this weekend was about us; his friends. How could he do this? He had lied.

Dinner became awkward after that. Edward and Tanya spent most of the time talking amongst themselves, and I was unfortunate enough to be close and could hear every disgusting, stomach churning thing they were saying. I was no longer hungry. I excused myself from the table to go to the bathroom.

I reached the bathroom and pulled out my phone and dialed the only person I could think of who would help make me feel better: Jake.

However, it rang a few times and went to his voicemail. I threw my phone back into my purse with a heavy sigh. I really didn't want to go back out there.

Not that it mattered, because at that very moment, Tanya was now in the bathroom with me.

"Bella, how are you tonight? I didn't get to say hello to you earlier," she flashed me a fake smile. I could tell she didn't really care.

"Great." I responded stiffly.

"That's good to hear."

"uh huh."

"I was wondering if you could do me a favor," She said while checking her makeup in the mirror. "Could you be a dear, and go to the front desk and book Edward and I another room? He said you two were sharing, and that just won't work."

"Why can't you book another room for you two?"

She laughed,

"Oh hun, tsk. That's your job, not mine." I was fuming.

"Actually, Tanya. I work for Edward, not for you. So, if you want to book a room for yourself and Edward, you can go right ahead and do it."

"Why so upset Bella," She turned to look at me with a smile growing on her lips. "is someone jealous?"

I was close to hitting that perfect mouth of hers.

"Aww, I have seen the way you look at him Bella, and it is adorable. Really. But, do you honestly think someone like Edward would ever date someone like you? No offense, you're cute and all. You have that whole, "I'm and individual" thing going for you, but honestly. Edward needs someone that can be in photos with him; someone who knows what it takes to make it. I'm sorry, that just isn't you. You need to accept reality."

I had never worked so many muscles in my face to hold back tears. I wasn't going to let her see me cry.

"I've seen girls like you come and go, Tanya. You are the flavor of the month, and soon you will be gone like all the others. If anyone is having issues accepting reality, I assure you it isn't me."

Suddenly, my phone rang. Thank god, it was Jake.

I pushed pass Tanya and answered.

"Jake, oh my god, thank you for calling me back."

Bella, what's wrong?" Jake sounded concerned.

"Jake, I have to get out of here."

"What happened?"

"She showed up. We were at dinner and then Tanya crashed, and they were sitting next to me saying things that made me want to vomit. Then, she cornered me in the bathroom and said that I wasn't good enough for him. Jake, I need to get out of here. I can't be here with her."

"Bella, I'm coming." I could hear the tinkle of car keys in the backround.

"Jake, no. I'm just going to rent a car and come back."

"Don't be stupid! You drove all day, and I would be worried to death if you drove all night too."

"Jake, I can't let you."

"You're not letting me, Bella. I'm doing it either way. What room are you in?"

I gave him the room number. I knew the others would be going out to the club, but I was staying behind. I was in no way going to watch those two throw themselves all over each other.

I got back to the table and everyone except the love birds looked over at me. I just shook my head.

Dinner was done and Edward stood and helped Tanya up.

"Tanya has to go get a room, she will be back." He looked at me as if he wanted to talk.

"What, Edward?"

"What's wrong with you?" he hissed.

"Are you serious?" _Really, Edward?_

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"You can't possibly be that stupid, Edward." I said, shaking my head slowly.

"What are you talking about?"

"What is she doing here? On our vacation that I planned?" I struggling to keep my voice down. "You said this vacation was for us to relax and hang out, which we never get to do. You lied. Why is she here?"

"You heard her, Bella. she knew where we were going, and she surprised me. I didn't know she was coming."

"Then tell her to leave. Your supposed to be spending time with your friends, Edward."

"Bella, she drove all this way. I can't just ask her to leave."

"Where are you sleeping tonight, Edward?"

He looked at me and froze.

Tears started to flow now; I could no longer hold them back.

"That's what I thought. Some bonding vacation, Edward."

"What else am I supposed to do?"

"Nothing."

"Bella, we are still going to be able to hang out. This is still our vacation."

"No Edward, it's your vacation."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That means I'm going home. I came here to spend time with you, not Tanya. It's obvious who you would rather spend time with. So have at it, champ! I'm done."

"Bella, your being ridiculous," He snapped.

"Maybe, but I'm going to be ridiculous at home."

"How do you plan on getting home?"

"Like you care."

"Bella…"

"Jake. He's coming to get me."

"Oh of course, the wonderful Jake." Edward exclaimed sarcastically as he swirled his pointer finger in the air.

"Leave him out of this. He isn't the one who lied to me."

"I didn't lie, Bella. I didn't know she would come here,"

"Well now you two can have the bonding time. I am going home."

I turned and went to the elevator to go to the room and gather my bags.

I saw Alice and Rose coming my way.

"I don't want to talk about it. Go have fun. I'll be ok." I said not wanting to ruin their time too.

"But Bella…" Alice started.

"Alice, I'm begging you. Please."

"Alright," She wrapped me in a tight hug. "He doesn't deserve your love, Bella."

"I'm going to kick her scrawny ass." Rose said looking like she was serious.

"Don't Rose, it isn't worth it."

The elevator doors opened and I stepped in hitting my floor.

"Love you guys, see you when you get back."

"Love you too." they both called.

I made it to the room and packed all my things back up. I knew I had a while before Jake got here, but I wanted out of this room and out of this place as soon as possible. I gave the room a once over, making sure I hadn't forgotten anything.

I went back down stairs and handed in my room key, and looked for a coffee shop or diner to sit at until Jake got here. I gave him a call once I located a Starbucks, and settled in for the wait.

Before I knew it, Jake was tapping me on the shoulder, I dropped everything I was holding on to and stood up, throwing my arms around him and started to cry. He was beyond amazing. he stood there holding me and rubbing circles into my back, giving me small kisses on my head, and telling me it was alright.

After I calmed down, he took me to the car and we drove all the way home.

I must have fallen asleep at some point, because what felt like seconds later, I felt myself being lifted up and my eyes popped open.

"Am I home?" I asked sleepily.

"Yes, let me have your keys."

I dug through my purse lazily and grasped my keys handing them to him. After fiddling with them for a few moments, he finally got the front door open. He asked me the way to my bedroom, and I pointed him in the direction. I felt him laying me down and pulling away.

"I'll call you in the morning, Bella. I'll come right over."

"No, don't leave, Jake. Stay. I don't want to be alone." I stretched my arms reaching for him.

"Bella, are you sure?"

"Jake, please just hold me."

He obliged, and I drifted off to sleep while tears continued to fall down my face.

**A/N : So is Tanya a skanky bitch or what!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Ok, I have to say you reviewers are so beyond amazing it is crazy. I used to respond to every review, but waking up to a mail box filled with over 100 reviews makes it impossible. So while I may not respond, know that I love all your reviews!**

**As usual my beta is basically a freaking goddess of everything that is editing. Ereeen, BB.. you rock my socks clean off!**

**Thanks to my rabid ladies**

**Here are the songs I listened to while writing this chapter, they may not all fit.. but got me in the mood.**

**If it kills me- Jason Mraz, We might as well be strangers - Keane, Girlfriend- Avril Lavigne (cause it makes me laugh),** **Breathe Carolina - The Birds And The Bees **

**Alright, here it is, the chapter before all forms of crap hit the fan like you wouldn't believe!**

A month had passed since the Santa Barbara trip.

Jake had stayed with me that weekend, refusing to leave my side. I woke up the next afternoon to him bringing me brunch in bed. The gesture basically brought me to tears. I couldn't believe how amazing he was to me. It was comforting to have him there, and he didn't bring up Edward unless I did, and he never once put him down. Jacob knew that it wouldn't make me feel any better. I told him exactly what Tanya had said to me, and that seemed to anger him.

He told me what he knew of her; how she was basically sleeping her way up the Hollywood food chain for the press she needed from said person she was with, then dumped them. She was known for causing major problems on shoots and being very demanding.

Jacob said that I should take what Tanya said with a grain of salt because she wasn't exactly the best person to listen to.

Jake stayed with me again that night because I still didn't want to be alone. He made us dinner and we watched some movies and talked. At some point, we fell asleep on the couch together.

We were woken up when Edward came through the front door. One look at his face, and I could tell that once Jake left it was going to be awkward. He didn't seem to pleased to see us together. Eventually, Jake had to leave even though he put it off as long as he could, and left Edward and I alone.

At first, we didn't say anything, which it was beyond uncomfortable. We would be in the kitchen at the same time or in another room, and all that was heard was complete silence.

No one wanted to make the first move.

I was still hurt that he had basically chosen Tanya over me. _She_, who had said all those horrible things to me. He wouldn't believe me if I told him, so there was no point in rebutting. Edward already thought I didn't like her. Plus, he would probably think that I was just lying.

I think he was confused on how to approach me. We had never had this big of a fight which led me to walk out on him and our friends. He would never have let me before. But things were different now.

I was getting ready for bed and brushing my teeth when I heard a knock on the door. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to prepare myself for the talk that I really didn't want to have.

"Come in," I called just above a whisper.

"Bella, can we talk?'' Edward asked, poking his head in the door slightly.

"I guess." I answered and placed my toothbrush back in its holder. I really didn't want to do this.

"Bella, please don't be like that,"

"Like what?"

"Nothing. I didn't come in here to fight, Bella. I just want to fix things between us."

"Edward, you chose someone over me. How could you fix it? You can't take it back."

"Bella, I didn't choose her over you. I didn't know she was coming. She's my girlfriend, Bella, I couldn't ask her to go home."

"I'm supposed to be your best friend, Edward," I countered, "this weekend was supposed to be about us; our friends. Not about you and her."

"It was about us, Bella,"

"Edward, she was getting a different room so you could stay with her. That leaves me by myself. How on earth is that a vacation for us?"

"I'm sorry I messed up…" Edward said quietly, ducking his head.

Tears started to well up in my eyes and overflow onto my cheeks. I hated this. I hated that this was happening to us; that Tanya had caused this. I wondered if I didn't have the feelings I did for him, would she would still be a problem? Maybe this was my fault, who knows. I just didn't want to fight with him anymore.

"Bella, please don't cry," Edward walked up to me and embraced me in his arms.

"I didn't mean to make you cry…I just want things to go back to normal. I couldn't even enjoy the rest of my time there, I just kept thinking of you here alone."

He stiffened.

"But, you weren't alone. I didn't realize that you were moving so fast."

"What?"

"You and Jake sleeping together, I didn't know that."

"Edward, I am not sleeping with Jake. What on earth would give you that idea?"

"Umm, coming home to find you asleep together on the couch?"

"Yes, fully clothed. We fell asleep watching a movie. Not everyone sleeps with people so freely, Edward." I poked him in the ribs.

"Hey!" he said in mock offense. "I was just worried. I want to see you happy."

"I want to be happy."

"Then be happy, Bella. No more sad." he said squeezing me tighter.

But to be truly happy, I would either have to tell him how I feel, or I had to give up on him and try out happiness with someone else. Jake specifically.

Jake wanted to date me, and I knew he liked me and I really did like him, but I just didn't want to lead him on. When I started to date someone, I wanted my heart to be free and open for them and only them. I didn't want a replacement for Edward. I couldn't make Jake just a replacement. He deserved to be more than a rebound.

He was appreciative that I cared so much about him that I didn't just do what other girls might have. He let me know that he wasn't giving up hope, but he was never pushy or a nag about it. He stood silently in the background while I figured out this mess, and did what he could do for me; be a friend.

I didn't know how to handle the Edward situation anymore. I guess in time what was meant to be, would be.

Time is what I got, and things were going on as usual. Edward was still dating Tanya, but he didn't bring her over often. If he was going to be with her, he would stayed the night at her place. I was thankful for that, but it made my stomach churn thinking about what they were doing. If she did come over here, it was just to hang out. She would come to the little hang outs we would have as a group. Rose and Alice refused to talk to her and Edward took notice of this, but never questioned why. Emmett and Jasper ,being guys and not fully understanding what the situation was like for me, would be friendly to her, but never went out of their way to talk to her. It was like they were trying to keep the peace and be there for Edward. I wasn't mad at them for that. I couldn't be.

I would usually get Jake to come over if she was here so I never had to risk the chance of having another friendly encounter with her. She put on her fake routine and tried to talk me, to which I would just smile and nod.

I knew what she was doing and I wasn't going to play her game.

Edward, as usual, was clueless to what Tanya was doing, and couldn't understand why I didn't like her. I told him we just didn't click. No need to go into great detail. it wouldn't matter anyway.

Jake and I had become closer, and were spending a great deal of time together when I wasn't busy.

He had kept up his promise and was teaching me the basics of photography. He surprised me one day with a fancy Canon EOS 12.8MP Digital SLR camera and some books on photography. I tried to tell him I couldn't accept it, But he insisted that I showed great potential and just wanted to help me learn.

I was becoming a different person because of Jake.

I was more confident and happy. I talked a lot more, and was more open to sharing myself and my thoughts then I had been with anyone that I had ever known, besides Edward.

Jake eventually talked me into letting him take some pictures of me. I thought he was just being nice, but when I saw the final product I couldn't believe it. I was beautiful. Jake had a rack of vintage dresses brought in and my make-up was done with red plump lips, hair styled like that of the movie stars of the old black and white movies. Jake said it was classic Hollywood for a classic beauty.

Alice and Rose took advantage of my new self-esteem boost, and decided to introduce me to broader horizons on the clothes front. Alice said that I was to good to be dressed by an outlet store.

Alice and Rose treated me to a shopping trip, free of charge, than whisked me away to have an all-girl's spa day. They helped me pick out a new hair style. A few honey highlights and some face framing layers made me look like a totally different person. They decided to take me out to the club to test their "new creation." But not until they dressed me up in the latest fashions courtesy of Alice. I was placed in a Maggy London silver trapeze dress. It fell to about two inches about my knee and had sparkle beading around the neck line. It was amazing what a little hair product and a push up bra could do to get a guys attention. I had never had so many offers to dance before in my life. Granted, these guys didn't know what they were getting into when trying to dace with me, but I didn't care. I had a blast.

When we went home to see what Edward thought it, and it was almost laughable.

He was there with Tanya hanging onto him. When he saw me, his mouth dropped open at the same time as Tanya's eyes narrowed; she looked ready to kill.

I felt Rose elbow me, and heard Alice snicker at her reaction. We could tell it was killing her trying to hold back a nasty comment she was dying to say to me, but couldn't because Edward was in ear shot.

She finally gave up and left, but not before taking a metaphorical piss on Edward by ramming her tongue down his throat in front of us.

I caught a glance between Rose and Alice and they followed soon after, leaving me and Edward alone.

"You look so beautiful, Bella," Edward still hadn't closed his mouth since I came home.

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks.

"Thanks." I said quietly.

"I mean, you have always been beautiful, I've just never seen you like this. Something is different. Not just on the outside, but inside too."

"I'm just happy,"

"Well, happy looks nice on you."

"Thanks."

Things became a little odd with Edward after my make over. He became a little more snotty towards Jake, and I couldn't figure out why. I didn't want to believe Jake's assumptions that Edward was starting to get jealous.

"He doesn't feel like that about me, Jake," I whined loudly. I knew he didn't.

"Bella, He just doesn't know he feels that way about you. He is jealous, believe me, I am a man. I know what I am talking about." Jake said tapping his head.

I tried to pay attention to Edward's actions, and thought maybe Jake was right. But not for the reasons that he thought.

Jake was fast becoming one of my best friends. I think Edward thought maybe Jake was replacing him, which I guess in a way he was. There were things I could talk to Jake about that I could never talk to Edward about. It never used to be like that. Edward was always the person I came to with all my secrets with everything. But not anymore, because he was my secret; my problem.

With Edward, I couldn't really talk about my feelings or be honest about what was bothering me. I couldn't talk to Edward about his girlfriend, the slut from hell, Because, well… He wouldn't listen.

Job wise, things were going on as normal.

Edward had booked a few modeling jobs and club appearances. He had a lot of interviews for magazines to do, and the late night circuit to make for his movie that was about to premier. He had booked two movies, and his first started filming next month. We were going to be flying to Ireland to film on location for a few weeks and then come back her to do some things on the studio set. Everything was pretty much back on track in the work area.

Now things were back to our regular pace minus the fact that because we both had new people in our lives, we were spending less time together. It was obvious that there was a change.

Edward had the next three days off so far, and he had nothing booked.

I spent the day getting everything in order for the trip over to Ireland. Making sure that we had our passports and plane tickets. Our friends were going to come by while we were gone, and do random checks on the house just to make sure everything was alright. Alice and Jasper planned to come visit us while we were in Ireland, so we had to look at rates and dates for their visit also.

I was home now and needed to get ready for a date with Jake tonight. He said he had a surprise for me, and that we were going to dinner to celebrate afterwards.

I hopped into the shower to wash of the grim of running around all day planning with Alice. She had picked out an outfit for me to wear tonight, so I was excited to be relieved of that duty.

Once out of the shower, I dried off my hair and put it up in a towel. I threw on a matching bra and panty set that was dark blue lace. I told Alice buying stuff like that was pointless, but she told me to show it to Jake then, causing me to roll my eyes and explain to her that Jake and I were no where near that phase in our relationship.

I brushed my teeth and put on my make-up before getting dressed knowing my ability to cause accidents wherever I go. I knew an off chance of ruining the dress Alice picked out before I even made it out the door would be a strong one.

Once my hair and make-up were decent and I looked at the clock and noticed that I only had 10 minutes before Jake would be here, I felt it safe to put on my dress. I looked myself over in the mirror and still couldn't get used to the fact that the girl staring back was me. After everything that had been going on the past month or so, I actually looked somewhat happy. The dress that Alice picked out for me was a dark blue sleeveless number with a 'V' cut neck, and it cinched at the waist and poofed out a little, falling and inch above my knees. The color went nicely with the color of my hair and skin. As Alice said, it made my eyes pop.

I grabbed my purse off the dresser and headed out to the living room to wait for Jake to get here.

I almost turned right back around to wait in my room.

Tanya and Edward were sitting on the couch in what looked like a serious conversation. He wasn't smiling, and he looked like he was fuming. I watched as his fingers pinched the bridge of his knows, confirming my suspicions.

_Stupid Tanya._

When my entrance caught Edwards attention, he changed the subject of whatever they were talking about and commented on my dress.

"Wow, Bella you look amazing." Edward's eyes took in my appearance appreciatively.

"Thanks," I said smiling.

"What's the occasion?" He was trying to ignore Tanya, who look ready to kill him for paying attention to me.

"I don't know, it's a surprise. Jake refuses to tell me." I smiled as I thought of my numerous attempts to get it out of him.

"But…you hate surprises?" Edward said as his brow knit together in confusion.

"I know, but Jake is excited about it, so I am being good."

"Huh. Wish you would be that easy for us when we try to surprise you with things." Edward teased, feigning offense.

"Maybe next time. This surprise stuff is actually kind of fun."

"Wow, never thought I would hear those words come out of your mouth."

Tanya cleared her throat loudly in an attempt to refocus the attention to her. I just rolled my eyes.

"I didn't mean to interrupt anything. Jake will be here in five minutes, and I will be out of your way."

Tanya mumbled something I didn't catch, and saw Edward's head snap towards her. He obviously caught what she said and it wasn't good.

"Tanya, can I talk to you in the bedroom." Edward asked through a clenched jaw.

"Is that all will be doing in there is talking?" Tanya pouted, jutting put her puffy bottom lip.

"Tanya,"

She sighed and stood up giving me the once over, then huffed as she stormed off to his bedroom. I just shook my head and thought, "better him then me."

"I hope you have a good night tonight, Bella. you really do look beautiful." Edward said quietly.

"Thanks, Edward."

He opened his mouth as if to say something else, but the door rang and he went over to grab it. I followed closely behind him.

He opened the door and their stood Jake looking pretty much amazing.

He had on these dark denim pants with a light blue button up long sleeve shirt on that he left unbuttoned. Underneath that was a old concert t-shirt, the letters were pretty much faded off but I could tell it was a "The Who" shirt. He had his beautiful black hair pulled back into a pony tail. He looked amazing.

"Jake," Said Edward dryly.

"Hey Ed," Jake knew Edward hated that. _Let the pissing contest begin_.

"Bella! You look stunning. Really, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever laid eyes on," Jake placed a brief kiss on my lips, and I blushed

Edward shifted uncomfortably from the balls of his feet.

I heard the annoyed throat clearing of Tanya from the doorway of Edward's room, and we all looked at her.

Jake took that opportunity to have some fun.

"Hmm…nope, still the most beautiful." He said after looking at Tanya then me. Edward even thought it was funny, because he was choking back a laugh.

Tanya turned on her heel and made her way back into Edward's room, and Edward shook his head.

"Are you ok?" I asked.

"Just great," he put on a fake smile.

"You sure?"

"Go have fun. I'll see you tonight."

"Alright, talk to you when I get home…"

With that, we left. I had no idea what was going on with those two and as long as Tanya was involved, I honestly didn't care.

Jake helped me into his car, and once inside, drove off heading to my surprise.

After driving for about twenty minutes, Jake pulled his car into a open spot on the street and parked. I looked around and was still confused as to what my surprise could be.

Jake helped me out of the car and held my hand as we made our way to a stone building with a sign that said, "New Image Art Gallery."

"You brought me to an art gallery?" I had only been to them on my own.

"Yes."

"Is this my surprise?"

He shook his head no.

"I know the owner of this place and I asked him a favor,"

"What kind of favor," I asked slowly, looking up at Jake through my eyelashes.

"You really are an impatient person you know that right?"

"Yes."

"Well, follow me and you'll see what your surprise is."

We walked to the back of the gallery. It was amazing. Hard wood floors and huge open space. Local artists displayed on every wall. Something from almost every medium; paint, sculpture, and photography. Everything was amazing.

Jake led me to the very back wall. It seemed to be covered in a red sheet.

"Oh Jake, do you have work displayed here?" I asked excitedly as I bounced on the balls of my feet, reminding me of Alice.

How exciting was that for him?

"No, I don't have work on display here…you do." Jake said slowly, waiting for my reaction. My head snapped in his direction and I couldn't breath.

"Breath, Bella," He said pulling me close.

"Jake what did you do?"

"Nothing, I know the guy that owns the place and I showed him your work. I told him what little experience you had in photography, and he didn't believe me. I told you, you have a natural talent. So I thought as a surprise, I would show you just how amazing you truly are. An art gallery wants to show your photos, Bella! This is pretty huge."

"I'll say," Tears were welling up in my eyes.

"You're not mad are you?" He asked with a look of concern.

"Oh god, Jake, no! This is the sweetest, most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you," I turned to him and threw my arms around his neck and he pulled me in closer to him.

"You deserved it, Bella, your work truly is amazing." Jake gave me a squeeze. "Now, are you ready to see what it feels like to have your work on display?"

I just nodded my head. With a small tug, the red sheet fell away to reveal a collection of photos I had taken with the camera Jake had bought me. There were pictures from when we went walking in the park; how the light cast through the trees leaving these rays bursting in every direction, to candid shots of my friends being themselves. Jake had them matted and framed, and they looked professional. I couldn't believe he would go to such amazing lengths for me.

"Jake, their beautiful."

"I told you," He wrapped his arms around my waist from behind me, and we stood there for who knows how long just looking at them.

I couldn't believe a hobby of mine, something I had just learned how to do, resulted in these pictures and this opportunity to be displayed at a local art gallery.

We spent a little more time looking at the other artists displayed there and then we decided it was time to go eat. I was starving.

Once back in the car, Jake headed toward the restaurant. We talked about the gallery and the work that he had displayed. We also talking about how he got into the line of work he was in now. It sounded like something interesting that I would love to try.

I wouldn't always be Edward's personal assistant.

We arrived at the restaurant and Jake came around to open the door and taking my hand to help me out.

Dinner was amazing. Jake ordered a ridiculously priced bottle of champagne to celebrate. I was already starting to feel light headed; I was such a light weight. But we were having fun and I ordered a fruity specialty drink that had a good amount of alcohol in it. By the time we were ready to go, I was in a pretty damn relaxed and had a happy grin plastered onto my face.

Jake pulled up to the house as I was still laughing from something he had said to me. I calmed myself down, and said thank you for the night.

Leaning forward, I let my lips lightly graze his before pulling him into a full blown kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck, moaning into his mouth. I felt his teeth graze my lower lip, and I shivered from the sensation. I tugged his hair in response, and he let a laugh escape against my lips. Eventually, he pulled away.

"I should get your work displayed more often if this is how you're going to thank me," he laughed as he pushed a tendril away from my face.

"That, or just give me alcohol. I think you planned this." I teased as I swayed happily in my seat

"Hey! I told you not to order that extra drink,"

"Yes you did." I said running my fingertips across his cheek.

"Ok lush, you better get inside before you do something I won't regret…" he wiggled his eyebrows playfully at me.

"Ha, always such a perv," I leaned in and gave him one last kiss on the cheek before hopping out of the car. I leaned back down, "Thanks again for tonight. No one has every done anything like that for me before, Jake. This is the best night I have ever had."

"Welcome, Bella. You deserved it,"

With a smile, I shut his door and headed for the front door. I watched as Jake pulled out as I waved goodbye to him. I turned sloppily, and fumbled with the keys. My current state of tipsy didn't do any wonders for my already crappy coordination. Finally, I got the door open and stepped into the foyer, throwing my purse on the floor and stepping out of my shoes. I bent over picking my bag back up and was heading to go to my bedroom when I saw him.

Edward.

"Tanya and I broke up," Edward's voice was thick and deep with emotion.

_Oh, thank god. Finally_

"Oh, I'm sorry…" _No, I'm not. _"You wanna talk about it?" I asked trying to hold back my excitement at the news.

"Not really," He said sullenly.

I sat there with my arm around him, trying to think of a way to comfort him and be supportive, even though I was happy the witch was gone.

"How was your date with Jake?" He asked, turning his head to look at me.

"It was nice. I think I had a too much champagne."

"Champagne…were you celebrating something?"

"Yeah, Jake has been helping me learn photography. He took some of my pieces to an artist friend he knows who owns a gallery and they put them on display."

"I didn't know you had taken up photography" His face dropped some.

"You've been busy." I reassured him as I rubbed soothing circles into his back.

"Yea, so much so that I don't know what is happening in my best friend's life." He grabbed the bottle of tequila and took a generous swig.

"Don't worry about it. I'm not that good, you aren't missing anything," I said, trying to play it off as not a big deal so he didn't feel bad.

"I doubt that's true. Someone thought your work was good enough to put into a gallery Bella, it has to be good."

I shrugged and leaned back against the couch.

"You'll have to take me there to see it." He said softly, eyeing a patch of paint on the opposite wall.

"Sure thing."

"Well, at least one of has a good night," He said, taking another swig and extending the bottle towards me.

I thought of the reason he was drinking and decided that another celebration was in order. I was definitely going to drink to that.

I took the bottle from him and took a large gulp. The liquid set my throat on fire. I was never a huge fan of tequila; it tasted like cardboard.

_Ack._

"I forgot you don't like drinking it straight without lemons."

"It's fine, I really shouldn't be having much more alcohol tonight."

"Pssh, let's go get some lemons out of the kitchen and do this right," Edward grabbed my hand and we headed for the kitchen.

Once we got the lemons and got down some shot glasses, we went back to the couch in the living room. I told myself that I wasn't going to do too many more shots. I was already going to pay in the morning for all the champagne.

We started talking about things that had been going on over the past month that we were too busy to notice.

Edward seemed really interested in my new found love for taking pictures, and he wanted me to take him to the place where my work was to see it displayed. He couldn't believe I didn't show him what I had been doing. But I thought deep down that he probably wouldn't have cared if I tried.

I kind of felt bad for thinking that, but the way things had been between us lately, it wouldn't have surprised me.

But this-sitting here with him talking-was nice. We hadn't had just me and him time in so long. I missed this.

Some how, we got on the topic of Jake and what was happening there.

"So, how are you and Jake doing? Is that going anywhere?" he asked taking a quick shot.

"He's a really great guy. We have a lot fun together," I couldn't hide the smile spreading across my face.

"Yeah, I know," he said quietly as he fingered his shot glass.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Best kisser, ever if I remember correctly." Edward answered flatly.

I felt my cheeks turn red and I did a quick shot.

"Is there anything else that he is good at?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Edward!" I shrieked, smacking at his arm.

"What?" He said innocently, "A guy can be curious, can't he?"

"Not about that," I blushed

"Oh my god, you have, haven't you?" He teased with wide eyes.

"That is none of your business." I said looking away and blushing a furious red.

"I can make you tell me."

"I don't think so, Edward."

"Wanna bet?" He put down his shot.

"Edward, I'm not talking to you about this. It's personal."

"Isabella Marie, have you and Jake had sex?" Edward asked in a stern voice.

"None of your business," I laughed as I eyed his relaxed face. The tequila certainly did a number on him.

"Bella," He got up on his knees on the couch, " I am your friend, your best friend. You, by friend law, have to tell me."

"Friend law?" I looked at him breaking into a fresh round of giggles.

"Yes, we share everything," he said seriously. " Now tell me, or be prepared to be sorry."

"Nope," I said shaking my head.

He attacked. All of a sudden, his hands were on my ribs and him fingers were torturing me. He had me pinned under his body, he weight pressing me into the couch.

"Edward, shit! stop!" I gasped through my loud laughter. I felt my entire body shaking from my guffaws. "P-please! Can't. Breath!"

"Not until you tell me," His hands continued their assault.

"Edward…Please." I begged.

"Tell me."

"No…we haven't!" I got out between gasping for breath.

He stopped tickling me, and looked shocked.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. It isn't like that, we're just friends."

"Friends who kiss?"

"So what? We kiss."

He was still laying on top of me, his on hand were still on my side while the other was behind me on the arm rest supporting some of his weight. He was silent as he stared at me deep into my eyes. I couldn't look away. Something held me to his gaze.

Out of nowhere, he leaned in and his lips crashed into mine.

To say I was shocked didn't even cover it. At first, I didn't know what to do. His lips were moving against mine, but mine were frozen. I wasn't sure how to respond. That was until he brought the hand that was on my side up to cup my face, and his touch sent a shock through my body, unfreezing it and I responded with fervor.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and entwined my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer to me. The hand he had been using to prop himself up, moved down to my hips and I felt more of his weight lay on me. His hand was massaging my hip, and the feeling was sending shots of electricity though my body; something I had never experienced in my life.

Edward broke the kiss, but his lips never left my body. He trailed them down my jaw to my neck and I threw my head back to grant him better access. I felt him push back the strap of my dress to expose my skin for him to devour.

Both of us were breathing pretty ragged, and he began to grind himself into me. I could feel that he was more then excited.

My mind was going nuts. Between the new sensations of pleasure he was bringing to me and the fact that the shots had caused me to be even more buzzed then before, to the fact that he started this, he kissed me, touched me, this was all him. Could he have always wanted this? I was getting what I wanted all along. He wanted me! Maybe just as much as I had always wanted him.

"Edward, I don't want to do this here," I breathed.

"Huh?" Was all the response I got as he continued to kiss at every inch of exposed skin

"Bedroom, Edward, lets go to the bedroom."

**A/N: OH NOES!!**


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: Because my beta is made of pure awesome you get two chapters in one night.. I now present the BIG BAD!**_

**_Songs for this chapter.. may or may not fit but got me in the mood_**

Goodbye -Secondhand Serenade , let this go -Paramore, That's what you get- Paramore, nothing like you and I- The perishers, now it's done Straylight Run, Dashboard Confessional- Best Deceptions, Glen Hansard - Falling Slowly

I DO NOT OWN

**BPOV**

"Bedroom, Edward. Let's go to the bedroom."

I started to push him off me so I could stand. He stumbled clumsily off me and held out his hand to help me stand. With a small tug, he pulled me to my feet and to his chest, wrapping his arms around me and burying his face into my neck. I could feel his warm, moist lips leaving a trail of heat on my skin, and a small moan left my mouth.

Once Edward heard that, he started moving us back blindly towards my bedroom, his body never leaving mine. His lips were molded to me, always touching some part of my skin and setting it on fire.

We stumbled down to my room, finally, and I felt the wind being knocked out of me as he slammed me up against my closed door. I felt his hands drag down my sides, past my hips to my thighs. He gripped them tightly, and I used the door as leverage as I pulled my legs up and around his waist. I could feel him pressing against my core. The fabric of my dress and the skimpy lace panties Alice had bought me were all I had covering me.

I felt him grind his hips into me, and I bit my lip and closed my eyes, relishing in the sensation.

"I want you, Bella," Edwards said in a low growl.

He crashed his lips into mine again, begging for entrance and the kiss deepened. I released my grasp on him with one arm, and reached down trying to turn the door knob. He noticed what I was trying to do and he grasped the handle himself and pushed the door open before he returned to ravishing my mouth.

Once again, he started moving. This time a little more awkwardly, seeing as how he was carrying me.

His knees hit my bed and he leaned over, letting my back come in contact with the mattress. I released my legs from around his waist and let them dangle off the edge of the bed.

Edward was hovering above me, supporting himself with one arm balancing by the side of my head. His other hand was at my cheek. He was looking into my else and smiling a languid smile. He slowly began to trace his fingers down my cheek to my neck. He continued down to my collar bone where he moved to trace the skin between my breast that was left exposed by the 'V' cut of my dress. I was trembling from his touch and my breathing was uneven.

He ducked his head down placing sweet kisses on the place that he had just touched. I wrapped my fingers through his hair, holding him there, enjoying the feeling of his warm mouth so close to my breast.

He began to kiss his way back up my neck to my mouth, deepening the kiss and allowing more of his weight to press into me as he used the arm that was supporting him to now move down my hips, then coming in contact with my thigh. I felt him brush the material of my dress aside, so his warm hands were now massaging the sensitive skin.

His hand started to move higher, finally coming to the crease where my leg met the place that was screaming for his touch.

I stopped breathing.

I felt Edward's warm breath blow across my neck as he whispered, "Breath, Bella," into my ear. I let out the breath that I had been holding as I felt his finger slowly dip under the lace panties. He slowly moved his fingers up and down against the skin he was now touching. I couldn't take it anymore.

"Edward…please…" I choked out.

He brought his lips to mine once again in a deep kiss as I felt his finger slide into me. At first, he just moved them from top to bottom teasing me, lightly grazing the bundle of nerves that were now throbbing for his touch. I moaned into his mouth and my back arched off the bed when I felt him slide of his long fingers slowly in and out.

My body shook as he entered another finger and began to pump them faster in and out. His thumb rubbed gentle circles, causing my stomach to clench. I could feel myself about to burst, and it wasn't long before my walls clamped down on his fingers as he curled them and kissed me, bringing me over the edge. I bit my lip as I dug my fingers into his back, pulling him as close to me as possible as I rode out the amazing feeling he had given me.

Once my body had relaxed some from my release, Edward kneeled down and started to kiss my knee and up my thigh. As he moved up, I could feel him pulling the fabric of my dress up as he went.

He reached my hip and placed tiny kisses there as he made his way to kissing my stomach. I lifted my hips to allow him to move the dress further up. Once he reached below my breast, I sat up and he pulled the dress over my head throwing it to the side.

"You're so beautiful, Bella…so beautiful," He said as his eyes looked over my body.

I bit my lip and ran my hands down his chest to the hem of his shirt. I took a deep breath and started to pull it up and over his head, throwing it in the same direction as my dress. I traced the indentations of his abs, down to the top of his pants where my fingers came into contact with the cold metal button. With my hands trembling, I unbuttoned it as fast as I could, pulling them down as far as I could until he took over and kick them off the rest of the way. The pair of grey boxer briefs that he wore hung low on his hips and were straining in his present state.

He brought his hands up to cup my face again, and leaned down to kiss me as his hands trailed to my back where I could feel him unclasp my bra. The straps fell down my shoulders, and he tugged them until it was completely off and threw it to the side.

I scooted back on the bed towards the headboard and I laid down and closed my eyes for a moment. I couldn't believe this was happening. I always dreamed about this, but never thought it would come true.

I felt the bed sink some, and I opened my eyes to see Edward now laying beside me on his side. I flipped to my side to face him, pulling him to me so that I could kiss him again. His hands were on me again in an instant and he broke the kiss moving south down my neck to my chest. I moved so I was on my back again as me made his way to my breast, slowly kissing his way to the harden peak. I felt his tongue dart out and circle around my nipple before pulling it between his lips and sucking. My body writhed in pleasure and I bit my lip. His hand came up to gently massage my other nipple between his fingers. It was toomuch.I wanted him. No, I needed him.

Now.

"Bella, I want you…so bad." Edward slurred, lifting his head to look at me.

"Then take me. Now, Edward."

He smiled and started to kiss his way down to my hip. Once he reached the sides of my panties, I felt them being pulled down. I lifted my hips to allow him to pull them off fully.

He kissed his way back up my body, occasionally letting his tongue trail over certain sections. Once he made it back to my lips, he kissed me again and scooted himself between my legs. He took one of his hands and removed his last article of clothing, kicking the briefs off.

I had waited for this moment for what seemed like a eternity.

I felt him situate himself at my center and I was shaking. Ever so slowly, as I held my breath, I felt him guide himself into me and a gasp escaped my lips.

"Are you ok?" he asked sleepily.

I simply nodded as my eyes started to fill with water. Not so much from the tinge of pain I felt as my body adjusted to Edward, but from the feeling of pure joy of getting what I had wanted for so long; to be here with him like this. I had waited to be with him like this. I had never slept with anyone before. I wanted it to be with someone I loved, and the only person I had ever loved was him.

_He wanted me._

"Are you ok?" he asked, wiping the tears that had escaped away sloppily. His hand felt like dead weight against my cheek, but I ignored it.

"Yes," I answered bravely.

After a few moments, he slowly pulled himself out, then pushed back in. My breathing started to pick up as the friction of him caused the knot to build again in my stomach.

Once we found a rhythm, I wrapped my legs around his waist allowing him to go deeper. I bucked my hips towards him, wanting as much of him inside me as I could get.

I ran my fingers through Edward's now damp hair, brushing strands out of his face.He leaned down and placed sweet kisses on my cheek and eye lids. With each thrust, the noises caused by the pleasure I was feeling grew louder and more frequent.

"You feel so good, Bella," Edward crooned through a grunt as his pace slowly picked up.

I was close to the edge. A few more thrusts, and I would be done for. I dug my fingers into his back in anticipation, meeting each thrust with a buck of my hips.

Two thrusts later, and I reached my release. Edward followed, pulsing inside me. He dropped his head onto my neck, and I brought my hands to the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair and placing small kisses on the side of his face.

We laid like this until we caught our breath. I could feel Edward slowly pull out and roll next to me. We laid on our sides, pulled close together, and staring into each other's eyes. He was rubbing small trails up and down my sides as I traced his lips with my finger in silence.

Edward's eyes closed and his breathing became heavy and even.

"I love you," I whispered, leaning forward and placing a kiss on his lips before I pulled the covers over us and drifted off into a blissful sleep.

**EPOV**

Pain.

Throbbing, unbelievable pain in my head.

My eyes started to flutter open, only to have me snap them shut when the bright light of the morning caused stabs of excruciating pain to pierce my eyes and head.

_This sucks__…_

I took a moment to prepare myself for the full effect of the pain that would be caused by opening my eyes again, then slowly opened them. Once I got over the piercing pain, I was confused.

_This was not my room._

After a quick survey of the room, and I noticed that I was asleep in Bella's bed.

_What the hell am I doing in Bella's bed?_

I pushed myself up into a sitting position and my head throbbed. I winced in reply._To__o__ fast__._

I suddenly became aware that I wasn't wearing any clothes. _What the hell__?_

Why didn't I have any clothes on?

I looked around the room and I saw my clothes along with Bella's dress from last night scattered across the floor.

My stomach dropped.

_Oh god__,__ what did I do?_

Bella wasn't here. I got up quickly and threw my clothes back on. I needed to find Bella. We had to talk. Now.

I left her room and went down the hallway hoping to find her in the kitchen or living room, but she wasn't there. I went to the front door and opened it to see if her car was here, and it wasn't. I would wait until she got back. I didn't want to call in case she was upset with me.

I sat on the couch and noticed the two shot glasses and the half empty bottle of tequila.

_Fuck__,__ Edward, what have you done you idiot__?_

I sat there rubbing my hands over my face and through my hair. How could I have fucked up this bad? I was trying to think of any other reason that I would be in Bella's bed naked. Nothing was coming to mind.

This was bad.

She was my best friend. My virgin best friend, and if I took that from her, she would never be able to forgive me. We haven't been as close as we normally were lately, and this was surely going to put any plans of fixing that on hold.

I started thinking about last night, trying to remember what had happened.

Tanya and I had a horrible fight. Over Bella. She was jealous, and I could tell. But there was no reason to be. I was in love with Tanya, and Bella was nothing more then my best friend; we didn't feel that way about each other. People always assumed that we were together because we were so close, but it wasn't like that.

I was drinking, and upset that Tanya wouldn't listen to me and told me that she couldn't be with me because she always felt like she came in second to Bella. It was so ridiculous. There was no need for a competition.

Bella had arrived home from her date and she saw that I was upset and came to talk to me. We started doing shots and talking like old times. Just being ourselves and laughing and…

_Oh god__._

I kissed her. I remember tickling her, trying to get her to tell me about her and Jake.One thing led to another, and we were kissing. She mentioned her bedroom, and we went back their together.

_What have I done__?_

Her bed. Me kissing her, and pulling her dress over her head and removing her bra. Everything was coming back, and I had fucked up. We slept together. I slept with her; my best friend. This was bad. So very, very bad.

I was going to have to talk to Bella and tell her I was sorry. I couldn't believe this. I couldn't lose Bella. She was a huge part of my life, and I don't think there was anything we hadn't been through together. She means the world to me. I had to make this right.

I heard a car pull up and I jumped to my feet. _Bella__._

I ran to the door and threw it open. I needed to see her now to make sure she was ok.

But it wasn't Bella.

_Tanya__._

Her face was sad and she looked as though she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy.

"Tanya, what's wrong?"

"Edward," She ran up to me and threw her arms around me. "I'm so sorry! it was stupid of me to start that fight. I just care for you so much. I get jealous. Can you blame me?"

"There is no need to be jealous, Tanya.Bella and I have been friends since we were babies." Except for me sleeping with her last night, but I couldn't tell Tanya that. I had already hurt one person who is important to me today. I couldn't hurt another.

"I know, I can't help it though,"

"Here, come in," She walked into the house with her arm around me and we sat down on the couch.

"Edward, I just want to forget this fight ever happened. We belong together, and I'm sorry I acted like a spoiled brat. I just want to move past this minor set back."

"You don't have anything to apologize for Tanya, it was nothing."

How could I let her feel bad for a bit of jealousy, when I went and did the one thing she was worried about? The guilt was stabbing me in the chest, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Oh, Eddie!" Tanyacooed, throwing her arms around me. "I love you so much! Thank you for forgiving me!" She crashed her lips into mine.

Just then, I heard the front door open followed by a dull crash.

My head snapped towards the noise, and I saw Bella standing there, coffee cups laying on the ground, the brown liquid splattered all over the floor. Bella had one hand on the door and her other arm wrapped around her mid-section with a look of pure pain on her face.

"Bella," I said standing

"I-I..don't… I don't understand," Her chin was shaking and tears had already began to flow down her face. "I.. I thought…"

"Bella, we need to talk," I said walking towards her.

She shook her head back and forth, backing away from me.

"Bella, please…"

"I can't," She said sobbing. "Not after this; not after last night. I was so stupid to think that it meant anything to you. Of all people, you. I never thought you could do something like this to me. I was wrong,"

"Bella, it's not like that, you're my best friend…" Her scream cut me off.

"Shut up, just shut up! This is what you do to your best friend? I wouldn't do this to my worst enemy! I'm so sick to death of being your friend."

"Bella…"

"Go to hell, Edward." She turned to leave.

I ran after her, grabbing her arm. She spun around and started punching me in the chest and arms.

"Bella, stop!" I tried to hold her hands down.

"Let me go," She ripped her hands away.

"Please, can we just talk about this Bella?"

"I am done, Edward. Done."

"What do you mean?" I felt my stomach sink to my feet.

"I quit. I quit, and I am moving out. You want Tanya, have her." He tone was venomous .

"Bella, don't. We can work through this," I pleaded.

"No, we can't. I have waited for you to open your eyes for so long. I have dreamed of what happened last night so many times. I finally thought that I meant the same thing to you that you meant to me. I was wrong, I was nothing more then a drunken fuck until you made up with her."

"That's not it! About last night… I…"

"I don't want to hear what you thought about last night. Forget it ever happened. It's not like it meant anything to you, anyway."

She turned again and ran to her car, slamming the door and speeding out of the driveway.

I put my face in my hands and screamed.

I was never going to be able to fix this.

**BPOV**

The bright morning sun had brought me out of my sleep, which I was mad at. I had the most amazing dream last night and I didn't want it to be over.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out last night wasn't a dream.

Two arms were wrapped around me, and when I looked behind me I saw the sleeping face of Edward. I couldn't help the cheesy smile that played across my face.

I laid there replaying last night in my head, and couldn't believe it had finally happened. Edward and I had made love. Just thinking about it made my face blush. It was amazing. Better then anything I could ever think of.

I was so happy that Edward had been my first. I had always hoped he would be, but I never thought it would actually happen.

But here I am, laying in his arms after the most amazing night I had ever had in my life.

I laid there a little while relishing the feeling of his warm embrace.

I thought of the amount we both drank last night, and that he would probably wake up with a massive hangover. I thought I would be nice and run and get some of his favorite coffee.

I wiggled my way out of his grip, making sure not to wake him. I headed to my dresser and grabbed a hoodie, and a pair of jersey gaucho pants. I threw on a pair of flip flops, and put my hair in a ponytail. I looked myself over in the mirror in the bathroom and still couldn't removed the smile from my face. I was basically bursting out of my skin with happiness.

I walked back into the bedroom to see that Edward was still sound asleep. I searched for my purse, and found it in the living room next to the couch. I grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

I was driving and my cell phone rang. I dug through my purse until my hands came in contact with it. I pulled it out giving a quick glance at the caller ID to see that it was Alice.

"Hello," I said cheerily once I flipped it open.

"Bella?"

"Yes."

"Why are you sounding so happy…"

"Whatever do you mean, my beautiful Alice?''

"Ok, who are you and what have you done with my friend?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about, Alice."

"Spill it, Swan."

"Oh Alice, your never going to believe what happened!" I squealed in the phone. I had to tell someone.

I told Alice all the events of last night, not getting into detail but giving the basic gist of the events.

"Oh. My. God." was her response after a few moments of silence.

I had pulled up to the coffee place and was parked out front while I finished talking to her.

"Alice, it was perfect. I mean, more then I ever expected that would be. I mean, he wanted me! He started it, he kissed me.. I was in shock."

"I'm happy for you, Bella." she said "Does he know everything? How long you have been in love with him and so on?"

"No, I figured we can get into all that when he isn't feeling like crap. He has the next couple days off, so I am sure we will have a lot of time to talk."

"That's good, I'm glad you will finally be able to get it all out. It will be a huge weight off your chest."

"I'm counting on it," I smiled. "Well I'm going to let you go, I am going to get these coffees and get back to him."

"Aww, so cute." Alice teased.

"Yeah, yeah. Talk to you later."

"Bye Bella."

I hung up the phone and stepped out of the car heading inside the Starbucks. While I waited in line to get our coffees last night played over and over in my head. How his lips tasted, how his tongue felt on me, The weight of his body pressed into me, him making sure I was ok. I got goose bumps just thinking of it.

Once I had the coffee, I was back in the car driving home. I couldn't wait to spend the day with him. To talk over everything that I had been thinking the last few years.

_This could really work__._

I pulled into the driveway and my breath caught in my throat.

_Tanya__._

Her car was parked out front. _What was she doing here? _

I really didn't want to deal with her. Was she here begging for him to take her back? Wouldn't that be perfect.

I opened the door and what I saw in front of me cause the most excruciating pain I have ever felt to rip through my body. Immediately, my body lost all control and I dropped the coffees to the floor and clutched my stomach in order to try and hold my body together. My eyes started leaking as if I had been crying far hours.

In front of me was Edward and Tanya on the couch wrapped in each other's arms, their lips pressed together.

I didn't understand, he said they were over. He had made love to me.

Edward and Tanya's heads both snapped in the direction of me and while Edward looked like a deer caught in headlights, Tanya had a smile as wide as could be on her face.

"Bella," said Edward standing up from the couch.

"I-I..don't… I don't understand." there was a ripping sound coming from my chest and I thought I could actually hear my heart breaking. "I.. I thought…" Edward interrupted.

"Bella, we need to talk…" Edward said walking towards me.

I didn't want him anywhere near me. I started backing up towards the door.

"Bella, please…" he begged

"I can't," I chocked out. "Not after this, not after last night. I was so stupid to think that it meant anything to you. Of all people, you. I never thought you could do something like this to me. I was wrong."

_How could I have been so stupid__?_

"Bella, it's not like that, you're my best friend…" _You have to be fucking kidding me__!_

"Shut up, just shut up!" I screamed. "This is what you do to your best friend? I wouldn't do this to my worst enemy. I'm so sick to death of being your friend." _So sick__!_

"Bella," he face was sullen

"Go to hell, Edward." I didn't want to hear this. I turned around to leave.

I felt Edward grab my arm and spin me around. All the anger and hurt and rage I felt was reaching an all time high and I started to punch him. I wanted him to hurt, to feel pain like the pain he was putting me through. But I would never be able to make him feel anywhere close to what this felt like. Because it hurt to the point of being numb.

"Bella, stop!" He attempted to stop the attack

"Let me go!" I ripped my arms away from him

"Please, can we just talk about this Bella?" He pleadded

"I am done, Edward. Done." I screamed

"What do you mean."

"I quit. I quit, and I am moving out. You want Tanya, have her." I couldn't stay here with him, not after this. I couldn't see him everyday, and feel humiliated while I watched him and Tanya, While I slept in the room where it happened.

"Bella, don't. We can work through this…" he begged

"No we can't. I have waited for you to open your eyes for so long. I have dreamed of what happened last night so many times. I finally thought that I meant the same thing to you that you meant to me. I was wrong, I was nothing more then a drunken fuck until you made up with her." I was going to be sick at how right I probably was.

"That's not it, about last night… I.." I cut him off

"I don't want to hear what you thought about last night. Forget it ever happened. It's not like it meant anything to you anyway." I didn't need to hear him tell me I was a mistake, that he regretted it. I know he did. I could read it on his face.

I turned around not being able to handle anymore of him talking, and got him my car and peeled out of the driveway.

I had to stop once I was far enough away from the house because I couldn't see. The sobs that rocked my body were uncontrollable and I beat my fist on the steering wheel as I screamed. I wanted to hit someone.

I dug through my purse finding my phone and dialed Alice.

"Hello?"

"A-Alice.. I..I need you to come g-get me."

"Bella, what wrong, where are you."

"P-Please, Alice."

"I need to know where you are, sweetheart." She sounded so worried. I heard her scream for jasper. "Bella, take a deep breath and calm down. I need you to tell me where you are.. I will come I just need to know where."

I took a few deep breaths before I was able to get out a full sentence and let her know where to find me.

Once she told me her and Jasper were on their way, I threw the phone on seat and put my head on the steering wheel and let the sobs to reclaim my body.

Soon enough Alice was ripping the car door open and pulling me into an embrace.

"Bella what the hell happened?" She asked I could see Jasper standing behind her, his face full of worry.

"He took her back Alice. He slept with me and he took her back."

"WHAT!" Alice screamed

"I wasn't good enough, I'll never be good enough." I moaned through my tears.

"Bella, I am going to fucking kill him." Alice growled

"I quit. I told him I wasn't living there anymore. I came home from coffee and she was there and they were kissing."

I could feel her stiffen.

"He didn't want me, Alice. What's so wrong with methat he didn't want me?"

"Bella ,Nothing. It's him, he's the ass, Bella."

She rocked back and forth with me sobbing into her neck and rubbing circles on my back until I was calmed down long enough for her to be able to drive me back to her house. Jasper drove their car, he gave me a quick hug before taking off back home.

The entire car ride we drove in silence the whole time all I could think was that I wasn't good enough for him, everything Tanya had said was true.

He didn't want me, he could never have wanted me.

The pain ripped through me again and I clutched my stomach trying to control it.

I would never be whole again.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N : So you all went crazy for the last two chapters, thanks. There is still a ways to go, he majorly screwed up, so don't expect any happy times soon. Chapter 8 was beta'd at the speed of a super hero to get it out to you the same night and not leave you on such a big cliffy..so yes there were some misses on spelling and such.. but ya got the chapter so that should have made up for it :)**

**As always.. my super sexy beta is amazing.. Ereeen.. check out her story.. What a Horror. Also check out jandco's new story.. it is freaking heartbreaking.**

**Music for this chapter.. may not fit 100 but got me in the mood **

Trouble- Coldplay, Places You have Come to Fear the Most- Dashboard COnfessional, The World Spins Madly On- The Weepies, What it is to Burn- Finch, Speechless- Fenix TX

**Disclamer :DO NOT OWN**

**EPOV**

I braced myself against my car for support. I was sure at any moment I would collapse.

The anger and pain of what I had done to Bella was beginning to boil over, and my car took a good deal of the damage.

"FUCKING…SHIT!" I screamed, sending my foot repeatedly into the door of the Volvo, leaving behind a large dent where I had made contact with my foot.

My hands were balled into fists and pressed against my forehead, my palms covering my moistened eyes. I hadn't even realized I was crying I was so angry with myself.

I had to fix this. I needed to find her and beg her to understand I never meant to hurt her. She is the most important thing in my life, she had to know that. How could she not know that?

Where would she have gone?

I knew the options I had laid out before me, and none of them were going to be a good place for me to go.

But I had to try. I had to get Bella back; I needed to.

I felt someone touch me and I jumped half way out my skin expecting it to be Bella. My heart dropped when I realized it was just Tanya.

"Edward, it's going to be okay," she said as she tried to calm me with her touch.

It wasn't working.

I brushed her hand away.

"It's not going to be okay, Tanya," I spat, "if I can't fix what I did, nothing will ever be okay again." I would spend the rest of my life trying to fix this.

"By the way, Edward…" Tanya said as she cocked her head to the side. "what did you do to her?'' She asked placing a hand on her hip.

"Tanya, I am begging you, not now. I have to find Bella. I have to fix this. I will talk to you about it later," I couldn't do this right now. I felt the panic begin to bubble over.

"You slept with her, didn't you?" Tanya asked slowly. The smile that was beginning to spread across her face didn't slip by me.

"Tanya," I growled, which immediately wiped the smirk from her face. I didn't want to do this now; there wasn't time.

"Edward, it's okay," She said after a pause and shrugged her shoulders.

"Tanya…wait…what?" I couldn't have heard her correctly.

"I forgive you, and I'm not upset. We weren't together when it happened and it is obvious from today's events that it meant nothing, so we can get past this." She reached her hand up to wipe the wet tears from my face.

"Tanya, I have to go talk to her now. She is hurt, and I fucked up. I'll be back tonight. We will talk then, but right now I have to focus on finding her," I said as I pulled her hand from my face and held it in my hand. I gave it a quick squeeze.

"I completely understand, Eddie. She's your friend, go after her. I hope everything works out. Call me when you get home and we can talk." She said with a small smile.

She leaned up to kiss me on my lips quickly, then got into her car and drove away.

I ran into the house in a frantic search for my phone. I didn't want to take the chance of missing anyone's call; someone might know where Bella was, or it could even be Bella. That was wishful thinking, but I hoped that she would talk to me. I had to explain.

I finally found my cell phone in the last place I looked; shoved in between the couch cushions. It must have fallen out of my pocket last night when I was…

"When I was a complete and utter ass who has ruined a life long friendship." I answered myself out loud.

My mother and father were going to have my head on a platter when they found out about this.

I found my keys on the table and ran out of the house, not even bothering to lock up the place. I ripped open my now damaged car door and jumped in, jamming the keys into the ignition. I had three options of where Bella could have gone.

Only two would let me see her, and the third would most likely kick my ass for hurting her.

I decided to try Rose and Emmett first.

I sped through the city getting more and more frustrated as time passed. Each stoplight or stop sign that held me up caused a stream of profanities to fly from my mouth and my mind to calculate how much trouble I would get into if I ignored them all together.

Bella would be worth it.

After the ten longest minutes of my life, I pulled up to my friend's house and jumped out of the car leaving the door open in my haste.

I launched myself up the stairs two at a time to their front door. Once I reached my destination, I started banging on the wooden door with my fist. When someone didn't open the door at my first attempt, I banged harder and screamed for Bella.

"Please, Bella! If you're here, please talk to me!"

I looked around and I saw that both Emmett and Rose's cars were here.

Could Bella's car be in the garage?

I was about to bang on the door again when Emmett swung the door open with a perplexed face.

"Dude, what the hell?" he grumbled annoyed. He looked as though I had just woken him from sleeping.

"Is Bella here?" I asked glancing over his shoulders, not even attempting to hide the eagerness in my voice.

"No man, why would Bella be here?" he asked, rubbing his drowsy eyes.

"Have you seen or heard from her; has Rose?" I was getting annoyed. My leg was beginning to jiggle with anticipation.

"Man, What is with you? What's going on?"

"I don't have time to explain. I need to find Bella,"

"Have you tried…"I didn't hear the rest of what he was going to ask. She wasn't there and I was wasting time talking to him.

I jumped back in the car and slammed the door. The only other place I could think of was Alice and Jasper.

As before, it was pure torture as I sat at the stop lights. I had to control the urge to slam my foot on the gas and say, "Fuck it."

The events of last night played over and over in my head. Each detail becoming more and more clear. The clearer things became, the more my chest tightened with a deep pain, which made it harder for me to breath.

Bella was so happy last night after coming home from her evening with Jake. Oh god, she was happy. She was happier then I had seen her in ages. I had taken that from her. I had kissed her and touched her like a lover would. I had started everything that night, even the drinking. Without the drinking, she would have never had let things go as far as she did. I felt my stomach drop.

I was finally driving again.

What am I going to say to her? How do I make this right?

When I let my mind think of just how bad this was, I was hit with the worst memory of them all.

_Bella was a virgin._

Bella had always been open with me about that because we knew each other so well. She believed in waiting until it was with someone you truly loved. Bella hadn't found that person yet, so she was still pure.

But I stole it from her. I took the last bit of innocence in one hard stroke. I wasn't even gentle.

How would she ever forgive me for taking something that she planned to share for the first time with someone she was in love with? She would never have that moment she had dreamed of , and again, it was all my fault.

the first thing I saw when I pulled into the driveway of Alice and Jasper's house was her car.

She was here.

_She was here._

I didn't think it was possible, but my heart jumped and dropped at the same time. Jumping, because I had found her and I would be able to talk to her. No, beg her to forgive me. If she allowed me, I would spend the rest of my life making this up to her. It dropped, because I had no idea how to begin my groveling.

The look on her face when she came home and saw me with Tanya was forever burned into my memory. I never saw so much pain and hurt registered on her face the entire time I had known her. To know that was because of me and what I did, was killing me because I didn't even know what I was going to do to fix it.

I parked the car and sat for a minutes thinking of how to make this work; how to approach her. I didn't want to say anything else that would cause her pain today.

I took one last deep breath before I stepped out of the car. This was Bella. She was my best friend. She would forgive me even if it took time. She knew we were meant to be a part of one another's life. We didn't function correctly apart. She would see that we needed each other to survive.

I needed her. I couldn't imagine my life without Bella in it.

I walked down the walkway to the door. I knew she was here because of her car, so there was no need for me to go mental like I had at Emmett's.

My index finger pressed the small round button that sent a tone through the house to let them know that someone was at the door.

I brought my hand to the back of my neck, rubbing it gingerly while I closed my eyes. I was trying to figure out what to say to Bella when I saw her. I hoped it was her who opened the door. She had surely told Alice and Jasper what happened, and I couldn't bear to see the disappointment in the faces of my friends at what I had done.

I heard the clank of the lock being turned, and the door slowly pulled open to reveal Jasper. My heart sunk. I didn't want to see Jasper, I wanted to see Bella.

"Jasper, I know she's here. Please, I need to talk to her,"

Jasper's face was a mix of anger and sadness as he slowly shook his head from side to side.

"You know that isn't going to happen, man."

"What do you mean, "it isn't going to happen," I asked as I used air quotations. Anger licked up my sides and I tried to contain it. "This isn't the time for games. I fucked up ,Jazz. I need to see her; I need her to forgive me."

"Man, she doesn't want to see you. She wants nothing to do with you right now. I can't let you in,"

"Jasper, I'm not asking. I need to see her. Now." The anger was threatening to spill over. How dare he try to stop me from speaking to her.

"Edward, I think it is best if you just go and give her some time. She is hurt really bad right now. Seeing you right now…it'll only hurt her more. You have no idea what is really going on, and you will say something that I can guarantee will only make this situation worse then it already is. Give her some time."

"What the hell does that mean? Of course I know what's going on! I was there!" If anyone didn't know, it was him.

"Listen man, don't get angry with me. Bella is the one in pain and I am going to respect her wishes, not yours." He said in a tone I had never heard from him.

"Jasper, "I said quietly, pleading with him. "I can't live knowing I've cause her pain. Please, I am begging you to understand. As a friend, help me,"

"I am being a friend; to the one who needs it, Edward. You have Tanya, Bella has us." He said as his eyes narrowed and a taunting smile crossed his lips.

That was it.

"BELLA!" I screamed suddenly. She would hear me. She would know that I needed to talk to her.

"Go home, Edward," Jasper said as he went to shut that door.

I slammed my palm against the door with a loud _whap_, keeping it from shutting.

"Bella, please, I am begging you, talk to me please." I wailed loudly.

"Edward, get your hand off my door. She will call you when she is ready." Jasper growled between clenched teeth.

I refused to move.

"Edward…" I heard the broken voice of Bella say.

My head snapped in the direction it came from. I saw her standing behind Jasper. Her arms were wrapped around her waist, and her eyes were red and swollen. Tendrils of hair had fallen from her ponytail.

She looked horrible.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, Bella. For everything! Please talk to me. We will fix this, I will fix this." It all rushed out my mouth too quickly. I couldn't understand half of what I was saying, I was sure she couldn't either.

"Go home, Edward," She said weakly, "I need some time away from you."

"But, Bella, you're my best friend. We have to….." I was cut off by the most gut wrenching sound possible

A strangled sob released from Bella's mouth, then I saw a streak of black. Before I knew it, my face had been hit by something hard and tiny. I had a shooting pain radiating from my nose. Warm liquid started drip down my lips, and I put my hand instinctively to my nose. I recognized the red color of blood on my hand when I pulled it back to examine.

I looked up to see who had hit me, and Alice stared back with a murderous look in her eyes.

"Get the hell off my property you piece of shit!" she screamed. Her shrill voice pierced my ear drums and I winced.

"Alice, I'm sorry…please..." She pulled back her arm as if she was about to hit me again, but Jasper stepped in and grabbed her arm. He wrapped his arm around her waist holding her in place.

"Leave now, Edward." he said sternly and pulled Alice away from the door. He closed it in my face.

The last glance I was able to catch was of Bella with her hands in her face and her body shaking.

When the door closed and I heard the lock click, something snapped and the anger I had over the situation boiled again, so I took it out on the door.

"Bella! Please… just talk to me," I moaned, banging on the door as I did at Emmett's. I felt the pain and nausea mix in my stomach at a violent rate. My stomach clenched and I felt like I was going to vomit.

After a few minutes of bloodying my knuckles, I gave up. I was only making things worse. I was here to apologize, not act like a five year old who didn't get his way. I had to calm down or I was never going to be able to set things right.

I decided to drive home.

I got in my car taking one last look at Bella's car. Knowing I was so close to her, but not able to talk to her killed me. I, however, felt better knowing she was with friends and wouldn't have to go through this alone.

I got home and walked though the door emotionally drained. I went into the bathroom and looked myself over in the mirror.

Alice had done a number on my face. I had dried trail of blood from my nose down to my cheek. My shirt had little drops all over it, and my nose had begun to swell. I can't believe that Alice hit me. It had hurt like hell.

I washed my face removing all traces of blood and walked into my room throwing myself on the bed, burying my face in the pillows.

All of a sudden, my body was overcome with dry, heaving sobs. What if we couldn't get past this, what was I going to do?

Physically and emotionally drained, topped off with being hung over, I fell into a restless sleep.

**BPOV**

We had pulled up to Alice's house with Jasper behind us in my car. I sat there not moving as Alice got out and said something to him when he walked up to her. I watched as he looked at me with worried eyes and nodded going into the house.

Alice turned to me.

"Come on honey, lets go inside,"

I nodded and opened my door, pulling myself out of the car.

Alice walked over to me, putting her arm around my waist. I leaned into her and walked in a zombie-like state with her into the house. Once inside, she walked me to the couch and helped me sit down.

"Bella, do you want some water?" Alice asked softly as she brushed a stray piece of hair from my eyes.

I shook my head no as I stared blankly at their fireplace.

Alice sighed and took a seat next to me, putting her arm around me. I laid my head on her shoulder. The numb feeling in me was not easing up, and I wondered if it ever would.

I kept trying to remember what it felt like to feel something-anything- to make it go away, but it wouldn't. I felt my body begin quake with sobs.

"Oh, Bella…" Alice said sadly, pulling me into a tight hug.

I buried my face in her neck and continued to cry. I couldn't help it. I tried to make it stop, but my heart had taken over and it was damaged beyond repair.

"Bella, it will be okay, I promise. He isn't worth this, Bella. He doesn't deserve your tears," she was trying to comfort me, but I knew but would ever be okay again.

"What's wrong with me, Alice?" I moaned through a hiccupping breath, "why doesn't he want me?"

"Because he is an ignorant, self absorbed asshole who I am going to kill, Bella," she said, gritting her teeth. "You have done nothing wrong but be that jerk's friend. He doesn't deserve you, Bella. You're too good for him."

"Maybe I was bad at it, Alice. Maybe I did it wrong, and she was better at that then me."

"Isabella, don't you dare for one minute try to make an excuse that that prick. You are perfect and he should be ashamed of himself."

"Alice, he didn't even wait twenty four hours before going back to her. It is like he slept with me and woke up and was with her. It had to have been something I did. He said they were over."

Had I been so bad that I made him realize how good he had it with Tanya?

Just then, the phone rang and Jasper picked it up. He said hello and his eyes went to Alice.

"Edward was over at Emmett's looking for Bella, he is on the way here,"

"Good, I have a few things I need to say to him." Alice said with venom.

"No, he can't come here, I don't want to see him." My eyes were growing wide with panic.

I was already beyond hurt and embarrassed. I didn't need that rubbed in anymore today.

"Bella, if you don't want to see him, you don't have to see him. I won't let him in I promise," Jasper said, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder before returning to the phone.

I curled my legs to my chest and pressed my forehead to my knees. This was going to be bad. Edward was very stubborn. He wouldn't take no for an answer.

Jasper came back with the phone handing it to Alice.

"Yes? Oh hey, Rose…umm…" Alice looked at me with questioning eyes, and I knew instantly that Rose had asked what was going on. I simply nodded.

She stood and walked out of the room so that I didn't have to hear tell recount the events of the day.

Jasper had come and sit next to me pulling me into a hug and was rubbing my back when we heard it, a car. My body froze and short, gasping breaths started to pour from my mouth. My throat was constricting and my vision was becoming cloudy.

"Breath Bella, I won't let him in."

"He'll try anyway." I puffed between gasps.

"I'll deal with it," He said firmly.

"I don't want to cause problems for everyone…"

"Bella, the only one who will be causing problems is Edward if he doesn't take no for an answer."

The door bell went off. I jumped.

"It'll be alright Bella, I promise." With that, Jasper turned and went to answer the door.

I sat there frozen. The silence was deafening.

Then, I heard him.

"Jasper, I know she's here. Please, I need to talk to her," He sounded frantic.

"You know that isn't going to happen, man,"

"What do you mean, "it isn't going to happen?" This isn't the time for games. I fucked up, Jazz. I need to see her; I need her to forgive me." He practically screamed.

I stood up from the couch and moved closer, staying in the hallway where he couldn't see me.

"Man, she doesn't want to see you. She wants nothing to do with you right now. I can't let you in."

"Jasper, I'm not asking. I need to see her. Now." I could hear the tone of his voice turning angry

" Edward, I think it is best if you go and give her some time. She is hurt really bad now. Seeing you right now… it'll only hurt her more. You have no idea what is really going on, and you will say something that I can guarantee will only make this situation worse then it already is. Give her some time."

Jasper was right. Because I hadn't had a chance to tell Edward my true feelings, he would assume it was something completely different and I couldn't stomach hearing him assume. There was also no way in hell I was evey telling him my feelings for him now.

"What the hell does that mean? Of course I know what's going on, I was there." Edward screamed.

"Listen man, don't get angry with me. Bella is the one in pain and I am going to respect her wishes, not yours." Jasper said sounding lethal.

"Jasper, I can't live knowing I've caused her pain. Please, I am begging you to understand. As a friend, help me,"

"I'm being a friend o the one who needs it, Edward, and it isn't you. You have Tanya, Bella has us."

Edward changed his tactics, and started yelling for me.

"BELLA!"

"Go home, Edward,"

I heard what sounded like Edward hitting the door.

"Bella, please, I am begging you, talk to me please." He yelled out again.

"Edward, get your hand off my door. She will call you when she is ready."

This was too much. I couldn't stand here and let this go on, my problems were now causing problems for my friends.

I stepped out from the hallway to see him. He looked horrible. His hair was a mess, and he was wearing the clothes from last night. His eyes were bloodshot, looking as if he had been crying. His hand was pressed against the door, holding it open.

"Edward," I choked out.

His head snapped in my direction, his eyes burning into me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry, Bella! For everything! Please talk to me. We will fix this; I will fix this." He begged taking a step forward, trying to reach out to me.

"Go home, Edward…I need some time away from you," I said quietly.

"But Bella, you're my best friend. We have to…"

As he spoke the words, "best friend," a sob escaped my body. Those words would never change, even after last night I meant nothing more to him then a friend. I couldn't take it.

I saw Alice rush past me and straight up to Edward, and without any hesitation, she pulled back her tiny arm and moved it forward with as much force as she could muster and collided it with Edward's face.

I watched he back up with a look of utter shocked played across his face and his hands came up to his nose. When he pulled them away, he was bleeding. Everything in me wanted to run to him and make sure he was ok. If last night hadn't have happened…I would…but not now.

I pressed myself against the wall and listened as Alice screamed.

"Get the hell off my property you piece of shit." she screamed.

"Alice I'm sorry… please..." She pulled back her arm ad if she was going to hit him again before Jasper stepped in and grabbed her arm wrapping his arm around her waist holding her in place. I couldn't watch this; what my problems were doing to my friends.

I buried my face into my hands, and wished that it would all go away.

"Leave now, Edward." I heard Jasper say.

I heard them close the door and I looked up. Jasper was examining Alice's hand to make sure she hadn't hurt herself hitting Edward.

There was a loud banging on the door and it caused me to jump

"Bella! Please… just talk to me," Edward yelled.

Alice came to my side and lead me out of the hall. Listening to Edward in pain killed me. I couldn't help it. After everything that had happened, I couldn't just close off a lifetime of feelings.

What I longed for wasn't to be and he made that very clear today.

"Bella, sweetie, why don't you go take a nice bath and relax," Alice suggested, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I don't have any clothes here, Alice. I don't know what I am going to do about that, I don't think I can go over there and see him right now."

"Bella, don't worry about it. You can borrow a shirt from Jasper, and Rose can bring something over for you, I'll call her now."

I just nodded and stood up. Alice walked with me to the bathroom and gabbed me a towel, telling me I could use anything I needed to. Then she left, closing the door behind her.

I stood there for a moment looking over myself in the mirror. I looked like hell. To think only an hour ago I was the happiest person in the world.

Now that feeling was replaced by an absolutely wretched feeling all over my body.

I turned to the shower and rotated the knobs to get the water the right temperature and started to undress.

I lazily kicked off my shoes, and slowly reached for the bottom of the hoodie I was wearing and pulled it up over my head.

I was instantly blasted with a scent that ripped apart my already shattered heart, making my stomach churn.

_Edward_.

I could smell him on me. I ran my hand down my neck, remembering why I smelled of him. His mouth had been there on me; kissing me, tasting me. I pictured how he felt, how he touched me, how my fingers felt gripping his hair.

How we made love.

But we didn't. It wasn't making love to Edward. It was a mistake. I would never feel his lips on me again, never feel his weight pressed against me. I would never again run my fingers through his hair.

Would I even see him?

What if I could never face him again after all of this. It would always hurt. any touch from him from this day forward would be torture. I couldn't live that way.

I thought then that this would be the last time I smelled him. I would never be that close again.

Everything we had was gone now and this scent of him on me is all I had left. Once I showered, it would wash away the last trace of him. I couldn't do it. It was all I had left of him, and how easily it would be lost to the water and soap. I would have nothing good of him left, only bad.

Bad memories that would overshadow any good I knew with him.

Could I really just get rid of the only thing I have left that easily?

Once again, the tears began their attack on my eyes as I slide to the floor crying. I wrapped my arms around my self trying to hold myself together.

Nothing was ever going to be the same.

My sobs must have echoed through the house because Alice came rushing in the house followed by Rose. Both girls sat on the floor on either side of me and held me.

They didn't speak. they just comforted me until I was able to stand and calm myself. They helped me into the shower and left me alone, telling me to call for them when I needed them back.

I then proceeded to wash away the last part of Edward I had.

**A/N: Oh.. how many people want to shakes Alice's hand??**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: So the reviews are pretty much amazing, and I can't believe you all have given me so many. You have no idea what that means. It sounds odd, but I am super excited that I have made so many of you cry!**

**As always my beta is pretty much a super hero in her abilities. Ereeen, the demon baby loves you :D Check out her story What a Horror, and IED by jandco is amazing.**

**Here is some of the music I was listening to while I did this chapter, may not all fit.. gets me in the emotastic mood.**

**Playlist 10 Finch-New Beginnings, Leona Lewis- Better with Time. **

**Alanis Morissette****- not as we, The Weepies-World Spins Madly On, Missy Higgins - Where I stood**

**DISCLAMER : DO NOT OWN**

**BPOV**

I was laying in bed in Alice's guest room completely exhausted. The sun began to rise, and I was wide awake. Just like I had been the entire night.

I lay on my stomach with my hands curled under the pillow. I was staring at the wall next to the bed. Just staring. I was unable to think of anything other than what happened.

Every now and then my body would try to force me to sleep, but as soon as my eyes shut, visions of the previous night flashed before me. Once that would happen, I would snap my eyes open again until the next time my body attempted to take over.

This went on all night. Wall, Edward kissing me, wall, Edward touching me, wall, Edward moving with me.

Every vision more painful, and every memory forever branded into my mind. Just thinking about him kissing me caused me to bit my lower lip. Pleasure and pain all rolled into one.

This truly was torture.

Would it always be like this? Would I be able to sleep again without my mind filled with images of him?

I didn't want to move from the bed I had taken refuge in. I wanted to stay locked away in this room until my heart didn't feel like it was missing.

Because it was.

The worst fear of telling Edward my feelings had come true without the words even leaving my lips. I only had to foolishly think that he wanted me and sleep with him.

I had lost my friend. My best childhood friend. My only love.

My eyes once again started to close of their own accord, but froze when my mind hit me with the most excruciating words possible.

"_I want you Bella…" _

My eyes snapped open again. What a lie. He didn't want me. He never had.

My thoughts were interrupted by the door handle turning quietly. I looked over my shoulder and saw Alice poking her head through the crack in the door.

"Bella?" she asked through a whisper.

I paused for a minute before answering. I wondered if I should just pretend to be asleep and ignore the world today, but I couldn't. That wouldn't solve anything.

"Hey Ali," I said looking back at my favorite wall again.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure."

I felt the bed sink with Alice's weight, and I felt her lay beside me. She didn't say anything at first. We both just laid there in mutual silence. Eventually, her need to be Alice became too much for her to hold back, so she spoke up.

"Bella," she began cautiously.

"Hmm?"

"Bella, Rose and Emmett will be here in a little bit. Emmett and Jasper are going to get your things from the house. They need your keys just incase he isn't there."

"You all don't have to do that. I don't want to cause problems between all of you. This is my fault, It's not fair to bring-" Alice cut me off abruptly.

"Bella, we are your friends. What he did was reprehensible, and he needs to deal with the consequences."

"But he didn't know, Alice. You can't be mad at him for not knowing,"

"Sure I can, Bella. he is a blind fool. The truth has been staring him in the face. Hell, anyone can see that. He knows it, and he feels it too… he is just too stupid to figure it out on his own. You have to stop making excuses for him, Bella."

"Well it doesn't matter now, I don't see anyway to fix what has happened."

"I have a feeling things will work out for the best, Bella," She said while running her fingers through my hair.

"You can't know that, Alice," I said with a deep sigh.

"Sure I can. I know he loves you too, Bella. It is going to hit him when he least expects it, and he is going to feel like a complete jackass and you are going to make him suffer." Alice trilled in a devious tone.

I turned to look at her and saw the devilish look in her eyes. I could almost hear the wheels turning in her head.

"Alice, it isn't going to happen. Stop trying to figure out how painful it would truly be to hang him by his toes. I would say after the right hook you gave him yesterday along with the nasty hang over he was nursing, he should be in a good amount of pain already."

"Yeah, well he deserved it. It wasn't nearly enough, if you ask me. He should be happy it was me and not Rose. Emmett actually had to restrain her from going over there. He said he had never seen her so intent on causing someone bodily harm…he also said that is was kind of hot." She said rolling her eyes and shivered playfully. It earned a small smile.

"Well, that's good. I don't need to get you all involved my issues. Edward is friends to you all as well,"

"Bella, if you think for one moment any of us are going to act like he hasn't done anything wrong, then you are out of your mind. Even if he doesn't understand your feelings, what he did was beyond unforgivable. He has a lot of work to do before I will ever be able to look at him like he is a human being."

"but you just said…" I started in a confused tone. She was talking in circles. Typical.

"I know, Bella, and I mean it. I think that you two will be alright, but not anytime soon. Bella, you have practically spent your entire life so far taking care of him like he is a child. He has gotten away with murder basically, and you have always been his doting friend who would do anything for him. Nothing has ever gone wrong for him. This did, so it's going to be a good lesson for him. He is going to have to fend for himself." Alice gave me a tight, reassuring squeeze.

Just then, my cell phone started to go off. I took a deep breath, thinking it would be _him_ calling and trying to talk to me. I checked the display screen and saw that it was Jacob. I flipped if open.

"Hey,"

"Hey, Bells! How are you this morning?"

"I've been better."

"What's wrong? You're not sick are you?"

"Jake, no I'm .. I'm not sick," I wasn't going to do this to him over the phone. I wonder if he could ever forgive me for what I was planning to do.

"Jake, we need to talk. Do you think it would be ok if I came by?"

"Of course you can come by."

"Alright, Jake. I'll be their in a little bit."

Once I got off the phone with him, Alice was waiting for an explanation.

"Alice, he likes me. A lot. I like him too, just not in the same way. At least I don't think I do…anyway, he knew ahead of time that I loved Edward and he said he didn't care, but he still deserves to know what happened. I don't want him getting hurt. it isn't fair. He should be wasting his time on me."

It made me sick; the thought of bringing one ounce of pain to Jake that Edward had brought to me. But, I couldn't allow him to live in false hopes. That was my fault. I shouldn't have kissed someone when I was in love with someone else, no matter how much they said they didn't care.

I got up and threw on some clothes that Rose had brought over for me. Alice gave me a hug and I headed over to Jake's.

The ride to Jake's was quick. I mainly thought about how to go about letting him down. I didn't want him out of my life. I wanted to be friends, but I didn't want to hurt him if he had feelings for me.

I got out of the car and walked up to his door and knocked lightly. My body was shaking with nerves. I never had to do something like this before.

Jake opened the door with a wide smile, but it faltered once he took in my face.

"Bella…what the hell happened to you?" Jake asked as he took a step forward and placed his hands on my shoulders.

"I don't look that bad, do I?" I said tucking loose strands of hair behind my ear shyly

"What's wrong?"

"Can I come in?" I adverted his question. _Not yet._

"Of course," He moved aside so I could pass by him and walk into his living room. I made my way to the couch, and took a deep cleansing breath. He came over and took a seat next to me. We sat their in silence for a immeasurable amount of time.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Jake asked softly, placing one his hands on one of mine.

"I'm scared, Jake…I don't want to hurt you,"

"Bella, you don't have to be scared of telling me something. What ever it is, I will deal with it, alright?" He squeezed my hand reassuringly.

He may have said he would be okay, but I knew that what I was about to tell him would hurt him. And it killed me.

"I moved out of Edward's house," I blurted suddenly.

"Ok…" he answered in a confused tone. He made a gesture with his free hand to continue.

"I also quit."

"Alright…" He answered again, still not understanding why I was telling him this.

My chest started to tighten, and I could feel the warm liquid begin to build in my eyes. I attempted to blink them back, but it only allowed them to flow more freely.

Jake took notice.

"Bella, you don't owe me an explanation of your life. Whatever has happened isn't a good, and you're upset. You don't have to tell me anything, You know that my feelings haven't changed," His fingers were wiping away the dripping tears.

Here he is, saying no matter, what he still feels the same. Only because he doesn't know what I did. I can't let him do this.

"I slept with Edward," I spat out.

"You dropped me off, and Edward was home. He had been drinking because Tanya broke up with him. He wanted me to take shots with him, so and I did. Edward kissed me, which lead to more things. I thought what I had been waiting for had finally come true, and I was so happy," I paused and gave Jake a sad watery smile. "I went to get coffee in the morning before he woke up, and when I got back he was with Tanya. he didn't want me, Jake. I was a mistake." My shoulders began to shake violently. I threw my hands up in defeat, letting my emotions take over. "Now I have done the same thing to you that he has done to me. I just thought you should know so you don't waste anymore time on me. Because that is what it would be, a waste. Because right now, in this moment, even though he has made it very clear that he doesn't want me, I would still fight for him. I can't do that to you, Jake. You deserve someone better, someone not so masochistic. Someone who wouldn't rather live alone and in pain waiting for someone who doesn't love her to come around, then to go for the guy who wants her too." I was sobbing hysterically now, and it all came out in a rush, but it was everything I was feeling and I couldn't stop it.

Jake was silent. I could tell he was trying to mask the pain. I could see it in his eyes, and I felt like such a shit of a person.

"I'm so sorry, Jake, so very sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Would he ever be able to forgive me?

"Bella," He said looking deep into my eyes. "You warned me ahead of time. I knew what I was getting in to. You have nothing to be sorry for," He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. " What an idiot."

"I know I am," I wailed pathetically. Tears were still covering my red face.

Jake let out a small laugh.

"Bella, silly girl. Not you. I'm talking about that jackass of a friend you have," He squeezed me tighter. "He has this amazing human being in front of him, and he goes for the one who is just using him. Go freaking figure."

"Jake, how am I going to get over this?" I asked, sniffing loudly. I wiped at my eyes in an attempt to wipe away the pain.

"Bella," Jake pulled his mouth away from my head so he could look at me. " You have to know you are worth so much more. You are. You allow him to have this power over you. You need to let it go. If he can't see the amazing person you are and scoop you up and never let you go, then he isn't worth it. You deserve better, Bella."

"It hurts so bad. I don't know how I am going to do this. It feels like I can't breath, like I'm suffocating, Jake. Everything hurts, and I feel like part of me has been ripped in half. Will that ever stop, will I ever be whole again?"

"Yes, only you can put yourself back together. You have to want it, you have to be in control of your life. You have been there for him all your life, and this is how he repays you?" Jake shook his head firmly. "Take control of you. Bella. Believe you deserve more, because in the long run that is what is going to make you a stronger person."

"What if I can't?" It didn't feel possible that this type of pain would ever lessen.

"You're stronger then you think, Bells. It will take time, but it'll happen. I promise." He said placing a kiss on the top of my head.

I couldn't believe what an amazing person he was. After I told him everything, I expected him to be more upset. Instead, he sat their comforting me and not at all concerned with himself. He really was an amazing person.

After spending more time with Jake, I left to go back to Alice's. Jake was right. It would take a while, but I had to get over this. It would hopefully be easier now that I was no longer around Edward everyday. Maybe a break in our friendship is what we needed to help me move on.

**EPOV**

It was pointless trying to get anything but a restless sleep. I tossed and turned all day and night, thinking of nothing but the events that had unfolded. I finally gave up and pushed myself into a sitting position, but not before I punched the bed a few times as if it was its fault I couldn't sleep.

My face was killing me. I lifted my hand to touch my tender nose, but that was a mistake. Shooting pain shot across my cheeks and eyes. I couldn't believe Alice hit me. Out of all my friends I expected it to be Emmett, not tiny Alice.

I got up and dug around in the kitchen to look for some asprin or something to help with the throbbing pain. It would only help the pain in my face and not the one radiating from my chest.

I took a look around the house from the kitchen and it was strange. I expected at any minute for Bella to come around the corner and make some smart ass remark about my face.

But she wouldn't be doing that because she wasn't here.

Once I popped the pills into my mouth and took a drink of water to wash them down, I slowly walked to the part of the house that no longer held my best friend.

Her bedroom door had been left open by me since I was the last person there. I stood in the doorway taking survey of the room. Bella's blue dress from last night was still laying in a heap at the side of the bed. Her sheets were a mess from the act that left us in the positions we were in now.

I took another step into the room and was accosted by her scent. It was everywhere. Her floral scent was mixed with the berries of her favorite shampoo.

My hand came up to my chest, clutching at it when the memory of her caused it to tighten uncomfortably.

How was I going to do this? How was I going to live here without her.

Looking around the room, my eyes came to rest on a picture beside her bed on the night stand.

I walked over and picked it up.

It was a picture of Bella and I when we were about six years old, sitting on the tire swing that my father had put up for us in our back yard. We were hugging, cheeks pressed together, and arms wrapped around each other tightly. We had big toothless grins on our faces.

Even with missing teeth, Bella was still one of the most beautiful girls I had ever known.

I sat down on the edge of her bed and stared at the picture, thinking of happier times. I let my fingers trace the image of Bella.

I was brought out of my thought by the phone ringing. It was so loud in the silence of the empty house, that it caused me to dropped the picture. I picked it up quickly and put it back in it's place before I sprinted out into the living room.

I practically ripped the phone off the charger and hit the answer button.

"Bella?" I asked excitedly.

"No, Edward, this is Angela."

"Oh, hey Angela," The disappointment rang clear in my voice.

"Well nice to talk to you too, Edward." She teased.

"Sorry, Ang," I replied sheepishly. "what's up?"

"Well, your shoot in Ireland has been pushed back a few weeks. I just received a call from the director. I will fax the information over to Bella so she can work on fixing any accommodations that need to be fixed. I will also send over all the new info once it gets here…" She rambled on her list of things that she was going to have Bell do, but Bella was gone.

"Umm… Ang. Bella no longer works for me," I said Sullen.

"What?" Angela asked incredulously.

"Some things happened, and she quit."

"Oh, Edward, I'm so sorry. We'll need to get you a new assistant then,"

"Angela, can it wait? I am not in the best of moods right now,"

"Sure thing, Edward. Call me and let me know what is going on sometime this week."

"Yeah, sure." I didn't want anyone else.

I hung up then, fiddling with the phone in my hands wondering if Bella would at least talk to me on the phone. I sat there for a few minutes trying to build up the courage to try.

Just as I hit the talk button and dialed the first three numbers, my doorbell rang.

I wasn't expecting anyone, so once again getting my hopes up, I ran to the door and pulled it open to be greeted by Tanya.

"Hey Baby, feeling any better today?" She asked and stretched up on her toes to place a kiss on my cheek, but paused. "Edward, your face…what the hell happened?"

"No," I said flatly. " And it's nothing. Nothing I didn't deserve anyway."

"She hit you? In your face? Some friend," She scoffed as she took survey of the damage.

"Actually, she didn't hit me. Alice did."

She looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh at the image of little Alice hitting me. _Nice._

"I'm sorry, honey. I know what it's like to be in a fight with a friend. But it will work out," She said smiling.

"It's not that simple, Tanya." Irritation was slipping into my tone. _Could she just leave?_

Tanya pushed past me and walked in, heading to the living room and dragging my hand with her. She went to the couch and sat down, patting the cushion next to her saying, "sit".

"Now, Edward. You've been friends with Bella since, what, birth?"

I simply nodded.

"Well then, why would something like this keep a friendship that old apart? Sure, she may be embarrassed that you slept together, but she'll get over it and come back. It's not that big of a deal. she is blowing it out of proportion," She said taking my hand in hers.

"You don't know what you're talking about, Tanya," I spat.

"Oh you mean her little crush on you?" She looked at me, arching an eyebrow.

"You really want to go there again? She doesn't have a crush on me. We have been friends as long as we have been alive, Tanya. Just because you don't have that sort of relationship with someone doesn't allow you to be a bitch." I ripped my hand from hers. I didn't need her to make this about her jealousy issues.

"Whatever, Edward. I don't want to fight. I just think this is silly. I mean, it was just sex. she'll get over it and it will be fine. You'll see."

"Yeah," was all I could say. She was wrong. There was more, but I didn't want to talk with her about it.

"How about you let me take a look at your face and see if there is anything I can do to help?" Tanya asked as she ran her fingers through my hair.

"I doubt there is, Tanya. I was punched, it's going to hurt."

"Aww, babe, I'm sorry," she said and rested her head on my shoulder. She brought her arm across my chest and gripped my hair in her fingers. She started to kiss my neck.

"Tanya, I can't… okay, not now," I said, trying to push her off.

She wasn't having it.

"Edward, I just want to make you happy, just for a minute. You look so sad, I just want you to feel better." She looked up at me with sadness in her eyes. _Maybe she did understand._

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to snap. I'm just…sorry." I was hurting everyone around me. Here Tanya was trying to be nice to me, nicer then she should be seeing as I slept with someone else, and I was being a dick yet again.

"It's alright, I just hate seeing you so upset,"

"Thank you for being so sweet."

"No problem." She leaned up and gently pressed her lips against mine. She started to deepen the kiss, and my mind suddenly flashed to kissing Bella, how her soft full lips moved with mine, how she tasted sour from the lemons that night but also sweet. What the hell was I thinking this for? This was Tanya, not Bella. I had to stop this. I couldn't be kissing her now.

Before I had a chance to pull away, I heard the front door swing open and hit the wall with a bang. I snapped my head towards the door thinking, "oh god not again," but was happy to see it wasn't Bella.

There in my doorway was Jasper and Emmett, both wearing faces of disgust. Emmett looked as though he was about to jump me and finish the job Alice had started.

After a minute of standing there, both shook their heads and Emmett gave an angry sigh before they headed to Bella's bedroom.

I quickly stood to see what was going on.

"Tanya, can you give us some privacy? I'll call you later." I needed to talk to the guys and I didn't want Tanya here.

"Sure thing. I'll see you later." She placed a kiss on my cheek, and was off.

I watched her go and stood there thinking of a way to approached my obviously pissed off friends.

I slowly walked back to Bella's room. I could hear Emmett and Jasper whispering to each other.

"I don't think this situation could have possibly gotten any worse," Jasper murmured, shaking his head. "I can't believe he did this."

"Well, he better be happy that wasn't Bella at the door. How much more can she possibly take?" Emmett said quietly, obviously angry.

"Well, we can't tell the girls she was with him again,"

"Oh hell no, you know what it took for me to keep Rose home. Fuck, I thought I was going to have to lock up all the knives in the house. I was almost afraid to go to sleep, like she would sneak out and come after him at night."

Great, I had Rose after me now.

I walked into the room to find both of them digging out duffle bags from Bella's closet. It hit me then. She was serious about moving out, and my friends were here for her because she wasn't able to be near me.

"What are you doing?" I already knew the answer.

They both turned and looked at me.

"What do you think were doing. We're here to get Bella's things for her," Emmett spat after clucking his tongue.

"She's seriously moving out?" Of course she was.

"No man, she wants to see the guy she gave her virginity to fuck another chick who treats Bella like trash constantly. Yeah, that's definitely what she wants." Emmett said as he turned bright red.

"Emmett, it isn't like that…I never meant to hurt her, I would never hurt her…Tanya came and she-" Emmett cut me off.

"You know what, I don't care what you and Tanya do. Just don't talk to me while I'm here." He turned and started pulling things from Bella's drawers.

"Wow, so I make a mistake and everyone is going to turn their backs on me?"

I was getting pissed. And hurt.

"Edward, you brought this on yourself," Jasper said with an exasperated smile.

"I wasn't the only one. It takes two to tango." Wrong answer.

Emmett dropped what he was doing and stormed towards me. Jasper caught him in time before his fist made contact with my already broken nose.

"You know Edward, you're just lucky I don't kick your ass. Not that it would take much seeing as our 4'11'' friend already got to you. Nice face by the way." he smirked.

"Fuck you, Emmett. I am not fighting with you. All I want to do is fix things between Bella and I and all of you aren't helping." Why couldn't they see I was sorry?

"Not you, " Jasper said. "Our concern is helping Bella with whatever it is that she decides to do. She has decided to move and it hurt to much too come here, so we are doing it for her."

She couldn't even stand to be in the same room with me.

"You know what she is doing right now?" Jasper asked.

"What?"

"She is over at Jake's place, telling him what happened. She feels horrible for the guy because after knowing he likes her and going on a few dates, she sleeps with you. She's hoping he can convince him to forgive her because of you."

"He'll forgive her. It was my fault. She would never have done this if it wasn't for me making her drink. She would never have thought to do this."

Emmett let out what sounded like a frustrated sigh.

"You really are an fucking idiot, man, really." Emmett said and pushed past me to finish packing up some of Bella's clothes.

"Edward, open your eyes. Before it is to late." said Jasper and went on to continue packing Bella's things.

I watched as they brought in boxes and loaded every last piece of Bella I had away.

On one of their trips out to the truck they had brought, I ran into Bella's room and grabbed the picture off her night stand. I didn't know if or when she would ever talk to me again. But I wanted something of her, something of us.

The guys had finished up loading all of Bella's things into the truck and gave one last look around to see if they needed anything else. Once satisfied that they didn't, they made their way out. Emmett didn't say another word to me and hopped into the truck starting it. Jasper, however, spoke his mind.

"You know what, Edward? I have watched you do some pretty stupid things since becoming friends when it comes to Bella, but this one tops them all. I wish you would open your eyes. The truth has been staring you in the face for so long, and I think you didn't notice it because their was never a chance of it leaving. But if you don't figure it out, if you don't fix this soon, you are going to hate yourself for a long time to come." With that, he turned and left.

I stared after the retreating truck dumbfounded. _What?_

I sat their thinking of ways to get to Bella, to apologize or have her at least talk to me.

It was important.

All of a sudden, the doorbell rang and I jumped up and was at the door in seconds. I ripped it open to find someone who I knew I would see at some point after word got out about this.

"What do you want?" I spat

"We need to have a little chat about Bella."

**A/N:Uh Oh.. who is there at the door! Edward gets a huge wake up call next chapter peeps**


	11. Chapter 11

**_A/N: _So, sorry that this took longer then normal.. people have lives.. they like to steal my lovie beta and make her work and I don't like that. Anyway, I have chapter 12 done and 13 is one paragraph from being done. SO you might get chapter 12 soon.**

**Erin, my lovie, my NESSI, you make my heart soar, you are the wind beneath my wings and I want to spend a week in Scotland with you searching for mythical creatures... fertilizing your eggs.. my lil nessi you! Love you Beta!**

**Songs I listened to during this chapter**

**Boys Like Girls- Thunder, Catch Your Fall- Gavin Mikhail, Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard, Won't Go Home Without You- Maroon 5**

**ENJOY**

_**EPOV**_

_All of a sudden, the doorbell rang and I jumped up and was at the door in seconds. I ripped it open to find someone who I knew I would see at some point after word got out about this._

"_What do you want?" I spat._

"_We need to have a little chat about Bella."_

You have got to be kidding me.

There, at my door, stood the infamous Jacob Black, and he didn't look happy. Bella had obviously followed through with telling him. His expression was murderous.

I let out a heavy sigh.

"Listen, what happened between Bella and I is none of your concern, Jake." I said as I started to close the door.

His large hand met the door with a loud _thwap _as he prevented me from closing it.

"We will talk now," Jacob growled slight. His eyes narrowed. "this has gone on long enough, and no one else will say anything. They all think you will finally come to your senses and wake up. I, however, see you for what you truly are, an idiot."

"What are you talking about?" I had no idea where he was going with this little speech. " I know I made a mistake, and I also know that I possible ruined the best thing I have ever had in my life. No one needs to point that out to me. I definitely know."

Jake just shook his head.

"You don't get it do you? Are you really that blind? Excuse me," He pushed his way past me and walked into the living room.

"What am I blind to Jake? Jasper tells me I need to open my eyes, you tell

me I'm blind, and Emmett tells me I am a fucking idiot. What am I missing? I know I fucked up, It's obvious," I shouted with desperation thick in my voice. "Bella isn't here, she moved out. I can see that, I'm not stupid." I gestured my hand around the room. I was seething.

"What, am I supposed to feel sorry for you?" He scoffed, "You did this to yourself; you used her like she was a cheap whore for a quick romp between the sheets, then tossed her to the side like a used Kleenex the minute Tanya came back to you. You didn't even have the decency-" Jake didn't have a chance to finish what he was saying. He had crossed the line and my fist had made contact with his face.

"Get the fuck out of my house!" I bellowed.

"No." Jake said while touching his lip that was now bleeding. "Not until I say what I came to say."

"Well, I don't want to hear what you have to say. I want you to leave. You have no idea what you're talking about." He knew Bella for 5 minutes. He had no right to lecture me on our relationship.

"I have no idea what I'm talking about?" he laughed bitterly, " There is an amazing girl right in front of you that I would kill to call mine. She is funny and smart and so beautiful, but she doesn't even know it. I would do anything in the world to make her happy. I would spend the rest of my life letting her know how beautiful I think she is…but I will never get that chance. Do you know why?"

"Why?" I really didn't care to play his stupid little games.

"Because she's in love with you."

"What?" My head snapped up. What the hell is he talking about?

"You heard me. Everyone knows it. Everyone has seen it. Everyone except you. She has been waiting and waiting for the day that you would see her the same as she sees you. Bella would wait the rest of her life for that to happen. Hell, she thought it had. Then, you go and crush her by taking Tanya back."

"You're wrong…" He was wrong. It wasn't like that between Bella and I.

He shook his head with a condescending smirk.

"You really can't be this damn stupid!" he smiled. "Think. I know it is a hard concept to grasp, but think. She is in love with you. In some way or another, she always has been. You call yourself her best friend, how could you not see this?"

"She is my best friend. I made a mistake; I took advantage of her kindness. But, just because we slept together doesn't mean she is in love with me. It isn't like that."

"Maybe not for you, but I can assure you, it is "like that" for her. It always has been, and you have failed to see it. She has been waiting for you to feel the same for half her life, Edward. Bella thought the night you two slept together was you finally feeling the same." He shook his head disbelivingly. "Do you have any idea what you have done to her? What you are putting her through?"

He couldn't be right. I couldn't believe this. He was fucking with me. This was Bella; I knew everything about Bella. I felt my chest begin to tighten uncomfortably.

Could he be right?

"She was so happy when she left. She was going to tell you everything when she got back from getting your sorry ass coffee. When she got home and saw you with Tanya, her heart basically died. You did that to her." He pointed an accusatory finger in my direction.

"But…why? She never told me, why didn't she ever tell me?" Why would she have kept something like this from me? Bella knew she could always tell me anything.

"You know her, she had her reasons. She thought if she told you and you didn't feel the same way that she would loose you as a friend. That to her is more important then anything. She also is under the ridiculous impression that she isn't good enough for you, not pretty enough. Then, not to mention the fact that you basically told her as much when you slept with her and a few hours later, went back to the model."

"How long?" I gasped. All the air in my lungs was missing. My heart was beating so fast, it felt like it would explode at any minute.

"Who knows? For a few years that she has been aware, but she thinks she must have always loved you in some way or another."

"Why did no one tell me?" How could our friends let me hurt her over and over?

"Because, they felt it wasn't their place. Bella was so afraid that it would change things between you two, that she begged them not to say anything. Doesn't mean they didn't try to help things along the way. Like the kiss, you remember that, right? Or the dancing? Those were two of the best moments of her life. You ruined both by being clueless, and both times she ended up crying herself to sleep."

"What?" Why would those have upset her?

"Well, after the kiss, you jokingly reminded her she was nothing more then a best friend. And the dance, you ended that by going off with Tanya. But, the worst has been you making her think you wanted her finally, then sleeping with her. You know, she waited to sleep with the person she was in love with. Why do you think she went along with it so easily? The person she was saving herself for was you."

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I sat down in the nearest chair and pinched the bridge of my nose.

_This couldn't be happening. _

If this was true, then I have hurt her beyond anything I could ever repair. My best friend. I had tortured her for god knows how long, and the finale straw was sleeping with her.

I thought back to the moments that Jake brought up.

The dare. Kissing her soft lips and how amazing it felt. How she seemed to put so much into that kiss without even trying. It was an emotion-filled kiss, and I had missed it. I thought it just her taking part in the dare.

_What an idiot. I am a fucking idiot._

The dance. Me calling her beautiful was completely true. She was, but how had she taken that? Did it make her happy, give her hope? If it did, the fact that I brought Tanya there and basically blew Bella off for Tanya…

_Oh God._

Everything was coming back. The hotel and how she was so angry with me, so hurt. So much so, that she couldn't even stay there. Everything she had ever done for me, it was all out of love instead of friendship. I had taken advantage of her, and she never complained. She waited and waited for me to return the same feelings, and I never did. I didn't even notice. Why didn't someone tell me? I wouldn't have let her continue to go on hurting if I knew.

_What have I done?_

Bella had saved herself for me, and I took her innocence without a second thought. She gave me the most important thing to her without question because she knew she loved me and she thought I loved her too, and I crushed her.

_I was going to be sick._

"Jake, where is she now?" I asked quietly, not looking up from my toes.

"I think she went back to Alice's." Jacob shrugged.

"I have to see her. I have to tell her how sorry I am, and that I didn't know… I would have never…I didn't know," I felt like screaming or hitting something. God, IDIOT!

"Do you honestly think that is going to make things better, that it will bring her any solace? All she is waiting for is for you to love her too. Do you? Because if you don't know, if you're unsure, then it isn't going to help."

I loved Bella all my life as my friend, never as anything more. It never crossed my mind that it could be more. She was the single most important thing in my life.

"I - I don't know…"

"Well, until you know for sure what your feelings are regarding Bella, I am begging you to stay away. I know I don't have the right to ask, but she dies a little more inside when you refer to her as your friend. It is like you are driving the point home that you will never want her as anything more. And at the moment, it is the last thing she needs to hear. She has heard it enough."

"Why are you doing this?" I didn't understand him. "Why are you helping me?"

"Because I care for her. I want her to be happy. If it isn't with me, then that is fine, I'll have to live with that. I can't stand to see her hurting like this when it could be so easily fixed. But know this; I will be waiting for the moment you mess up. I will be there to pick up the pieces if she'll let me. Bella deserves better then what you have given her, Edward. She is ten times the person Tanya will ever be. I would think long and hard before you decided, because, once it is done, it is done. You'll never be able to take it back."

"I know…"

"Well, I guess I am done here. I'm still kind of hoping you're as stupid as I think you are, But if you need any further proof of what I have told you, go check out her work that is display here." He threw a flyer onto the coffee table.

With that, he left, and I was left alone to stew in my stupidity over the last who knows how many months or years Bella had been living in pain because of my actions. Why didn't she just tell me? She had to know I would never let anything come in between our friendship.

I couldn't sit in the house any longer. I had to get out of here. I was going to drive myself nuts. I wanted to talk to her, but Jake said it wasn't a great idea until I figured this out. I didn't want to hurt her anymore then I already had.

But each minute that went on without her here killed me. I had never been away from her this long. We had never been on the outs like this, and I didn't know what I could do to fix it. I had to fix it, though. She was a part of me, a part of who I was. I needed her to survive; I couldn't live in a world where she didn't exist in my life.

I grabbed my keys and the flyer Jake left behind, and headed out to the car. I didn't know where I was going to go, but I knew I had to get out of the house. The fact that she was no longer there and the reason why was suffocating me.

While I was driving, I began to feel more and more pissed. Why had our friends let Bella live in pain for so long? Why had they let me be the person to put her in pain? Someone should have said something, anything to stop it. I wouldn't have ever intentionally hurt her. I loved her…

I looked at the flyer and I decided that I should check out what he said. If I needed anymore proof that Bella did indeed love me, I should see her photos.

_What ever that means._

I headed to the Gallery, it was easy enough to find, and parked out front, and took a deep breath. I wondered what I would find when I went inside. I wondered how Bella's pictures would be able to prove to me that she loved me.

I walked into the gallery and was automatically hit by a blast of cool air. I smelt a faint hint of patchouli incense. The walls were covered in all types of mediums of art. There was photography and oil paintings, to sculptures of both clay and what looked like recycled material. I couldn't believe that Bella has something up in a gallery and I didn't even know that she had an interest in art.

This hurt me; that we had come to a point in our lives together where we weren't sharing the good things. Maybe I had been hurting her all this time, and she no longer felt like she could share things with me, that I would some how not care. That couldn't be further from the truth.

I slowly searched from wall to wall, scanning for any thing that Bella could be responsible for.

I had made my way to the back or the large open room and I was checking out a piece on the wall to the left of me. I didn't understand how some things were considered art, it just wasn't my thing.

I turned to the right and I knew I had found it.

On the wall to my right were black and white photos framed and matted in groups. In one group were pictures of huge trees in what looked like a forest of some sort. The sunlight was shinning through the branches, casting broken prisms of light all over. It was beautiful.

I couldn't spend too much time looking at them though, because the next group of photos took my breath away. They were the most important people in Bella's life.

There was a picture of Alice and Jasper together. Jasper had his guitar in his lap and Alice was sitting at his feet. He was bent over kissing the top of her head, and Alice was wearing a lazy smile. You could feel the love those two share burst out of the picture.

Next to that was a picture of Emmett and Rose. It was a close up of just their faces. Both their foreheads were touching, and they were staring deep into each other's eyes, both wearing smirks on their faces as if they both had the same thought at that very moment, and everyone else was clueless to what it was. Like a secret moment shared between the two. It was almost like invading something private looking at this photo.

Then, there was a photo of us as a group, each coupled off, but all close together. We were our own little family, all so happy.

I looked to the next set of photos and my breath caught in my throat. They were of me. In all the hundreds of times I had seen pictures of myself, they were nothing compared to this.

In other photos, I was always someone else. Some character made for the public eye to drool over and bring in money to the studios. But these, these were me.

I remembered her taking these. She was sneaking around snapping pictures of me one day. She had said she was just testing out her new camera.

There was a picture of me from the shoulders up, a profile shot, looking off at something that couldn't be seen in the picture. I looked peaceful and happy. Then, there were three sectioned pictures, all close ups of parts of my face. The top one was my crazy messed up hair, the next was my eyes staring straight at the camera, and the last was of my mouth in the crooked smile Bella always teased me about. They were all things Bella had always commented on what she loved about me I never thought anything of it.

There was one of Bella and I sitting in the backyard on the ground leaning up against the huge tree that cast a shadow over the pool. I remember her setting up a timer and trying to get a nice picture. But every time it came close to flash, we would bust out laughing and it would ruin it. This was the one still we were able to get that we didn't laugh through. She had her knees pulled to her chest and her head on my shoulder. I in return had my head resting on top of hers. Her eyes were closed and she was smiling. She looked so happy.

The last one was taken one morning Bella had tried to wake me up. I had pulled her down into bed with me and she had brought her camera to get evidence of how difficult I was to wake up. She had snapped a picture of us together, her back was pulled tight to my chest and she was smiling as I had my face buried in her hair.

Everything clicked, and I felt my heart drop. The burning feeling in my stomach was getting worse, and I started to feel nauseous.

How had I missed this? All these pictures of us and our friends were examples of love; Jasper and Alice, Emmett and Rose, Me, her love for me, and in the last, my love for her…I had never seen it before, how could I have missed it?

Looking at the picture of us in bed together, I had never looked happier. Even the feeling that the picture brought forth was new. The look on my face…the look on hers. How could I have missed it? I can't believe I missed this.

I loved her. The look on my face in that picture was of love, and I hadn't seen it until I stepped away and saw it from someone else's point of view.

She was beautiful, I knew that, but then these feelings hit me. Kissing her, how I had never been kissed like that, how her lips felt, how she tasted. It was the best kiss I had ever experienced and would give anything to feel that again.

How she danced with me, how her curves felt against me, the feel of my hands on her hips. Her laugh was musical as we danced to the ridiculous song. That she was terrified of dancing but with me she relaxed and let me help her. How she blushed when I told her she was beautiful.

How she felt the night we slept together. Even though I had been drinking heavily, I could remember parts, and it wasn't like the meaningless sex I had with others before. With her, I had been slow and gentle. I took my time touching every inch of her body. While it isn't what I would have done, and I would give anything if I could to take it back because it hurt her, it was different. Had it been love?

Then, everything came flooding back. The hurt I had brought to her. How long she had been suffering because of me? I had been the one to make her cry, to ruin our friendship, to take her love with no promises in return. I had done this to her, left her with nothing but memories hanging on a wall in a gallery for all to see but me. I wondered how many people have seen this and saw what I was only seeing now.

_Love._

I could feel it rising in my throat. I was going to be sick. I frantically searched for the nearest trash can, running out of the place bracing myself against my car and leaning over the curb dry heaving.

_What had I done?_

I was in love with her too, and I was never going to be able to fix this.

**A/N: So what did you think... are you freaking uber excited that the D-bag Realized!!**

**I am so stoked, yesterday I heard a song and read the lyrics and I have the most amazing story planned for when this is done. It will be epic heart fail!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: You all are amazing, and so I give you this freakishly long chapter.. hope it was worth the wait. I give teasers and talk to you on the forums on twilighteddotnet come join.. we have candy!**

**To my amazing Beta.. Ereeen.. my lil Nessie!! I love ya and I am so proud of your nom for your story.. everyone go read her amazing work.. What a Horror**

**The song in the club they are dancing to is by Breathe Carolina- The Birds and the Bees**

**Oh BB's Breaking Dawn... just be glad that in my depression I have decided to keep writing my own stuff**

**Disclaimer: DO NOT OWN**

**CARRY ON!!**

Two weeks.

It had been two of the longest, most excruciating weeks of my life. I hadn't left Alice's house unless I felt the urge to visit Jacob. I never left the room much, and I rarely changed out of my sweats and Edward's hoodie. I showered every now and then, each time resulting in me crying on the tiled floor curled into a ball. The pain didn't seem to be easing up, and I was starting to think that it never would.

The more and more I thought about that life altering night, the more I started to feel dirty and used. I was angry at myself for being so stupid, for allowing it to happen. My emotions had gotten the best of me and in that moment I had thrown all caution to the wind and released my inhibitions.

Never again.

I used to think that the past few years had been hell as I watched Edward frolic around with anything and everything, but I was wrong.

I was wrong because now I was truly living in hell.

I was once again laying on my side in bed wrapped in the down comforter of the guest bed staring at the blank wall.

I heard the bedroom door open, but I didn't bother to acknowledge the noise.

I felt the bed sink next to my side, and then three more times at the end of the bed. I closed my eyes. I knew what this was.

"I know you're not sleeping, Bella, so there is no point of pretending," I heard Alice's voice ring.

I didn't move. I didn't breathe. Maybe if they thought I were dead, they'd leave me to my misery.

"This can't go on, Bell, you know that. You have to get up. Get out of this bed now." Rose commanded lightly. Ah, Rose. Even the mourning are not immune to her supreme bitchiness.

I remained still, refusing to bite the bait before me.

"Bella, I can't possibly begin to imagine what you are going through, but you have to try to move on; for yourself, for us…we need you." Jasper said quietly. I felt a warm hand on my right calf.

I could feel the blinding liquid start to pool in my closed eyes.

"Bella bean, please. Please for us, can you try?" Emmett said kneeling down in front of me. I felt him move a stray curl from my face gently.

"I don't know how." I whispered. My voice betrayed me as it broke pitifully. I winced at how weak I sounded.

"That's what we're here for," Alice tinkled, laying her head on my shoulder.

"We'll help you get through this together, you know we will. No one is expecting a full recovery now. But Bella, you're like a zombie, and we can't sit by and watch you waste away any longer." Rose laid her head next to Alice, giving me a light squeeze.

"Please," Jasper put on a full pout face, lip and all. It was too pathetic, and it made me laugh.

"See, it's a start! If all this fool had to do was give you a face, then imagine what all four of us together could do. Let us work our magic, Bella. You know you want to." Emmett was attempting to poke me in the ribs. I laughed again at the tickling sensation.

"Okay, okay! Just stop with the poking! I'll try for you guys."

"That's all we ask." Alice said, bouncing up and down happily and clapping her hands like a manic.

"First, you need a shower. No offense, but you're smelling kind of ripe, Bella." Emmett teased as he playfully fanned his hand in front of his face.

"Shut up, I do not smell." I said smacking at his hands.

The guys left while I got up, but Alice and Rose stayed behind to help me pick out something to wear that wasn't from the sales rack at Wal-mart.

I showered and brushed my teeth quickly. It was the first shower I didn't cry all the way through. Alice and Rose were in the bathroom as soon as I was done handing me different articles of clothing to put on. Rose took care of doing my hair, and Alice tackled my make-up.

"Why am I getting all dolled up to sit around the house?" I asked confused. I growled playfully when Rose pulled my hair with a round brush.

"We aren't sitting around the house, Bella. You promised to try for us, so we are going shopping!" Alice's evil laugh reverberated off the bathroom walls. "

We are going to get you a fantastic outfit, and then we are going to go out, have a few drinks, and dance the night away. There's someone who wants to see you, too!"

My chest started to tighten. They couldn't be talking about who I thought they were. They wouldn't do that to me, not this soon.

"Bella, calm down, it isn't him," Rose said as she took my face into her hands. "Jacob calls almost everyday to check on you. He's worried and he misses you."

"Oh." was all I could say. I was relieved, some what. Had Edward even tried to call, to see me?

As if she could read my mind, Alice answered,

"He has called, Bella, but we thought it best to not tell you. He asked how you were…he sounds miserable, but he understands why you need some time away."

"He sounds miserable?" My heart jumped painfully. I didn't want to know that. I hated knowing Edward was in pain, despite all this shit.

"Bella, we are working on you, don't worry about it. He'll be fine." Alice reassured me.

"I know…" But who was going to be there to make sure he was ok? Everyone had rallied around me and left him with no one…

Oh, except for Tanya.

"Bella, stop. For once in your life, put you first. Please." Alice begged me and I just nodded.

The girls lead me into the kitchen where the guys had made some breakfast. We sat around having some small talk before I was whisked away for the day of shopping. I mainly listened to the conversations rather than participating incase something Edward would slip, but everyone was pretty good at not mentioning him.

I couldn't help worrying about him, though. He had never done this on his own; never been with out his friends by his side. I was desperate to know how he was holding up.

After breakfast, I went back to my room and grabbed my purse. I paused, staring at my phone that was sitting innocently on the bedside table minding its own business.

But, at the same time, it was taunting me. Calling to me.

_Call him, call him, call him…_

I looked back towards the kitchen and confirmed that the others were still cleaning up.

Now was my chance. I just wanted to hear his voice. Just for a second.

I picked up the phone and dialed his number with shaking fingers. Anticipation and excitement danced sickeningly in my stomach as I waited for the line to begin ringing. It rang a few times and mercifully, he picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" Edward asked after attempting to clear away some of the thickness of sleep from his voice.

My reaction was instantaneous. I could feel every muscle in my chest start to constrict, and I couldn't suck in a breathe of air even if I dared to. which I didn't.

"Hello, who's this?" Edward spoke a little clearer. I heard him shift in his bed, clearing his throat again.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I heard his breathing hitch.

"Bella!" Edward cried frantically. "Bella, please say something, anything. I've tried to get in touch with you, please talk to me! I'm so sorry, I miss you so much, can we please talk?"

I was about to respond, he sounded so sad, and he was begging me to speak…I wanted to respond, but I heard _her _in the background, asking where the coffee was.

I let out a muffled sob and I could hear Edward's breathe coming in short gasps .

"Bella, please, I can-" I hung up before I could hear anything else.

Why did I keep doing this to myself?

I took a minute to clean my face and I decided to turn myself to Alice and Rose's capable hands. He hadn't left her, and he wasn't going to. I should had known. If I had any plans to get on with my life, they needed to start soon.

I walked back out to the living room where everyone was now gathered, laughing and joking around. When they saw me enter, they all stopped mid chortle.

"Man, I know how to kill a room don't I?" I asked playfully with a small laugh

"Everything okay?" Emmett asked carefully. He eyed the phone clutched in my right hand warily.

"Everything is great. Ready to get my shop on!" I said as brightly as I could, despite the dank feeling inside of me.

"Okay, now I know something is wrong." Emmett laughed.

"Nope, she just decided to hand herself over to the masters, that's all." Alice said with a wide grin. She wrapped her arm around me tightly.

" Well, we best head out. We have a busy day ahead of us." Rose said excitedly, and grabbed my hand so she could lead me out to the car.

We spent an ungodly amount of hours going from shop to shop, buying everything from make-up and lotions, to underwear I saw no point in having. Bags upon bags of clothes filled the trunk of Alice's car. We stopped only twice. Once to eat lunch, and once for a much needed cup of coffee. I was starting to lag behind and Alice wasn't having it.

It was getting late when we got back to her house. The guys were inside playing a rather rousing game of Rock Band and barely looked up when we entered.

Alice and Rose rushed me back to the bedroom and started ripping out clothes from the multiple bags that were now strewn all over my bed. I sat in the chair near the window not even bothering to make suggestions. they wouldn't have listened if I had. I just watched as the madness began to unfold.

Finally, after much debating and refusing, Rose and Alice had decided that I should were a peach Niemen Marcus Dress that they had found on the trip today. It was form fitting and came and inch or so above my knees. It was basically a strapless wrap dress, but it was beautiful. Once they had me in the contraption, they hurriedly gave my long chocolate hair some finger waves and went very natural with my make-up. Mascara and some blush on the apples of my cheeks, topped off with a bit of sheer lip gloss to complete the look, and I was ready to go.

The girls, of course, ran and got ready themselves. I went into the living room to check on the guys.

Once I stepped into the room, I automatically noticed their was one more body there.

Jacob.

"OH MY GOD, JACOB, YOU ARE A HORRIBLE EXCUSE OF A DRUMMER!" Emmett screeched as he swung the tiny guitar slung over his shoulder around in intense concentration.

Jacob snorted and continued to play off beat to piss Emmett off.

I ignored their antics and zeroed in on how Jake looked.

He looked amazing. He was wearing faded denim jeans with worn out marks on his knees, a black un-tucked button down with the sleeves pushed up past his bulging forearms and the top three buttons undone which left a tantalizing peek at his muscular chest.

"Bella…wow." Jake exhaled slowly. He abandoned his drumsticks and got up from his crouched position. Emmett growled in annoyance.

"You're harshing my mellow, man!"

I could feel the blush rise to my cheeks and I smiled.

Once the song was officially failed, Jasper and Emmett looked up, both sets of eyes widening. They stood up quickly.

"Wow, Bella, you look amazing." Jasper said sweetly.

"Hot! Why you have been hiding that body, I will never know." added Emmett with a huge grin.

"Thanks, I think?" I laughed and rolled my eyes. Emmett was never one with words.

I walked over to Jake and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a tight hug.

"I've missed you." He whispered into my ear. I shivered as his warm breath caressed my neck.

"I missed you too, Jake."

"You look so beautiful, Bella. I mean, not that you normally don't, but, this is just, wow-uh-yeah," He fumbled with his words. He looked over my shoulder shyly, attempting to gather up his nerves. I smiled involuntarily.

I had never had that effect on anyone.

"I told you you were beautiful, Bella." I heard Alice say from behind me.

Alice and Rose were finally ready to go. They walked over to their partner and grabbed their hands.

From there, we each took our own car. Jake followed behind Emmett and Rose as we headed out to the club.

We arrived and opted for valet parking this time, it was just easier that way. Once we had handed off the keys and had been given a ticket, we made our way to the line. There wasn't much of a wait when Jasper and Rose were recognized.

Once inside, we headed straight for the bar. Alice ordered the first rounds and we found ourselves a booth. We sat there sipping on our drinks and laughing for what seemed like hours. It felt nice. I hadn't laughed genuinely in a long time. Emmett left the booth after our glasses were dry and got us another round of drinks. More talking ensued until Rose and Alice I was time to dance.

"I just wanna put my shoes and purse in a circle and just daance," Alice slurred, quoting a Dane Cook joke.

I wasn't too keen on the idea knowing my history to cause disaster wherever I go, but I had to laugh at drunk Alice. Plus, Jake wasn't having any excuses.

"You're far too beautiful to not show off your dance moves." Jake crooned and pushes some bangs out of my face.

"Your toes will not thank you, my friend." I rebutted playfully.

"My toes will survive, I promise." he said in a husky tone. He leaned in close to my ear and caressed my lobe with his lips as he spoke. I shivered for the second time that night.

Jake wrapped a warm hand around mine and led me out to the dance floor. I looked around shyly, biting my lip as I took in the other gyrating couples. I felt one of Jake's hands cup my cheek to direct my gaze back to him.

The music started playing and it was a techno-type beat, which was good. You didn't really need to have any sort of talent to dance to techno.

_I hope you know I swear to godI hope you know that this won't stop(god damn, just another heartbreak)_

_I swear to god I won't stop until you're shakintrust me baby you know I want you to-and let me slide into you, please babyand if you're screamin, than I'm screamin too-if you want it let me bring it, let me sneak into your house tonight_

I was facing Jake and he had his hands on my hips, swaying me back and forth sensuously. I felt like I was suddenly in the movie dirty dancing. Jake had a leg in between mine and his hand curved around my back to support me as we moved back and forth together, me grinding onto his knee and him grinding against my pelvis, not at all on beat.

_breathe inand I'm coming to these terms that my heart won't beat anymoreI just can't get it-sing along sing if you want, ten more seconds till we're through the door.and it's a dance party everyone's looking for, been drinkin tonight and I won't stop, when it's a quarter to four daylight is breakin_

I laughed and threw my head back in glee as Jake scream along with the song at the parts where the guy singing would yell,

_I'll call you in the morning if you think it's rightis it over? is it over...now at the dance party, everyone looked just right, i played you all night, would you believe me if i told you that i want you, and everyday i felt this way? would you take me to the place you know the one that leaves me all alone... wait right here just for a minute we'll talk a little just about it I will take it slow, I won't let you go._

I was laughing so hard at Jake that my sides began to burn in a mixture of pleasure and pain. I loved it. I felt alive. It was amazing how he could make me laugh at the silliest things. I had my arms wrapped around his neck now and I had just pulled my head up from laughing into his chest when I glanced over his shoulder and saw him. My stomach plummeted to the ground.

_Edward._

His face was a mixture of hurt, anger, and sadness. I must have stopped dancing because Jake noticed my abrupt stop and pulled my face to his.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern deep in his eyes.

"Nothing," I smiled. I shook my head slightly to stop it from fogging up.

I looked over his shoulder again as Jake started to dance, and I saw Edward mouth "beautiful" to me. A small smile crept up onto my face and tears threatened to massacre my makeup. They suddenly turned from happy tears to heartbreak all over again as I watched Tanya walk up to Edward and Snake her arm though his.

He must have been able to tell by my face what was wrong, and he quickly detached himself from her and shook his head, willing me with his eyes to understand something I couldn't see. What was he trying to say?

I stopped dancing all together now, confusion etched across my features. Jake finally turned around to inspect what kept grabbing my attention.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me." Jake growled lowly.

"It's fine." I squeaked pathetically. I gave his arm a small squeeze.

Edward had freed himself from Tanya and started to make his way over. I started to panic. what was I going to say? What was I going to do? My heart welled painfully in my chest and I had trouble breathing again.

I looked around for the others, but I didn't see them.

Edward was finally standing in front of me, and he eyes were pleading with me to understand something I didn't know, didn't recognize.

"Bella," He whispered so quietly, so reverently that I almost didn't hear him over the loud music.

"Can I talk to you, please?"

"I-I don't think now is a good time, I'm here with Jake," I stuttered, trying to get a hold on the thousands of emotions running through my body. I felt like I was vibrating.

He glanced at Jake and looked as though he was holding back tears.

"I've wanted to call, to talk to you…I just didn't know what to say. Did you call me this morning? I wish you would have talked to me, Bella. There is something I need to tell you, to explain." Edward pleaded. His voice was thick with an emotion I couldn't place. I continued to look up at him in utter confusion.

"I- I didn't want to interrupt, I just saw you and how beautiful you looked…you just completely stunned me. I wanted to talk to you to, I just…"

Tanya walked up. Mood killer. Major.

"Babe, this place is boring tonight can we go?" She asked looking around until she spotted me. "Oh, Bella, I didn't recognize you. You look nice. How are you?" she said with a smile as she once again snaked her arm through Edward's.

"I need a drink," was all I could say before I grabbed Jake's hand and pushed my way past them. I felt like I was about to vomit up my heart.

"Bella!" I heard Edward shout, but I didn't turn around to look.

"Are you ok?" Jake asked as he ran a comforting hand through my hair. I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch.

"I'm fine, I just need a drink. Something strong. Very strong."

Jake made his way to the bar then came back with an amber colored liquid in a small glass.

"Make sure you sip-"

Before he could finish, I had tossed my head back and swallowed the glass's contents. I slammed it down on the table and unleashed a guttural, "aaaah" between my teeth.

"-it burns." Jacob finished with an amused expression.

I looked over to see Edward and Tanya in what looked like a heated argument. I was watching with a smug smile until he made eye contact with me. He turned completely from her, ignoring whatever she was saying, and started to make his way over a determined look.

I couldn't deal with him anymore tonight. I decided to use what I could to keep him away from me.

I grabbed Jake by the face and crashed my lips into his forcefully. At first, he was frozen against my hungry lips as they moved over his at an uneven pace. But, after the two second shock wore off, he pressed me against the booth and slammed a leg in between mine and forced me to sit down, kissing me with vigor. I moaned as my instincts took over, and felt my hips rocking against his leg on their own accord. I laced my fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, granting him entrance into my mouth. His tongue moved with mine in a delicious battle, and I instantly relaxed. I was lost in the moment, but soon broke the kiss to catch my breath, and ask if we could leave. He took a moment and pulled himself together. He straightened his shirt and ran a hand through his low pony tail subconsciously.

When I looked passed Jake's shoulder, I could see pain in Edward's eyes. I didn't understand what was wrong; why would he be hurt by that? He didn't care and he didn't want me. Suddenly, Edward turned and hurried out of the club, not bothering to give me a second glance. I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

Then, it hit me. Jake cared about me and wanted me. He could make me forget, he could make me feel whole. I wanted him. Now.

I wanted to feel whole again.

I nudged Jake and grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the club. He went to the valet and had them retrieve his car.

The ride back to Jake's apartment was quick. Before I had even realized it, we were out of the car and I had him pressed up against his door. Our mouths worked as one as we hungrily lapped at each other with our tongues. He fumbled for the keys as I played with the hem of his shirt, running my hands underneath it and up his hard abs.

"B-Bella, you got to stop for a minute. Let me open the door." Jake's voice was lower than I had ever heard it. It didn't encourage me to stop, it only pushed me to have him closer to me.

"I don't want to stop, Jake. I need you now." I breathed against his ear and nipped around the shell. His wide shoulders shuddered at the sensation.

He was finally able to get the door open and he pulled us inside. As soon as the door was closed, I started to unbutton his shirt. He wrapped his arms around my waist as he bent down to trail wet kisses down my shoulder. I threw my head back letting a small moan escape my lips when he blew on the wet, slick skin.

I pushed him backwards until his knees came into contact with the couch and he sat down. I put my legs on either side of his and straddled his lap. I could feel his erection pressed between my legs. I smirked as I nipped at his lush bottom lip.

He started to kiss me again as he let his hands move up my thighs, and under the bottom of my dress. I had a flash of Edward doing the same thing; how it felt, and it was no where close to the same. I could feel Jake's hands at the edge of my panties now, and he started to deepen the kiss. He broke away from my mouth and worked his way down my neck. A moan escaped my lips.

"I need you, Edward."

Jake froze instantly.

"Why did you stop?" I asked, trying to keep the disappoint at bay.

"Bella, it's Jake, not Edward. _Jake_." He looked at me, pain obvious in his eyes.

"I know that. I know your Jake." I nodded back confused.

"You called me Edward."

"N-no I didn't," I stuttered and shook my head.

He gently pushed me off his lap and stood up. He ran a hand up his face and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds.

"Yes, Bella. You called me Edward. I can't do this." He looked back down at me and shook his head. His teeth chewed on his bottom lip.

"Do what?" I begged him.

"Don't you see what you're doing? You're doing to me what he did to you. Don't do that to me, Bella. I want you to want _me_. I don't want to be some runner up, someone you use to forget. I won't be that, Bella. I won't be your excuse."

"That's…it's not…Jake, I-I'm sorry I didn't mean to…" I got up to leave, completely ashamed of myself.

"Bella, I care for you a lot, I really do. I just want to be the one for you, not the one you use to get over him." Jake said quietly. He walked over to me and gently rubbed my back. I paused at the door, attempting to hold back my tears.

"I didn't mean it like that, I…I have to go Jake, I'm so sorry."

"Bella, no, I'll take you home."

"No, I want to be alone…I'm sorry." I turned around and gave Jake a weak smile and squeezed his shoulder. His eyes looked heavy, worn. He looked like he was struggling between what he wanted and what was right.

Before he could change his mind, I stormed out of the door and ran to the street, hailing a cab.

I spent the ride home crying. I knew Jake's feelings for me. I knew he wanted more then I was able to give him, but I still led him on.

I felt wretched. How could I have done that knowing how much it hurt me?

I was dropped off in front of Alice's house and their car was still gone.

I ran to the house and to my room, slamming the door behind me and throwing myself on the bed.

Life sucks, than hopefully, you die.

EPOV

It had been two weeks since I had seen Bella. Two weeks since I had spoke to her, and it was the most unbearable two weeks of my life.

I spent a good amount of time alone in my house. I kept it dark; no lights. Trying to watch T.V. was pointless, so I kept it off. I was barely eating or sleeping. I had no friends to talk to. Emmett wouldn't take my calls to come over, and I had tried calling Bella a few times at Alice and Jasper's, but that was a mistake.

I was alone.

I was left to stew in the fact that I was a blind moron who was so secretly in love with my best friend, that even I didn't see it. That I had damaged the one I loved in my stupidity. That I would never be able to make it right.

The fact that I now knew that I was in love with Bella caused this empty burning feeling in my chest on a regular basis. It wouldn't go away no matter what I tried.

The fact that none of my friends would talk to me brought on a whole new pain. I wanted to call to let them know I saw it, that it finally happened and I needed their help to make it right. I needed them to tell me what to do, because I would do anything.

This only caused me to break down and cry because at the present, I had no friends to speak to.

I knew they were doing it for Bella. I knew she would never ask them to, but that they thought that is what she needed and that was fine.

But what was I supposed to do?

My work had started to slip. I was known for never being late and always giving everything one hundred percent. But not now. I couldn't focus. I could barely drag myself out of bed.

Angela was pissed. She said she was getting me a personal assistant, and I was going to have to suck it up. I was costing them money, and word was getting out about how I was acting. She was right, the tabloids started printing stories that I was into drugs and was slowly becoming another Hollywood statistic.

My mother had called after seeing one of these magazines and asked me if it was true. I had to explain to her what happened. I had never heard my mother scream so loud. The things she said to me…I knew she would regret later because she loved me and that is just how she was, but she refused at this time to speak to me until I fixed it.

My father wasn't much help either. Carlisle had been wary of me becoming an actor. He said that this place changed people, and he didn't want that to happen to his son. I promised that it wouldn't. he brought that up, telling me he didn't realize I was no longer a man of my word and that he was disappointed in me.

I didn't even have my parents to fall back on.

I was laying in bed staring at the ceiling, a favorite past time of mine now seeing as I could no longer sleep. The house was quiet and I was alone.

Still.

I heard my front door open, but I knew it wouldn't be anyone that I wanted to see, so I didn't move.

"Hey babe, how are you feeling?" Tanya said peaking her head around my door.

"Fine" I answered morosely without looking at her.

She breathed out a heavy sigh.

"When is the last time you were out of that bed?"

"Don't know."

"Do you have any jobs today?" she asked still standing in the door.

"Don't know."

"Edward, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're going to ruin your career. Then what? Do you think that is going to bring her back?" She asked sounding annoyed. But I could care less.

"I don't care, Tanya."

"You're acting like a child." she spat.

"You don't have to be here." I reminded her.

"Oh course I do. I care about you, unlike your friends," _Sure she did._ "I'm going to make you some breakfast, and then we are going to spend some time together. Maybe we could go out tonight."

She waited a moment for my response, but when she didn't get it, she turned on her heels and headed to the kitchen.

All the sudden, my phone rang, it was probably Angela calling to tell me how I once again messed up at some audition or job.

I picked up the phone, and said "Hello" My voice was still heavy with sleep. I cleared it slightly. My throat burned in retaliation.

No one responded.

"Hello, who's this?" I asked a little louder and sat up. I clear my throat once more.

Who calls this early in the morning and says nothing?

Then it clicked, it was _her_.

"Bella!" I called her name, "Bella, please say something. I have called please talk to me, I'm so sorry, I miss you so much, can we please talk?"

Still nothing.

Just then, Tanya popped her head back into the room asking where I kept my coffee. I stopped breathing immediately and felt my heart thunder loudly in my chest. Bella would think she was here overnight, but she wasn't. she hasn't since _that_ night. I heard a muffled sob and I had to stop her before she got the wrong impression

"Bella, please, I can-" The line went dead.

"NO! Fuck!" I launched the phone across the room and it hit the wall with such force that it smashed into tiny glittery pieces.

"Edward, what the hell is your problem? Way to waste a fucking Iphone!" Tanya shrieked from the door.

"That was Bella, she heard you and hung up." I said biting the inside of my mouth.

"So you took it out on the phone?" she spat back at me.

_Shut up, woman._

"Better than your face." I mumbled low so she couldn't hear me.

"We are going out tonight." She announced, unaware of my previous comment.

"No." I stated evenly.

"Yes, you need to get out of this cave you have built for yourself."

"No." I reiterated, grinding my teeth together.

"Edward, we are going out. Do whatever you want today, but we are going out tonight. I will take you drinking. You can drowned your sorrows, or whatever other pathetic thing you want to do, but you are doing it outside of this god forsaken house. Do you understand?" She said with her arms across her chest and her hip sticking out.

"Whatever. fine. I'll go out, but I am coming home when I want. With or without you."

"That is all I ask." she skipped out the room to return to breakfast.

The rest of the day was spent with me in my room alone. Tanya called me on her way back from a photo shoot and told me I better be ready by the time she got here.

I told her fine, and when I hung up, I pretended to strangle the phone in frustration. She was getting on my last nerve.

I showered, but didn't bother to shave. I threw on the first thing I grabbed in my closet, which was a pair of dark jeans and a grey t-shirt. Tanya didn't even bother coming in, she merely honked to let me know she was outside waiting.

Nice.

_Oh baby, you. You got what I need. _I sang in my head with a sarcastic smirk.

I headed out to her car, and plopped into the passenger seat. I didn't want to this. I was in no mood to go out to a club. But maybe if I got trashed, I'd get some sleep.

"Oh, Edward, hobo works for you." Tanya smothered a laugh as she took in my appearance. I turned towards her and flashed her a fierce smile.

"Get to driving, New York."

We arrived at the club right after 9, and it was already packed. oh, of course there was no waiting for us, we went in through the VIP entrance to the side. Tanya insisted, even though she knew I hated the whole VIP thing.

I headed straight for the bar and asked for a double shot of whatever was closest to the man. He placed it in front of me and I threw it back quickly, relishing the warm numbing effect it had. I reached into my wallet and slapped a hundred on the table and nodded for him to keep them coming.

After my third double, I decided to look around. I had lost Tanya at some point. She was probably looking for her next casting couch no doubt, but I could care less.

I somehow managed to make my way to the edge of the dance floor. I was watching the crowd and listening to the random techno song they were playing. It was definitely different. I couldn't help smiling at the thought of Bella trying to dance to this. She'd probably look like she was having a seizure.

Then, I spotted her. And she definitely didn't look retarded as she moved her body skillfully against a large guy.

I had to blink a couple times, because the doubles were taking their effect. I thought I was dreaming.

She was stunning. She was laughing, her hair was swishing back and forth as she moved from side to side. I caught a glimpse of the dress she was wearing, and I stopped breathing. It was like everything in that moment finally made me feel a small fraction of what she had been feeling for her entire lifetime.

Because here I was, in love with this beautiful creature who was dancing mere feet away from me, and she was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. My heart came to life as soon as I saw her. But it plummeted once I realized , who she was with. Her hands were wrapped around the neck of Jacob, and she was grinding herself into him a little more vigorously than before. I felt like I was going to be sick.

Is this how I had made her feel for years? If so, I was royally screwed.

A new sensation of pain ripped through my body, one I had never before felt. It set every nerve on fire.

She finally looked over Jake's shoulder, and her brown eyes met my green, and we were locked in a moment.

I wanted to run to her, to tell her what a fool I had been, to get down on my knees in front of all these people and beg her to forgive me, and let her know I loved her too. I couldn't picture another moment of my life that she wasn't part of. I wanted to crash my lips into hers and taste her. To savor her. To touch her. To never let her go.

All I could do was let her know I thought she was beautiful, so I did. I saw a small smile play on her face. Her eyes seemed to glisten, and I was going to make my move, I was going to go beg for forgiveness. Just then, I noticed Bella's smile drop and tears fall down her face. I didn't understand the sudden change.

Then I felt it, or should I say _her_.

Tanya came up next to me and weaved her arm into mine, and snuggled up to me.

"Having fun?" She cooed.

I ripped my arm away from Tanya and she looked at me in shock. I looked to Bella and pleaded with my eyes, I shook my head to tell her this wasn't what it looked like.

She had stopped dancing and Jake took notice. He snapped his head in my direction and growled, "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

I saw her whispered something to him and give his arm a reassuring squeeze. I started walking towards her and I noticed that she was frantically searching the dance floor, probably for signs of Alice or Rose.

I made it to her, but for a moment, said nothing. My eyes begged her to understand; to give me a moment to explain. I wanted so badly to tell her everything if she would only let me.

"Bella," I was finally able to croak out. "Can I talk to you, please?"

"I-I don't think now is a good time. I'm here with Jake." she said pulling herself closer to him. Had I pushed her towards him? Was it to late? I felt water well in my eyes at the realization that I possibly would never get the chance to let her know I loved her.

"I've wanted to call, to talk to you. I just didn't know what to say. Did you call me this morning? I wish you would have talked to me Bella, there's something I need to tell you, to explain." It all came out in a mess of words.

"I- I didn't want to interrupt, I wanted to talk to you to, I just…" And then, Tanya walked up.

Mood kill. Major.

"Babe, this place is boring tonight, can we go?" She looked around the room trying to spot someone of importance. "Oh, Bella, I didn't recognize you. You look nice. How are you?" I stiffened at her tone.

"I need a drink." Bella said, grabbing Jake's hand and pushing past us.

"Bella!" I couldn't let her go, not until she knew. But she ignored me and continued on with Jake.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Tanya? Why would you do that?" I was unable to control the volume of my voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"You knew I have been wanting to talk to her! why on earth would you interrupt?" I was so pissed. If Tanya had blown my only chance to talk to Bella, I'd kill her.

She started to drone on about something, but I couldn't be bothered to pay attention. At that moment, I once again made eye contact with Bella. She had thrown back some drink in a glass and was watching me. Maybe I had another shot. I walked away from Tanya without another word.

But, before I could reach her, she grabbed Jake and pulled him to her, throwing herself into a kiss. He responded after a short pause, and pressed her into the booth. My heart was no longer beating. The pain that ripped through my body as I watched another man's lips on her was agony.

I couldn't move. I couldn't pull my eyes away from it. It was like watching the destruction of my heart up close.

She looked up from Jake, and for the third time that night our eyes met. My body was shaking from silent sobs. I couldn't take this anymore. I turned and left to find Tanya to take me home.

I found her schmoozing some guy at the bar. I grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the exit.

"Edward what the hell is-" I didn't let her finish, I pressed her up against the wall and pressed my lips to hers. I needed to feel something, anything, but the pain I was feeling now. I needed her. Now.

She granted me access no questions asked, and I deepened the kiss as best I could. As I kissed her, all I thought of was Bella. How Bella's lips felt, how her mouth tasted. That drove me further into a blissful oblivion. we made it to the car and she drove to my house as fast as she could.

Once out of the car, I attacked her again, kissing her full on as we stumbled backwards towards the front door. Once there, I hurried with my keys and let us in. I kicked the door closed and started to pull the trampy tank top she was wearing off. I needed to feel her. once I had it over her head, I threw it off to the side not caring where it landed.

We made our way to my room and she pulled my shirt over my head and started kissing down my chest. When my knees made contact with the bed, she nudged me and I fell back. I felt her climb up and straddle my lap. She was kissing and working her way down to my pants. I felt her fingers reach the button, and I froze.

It wasn't her undoing the buttons now, it was Bella. Her long chocolate hair tickled my chest and her pale skin looked heavenly; lit only by the moon light. I could smell her; the berries, her shampoo I could feel her. Every last inch of her. I needed her. I wanted her. I flipped her over onto her back, but when I looked up at her, it wasn't Bella. It was Tanya and the pain I wanted to forget.

I couldn't do this.

"Tanya, I can't." I said rolling off her.

"What do you mean you can't?" she asked angrily.

"I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

"It's her, isn't it? It's the nobody? You're going to leave me for someone who doesn't even exist on our level, who won't even speak to you?"

"She may be a nobody to you, but she is a somebody to me, and she is a hell of a lot more of a somebody then you. Just leave."

She stood up in a fit of anger and spat her finale words,

"She'll never take you back. You're pathetic. you ruined any chance you ever had, Edward. Enjoy your misery."

And with that, Tanya was out of my life.

I just had to figure out how to get Bella back in.

**A/N: DING DONG THE WITCH IS GOOOOONE!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: So here is 13.. thanks so much for the love still.. I love waking up to over 100 messages in my mail box, makes me feel important.**

**Many of you have asked why Edward kept Tanya around after he realized.. simple. He is alone, no friends no Bella, no one. Tanya, although a dirty whore.. was the closest thing he had to comfort. **

**Ereeen, my wonderful beta.. lil mini Irish Spawn, I would glady allow you to destroy my uterus and imprint on my best friend anyday!**

**Songs I listened to that may or may not fit for this chapter.**

**Brick- Ben Folds Five, Remembering Sunday- All Time Low, The Adventure- Angels and Airwaves, Slow Motion- David Gray, Pain- Jimmy Eat WOrld**

**AND!! By far the most amazing news EVER.. This story has been nominated for two awards in the AU human round.. Best Angst and Best Love Triangle... Go to the following site wwwDOTtwilightawardsDOTthis-paradiseDOTcom and make sute to check out and vote. I love all of you for the support and kind words and to those who nominated this story.. you mean the world. You have no idea what it means to me.**

**BPOV**

It had been a month since I had seen Edward at the club; a month since I hurt Jacob.

Things with Edward were still the same. He would call and try to talk to me, but he was almost always intercepted by Jasper or Alice. They started having longer talks with him, and I was hoping that was a sign of good things to come.

Though I wasn't speaking to him for the sake of my sanity, I didn't want him to be alone. He needed someone too, and if what Jake had told me about Tanya was true, he would certainly be all alone soon enough.

Jake and I had taken a break from seeing each for about a week. He was an amazing person, but I was so embarrassed and mad at myself for hurting him that it was extremely awkward to be around him.

He showed up on Alice's door step one day and said that our tiff was forgotten and that he missed our friendship. I took that moment to let him know that from this point on my friendship was all I was capable of giving. I still hadn't healed and I didn't want to repeat another moment of weakness.

He agreed, and continued to help me develop sharper skills in the art of photography.

I had received some offers to take pictures from people who had seen my work, and I was completely shocked. I thought Jake was just playing out a grand gesture by mounting some of my photos, but apparently to some, I was pretty damn good.

Recently, I had been feeling a little under the weather and couldn't seem to get rid of this weird stomach bug I had. My stomach was killing me constantly, but I ignored it. It would pass.

Word of mouth was working wonders for me and my photography, because I was getting called all the time to book shoots. So much so, that I was able to support myself instead of leeching off of my friends.

I was sitting at the desk in the guest room looking over my calendar one day when my phone began to ring. It was another person who wanted to book me, only this time for a wedding. How cute.

As I looked over the appointment book trying to see where I had an available time, something occurred to me and I stopped breathing for a painful second.

This could not be right. _No. No. No… _

I flipped franticly through the pages of the book, dropping the phone in my haste as the possibility that this really could be happening sunk in.

_Oh my god, no. Please, no._

I heard the person on the other end of the phone asking if I was still there in a rather perturbed tone.

With trembling hands, I picked up the phone and quickly took their info down in a daze before hanging up. I dropped the phone to the floor, not even wincing when I heard a sickening snapping sound.

This could not be happening. It would be too cruel.

I couldn't be.

What would I do; what could I do?

Stress. I have just been under a lot of stress. That had to be it.

No matter how many times I tried to talk myself into it being just stress delaying the inevitably, I knew the possibility of me being pregnant was a possible reality. We hadn't used anything. I don't know why I hadn't thought about that before now.

In the midst of all the drama, it must have just slipped my mind.

I grabbed my keys and headed to the store. I couldn't be pregnant. I needed to prove that to myself and let that be that. Once I knew for sure, all would be alright. The world could continue to turn.

I made it to the store and headed straight to the pharmacy section where they stocked the pregnancy tests.

Of course there would be fifty different brands of the same thing. I ran my hands through my hair in frustration and grabbed the one that was closest to me, and hurried to the self checkout line so I wouldn't have to deal with a judgmental cashier giving me strange looks.

Once I was home, I ran straight to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. Everyone was still gone, and I was thankful for that. I didn't want anyone here when I found out; I needed to do this on my own.

I pulled the rectangular box out from the bag and ripped it open. I pulled out the stick that was wrapped in its own package and found the instructions, following the steps just as they said. A smiley face for yes and a sad face for no.

Clever.

Once I had accomplished the awkward task of attempting to position a small stick at a suitable angle in my stream of pee, I laid the test on the counter and went into the bathtub and drew knees close to my chest.

How would I deal with being pregnant? Would he care? Would I even tell him? How could I raise a baby alone ?

All these things flashed through my mind as I waited to read the results. I couldn't think clearly. All I could see was a baby with auburn locks and chocolate brown eyes.

I don't know how long I sat there thinking of all the things that would happen if I was indeed pregnant with Edward's child, but I pulled myself out of those thoughts when I had reached the five minute mark.

I slowly pushed myself out of the cold porcelain tub and crept over to the counter with my eyes closed. When my thighs made contact with the cool tile, I knew it was the moment of truth.

I fumbled around the counter, feeling blindly for the test with my hands while I kept my eyes closed tight. I finally made contact, and with a finale breath I opened my eyes and looked down.

_No. Smiley face. No. No. No. This was not a happy moment. Not at all._

My body started to shake, and I could no longer feel my legs. I finally collapsed to the floor as fear racked through my body in huge gushes.

It was positive. It just had to be positive.

Ripping sobs escaped my mouth and burned my throat from the assault my vocal chords were receiving. I tried to hold my hand over my mouth to silence them, but I couldn't control what was happening to me.

Just then, the bathroom door burst open and Jasper was pulling me into his arms in a flash.

"Bella," He tried shaking me. "What's wrong, what is it? Bella, look at me." He grabbed my face between his hands.

"Bella, what happened." Jasper asked again, but a little more firmly.

"W-what...am I...I don't know…what to do." I choked out, I could barely speak.

"Do about what?" He asked frantically, his eyes zipped across my pained face trying to understand my broken sentence.

I just shook my head, staring blankly at nothing.

He looked around the bathroom, searching to see if something had caused me to act like this and he spotted the source.

"Oh…" His jaw dropped as he slowly turned his head to face me.

"What am I going to do?" I cried, burying my face in his shirt

"We'll figure something out, Bella. I call Alice, she'll know what to do." He said as he combed his fingers through my hair.

Once I was calm enough for him to leave me alone, he walked me to my bed and sat me down. he left the room to call Alice.

I sat there with my knees pulled to my chest, rocking back and forth.

Edward would have to know he was the father. Would he want me to keep it? What if he wanted to get rid of it? Would I even be able to consider that?

If he didn't want anything to do with it and I kept it, what would I tell it later in life about it's father? How could I do that to a baby?

Would he be angry at me? Would this be just another reason why I wasn't worthy enough to be with him?

If he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby, how would I survive that type of heartbreak?

I don't know how long I sat there with these painful questions plaguing my mind, but eventually I felt myself being held in Alice's tiny embrace, and I was crying again. She just sat with me until I fell asleep.

"_I don't want you…" His green eyes were cold and lifeless. Edward's face was colored with disgust as he took in my protruding stomach. _

"_You don't want me?" I whimpered, cowering under his deathly gaze._

"_No." He said coldly, then turned and walked away._

I woke up screaming, bolting straight up in bed. I was drenched in sweat. It was a dream. But wasn't it the truth?

I looked over at the clock and it was only 5 a.m.

I put my hands on my stomach and thought of the life that was growing inside of me. What would it look like? Was it a boy or a girl? Would it have my hair and Edward's eyes? How would I live having to see a miniature copy of the man I loved for the rest of my life? Would I take this out on the baby?

I couldn't.

It would be the best parts of Edward and I.

I started rubbing circles on my stomach.

"You will be loved, I promise you. No matter what, I will always love you." I said to the life within me as my voice cracked.

I continued rubbing circles on my stomach until I drifted off to sleep again.

I was woken up by Alice laying beside me and playing with strands of my hair.

"Morning, sleepy head." She put on a smile, but it didn't reach her eyes

"Hey." My voice croaked sleepily.

"I made you a doctor appointment first thing in the morning tomorrow."

"That's good."

"Bella," She looked at me as if to prepare me for what she was about to say. "We should call him…he should know, he should be here for you. He would want to be here, I know he would."

"NO Alice," I sat up immediately. "He can't know, not yet."

"Bella, Edward has done some messed up stuff in the past, but he would want to know. He does love you Bella, I know it. He would want to be here for you." She assured me.

"I can't, Alice. I can't let him know. Not right now, please." I pleaded with her.

"I-I don't know." She looked off as if having an eternal battle with herself.

"Alice, I promise, I will call him, I'll tell him, but right now. Just let me adjust to the shock, alright? Let this set in, and then I'll call him." I begged her to understand.

"If you're sure…" She said defeated.

"I am, just a little time to get used to this." I assured her with a small smile.

"You're going to be a Mom." Alice said, trying to make it sound like a happy event.

"Yeah, I guess I am." I said monotoned.

"Wait, you are, right? You plan on keeping it?" She questioned, suddenly unsure what I was going to do.

"Yes, it isn't the baby's fault I messed up. Maybe this baby will be a good thing for me. It will be a part of him I will always have." I tried to think positively.

"I guess." She answered quietly as she chewed her bottom lip.

"It's all I have left, Alice. This baby is the last thing of Edward I have."

She looked at me wide eyed and sad.

"Yeah…"

We laid there together staring at the ceiling and not speaking. Eventually, she had to leave, and I stayed in bed slowly becoming more comfortable with the idea of being with a child.

Edward's child.

I finally fell into a dreamless sleep after hours of staring at my favorite wall.

When I woke up, it was seven in the morning.

Instead of nightmares, I had dreams of how it would be if I told Edward I was pregnant. He reacted excitedly as he whirled me around and kissed me, telling me what a fool he was, and that he loved me. Everything felt so happy, so wonderful.

But, it was only a dream. I was too afraid to tell him. I would rather live a the dream world rather a nightmare.

I pulled myself out of bed trying to push the thought of telling Edward to the back of my mind as I got ready for my doctor appointment. I just wanted to make sure I was okay, that I wasn't doing anything that could harm the baby. Thinking back, I knew I had drank pretty heavily… I don't think that would have any effect, at least I hoped not. I knew nothing about children.

Alice was coming with me to this appointment because I needed someone there for support. Once I had something to eat, we headed out the door and to the doctor.

We sat in the waiting room quietly. The nurse at the desk had handed me a clipboard to fill out my information; previous pregnancies, last menstrual cycle, STD's and so on.

After I handed the lady at the desk my clip board, I went and sat back next to Alice.

"Stop fidgeting, Bella, all will be ok." She said, putting a hand on mine.

"I know, just nervous." I said biting my lip.

"I'm here, it'll be alright. I promise." She squeezed my hand reassuringly.

We sat in silence as we watched patients being called back.

Then, I heard my name.

I froze as Alice stood. She turned to me and stretched her hand out to me and pulled me up.

Once behind the door, the nurse greeted me nicely and asked me to step on the scale.

After weighing me and writing that down in her charts, she turned to me.

"So, you took an at home test and had positive results?" She asked as she read over my chart.

"Umm… yes." I said nodding.

"Alright," She picked up a plastic cup. "just go in the bathroom there and give me a sample. We will test it when you come out, and the doctor will talk to you then."

I took the cup from her and made my way to the cramped bathroom.

Once I was finished, I came out and handed the cup to the nurse. Alice and I then followed her back to a room where she told us to wait.

She left me and Alice alone and I just sat there rocking back and forth on the examining table. I was bouncing my leg and it was causing the paper to make a crinkling nose. Alice placed her hand on my leg and told me to calm down.

The doctor entered the room and was looking over my charts.

He glanced up with a quick smile.

"Hello Ms. Swan. I'm doctor Hall, I see you have missed your period and took a home pregnancy test and received a positive result?"

I simply nodded.

"Well, it doesn't happen often, but those things aren't one hundred percent accurate. Sometimes you can have false positives, which seems to be the case with you. The test we ran here came back negative. You're not pregnant."

I looked to Alice as tears started to well up in my eyes, and she stood up and grabbed my hand tightly.

"Are you sure?" She asked the doctor with narrowed eyes.

"Yes, I'm sorry." Dr. Hall answered with a sympathetic smile. "I can do a full examination, or if you are looking to become pregnant we can talk about-" I cut him off quickly.

"No, I'm sorry, I would just like to go now." I stood up holding my arms across my waist, trying not to fall apart.

I needed to get out of there.

"Of course." He wrote something down on his board and pulled off a piece of paper, telling me to hand it to the lady in the front.

I grabbed the paper and hurried out to the front desk. After handing the paper to the office assistant and she gave me the okay, I flung the office door open and I ran out to the car.

Alice was at my heels, and once she reached me, I collapsed into her arms.

"Bella, it's okay." she tried to reassure me with a small laugh. She rubbed soothing circle into my back.

"It was my last hope, Alice. It was all I had left, it would have been a part of him with me forever." I cried as tears began to blind my vision.

"Bella, he isn't gone. Things will work out, I just know it. You just need to see it."

"Things are never going to be right again. This was the last hope and it is gone. Now I have nothing."

"You have lots, Bella! You have to stop doing this to yourself. Stop. A baby wouldn't have made him love you any more or less. It wouldn't have fixed anything, Bella. That's not what babies do."

She was right, but either way it still hurt. I just wanted to go home. I wanted this nightmare to be over.

**EPOV**

"And, Cut! That's a wrap folks!" The director shouted across a green open field. I released my lips from my costar and gave her shoulder a quick squeeze before I walked away.

The cast and crew around me clapped and cheered, but I simply walked off the set and over to my P.A., Erin. She was waiting to drive me back to the hotel.

Angela had arranged for Erin to work for me. she was a petite little Irish girl with shoulder length black hair with red streaks and a huge personality. We both shared a similar obsession for horror films and gore. Erin seemed to be excited about getting a chance to work on a movie set and see how things were done. She was also itching to get her foot in the door with her own ideas. She was an amazing writer, and had recently finished a script for a zombie film. She had allowed me to read it after much begging and bribery from my side, but I didn't expect the girl to show such amazing talent. Her words jumped completely off the page I was reading and completely encompassed me in a world of gore and mayhem; I was thoroughly impressed. I made her promise me the leading role.

Erin and I had clicked instantly the moment we met. Something about her exuded warmth, and I was willing to pull myself to anything other than the cold that was my existence as of late. I think Angela may have set us up to be friends more than anything.

She knew I was in desperate need in that particular department.

I had been in Ireland for two weeks filming the period piece I had booked. Everyday was painful and difficult as I attempted to pull myself out of the funk I was in. I couldn't seem to focus on anything other then the obvious.

It had been a month since I saw Bella.

The last image I had of her was her being pressed into a booth by Jake touching her, kissing her; doing all the things that I longed to do, but would most likely never get the chance.

It was my own fucking fault.

I wasn't even alive anymore. I was basically just going through the motions. It took every ounce of energy I had to go to work each day. My performance with jobs lately had been so bad, that Angela had to put her foot down and tell me that if I didn't straighten up, she would have to drop me. She could no longer represent someone who was making a bad name for himself in the business.

So, I mustered up every ounce of will power I had and I forced myself to do what I was paid to do, and nothing more. But the moment that camera stopped rolling or the cameras stopped snapping, I was just a shell of what I once was. I was surviving, but I really didn't care to much to be honest.

"How was your day, champ?" Erin asked with the smile she always seemed to wear. I attempted to smile back as I got into the car. I began to get into the wrong side, but Erin whistled to get my attention and directed me to the other. I blushed at how blunt I was as an American, but Erin just shook her head and laughed.

"The usual." I finally answered her first question as I settled into my seat and stared out the window at the passing scenery.

"Hear from any of your friends?" She asked as she switched the radio to the Flogging Mollys. She gave an excited yelp and began nodding her head to the music.

I just shook my head back and forth. She already knew the answer. She knew my whole life thanks to the pub visit we had last night.

She snorted in response.

"You know, mate, you make it entirely too easy to pull the mickey out of you,"

I looked at her confused. Erin just flashed me a cheesy grin.

"What the hell does that even mean, you remind me of Christopher Walkins in that Blue Oyster Cult Skit on SNL."

Her slang made no sense.

"Oh, right. Right, I keep forgetting your American," She cleared her throat and ran a hand through her mismatched hair. "Translation; You are pathetic." She finished bluntly.

"Thanks, that makes me feel loads better." I snapped then went back to watching the passing scenery.

"I didn't realize that was part of my job description; To make you feel better, that is." She replied with a slight bite in her thick accent. That was one thing about Erin; she didn't care who you were, she'd put you In your place.

"Well, I highly doubt part of your job is to make me feel like shit." I answered through my teeth. I felt my nostrils flare. Anger and sadness. Those seemed to be the only two prominent emotions I had now.

"Aww, is me being honest hurting your weetle feelings?" Erin asked in a mocking tone. "Listen, boyo, I don't lie. And when I see someone like you, who seems to be a pretty good guy, fack up and already facked situation and does nothing to prevent it seem to be on the over exaggerated side."

"I can't fix my situation if she won't even talk to me."

"Then you make her talk to you. Jesus, and I thought Americans were better than the fack faces around here. From what I understand, she has been the one all these years waiting for you to step up…so facking step up already."

"It's not that easy. she doesn't want anything to do with me."

"Oh, be a chancer! Fack!" Erin slammed her hand against the steering wheel in annoyance. I had to smile at her increase of the "f" word. It was wiped away as Erin continued her verbal assault,

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself. It isn't about you. You have done a number on this girl you call your best friend. You have to make a grand gesture; make it about her. Sitting around crying like a little flange isn't going to change anything. You're going to lose her. You know that right."

"What the fuck is a flange?"

"A CUNT, EDWARD. QUIT ACTING LIKE A CUNT."

" But, I have already lost her." I answered flatly. Erin rolled her eyes. Her cheeks and ears were tinged with red. She was annoyed, obviously.

"Maybe, but at least try." She said, trying to control the venom in her voice.

We fought like siblings. It's too bad I couldn't get over Bella. Erin was hot and angry sex would do wonders. I perished the thought. Bella was the only girl for me. Erin made sure I realized that at the pub.

"What do you suggest then, oh wise one?" I turned to her, asking sarcastically.

"I don't know. But this.," She swatted the air next to me. "is not it."

"How am I supposed to act, then? I can't breath, I can't sleep, I can't do anything. I'm barely alive here, Erin!"

" Um, you're supposed to act like a facking man and own up to what has happened. Cut the bollocks and prove to her that you were a complete wanker and get her back! Beg if you have to. Don't just give up, if you truly love this girl, you fight until there is no more fight left." Erin finished passionately. I smirked at her.

"I don't think life is as easy as Love Actually, Erin."

"UGH, you know what? If you're just going to shoot down anything I say and make excuses as to why it won't work without even trying it first, why should I even bother." An annoyed hiss escaped her red lips. " Be a little pansy then. Sit in your little dark hotel room that you've turned into a bat cave and wallow in your own self pity while listening to your shitty excuse of music, and watch the girl that you claim to love find someone else. You will have no one but yourself to blame."

"I already blame myself." I mumbled. We continued the rest of the way to the hotel in silence.

Erin pulled up to the front of the hotel, and I stepped out of the car.

"Bye, fackhole." Erin smiled at me sweetly.

I smiled back just as sweetly and leaned into her window.

"Bye, flange."

I made it to my room and plopped down on the bed. There wasn't much to do here that held any interest. Everything here would have been better if I had someone with me. Bella. Bella would be amazing, but being alone, there was no point to even try. So while I wasn't shooting, I was in my room, not reading, not watching T.V.

I was too busy being a flange, as Erin called it.

The rest of the cast would invite me to go do something, but I thought I would be too much of a downer, so I always declined their offers.

I had heard the director speaking one day to the assistant director. They were worried about my lack of chemistry with everyone else coming across on screen. They suggested we hang out and get to know each other. I just couldn't be bothered.

I was laying on the bed when my cell phone started to go off. The only person who called me on it was Angela, and she had probably received a set report about my shit acting and decided to call and yell at me. I wasn't up to being yelled at tonight.

I ignored it.

I started to doze off but was pulled from the clutches of sleep by my phone going off again. She would keep this up all night if I let her, so I grabbed it and was about to flip it open when I noticed the caller ID.

It was Jasper.

I flipped it open in a flash.

"Jasper!?" I said a little too excitedly. A friend was actually calling me! Erin's ovaries would drop!

"Hey, Edward." He said, sounding different. Sad.

"It's really good to hear your voice, man," I could feel my throat tighten. I cleared it quickly. "How is everyone?" _How is Bella? _

"Actually, that's what I called to talk to you about…" Jasper sounded as if he were trying to decide how to say what he needed to say.

"What's wrong? Is someone hurt?" I started to feel the panic rise. _Was it Bella?_

"Well, no…" I wasn't convinced.

"Jasper, man, spit it out." I couldn't take this.

"Bella's pregnant." He blurted out.

I dropped the phone as if it had shocked me.

Sphincter says what?

She was pregnant, by me? By my demon seed?

It was me, right? Thinking back quickly, I didn't think we used anything. I mean, it wasn't exactly planned and drinking never helps in that kind of situation. It wasn't like we were on a bear skin-

Oh god. I was going to be someone's father.

"Edward, Edward are you there?" I heard jasper yell into the phone.

"Yea, sorry, I kinda dropped the phone." I said after picking it up.

"I kind of figured." Jasper barked out a quick laugh. It stung my ear.

"When did this happen? When did she find out?" I couldn't stem the flow of questions that were pouring out my mouth.

Holy shit. Holy fuck. Holy…I'm going to be someone's father.

"I came home this afternoon and found her crying on the bathroom floor. She had taken a home test, and it was positive. Alice made her an appointment. She is going to get checked out, and she is freaking out a little bit."

"I've got to come home." I breathed into the phone as I sat down on the bed. My fingers raked through my hair nervously.

"No man, there isn't anything you can do right now."

"Jasper, if she is pregnant with my child, I am coming home and I am going to make her talk to me. I love her, I can't let her go through this alone."

"It won't make anything better man, she was just starting to heal when she found this out. You don't love her the way she wants, just let her heal first." He begged.

"I don't think you understand, Jasper. I am in love with her. I was so stupid, I didn't see it, and now I do and it's fucking torture. I can't breath without her; I need her to forgive me." I needed him to understand that I did love her like she loved me, like she had wanted, like I had wanted, but never knew.

"Wait, what?" He asked confused.

"I was a fool. I missed it all these years. she is my soul mate, Jasper. I can't live without her. She needs to know I love her." Before it was to late, if it wasn't already.

"When did you figure all this out?" He questioned.

"Well, Jake paid me a visit and told me and made me see what an ass I was. I went to see her art work and it just clicked. I wanted to tell her that night at the club… but fucking Tanya ruined it."

"I'd say." He gave a light laugh.

"Well, she has been done with since that night. I told her it wasn't working for me…and I haven't spoken to her since." Thank god, I never realized how annoying she actually was.

"That's good to hear." He said, sounding unsure what to think.

"Ok Jasper I have to come home." I said getting back to the topic at hand.

"Edward, Alice can help her. She'll be okay." He tried to explain.

"No, this has gone on long enough. she's pregnant and she must be so scared and feel so alone. I have to be there for her. I want her to know I love her, that I need her." I wanted us, I needed us.

"Yeah, I guess…how are you going to leave when you're filming?"

"I don't know. I'll work something out. I will call you when I get in, okay? I am going to try to leave tonight."

"Alright, I guess, have a safe flight."

I hung up the phone and immediately dialed Erin. She was the only person who I could think to help me.

"Cullen," she greeted frostily. "Do you need a dou-" I cut her off quickly.

"Erin, I have to fly home like now."

"What are you talking about?"

"Bella's pregnant, I have to go now. Help me get out of here."

"Bloody hell…wait, what are you going to tell production? They aren't going to let you go, not for that."

"I don't give a damn what production says! I have to get home. Can you call and see if there are some flights leaving in the next hour or so that will get me home, I don't care how, but I need to get home now."

She was silent for a few moments.

"Erin," I pleaded, trying to figure out a way to convince her. "I swear to God if you don't help me I will not turn in your script. I Swear it to you." I threatened, hoping it hit home.

It did. I heard a soft "Fack" and "Bastard" spew from her lips. My heart leaped with joy.

"I'll get right on it. I'll be there as soon as I'm done with the info."

"Wonderful, wonderful spitfire!" I gushed into the phone excited.

I received a scoff in response.

I threw a few things into a bag I had. I didn't really need to, but it gave me something to do until Erin got here with my flight information.

I paced around the room thinking of what I was going to say to her. Everything would be alright, she would be fine if she could just know that I was there for her and that I loved her. We would get through this together.

My thoughts were interrupted.

There was a loud hard knock on my door, and I ran to it slinging it open. A cherry red Erin stood before me with a smirk playing across her lips.

"Erin, tell me you did it?"

"Sure did! You better hurry too there isn't much time. Did you tell production? Anyone?" She asked then gasped when I picked her up into a bone crushing hug.

Savior. This lady was my savior.

"No, there isn't anytime." I grabbed my bag off the bed with Erin still wrapped securely in my arms. I ran through the opened door and slammed it behind me. I had an excited smile ringing across my face. I felt Erin's fingernails tap on my shoulder, so I finally let her down.

"You know, this could be the end of your career right? You leaving without them knowing will spread. No one will want to hire you."

"It doesn't matter. This isn't about me, it is about Bella. She needs me. None of this compares to her."

Erin flashed me her familiar toothy grin.

"'Atta Boy." She said slapping me on the back.

We finally left the hotel and made it to the airport with thirty minutes before boarding thanks to Erin's manic driving. She wished me good luck as I hopped out the car.

"Way to make that grand gesture." She said with a wink, waving goodbye.

I headed to the counter to pick up my tickets and info, and then through security to wait to board.

Time seemed like it was going by at a snails pace, and I was becoming uber impatient as I continued to tap my foot as the minutes passed by. All I wanted to do was get to Bella. I needed to let her know everything would be fine. I needed to tell her that I loved her, that we could make this work.

I was going to be someone's father.

I was going to be in charge of someone else's life.

But hopefully I would be with Bella. Once she gave me a chance, once I was able to explain, then we would be fine, we had to be. It would take work, I wasn't stupid. I know what I had done to her must have killed her, and I knew that it wouldn't be easy and she was probably scared, but it could work. We were Edward and Bella, we would make it work.

This baby may have been made from a shitty situation, but I knew that both it's parents loved it and each other very much. It would help bring us together.

The plane started to board, and once I had my bag in the overhead I sat and stared out the window.

I was finally going to see Bella, finally have a chance to talk to her. To fix things, let her know that I was head over heels in love with her.

I couldn't wait.

In all my thinking of what could be and what would happen, I fell into a deep sleep.

I was awoken by the stewardess placing her hand on my shoulder letting me know we were landing.

In what seemed like forever, the plane taxied and everyone made their way off the plane.

I ran for the extended parking garage where I had left my car and threw my bag in the back seat and took off towards Alice's.

My breathing was unsteady as I thought about seeing her, the woman carrying my child.

I'm going to be someone's father. Holy shit.

I felt a small smile grow across my face.

I turned on my phone and almost immediately it started to ring. I saw it was Jasper and opened it right away.

"Jazz man, I'm here and I am on the way to your house… About twenty minutes." I said in a rush of excitement and fear all mixed into one.

"Edward, can you pull over somewhere?" he asked warily.

"What's wrong, Jasper? Oh god, is Bella ok? Is the baby ok?" I asked frantically. I felt my heart plummet.

"Edward, pull over." Jasper said sternly.

"What the hell is going on, Jasper? Tell me now. what the hell is wrong?" What could it be? I couldn't take this.

"Bella went to the doctor this morning," He started.

"Yes, and? Don't do this to me." Why was he torturing me?

"The test she took at home was wrong, Edward. She isn't pregnant."

I felt like I had been hit in the stomach. I was going to physically sick.

"Edward, the test was positive; I saw it. She really thought she was pregnant. She isn't doing too great at the moment. I don't know if you should come by or not."

I pulled off to the side of the road and parked the car. I bit my bottom lip and felt my chin tremble. I wanted to scream.

I wasn't going to be a father after all. Relief, right?

"I'll just go back, I don't want to upset her more then she is already." I said quietly fighting the tears.

"Maybe it would be okay, maybe if she knew you were in love with her now it would make things better?" Jasper tried to explain, but it came out more like a question.

"It wouldn't, what if she resents me for putting her through this?" How could she not.

"She doesn't know you know. I wasn't supposed to tell you. She didn't want you to know until she figured things out. I-I just don't know what to do." This couldn't be easy on him either, on any of them. This was all my fault, look what I had done to all of us.

"I won't come." I said and my voice cracked.

"Edward, I'm sorry I shouldn't have done this to you."

"No, I had the right to know, I wanted to be there for her."

"Then be there now. Forget what I said, come be with her." He pleaded.

"I can't, it will only make things worse for her, I can't hurt her, not anymore. I never meant to hurt her, Jasper."

"I know Edward, just come here, let her know you love her, show her."

"I'm going to give her time. I won't put her through anymore pain then she is now, that is what I would be doing."

"But, Edward-" I cut him off.

"I'll talk to you later, I have to go."

I shut the phone and threw it to the floorboard of the passenger seat. I wrapped my arms around the steering wheel and buried my face into them.

This couldn't have been our last hope.

**A/N : Had you thinking they were going to go all BD on ya didn't you.. pssh.. I had this planned before the demon spawn.**


	14. Chapter 14

**_A/N: _Well, you all are pretty much amazing when it comes to reviews. Some are upset she isn't pregnant.. let me take a moment to let those who may not understand this know.**

**Baby doesn't equal automatic happiness. I am trying to keep this story as real life as possible.. and in real life babies are work and babies are not a magical fix to a broken relationship. If she had been pregnant and Edward came back, she would never ever know if it was because he truly loved her or he was doing what he though was the right thing. A baby is not a way to fix anything, it is a human..and should be brought into the world because you are ready to be a parent, not as a way to mend something that is broken.**

**Takes off mom hat.**

**This is it people, the chapter before the one you have been waiting for.. so it may be shorter and it may not be full of my normal heartfail but you will be happy for the next two chapters.**

**Erin as always my little spine breaking uterus eater.. I love you beta!**

**Make sure to check out wwwdottwilightawardsdotthis-paradisedotcom where this story is nominated for two awards.**

**Alright... carry on**

_**BPOV**_

_Three months had past, and I was doing better than I ever expected. _

_The pregnancy scare had made me see how sad I had become; actually hoping for a baby to bring Edward and I together. That's an all time low if I've ever seen one. After reflecting on the entire situation, I realized that if it wasn't meant to be, then it wasn't meant to be. Nothing would be able to change that._

_Especially not a baby._

_Once I had that epiphany, I began my trek for higher ground. _

_With the help of my friends, I had created a small business selling my photography. I had never really put much thought into what I would do in the future when I was working with Edward, because I never pictured myself away from him. But, as always, reality reared its ugly head and I was forced to seek out other options._

_And I had options I never knew I had._

_I had saved up enough money from the jobs I booked to rent my own apartment which doubled as my place of business, and my place of rest. As much as I loved and gratified Alice for her help, I felt like I was imposing on her kindness. _

_Plus, I had never actually lived on my own, so it was a nice little adventure for me. I went straight from my parents to living with Edward, then to Alice. It was nice to have some privacy. I also felt satisfied because I did this all this on my own._

_After the scare, things seemed to have hit rock bottom for me, but I kept a positive attitude hoping that things could only move up._

_And they did at a staggering rate._

_My photography's popularity traveled fast thanks to being the "unknown wonder," and with Jake as such a prominent figure in the art world as a friend, it moved even faster. I had a two month waiting list within two weeks, and I was beyond stoked._

_It was December now; Edward's favorite time of year. The days were slowly growing colder and the days shorter._

_The holidays were fast approaching, and my new found happiness was starting to fade. _

_It was fading because of the tradition this time of season held. _

_The Cullen/Swan Christmas party. _

_Each year, Edward and I would go home to spend some much needed quality time with our friends and family. Our families, being as close as they are, put together a massive Christmas party and we spent the time as one big, happy, loving family._

_The gang would always join us, because it was the one time of year where we all were together for a extended vacation. No work, no worries, just us basking in time we had together._

_However, with the current state of our situation, the promise of a worry-free holiday did not seem too plausible._

_That was the main reason why I was a little sad; wondering if anything was left untouched by our actions, or if anything would ever be the same again. _

_But, I would suck it up. I would deal with whatever was thrown at me, and go with a brave face. Everyone deserved a break from the dramatics. I could tell that my friends felt a weight lift off their shoulders once the pregnancy scare had passed. They stopped hunching and shuffling. It hurt me a little to know that my problems with Edward had caused them pain also._

_Everyone was talking again, though! Well, everyone except Edward and I. _

_I needed more time. I didn't want to have a relapse. I needed to make sure that when I was near him, I wouldn't feel like my heart was being ripped out. I would like it if I could breathe normally instead of in sharp gasps. I'd also like to hold myself together without physically wrapping my arms around myself. I needed time to let all those feelings that went beyond friendship go, because we would never be more than just friends. He didn't see me that way, and I had to accept that and make myself happy now._

_But time was no longer on my side. Time trickled away with each day that passed, bringing me closer to the day we would be in the same room together face to face. With each passing day, that old prickly emotion would creep back in, and no matter how hard I tried to fight them back, my efforts were futile._

_I would close my eyes and I would see him so clearly; his perfect pink lips, his dark emerald eyes, his crazy bronze hair pointing lazily in different directions… _

_At first, those were the only images I had. But as I was brought closer to the inevitable meeting I would have to face, more memories of Edward came to me. He would cloud my brain as I packed or slept. Even if I was alone for to long he would take hostage of my thoughts and force me to focus on him. _

_Please let go…_

Edward laying soft kisses up my half naked body…Edward calling me beautiful…the feeling of pure euphoria as he pushed himself deep into me , fitting me like a missing puzzle piece.

I would snap out of it with a shake my head. Fresh tears always appeared after these bittersweet memories, but I never let them flow.

I scolded myself repeatedly. _Let go…_

I had finally gotten to the point where I could sleep through the night without my heart hurting too terribly. The only time the throbbing would grow unbearable was when I thought of him, like it was now. The fact that such a big player in my life had become someone who was in the nose bleed section of the arena not even able to see the game up close is what hurt most of all.

I think he would be proud of me, at least I hoped he would be. I had accomplished so much on my own during his absence, andI had grown into a different person. I don't even know whether or not he got chance to see my work when it was up. Someone had purchased my photos two months ago, and I was shocked that they would want pictures of strangers hanging in their homes, but also flattered that they thought them good enough to buy.

It just hurt not having Edward in my life. But it was better like this for now.

…_Wasn't it?_

Tomorrow was the big day; the moment of truth.

Christmas Eve.

Would we even be able to be in the same room together and be civil, or would we just bring our family down? Would anything have changed?

I was hoping that when I saw him that my heart would mend, and our connection would snap right back into action and it would be like the last three months had never happened.

But my worst fear was overshadowing my best case scenario. My fear that this time apart would show Edward what I always knew; I really had no business in his presence at all and he was indeed better off without me.

My eyes watered at that possibility alone.

I was in my apartment alone packing for the trip. I was rummaging through shopping bags Alice and Rose had brought over. Apparently, my taste in holiday apparel was not up to their standards, so they decided to update my wardrobe.

I laughed as I pulled out articles of clothing_, if you could call some of these things clothing_, out of the bag and folded them neatly before placing them in my duffle bag.

I shook my head when I reached the underwear.

_Why even bother? _I thought as held up a thin piece of black lace. I think Rose and Alice forgot we were going home to my parent's house for Christmas, and not on a island getaway with a few hot guys.

But, knowing them, once we got to my parents house they would search through my bag taking inventory to make sure I packed what they gave me. It was better to humor them than to spend time arguing.

I had just shoved the final article of skimpy lace into my bag and zipped the top when my phone began ring. I reached over to the nightstand to grab the phone and I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Esme. I smiled.

"Hello?"

"Bella dear, it's Esme. How are you?" Esme cooed from the other line in a motherly tone.

"I'm doing wonderful, and you?" I asked sweetly as I plopped onto my bed.

"I'm well, sweetheart. I was calling to talk to you for a moment if you have the time,"

"Of course, is anything wrong?"

"Well…I know Edward and you have had a slight falling out. I know that things aren't the same between you two anymore…" She said, her voice dripping with motherly concern.

"Yes, for the moment we aren't close." I replied and cleared my throat slightly. I blinked my eyes a few times to rid them of the stinging tears.

"Well, I want you to know that no matter what happens between you two, you will always be a daughter to me. You will always mean just as much to me as if you were my own. Carlisle feels the same, dear."

"Wow…thank you." Her sudden onslaught of love had taken me off guard. I smiled a watery smile as I felt my heart clench slightly.

"We were worried that you might feel awkward coming here tomorrow, and that you wouldn't feel comfortable being around Edward-" I cut her off swiftly to avoid a hasty subject.

"Esme, really, it will all work out. This is a time to be happy and relax. I plan on leaving my issues behind. I'm not letting this effect our Christmas."

"I know you wouldn't do that, Bella, and Edward won't either. He misses you, sweetheart. I believe things will work out in time. Even the closest of people have things that separate them for a time. But, what is meant to be will happen, you'll see."

She was such an optimistic person. It was no secret that her and Renee had spent a good amount of time since our birth planning our wedding. It was sad to see them have all the hope that I had for that to come true.

It wouldn't.

"I hope you're right." Was all I could think to say.

"Aren't I always?" She teased back lightly. Her soft laughter caressed me into a calm state. I smiled thankfully.

We talked a little more about the next day, and how good it would be to have everyone over. She wished me a safe flight and a good night, then hung up.

I did a once over of my things to make sure I hadn't forgotten to pack anything, then readied myself for bed.

Once I was between the comforting embrace of my sheets and my head had resting on my fluffy pillow, I was pulled into a immediate sleep with a very vivid dream of how tomorrow went.

We were all at the party together. It felt like ages since I had seen Edward. Once our eyes locked from across the room, everything was forgotten. Every mistake was pushed away, and it was us; Edward and Bella. Not the shattered shells that we were now, but the loving friends with an amazing electric connection.

All was right.

Soulmates together forever.

**EPOV**

Three months had passed. Three god damn excruciating months without Bella.

I had turned around and gone back the day I found out she wasn't pregnant. I just didn't think that I was the person she would want to see. Plus, I had hurt her so badly that I couldn't stomach the idea that my presence there would probably break her more.

Production was not pleased with me. At all.

I received a warning letter ,and was fined for delaying filming which caused us to get off of a very tight schedule.

Not that I really cared.

Nothing meant anything to me anymore. All I thought of was Bella, all I saw was Bella.

Erin was not pleased with me.

Okay, not pleased was an understatement. A very large, dangerous understatement.

She was beyond pissed. Beyond livid, really. Not only did I get ripped by production, Angela, an the cast and crew, I also had to deal with an Irish rocket. Erin made sure I understood what an absolute _bombay shiitake _I was.

Whatever the hell that meant.

The rest of filming dragged on, and I did the best I could to get through it without pissing anyone else off.

When it was over, Erin was asked by Angela if should would like to go back to the states with me to take over Bella's job. My place at my agency depended on Erin's decision, basically. Angela said Erin was the only one who kept me completely in line(more like threatened me), and she refused to continue to represent me unless Erin was there with me.

Erin let me sweat it for a few days before she answered, trying to teach me a lesson, but eventually agreed to continue being my PA. I now owe her a year supply of Starbucks at any given time. I guess it was a small price to pay.

At least she was a decent friend.

We had been home now for a month, and with the word spreading about my flighty attitude all over the tabloids, work was slow. I didn't mind much, I wasn't in need of more money or anything. There was only one thing I was in need of, and at the moment, it wasn't available.

Everyday I spoke with my friends more. They had all pretty much forgiven me for my gross misjudgment in the events that had brought us to the situation we were all in now.

It was the guys first, then Alice, and last Rose. Rose made sure she was the last so I could sport a black eye without her being stopped. I actually grinned when it happened, because five seconds later, she jumped straight into my arms for a bear hug.

We never went out as a group. It always with one or two of them at a time to lunch or coffee, but never more. There would be too huge of a part missing if we did.

They filled me in on Bella and her new apartment and thriving business.

I was so proud of her. She never gave herself enough credit for being such an amazing person. I was glad that she had finally seen it in herself and took a chance to tackle something she loved.

I picked up the phone at least five times a day to dial her number so I could beg her to meet me somewhere so we could talk, or I could, whichever she'd prefer. But, Each time the coward in me never got past the send button.

I had heard from all our friends how happy and perfect she was doing. and I didn't want to ruin it. I was afraid I would bring her down, and all I could think was I had put her through enough. I couldn't bare bringing one ounce more of pain in her life.

Everyone said she would ask about me, but that was becoming a scarce topic.

Was she moving on? Was she forgetting me?

I had to do something soon. I had to talk to her before it was to late, if it wasn't already.

And I had the perfect opportunity.

Christmas was here, and it was time for our family's jointed Christmas party. We would finally be in the same room together with no one to interrupt our talk. They all knew how important it was. They all knew I was in love with her… and they were all hoping I could fix it.

I would suck it up this time. I had to, it could be the last chance I had.

I would have Erin there for moral support, thank God. She'd promised to kick my ass, with a very wide grin, if I failed to man up this time.

And I knew she meant it in the most loving way possible, I was sure.

I mean, how much damage could a 5'4 runt do to my tall-ass frame?

…I decided not to dwell on it.

We were flying out tomorrow. I was in my room packing, and Erin was off doing the same in Bella's old room. I figured it was the least I could do since I pulled her away from Ireland and her family. So, she gladly made house and compiled to wake me up every morning.

She wasn't as gentle as Bella was. I'd usually get a knee nudged into my rib cage of a small body tackling me with a horde of pillows.

_Bella…_

My brain switched to my love immediately. Would she look any different? Would she feel any different?

I had never gone this long without seeing her, and the empty hole in my chest reminded me of that every day.

I had just finished packing the last of my things, and I wondered what Bella was doing right now at this very moment. A smile pulled at the corner my lips. In less then twenty-four hours I would see her, and I would let her know I loved her.

_Please don't be to late…_

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the ringing of my phone.

Looking at the caller ID, I saw that it was Carlisle.

"Hey, dad." I answered as cheerfully as I could.

"Edward." Carlisle greeted me shortly. He was still upset with me, even after all this time.

"How's it going?" I asked in the same cheery tone, ignoring my Father's frostiness.

"Just calling to wish you a safe flight. Your mother and I will be at the airport tomorrow at ten to pick you and the guys up."

"Alright, sounds good."

"Alright then, I'll see you all tomorrow." He said, about to hang up.

"Dad," I said suddenly, hoping it would stop him from leaving so abruptly. "I'm going to fix it, I promise. I don't like her hurting, either. It is killing me, Dad. I really messed up. I was stupid and blind and I didn't know. Now that I do, I'll fix it. I promise." I wish he would just understand and give me chance.

But, he was angry. Bella was like a daughter to him. she was just as important, if not more, to him as I was, and I had hurt her. He was doing what anyone would do when someone they loved was hurt. He was sticking up for her.

It didn't help that the son is the one who did this, that brought nothing but anger and disappointment.

I didn't blame him, though. I was angry with myself.

"I hope so, son. I hope you are able to fix it. Because we love her; she is like family. It would kill Esme to lose her. Make it right, Edward. Fix this mess you have caused."

"I will."

After I hung up with my father, I laid down in bed on my side. I stared at the picture I had taken from Bella's room the day that Emmett and Jasper came to move her out.

We were so happy and carefree then.

None of these grown up problems getting in the way.

I focused on every detail of Bella's face; her full pink pouty lips, her deep chocolate eyes, he soft pale skin. Even then, she was so beautiful.

How could I have been such a fool?

But tomorrow was it, the moment of truth. I would do it, I would swallow my pride. If I had to, I would get on my knees and beg her to forgive me. Let her know that she was the only one for me, and I would spend the rest of my life making this whole mess up to her if it meant that I would spend it with her.

Every wasted moment, every wasted kiss or touch I had spent on someone else was never meant for anyone but her. I loved her, and tomorrow, she would finally know that I had made the biggest mistake in my life by not realizing it sooner.

I could feel the corners of my mouth pull up slightly at the thought of the outcome.

I would finally be able to see her. To touch her. To love her as I always should have.

Tomorrow, was the first day of the rest of my life, and I only hoped it went as good as I was imagining it would.

If she needed more time, I would wait. I would do anything and everything for her.

My lids started to droop and sleep overtook me.

The last thought on my mind was of her.

**A/N: GOOD?? you still love me without all my emo?**


	15. Chapter 15

**a/n: All you amazing readers are pretty much the most awesome people in the world. This is coming to and end soon, only a few more chapter. I hope you enjoy what I have done with this. Once this is over I will start posting my new story, just as angsty... so full of emo!**

**Ereeen, thank you my sexy Irish lass for your super power beta skills.. hugs!**

**Music I was listening to while writing this chapter: Snow Patrol- You could be happy, Tom Waits- The world keeps turning, Kelly Clarkson- Sober, My Chemical Romance- I'm not ok and I don't love you.**

**Carry on lovies and enjoy**

**BPOV**

As I walked off the plane with Alice, Rose, and Jake in tow into the sea of people waiting for loved ones to come off the plane, my nerves started to get the better of me. Jake placed a calming hand on the small of my back as if he was leading me forward, as if he knew I was contemplating turning around and going back home. I was thankful the plane we had previously booked was over booked causing us to leave on the next flight out.

It bought me a little extra time.

I was being a chicken, obviously. This was Edward, I could do this. He wasn't the only one I was here to see; Renee, Esme, Charlie and Carlisle were all high on my list of people I missed desperately. I had to suck it up and just deal with it. I promised Esme I wouldn't be a problem.

I could do this.

Besides the extra wait, the flight was as good as could be expected for flying on such a hectic day. My mind was too busy calming itself down to focus on just how crowded it was. My crossed legs bounced nervously as I shook my foot back and forth. I couldn't stop playing out scenarios in my head, situations that went from the best possible out come to the worst. Every now and then Jake would place his hand on my knee to stop the bouncing, but the movement would cease for a few moments only to start the same nervous dance.

But I had this in the bag. I could do this.

I searched the crowd of eager faces until my eyes locked with Renee's. She reminded me of a older version of Alice; she was bouncing up and down, and clapping her hands together in excitement to see everyone. I smiled despite my nervous state.

I saw a flash of black hair as Alice bolted towards my parents, wrapping her arms around Renee then Charlie, both laughing at her enthusiasm.

"Gee, you would think that she was their daughter, and not me." I said lightly to Jake as he chuckled warmly at the mini reunion.

"Bella, baby, I have missed you so much!" Renee squealed as she engulfed me in a tight squeeze.

"I've missed you too, mom." I returned the hug just as enthusiastically.

Once she released me, Charlie pulled me into a tight bear hug.

"Bells, it's so lonely without you here," He said quietly as he placed a sweet kiss on the crown of my head.

"Dad, you have mom, what are you talking about?" I asked him teasing. I nudged him with my elbow.

"Yes, but your mother and Esme are always off together doing their girly things. You know you were always my company." Charlie replied as he ruffled my hair. I shoved his hand away playfully and rolled my eyes.

"Oh dad, the holidays are turning you into such a sap." I heaved a deep sigh. I smiled to him I was kidding.

"No, my baby girl coming home who I haven't seen in months turns me into a sap."

"Well, I'm here now, so don't worry. I will keep you company as long as I'm here." I said with a smile and a reassuring squeeze. In return he ruffled my hair again and let me go.

"Well, who is this?" Renee asked nodding towards Jake. She gave him an approving glance. I blushed inwardly.

"Oh, duh, sorry!" I stuck my tongue through my sheepish smile and pulled Jake's arm near me. "Mom, dad, this is a very good friend of mine, Jacob. He was going to be spending Christmas alone, and that just wasn't acceptable. So he came with us." Jake smiled widely and nodded.

"Of course it wasn't. Jacob, it is so nice to met you! I have heard that you are an amazing friend." Renee said leaning forward to give him a hug. Charlie gave him a quick handshake.

After the introductions, Jake and I headed to the car with my mom and dad. Rose and Alice were renting a car so they would be able to get back and forth on their own to see Jasper and Emmett.

We talked about things happening in my life lately as we drove to the house. I talked about how business was doing, and discussed Charlie and Renee visiting L.A. some time soon; the normal stuff. Stuff far, far away from a certain auburn haired man.

Once we made it home, we barely had time for everyone to shower and get ready for the party due to our flight. Rose and Alice almost collapsed when they heard we only had three hours to prepare.

There was a game on so Jake claimed he was the fastest with a distracted glance at the T.V., so he went first and when finished, went to watch the game with Charlie.

Rose and Alice, of course, did an inventory check on my duffle bag to make sure I had picked the things they bought me. I took a shower first so I could have one of them was with me at all times to help me get ready.

Alice pulled out the dreaded lace underwear and a matching strapless bra. Rose in turn, pulled a dress from her own luggage out. It was a deep blue strapless number that fit my curves perfectly. It hugged the top half of me beautifully before flowing out at the waist, falling just a bit above my knees. Throw in a pair of black peep toe heels, and the outfit was set. Rose fixed my hair by curling it, then running her fingers through it creating loose waves. Alice spent little time with my makeup, telling me I was already a natural beauty and she was just playing up my features; lips and eyes to be exact.

Once they were done dolling me up, I left them to ready themselves and headed down to spend some time with my Mom and Dad.

I carefully made my way down the stairs. Spending Christmas Eve in the hospital was not my idea of fun. When I reached the bottom, I noticed Jake and Charlie were so into the game that they didn't even look up. As I passed the couch, I leaned down and kissed my Dad on the head, earning me a smile and a soft hi.

Jake looked up and saw something flash across his eyes. I didn't know what, but he recovered quickly and told me I looked breathtaking.

I left the men to their game and found my mother in the kitchen making sure she had everything ready to take over to the Cullen's.

"Oh, sweetheart. You look absolutely stunning." Renee cooed and took me into a sweet embrace..

"Thanks, mom! With Alice and Rose around, I can't be expected to leave the house unless I have been tortured into submission."

"Well, I say the result is well worth it. You look amazing."

There was a moment of silence and I helped her pack up the rest of the pies she had.

"Bella?" My mother asked as she placed the last pie into the warming bag.

"Hmmm?"

"Are you going to be alright tonight?" she asked, looking at me with motherly concern.

"It's going to be fine mom." I gave a strained smile.

"I just hate seeing you two separated, it is so odd. I don't know how to act. I love you both so much, but you're my daughter. I want to just strangle him for what he did."

The image of Renee attempting to strangle Edward flashed before me and I couldn't hold back the laughter that followed.

"It's fine, Mom. Act how you normally do. We have both made some pretty stupid mistakes. I should have told him how I felt a long time ago. I might have been able to avoid this whole mess."

"Well, things have a way of working themselves out. You two will do what's best for the both of you."

I just nodded. What if what was best for Edward was not being a part of my life? What if me not being a part of his was what was best for me?

No.

I had to stop thinking negatively. it would work out as it was meant to. Either way, I had to think of myself. I had to make sure that I was going to be able to get through this night without melting down.

It was going to be the hardest thing I would ever have to do.

Alice and Rose had gone ahead of us to see Emmett and Jasper. Charlie, Renee, Jake, and I had finished loading the car. I plopped down in the backseat with Jacob, and settled myself as Charlie pulled out of the driveway and headed to the Cullen's.

It wasn't that far of a drive. They lived in the same neighborhood, just a few blocks over. I remember running through people's backyards when I was little to take a shortcut getting there to see Edward.

Before I could even register the ride to the house, we were there in what felt like seconds.

My chest tightened, and I felt as if I was going to hyperventilate. I was frozen stiff in the back seat of the car. I noticed Charlie and Renee exchange a worried glance before she gave him a quick nod. He was out of the car along with Jake unloading while she turned in her seat to face me.

"Bella dear, it will be okay. It's only Edward."

"That's the problem, mom." my voice quivered slightly..

"Sweetheart, I know you're nervous and I can't imagine how hard it will be on you, but please, relax. Everyone who loves you will be in there. Everything will be fine, just breath deep breaths." Renee said as she held my hand.

I took a few deep breaths trying to expel all the tension when I released the air from my lungs.

It wasn't working.

My hands were trembling and my knees were weak with worry.

"Bella, we don't have to do this. You know they would understand. No one would be upset with you. We can turn around and go home and have our own party."

"No! No, I'll be fine." I quickly climbed out of the car, not wanting to ruin this for anyone. "See," I said standing up and bracing my hand against the car for support. "I'm fine, really." I said with a tight smile.

Renee returned and equally tight smile and nodded her head, then continued inside.

Once she was out of sight, I released a gush of air. I watched it evaporate in the frigid air.

_I can do this, I can do this, I can do this…_

Finally, after a few moments of my mini pep talk to myself, my legs started to move and I headed inside.

As I walked through the front door into the foyer that held the massive main staircase to the second floor, the rails of which were decorated in festive holiday garland, everything hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like being home, more so then being at my parents house. There were pictures that lined the stair case of Edward and I in our youth; random snapshots of our life. My heart was heavy with the memories flooding back of the days each one was taken.

I started to feel my knees shake again, and knew I was in desperate need of liquid courage if I was going to make it through tonight in one piece.

I headed straight to the bar that they had set up in their finished basement. I descended down the stairs I knowing everyone would be there. That's where we usually hung out during the party.

Once I reached the bottom of the stairs, I saw him. He was talking to Emmett and Jasper animatedly. Rose was perched on Emmett's lap, whom was talking in a weird accent, and they were all laughing at something he had just said.

I heard my name called and saw Alice barreling towards me. I noticed Edward's head snap up, his laughter ceasing immediately. A look of pain and longing painted his face now. He tried to give me a small smile, but his lips only twitched, unable to form the expression he desired.

"How are you holding up?" Alice whispered as she leaned close to me, wrapping me in a tight hug.

"Good, I think I need a drink."

"Alright." Was all she said as she let me pass.

I headed to the bar and found a glass and some ice. I grabbed the crystal jar that held a clear liquid of whatever the hell it was, and filled my glass half way.

Taking a sip carefully, I recognized the taste immediately; gin.

My body shivered as it traced a warm path down my chest.

I noticed a person approaching the bar that I didn't recognize. She was a girl about my height, with dark hair peppered with chunks of red chunks. Her lips were bright red and her skin was like porcelain. Her hair was styled in loose pin curls. She wore a fifties era style black dress; plunging neckline and capped sleeves, a fitted skirt with a front slit that fell just below the knee. It was cinched at the waist with a little belt. She was beautiful. She looked like a punk pin-up girl. I wondered who she was.

I was about to find out.

She stepped up to the bar and looked around for a drink with a slight frown.

"You don't happen to see any Guinness back there, do you?" She asked in a thick Irish accent.

"Ummm…" I looked around, opening the mini fridge. I saw a frosty Guinness towards the back, then handed it to her. "Here ya go."

"Ah, beautiful, I was worried I was going to have to drink that piss you Americans call beer." She gave me a thankful smile before taking a large pull from the bottle.

I gave a small smile. I didn't know who she was and I didn't know how to act. I liked how she drank like a man, though.

"So, how do you know the Cullen's?" I asked, trying to make decent small talk.

"Oh, sorry." The girl smiled and pushed her tongue through her lips, just like I had earlier that day. She put her drink down and extended her hand. "I'm Erin, I work for the ass over there." I followed where she was pointing after she gave me a quick shake and saw her landing on Edward.

I let a small laugh escape at how she talked about him.

"Oh, that's nice." Was all I could think to say.

"Oh no, it isn't. The man is like an overgrown toddler. He has to be woken up instead of doing it on his own like a normal human being. So, I have a special way I like to do it." Erin smiled and took another pull from her beer.

"Which is?" I asked intrigued.

"Mm," Erin swallowed her mouthful of beer before she explained, "A good Elbow drop to the ribs is always a perfect wake up call for the inept. I figure he will get tired of the bruised ribs soon and he will learn to be a man and wake his own ass up. That, or my Christmas present to him will do the job."

"And what is that?" I laughed, shaking my head slightly. I liked this girl.

"Well, it's one of those ball alarm clocks, I don't know what you Americans call them," She waved her hand dismissively. "Once it goes off, it rolls off the table and around the room blaring this horrible noise until the person actually gets out of bed to turn it off. I refuse to wake him up anymore. He is such a little shit in the morning." She took another swig of her beer. I smiled and nodded. She was so carefree and true. I really liked her.

"Yeah, I know."

" Ah, 'course you do. You're Bella, right?" Erin smiled excitedly and winked.

"How did you know?"

"I've seen you before. Edward talks my ear off about you." She answered shrugging.

"He does?"

"Yeah, sorry if I don't know to much about you, though. I tend to tune him out when he goes off about you."

I loved her spunk. She reminded me of a more punked out version of Alice.

"Well, I'm going to head back over there. It was good to finally meet you in the flesh."

"Nice to meet you too, Erin." She gave me a small playful curtsy and I laughed and waved in response.

I watched as she walked back over to the group to sit down. Edward looked up and made eye contact with me. Once again, he tried to smile at me, but it was strained. He ran his fingers through his hair out of nervous habit.

I decided to find where Jacob was and have him come join us, because he was upstairs still stuck with the adults. I headed upstairs, and just as I made it to the top, I bumped into Jake as he was making his way down. I started to stumble backwards, but he caught me pulling me close. I sighed in relief.

"Jesus, Bella! You could have killed yourself falling down the stairs!"

"Eh, it wouldn't be the first time I fell down stairs, Jake." I laughed, giving him a hug.

"Okay, well, not on Christmas eve, alright?" Jake laughed back and returned the hug.

"Alright, I was just coming to get you so you could join us downstairs."

"I was just catching the finale score of the game I was watching with Charlie." He said letting me go and I turned to head back down the stairs.

I paused at the sight before me.

Edward had Erin in a dip and his lips were puckered as if he was going to kiss her. Emmett and all the others were laughing at her reaction. she looked like she was going to deck him.

The sight of him that close to her like that caused the familiar burning pain to rip through my body. My eyes started to fill with water and I saw Alice look up from laughing and make eye contact with me.

Her eyes went wide and she called out to me.

I didn't give her or anyone else recognition, I just turned and ran up the stairs looking for a place to breath and be alone.

I shouldn't have ever come here. It was too soon.

**EPOV**

The flight home was bearable. I sat next to Erin and Jasper and Emmett we behind us. Most of the time I just stared out the window, picturing my reunion with Bella.

After all this time away, we would see each other and all would be forgiven with just a look, and she would run into my arms and I would apologize profusely and let her know that her love was not one sided.

One could hope.

I, however stupid as I was, was not that stupid. I knew that it was going to take a hell of a lot more than that to mend our broken relationship.

I tried to run through a checklist in my mind of all the things I wanted to say, all the things I needed to apologize for and things I needed make sure she understood.

Let's just say the list was a pretty hefty one to memorize, but I had to. I had to say everything because she deserved to know.

The plane landed smoothly, and once we were off, I searched for my parents.

I spotted Esme right away and headed over to her and gave her a hug.

"Mom," I said hugging her "I'm sorry." I whispered as I buried my face into her neck.

Something about seeing her made me feel like absolute shit for the situation, more then I already did. The disappointment from my parents was clear in their faces. Mom was at least trying to hide it. dad, on the other hand…his face read like an open book.

"Glad you kids had a safe flight." Was all he managed to say.

Both Mom and Dad had driven here, so we would all have a way home. After introducing Erin briefly, we went our separate ways.

They took the Mercedes while the rest of us all climbed in my old Volvo.

The ride to the house was quiet. Maybe it wasn't, but I couldn't be bothered to pay attention to anything else other then the frantic beating of my heart.

We drove by Bella's parent's house on the way to my house, and I held my breath until we passed. I was scared she'd walk out of her house and throw something at me.

I knew she wouldn't, we were all supposed to be on the same flight, but the girls were bumped to a later flight. I was kind of hoping to see her on the plane because neither of us would have been able to run, trapped in a tube of metal at thirty thousand feet. We would have to talk. Inevitably.

I pulled up to the house and we all jumped out and headed to the trunk grabbing our bags and heading inside.

I showed Erin to the guest room, then headed to my room. Mom had already set up the air mattresses for Emmett and Jasper. We were going through our things, and people wanted to shower to get the airplane grim off of us.

When I was finished, I headed down to talk to Mom. I wanted to see if she needed any help.

"Hey, sweetie, is everyone getting settled?" She asked when I entered the kitchen.

"Yeah, everyone is up taking showers and getting dressed." I answered as I lazily stirred a wooden spoon in some batter that was laying on the counter.

"Are you stressing over tonight?" She asked as she put her arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to her

"A bit."

"And what has you worrying so much?"

"What if I can't fix it, Mom? What if the damage is done and she can't forgive me?"

"Edward, what's done is done. Don't focus on the what if's, focus on how you are going to fix it. If you stress how every option isn't going to work, it won't. You love her, right?"

"Yes mom, I am so in love with her. It hurts to breath knowing what I've done." I said miserably and laid my head on her shoulder.

"Stop. Stop focusing on that. Fight for her, Edward. Don't let anything stop you. If this is what you want, you're heart needs you fight for her. But, expect her to fight back. She is so much stronger then she thinks she is, even more so now. You have a lot of work ahead of you, son, but if she is worth it to you, then you fight."

"She is most definitely worth it." I looked up at her to see her smiling.

"I always knew you two were meant to be." Esme stroked my hair gently

"Would have been nice of you to tell me." I grumbled playfully.

"But, what would that have helped? When relationships are easily gained, there is no story, no history; nothing to show what got you there, and nothing to hold on to. The best love stories are the ones with bumps and bruises along the way. The ones where people make mistakes only makes their love stronger. You and Bella will hold each other more dearly now that you know what it is like to lose one another. You know you can't live without the other one in your life, and it will make you both appreciate each moment you spend together that much more." She said while brushing the hair out of my eyes.

"I hope you're right, Mom."

"As I told Bella, I always am."

My head snapped up.

"You've talked to Bella?" I asked shocked.

"Of course I have." She looked at me like I was crazy.

"And," I hedged, gesturing wildly with my hands.

"Oh no, you two need to speak. I am not involved in this anymore then giving motherly advice." My shoulders slumped.

"Thanks mom."

"Edward, you're an adult, it is about time you start acting like one. You made this mess, now you fix it. It is simple. I love you dearly sweetie, but sometimes you can be so hardheaded."

I let out a heavy sigh and pushed myself away from the counter and headed downstairs to the basement.

I plopped down on the couch and stretched out with my arms over my eyes. Tonight was either going to be the worst possible moment of my life, or the best. I couldn't tell. I was not sure if I should be eager to find out. For all I knew, this could be the last time I ever spoke to her, ever saw her up close.

I must have dosed off ,because I was awoken but Emmett's booming laughter and Erin's tinkling laugh. She was trying to talk through her laughter, but because her accent was so thick, it only came out garbled. Apparently she was teaching Emmett Irish slang and he was getting a big kick out of it. I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Erin Smirked at me.

"Top o' the morning, Sleeping beauty," Erin patted my head. I shoved her hand away.

"Shove off," I answered mimicking her voice. She feigned shock.

"I resent that!"

Just then, I heard the door bell and my heart stopped and my eyes focused on the stairs. I heard footsteps above, and then I saw two pairs of girl legs coming down the stairs. I held my breath only to let it out in a frustrated sigh when I saw it was only Alice and Rose.

"Well, nice to see you too, Edward." Rose said glaring at me before she rushed over to Emmett and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissing him.

"Where's Bella?" I asked looking at Alice hopefully.

"She stayed behind to help her Mom and Dad. She and Jake are coming with them in a few."

I knew Jake was coming. I wasn't happy about it at first, but Emmett had told me they were just friends, and that nothing more had happened then what I witnessed at the club. I was thankful for that. It still didn't erase that image from my head. Whenever I had a nightmare, that was usually the image my brain played for me.

We all grabbed some drinks and decided to sit around talking until the rest of our guest arrived. Emmett was trying out his new slang Erin had been teaching him, and everyone was laughing at what an absolute ass he was making of himself when it happened.

I hadn't been paying attention to the stairs anymore after Emmett tried to use his new slang words. Erin told him it would help to use them in a sentence.

"Alright, Tubby. Word of the day, are you ready?" Erin asked Emmett as she turned to face Emmett and Rose. Rose clapped excitedly.

"Bring it, sprite."

"Air biscuit; A fart."

A loud snort ripped from my nose. Leave it to Erin. Seriously.

Emmett tapped his chin thoughtfully before he answered in a horrible imitation of an Irish accent, "I just floated a serious air biscuit there, gents. Run while you still facking can."

The room filled with laughter and I had tears in my eyes. I heard Alice yell Bella's name and took off running toward the stairs, my head snapped up and she was there.

Our eyes locked, and I attempted to smile, but all of a sudden, every single thing I had worried about at this moment came flooding back and I couldn't breath. Did I get up and go say hi? Do I wait for her to feel comfortable and come to me? I just wanted to run and hug her and tell her now, but she looked just as terrified as I felt.

Alice was talking to her as she continued to hold my gaze, then she said something to Alice and she broke eye contact and headed towards the bar.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed Erin stand and head towards the bar.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at her and grabbed her forearm. "I don't think Bella will appreciate air biscuits.

"Getting a drink, mate. Jesus, calm down." She looked at me confused and brushed my hand away.

I watched as Bella searched the bar for something, then finally finding a glass, and putting some ice in it and pouring her drink of choice. She sipped it slowly and closed her eyes as she swallowed. I bit my lip. She was so beautiful.

I watched as her and Erin started talking and Bella fetched her a beer from the fridge.

Every now and then, I would hear Bella laugh at something Erin said. It was like music to my ears, I hadn't heard her laugh in so long. I missed everything about her, every detail.

I noticed Erin had finished talking with her and was making her way back over. I saw Bella leave to go back upstairs, so I stood up and met Erin halfway.

"What were you two talking about." I asked he in an urgent whisper, grabbing her elbow.

"Oi! Don't be getting all pushy with me, gent. We were just talking about what an unbelievable ass you are to wake up in the morning." She said pulling her arm from my grasp.

"Did she ask about me?"

"Oh, you really are a pathetic shit," she answered me in a huff. She gave my chest a quick push. "go talk to the lass."

Our conversation was cut off by Emmett's howling laughter filling the air.

"Oh, now isn't this just to freaking perfect," He boomed, clutching his stomach.

"What are you going on about. Emmett?" I looked at him letting him know I was annoyed.

"Dude, just… " He was laughing and pointing to the ceiling.

Erin and I glanced up at the same time. Erin was the first to react.

"Oh, I do not think so. Do Not Want!" She basically yelled and stepped back, stumbling slightly.

"Oh come on," Emmett laughed "It's tradition, don't be such a poor sport!"

The look of disgust on Erin's face cracked me up. She looked as though she was about to vomit at the thought of having my lips on hers.

After all the harsh things she had said to me and the bruised ribs I have received, I thought a little payback was in order.

I reached forward and wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her closer to me. Erin let out a little yelp in surprise and tried to push me off.

"Cullen, I swear to all that is holy if you put your funky lips on me you will be sporting a black eye for the rest of the year." She balled her right hand up menacingly.

I wasn't really going to kiss her, but her reaction was just so funny that I puckered my lips up as if I were. I heard a gasp, and Alice call out to Bella.

NO!

I looked up in time to see her running up the stairs, and Jake standing there shaking his head. Everyone had stopped laughing and I released Erin. My body went numb.

"You wanker, you seriously need to have your head checked." Erin spat and pushed me. "I was friends with her, until you had to pucker your lips."

"Fuck."

"I'm going to go talk to her." Alice said.

"NO!" I shouted "This has gone on long enough. I'll talk to her."

I ran up the stairs past Jake and into the foyer. Where could she have gone?

I went to check the front porch but I stopped in my tracks and I found her in the darkened living room, the only lights were those of the Christmas tree. She had her hand over her eyes, and she was sitting on the edge of the sofa with her elbows on her knees.

This is it.

I walked over to her, kneeling down in front of her.

"Bella, that was most definitely not what you thought it was. I was just messing with her, she finds me absolutely disgusting, all of them know it. We were both under mistletoe, and it seemed like a funny thing to torture her with."

I heard her sniff and she shook her head, but didn't look up.

"Bella, I have missed you so very much. I have wanted to talk to you so many times, I am so sorry. I am so sorry for every single thing I have ever done to you, Bella. I love you, and I am so sorry."

"Don't. Don't do this here, Edward, not now." She looked up from her hands, her face was tear stained.

I brought my hand up to cup her face, wiping away the path the tears had taken.

"Bella, I can't wait any longer to speak to you. I have put it off long enough. I thought it would be better that way, I thought I would only hurt you more, but I can't anymore. It has to be now."

"NO! Not now, Edward! It's Christmas Eve, I won't ruin everyone else's time with out problems."

She wiped her face with the back of her hands and stood up to leave me. I couldn't let her leave me, I couldn't let her go, fucking man up, Edward. Now or never.

I stood up and grabbed her arm pulling her back to me.

"No Bella, now is the perfect time to talk. You need to know something, you need to listen to me now."

I tightened my grip on her waist and with my free hand I cupped her face with my hand.

"I love you, Bella."

**a/n: I KNOW I KNOW!! I am soooo mean.. but.. chapter 16 is with my beta.. so it will not be that long of a wait... I promise. **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: So because I love you and Ereeen is a super hero I went with not torturing you. Here is what you all wanted, I hope it was worth the wait.**

**Don't forget to check out my nominations over at the twilight awards in the all human round. Realize was nominated for Best angst and Threesome, thanks again to those who put my name in.**

www(DOT)twilightawards(DOT)this-paradise(DOT)com

**As always my sexy Irish loving beta.. you are amazing.. her story also was nominated, so check it out. What a Horror! by Ereeen**

**And now on with the moment!**

**BPOV**

"I love you, Bella." Edward said, his green eyes boring deep into mine.

I think in that moment my heart stopped.

Why was he doing this to me?

He didn't mean it the way I did, and that hurt even more.

"No you don't, Edward, not the same way. You love me like a sister. You don't love me like I love you." I tried to wiggle out of his arms.

He only held me tighter to him. Crushing our chests together, his strong arms ensnaring me. Only one other time had his arms been around me like this.

"Yes. I. Do. I love you. Not as a friend, Bella, not as a sister, but as someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I love you so much, that my heart hurts when you away from me, but the moment I see you again makes everything seem right in the world. I love you, Bella. I love you more than I will ever be able to tell you. I love you." Edward shook my shoulders lightly to emphasis his point. It didn't hurt me, just jarred my emotions into a horrible mess.

He couldn't. He never did. Why, out of all the times over the past few months, did he choose to do this now?

"Don't do this to me, Edward," I begged as I felt my body begin to shut down. "This isn't funny. Haven't you hurt me enough? I've been trying to let go, to get past this…and now you want to stomp on everything I've so tediously trained myself not to feel? Please don't do this." I was fighting with myself, _don't relapse, Bella_. _It's too soon, you're not strong enough._

"I need to, Bella. I need you to know everything. I need you to know that I never meant to hurt you. Know that I will hate myself for the rest of my life knowing that I caused you so much pain. If there is anything I could do to take it back, believe me, I would. I can't though, and it kills me, Bella. It absolutely kills me. I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm so very, very, sorry. I didn't know, I should have known, I'm sorry…" His voice was cracking, I could see the tears filling in his eyes. Desperation outlined every inch of his body.

"Why now, Edward? Why are you doing this now?" I moaned weakly. I did a very cliché movie move; I hit Edward's chest with the soft skin of my wrists. Edward stilled my assault, then took my face into his hands. He crouched slightly so we were level with each other.

"Because I have chickened out every other time. For months, I have been trying to apologize. I have tried calling, coming to see you, leaving a set where I was filming in Ireland to fly back and make sure you were alright. Every single time, all I could think was that I was going to put you in more pain, and I could do it. Not after everything I already did."

"Wait, you flew all the way back from Ireland to see me ,but never came? Why?" Why would he do that?

Edward ignored my question.

"You should have called me, Bella. You should have told me. You know I would have been there for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"You thought you were pregnant, Bella! Have I hurt you so bad that you couldn't tell me, that you thought I was such a low life that I wouldn't want to be their for you? I wanted so badly to be there for you. I fucking jumped continents for you, because I wanted to be there. Then, I find out that the test was wrong when I got home, and that you were so upset that I thought I would only make things worse in that situation. So, I left you alone. I had already caused so much pain…I didn't want to make you hurt anymore."

He knew about the scare? Who told him about the scare…Oh god. But…he left me to deal with it alone. He was there, but he didn't come.

This time, using as much force as I could muster, I broke his grip on me and stepped back wide eyed.

"You were there? You were home and you didn't come to see me? Do you have any idea what that was like? I was so alone! I fucking needed you! How could you think that I wouldn't want you there? I didn't want to bother you. I thought I would be bothering you…but, you knew and you still didn't come." Why wasn't this making sense?

Tears were blinded my vision. All I could see was a blurry hunched over Edward.

"I wanted to come! I fought with myself, with Jasper…but I couldn't. I was so afraid that I had done enough damage to where seeing me would only make it worse, Bella. I didn't want to make it worse, please understand. I didn't know what the right thing to do was." Edward stated sadly. He attempted to touch my cheek but I stepped farther away.

Jasper told him? Why would he do that?

_Oh God, Oh God…oh fuck…_

"I-I nee-needed you, Ed-Edward, and you weren't there. I-I needed you then more then I have ever needed someone in my entire life. The others tried to help, but they weren't you!" I screeched through the sobs tearing up my throat. I was so angry, so hurt. So very, very angry. I think I may have started to hyperventilate. I couldn't breath properly.

"Everything I do hurts you and I don't know how to stop. I don't want to hurt you anymore, Bella." Edward's voice hitched and I watched as a tear trailed down his perfect face. He stepped closer to me to try and comfort me.

I backed up immediately.

I brought my hands to my face, allowing the sobs to take over me. I felt myself shake unsteadily as each one ripped through me.

"B-Bella, p-please, I can't live without you, please you have to forgive me, please…" Now he was choking back sobs. I wrenched my hands from my face and threw them up incredulously.

"Well, Edward, I don't know if I can." I tried to say with as much venom as I could muster. It just came out thick and wet.

"Bella… If I would have known, if I would have realized, I would have done so many things differently."

"So this is all my fault? That's mature. Blame it on me, then. Whatever helps you sleep." I scoffed loudly and wiped at my tears viciously.

"NO! No, I'm not saying that at all. I just, I don't know what to say. I can't change what happened, but you have to let me try, Bella. You have to let me be part of your life. I can't stand not seeing you. All I have left of us is the picture from when we were kids. Every memory is tarnished with my mistakes."

"What? What picture?"

"The picture from your room…I took it when Emmett and Jasper were moving your things out. It's all I have."

"You took my picture." I asked darkly, forgetting my streaming tears and mascara.

"Please, Bella, please? Give me a second chance."

"But, you took my picture." I replied. I hugged myself tightly.

Edward fell to his knees in front of me, running his fingers roughly through his hair and covering his eyes with his hands.

"Please, Bella…" he choked out through a muffled sob.

He looked so broken in that moment. I had never seen him so unhitched. It killed me.

I slumped to my knees in front of him.

I reached out my hand, running my fingers through his hair and down his face, cupping it.

He leaned into my hand. He brought his hands away from his eyes placing his hand over mine. I saw glistening trails sparkle against his features from the Christmas tree lights.

His touch had the same electric current it always did, sending a shock through my whole body.

We were both sniffling, both faces red and blotchy.

He brought his other hand to my shoulder, pulling himself closer to me. Once he was right up against me, his hand cupped my face. His thumb wiped away the tears on my cheek.

I bit my bottom lip lightly. My body continued to shake periodically from the exhaustion the heavy crying had caused.

I started wiping away the tears on the cheek my hand was touching.

Slowly, his hand drifted from my jaw to my neck, down my shoulder and past my arm until he came in contact with my waist. Edward slowly pulled me closer to him.

I didn't want to fight it. I was so sick of feeling this…empty feeling. I wanted to feel anything but hurt.

He released his hand from my face, and wrapped it around my waist as well and rested his forehead against mine. At first, I let my arms hang limply at my sides. My breathing was as uneven as his.

I slowly ran my hands up his arms to his shoulder, holding on for dear life.

I heard his breath catch.

He released my waist again to bring his hand back up to my face. He moved his head to the other side towards my ear.

"I've missed you every single day…I've missed you." He whispered in my ear, pressing his warm wet cheek to mine. I felt a tingle in my lower stomach as his words caressed me. I closed my eyes and relished this unnerving feeling.

"Me too…every single day." I whispered back and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I love you, Bella." Edward said, turning his head. I felt his lips press against my cheek softly. He lingered longer than his kiss.

My eyes closed at the contact. My breathing became a little crazy, and I wrapped my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

He must of read this as a good sign, because he slowly, so very slowly, moved his lips toward my mouth.

My heart was beating erratically, and I slowly inched my head to the side to bring my lips closer to his.

When we were mere centimeters apart, and both of us were shaking in each others arms. We both exhaled an emotionally charged breath and paused for a mere third of a second before our lips touched.

I felt his warm soft lips brush against mine. The effect was instantaneous. Every single hole was filled, and every single rip sewn back together.

He slowly started to move his lips, and mine hesitantly followed suite. At first, it was sweet, and gentle, but then it started to deepen and intensify. It was all so familiar; his taste, his touch.

And the reason why it was familiar was brought back to my memory at a staggering speed..

The feeling of completion was ripped from me just as swiftly as it was returned.

The last time I had this feeling, the outcome was flashed before me.

I couldn't do this.

I wouldn't let this happen again.

I broke the kiss suddenly, and pushed myself away from my warmth.

Edward looked at me with eyes wide with shock and confusion.

"I-I'm sorry." I stuttered weakly.

"I-I can't do this, Edward, I can't." I pushed myself off the ground and brought my fingers to my lips. "I just can't."

"Bella, We have to talk. We have to work this out. I love you, and you love me! We can be together, we can start over!" Edward also jumped to his feet and wrapped a hand around my wrist.

"We can't, it's too late. Too much damage has been done, Edward, too much hurt. It'll always be there, it will always haunt us."

"No, it won't. We can get past it, Bella. We can move on and be happy together."

"No." I shook my head roughly and stumbled out of his grasp.

"Don't do this, Bella. Don't run away from me." Edward's voice was hoarse. I watched his face crumple in pain.

"I have to. If there is any hope for us every being able to be friends again, any hope to stay in each others life, we have to not do this." I pointed my finger at the ground, and avoided eye contact. I had to convince myself I was doing the right thing.

"That doesn't make sense."

"Edward, this has basically killed our friendship. If we were together and it didn't work out, it would be the finale nail in the coffin. We wouldn't be able to save it, Edward. We wouldn't be able to save us. Too much damage has been done. Our friendship would never recover."

"But we love each other. I love you, I can't just turn that off; I don't want to turn it off."

"You have to for us. You have to turn it off, Edward. There will be nothing left of us if it doesn't work. I am thinking of the long run, please understand. These past few months have been my own personal hell, and I have barely survived. There was always hope that some day we could be friends again and that is what kept me going. But, we wouldn't survive another blow." Edward threw his hand up in frustration and looked up at the ceiling. I narrowed my eyes.

"We wouldn't, and you know it. I can't risk losing you again. I wouldn't survive it. Do hear what I'm saying, Edward. I wouldn't be able to live. So for me, please, turn it off, Edward, please?"

"No, no, no, Bella, please. It'll work, we will work. We were meant to be together; we were made for each other. I didn't see it before because I was blind, but I see it now. Please." His chin was trembling and I had to look away.

I couldn't stay here. I had to get out of here. I had to go home.

I walked up to him and threw my arms around his neck pulling him into a quick, rough hug. I placed a kiss on his cheek and whispered, "I love you" into his ear and pulled back releasing him. He refused to unlock his arms from my waist.

" Let go, Edward, just let me go." My voice broke with another sob. He released me and I ran into the kitchen to find my Mom.

"Mom," I found her Charlie, Esme, and Carlisle all looking rather grim for Christmas. They must have been listening.

"Sweetie, I'm so-" I cut her off.

"No mom, please don't. I need your keys."

"For what, dear?"

"I'm going home. I can't stay here."

"We'll come with you." Renee began to get up from her perch on the chair, but I raised my hand to stop her.

"No, mom. I'm going home. Tonight. I need to get to the house to get my things."

"Oh, sweetie, no. Please?"

"Mom, I am begging you to just understand. I need to go home now."

"I'll drive you," My father spoke up.

"Dad you don't-" He cut me off.

"Baby, I'll drive you okay?" I just nodded my head and he stood up and headed out to the car.

I hugged Renee goodbye and promised to call the minute I got home.

Carlisle looked livid as he hugged me. He placed a kiss on the top of my head. Esme had tears in her eyes, but held them back as she hugged me and wished me a safe flight.

I rushed passed the living room in time to see and hear Edward throw something coupled by a juicy curse, and the sound it made as it shattered.

Charlie drove me to the house, and I shoved what I could into my duffle bag and threw it in the car.

Getting a ticket home was not an easy task, but I managed to catch a flight that was leaving in an hour. Charlie waited with me until it was time to take off and then he kissed me goodbye and I boarded the plan.

I cried the entire flight home.

**EPOV**

She wasn't going to give me a chance to prove I was different. I had no chance to prove that I meant every word I said. That I loved her, that we would work. I had ruined us, and she didn't think we would survive.

I walked over to the end table and picked up a ceramic figurine my mother had and threw it against the wall. It shattered into millions of little pieces. Just like my heart.

I collapsed to the floor as ripping sobs over took my body.

I felt someone kneel down beside me, and a arm pull me toward them. I wrapped my arms around them, holding on for dear life.

"Edward, it'll be okay." The soothing voice of my father said.

"I-I can't d-do this…" I choked out.

"Do not give up. She loves you too, she is just terrified, Edward. You are the most important thing to her, you know that."

"She won't even try,"

"Edward, it will work out. Fight for her. If it was your mother, I would fight until there was nothing left. Go after her, son. Do not come home until she is in your arms."

"But what about everyone here?" I questioned as I loosened my death grip on my Father.

"That doesn't matter. Everyone will be fine, we'll take care of them. Go to her and talk things through. Listen to her concerns, and do what you have to to make her listen. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't."

"I'm so sorry I've disappointed you, Dad."

"Don't worry about it now. Just go to her."

He gave me a hug and patted my back.

"It'll work out, son, it will." He whispered reassuringly.

Carlisle stood up, offering me his hand to help me off the floor.

I looked passed his shoulders and noticed everyone standing there, each with an identical face of awkward pain.

Alice ran up to me and threw her arms around me.

"She'll forgive you, Edward, she will." She squeezed my neck tightly as I squeezed her back.

"I hope you're right, Alice."

I turned to Erin, but she just held up hand and told me to get my arse in gear.

Carlisle drove me to the airport. There were no more flights to L.A. tonight, but there was first thing in the morning. I purchased my ticket and waited.

I just played the words Bella had said to me over and over in my mind, trying to see how I could show her she was wrong.

But I had no idea how to do that.

I let my mind wander on how I was going to make her listen.

The hours passed faster then it seemed.

Soon, it was time to board my flight. In a few hours I would find her, and she would listen. I would do everything possible to beg her.

I only hoped it would work.

**A/N: UH OH! GO GET HER BB! Chapter 17 is it loves, I promise.. everything will be covered.. and I haven't even started writing it yet, needs to be prefect.. but you won't have to wait long.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: So here is the moment you all have been waiting for. Some may love what I have done, others may not like what I have done. Either way, I am loving how I did this. As someone who has been in this situation, I can tell you I would have reacted the same... so Hope you enjoy.**

**Don't forget to go toe the twilight awards and vote for this story! www(dot)twilightawards(dot)this-paradise(dot)com**

**Songs that inspired this chapter, Some fit perfect, others just set the mood. **

**Joni Mitchell- Both Sides Now, Ingrid Michaelson- Keep Breathing, Incubus-Miss You, New Found Glory- Ex-miss, Mae- The Sun and the Moon, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus- Guardian Angel, Jason Reeves- Entwined**

**Thank you Super sexy beta Ereeen as always I love ya!**

**Carry ON!!**

**BPOV**

The plane ride home was excruciating. Because of the holiday madness, it was packed tight and I was one of the unlucky ones to be placed in a middle seat.

The portly gentleman to my right took up all of his seat and most of mine with the girth of his arm. The lady on my left yammered on about her family members she was about to see for the first time in 8 years. Something about stints in rehab, I don't know. Not only did I not want to pay attention, I simply couldn't.

The moment the plane reached altitude and the belt light went off, I made a mad dash for a bathroom, and locked myself in. It was the first time I had seen myself in a mirror, and I wondered what people must think because I looked like a mess.

My eyes were swollen and red. Black tear stained streaks were stained down my cheeks.

I looked pathetic.

I turned on the tap, cupping my hand underneath the faucet and splashing cold water onto my face. I scrubbed away all the remnants of the tears I had cried tonight.

Once I was done, I ran my wet hands through my hair, gripping it at the back, and left them on the back of my neck. I rested my elbows on the counter and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

I thought of the things that Edward said tonight; the emotion behind his words, the tears that fell from his emerald eyes, sobs that racked his body, the sight of him falling to his knees in front of me.

I puffed out my cheeks and let out a gust of air.

What was wrong with me? Tonight had been everything I have always dreamed about. He said that he loved me, and couldn't live without me. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and I ran out on him. I told him that it wasn't possible.

_What the hell is wrong with you? _I mentally scolded myself.

That kiss. Why did I stop that kiss? So what if it brought back memories of that night. Edward didn't even resemble the same person that took me so blindly.

I didn't think I have ever seen him so broken in all the years that I had known him. He must have been telling the truth. He was being serious, he loved me…why did I leave him?

Fear.

The fear that it couldn't be true, that he couldn't mean it. My insecurities had been ten folded since that night. Everything I worried about came true, but now he has said everything I have always wanted to hear. I just couldn't get past all the walls I constructed.

The fear that if I could some how let my walls fall, that this would be it. It would either work and we would live happily ever after, or this would be the end of everything. I would not only lose the love of my life, but my best friend also.

Was I able to risk that?

Now that I was semi-cleaned up, I left the cramped bathroom and sat back down in my seat, blocking out the lady next to me and thinking of what I was going to do.

All I knew is that I had a lot of time to think it through.

The rest of the flight was uneventful. The lady had finally picked up on the fact I wasn't paying attention and decided to busy herself with talking to the gentlemen in the aisle seat next to her.

Once the plane landed and I was back on solid ground, I walked through the airport not bothering to pause at luggage claim because I only had a carry-on with me..

The ride back to the apartment was spent running through the night's events and the months prior to it. How could this possibly work out?

I reached the door to my apartment, dragging my bag behind me on the ground. I was so beat. I placed the key in the lock and turned. I opened the door and let it slam against the wall.

That would leave a mark. I didn't care.

I pulled the bag in behind me, then released it once I was inside the apartment. I slammed the door shut behind me.

I was here alone, and it was now Christmas.

Perfect.

I headed to my room to change out of the blue dress I was wearing. I pulled it off and threw it in the corner. _What a waste. _I pulled on a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt. It wasn't like I would go anywhere. I was just going to sit and fester with my thoughts.

I spent a good amount of time pacing around my apartment, ignoring my shrieking phone. I didn't bother to look at the caller ID to see who it was. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I just needed time to digest everything.

Everything he said; everything I said. The kiss, his limp body huddled on the floor, the sounds of him sobbing and pleading with me to understand…

I felt sick. He was giving me everything I wanted, everything I always dreamed of with him, and I turned it all down. I told him to let it go. I told him to let me go.

Why did I do that? Maybe I should have been telling myself to let it go. Just let the past go, and start fresh. But would that even be possible? Would I be able to forget the images and memories that were so vivid in my mind? Would I ever truly be able to rid myself of the pain caused by this entire situation?

Maybe that is what worried me the most; we would give it a go, but I would never truly be able to let go of everything that had happened, and it would slowly eat away at any attempt we made.

It would leave us both resenting the other. We would stupidly bring up things from the past if we got into arguments--things with no relevance--only using it because we had it in our arsenal. Would that be how it was, both of us left bitter by this and unable to move past it?

I plopped down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My thoughts drifted to him, and I wondered what he was doing now. Were our family and friends making sure he was okay this time? Lord knows they had babied me enough in the last few months. Maybe it was time for them to help him get over me.

I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes as I attempted to get some sleep, but it was impossible.

I thought about something Edward said. He had taken the picture from my bedside table the day that Jasper and Emmett moved my things out. I was a little stunned by that revelation because I didn't fully understand why he would have wanted to keep it.

I don't know why it was so important or what the hell I was thinking, but I wanted it back. It was my picture, and my memory. Maybe the only good one I would have left of him.

Looking at the clock and seeing that it was now morning, I slid on some shoes and decided that this would be the only chance I would get to retrieve my picture without running into Edward.

The car ride over there was nerve racking. I knew he wasn't home, but I knew as soon as I step into that house, I would be assaulted by all the memories of my time there.

I turned into the drive way and turned off the car. I sat quietly and looked at the place I used to call home.

I finally got out of the car and slowly made my way to the front door. I pulled out the key that was still attached to my chain with shaking fingers. I hadn't been here since the event that changed my life. I took a deep, cleansing breath, then opened the door.

I was immediately assaulted by the smell of home. The smell of Edward was the first hit; his shampoo and cologne, followed by the scent of clean laundry and coffee. All these scents blended together and brought forth bittersweet memories. I had lived here. To me, this had been home for the past couple of years. Every inch of this house held a memory, and every memory was a frozen moment in time that made me who I was today.

Even the bad.

_Snap out of it, Bella! Get your picture and go. _

I willed my legs to move, and headed to Edward's bedroom knowing that he kept things that were important to him in there. If he loved me like he said, then the picture would be there.

I walked down the hall that to Edward's room, and was hit with a wave of sadness. The familiarity of being in this room at least once a day to wake him up was too much. The witty remarks, him pulling me into bed with him laughing. Would our relationship be able to have that same spark as it once did?

I searched the room for the picture, scanning his walls and desk hurriedly. I didn't want to be in here too long because the overwhelming feeling of sadness was becoming hard to handle. I spotted what I was looking for on his bed side table and ran over and grabbed it. I smiled back sadly at the smiling faces of Edward and I.

Would we ever be this happy together again?

I hugged the picture close to my chest as I walked out of the room slowly, and back down the hallway. For some reason, I walked into the kitchen. I let my fingers trail along the counter top as I took in the images of the place I used to live.

From the kitchen I walked into the living room.

What I saw took my breath away.

There, in the living room, were all of my pictures from the gallery hung on the wall where the television used to be.

I stumbled backwards in shock until the back of my legs came in contact with the couch, causing me to stop.

Edward was the stranger. The one who bought my photos. He had seen my work, and he'd gone out of his way to actually keep up with something that was important to me, and I never knew.

I stood there too stunned and unable to move by the revelation that Edward was the buyer of my photos, that I hadn't heard a car pull up or the door open, but all the sudden, the sound of my name being called snapped me out of my thoughts and I swiveled my body towards the front door.

There stood Edward in the same button down blue shirt and dark denim jeans he had worn last night. They were a bit wrinkled, and his hair was more of a mess then normal. His face was a mixture of pain and shock. His eyes that were wide with surprise and bloodshot from what I assumed crying. His normally smooth skin was showing signs of five o'clock shadow.

He had come after me. He followed me home. Could he truly love me? Or was he feeling bad for what happened, that he thinks this is what I want?

I didn't have time to ask.

Our eyes locked and he ran to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, saying nothing as pulled me close to him, not hesitating to see my reaction as he crashed his lips into mine.

My response was not immediate. It took a minute before my brain could process all this new information, but once it did, I responded with fervor.

My hands went straight to his hair, gripping it and pulling him closer to me. I felt an arm tightened around my waist, melting our bodies together as the other hand gripped the back of my head holding me in place, refusing to let me go.

As if I would have allowed it.

It was a passion-filled kiss on both sides this time. There was no side working harder then the other. As if we were both on the same page the kiss deepened at the same time, our tongues moved together tasting and massaging.

I couldn't get enough. My heart had sped up and it felt like pure adrenalin was pumping through my veins, screaming at me to take this chance go for it.

_Now or never, Bella, it is worth it._

Without breaking contact, I started nudging him backwards until his back came into contact with the wall with a thud. He moaned into my mouth and before I could register the move, he spun me around so my back was against the wall.

I lifted my leg, and he knew immediately what I was doing. He ran his hands down my legs, cupping the back of my thighs and giving me leverage to lift me so I could wrap my legs around his waist. I locked my ankles together as he leaned into me. At that moment, I could feel just what effect this was having on him as he was pressed between my legs.

I didn't care anymore. I could no longer ignore the cries of my heart. He may have hurt me, and I no doubt had hurt him too, but my heart screamed in my head, _He loves you, _and it was right. He did love me. I could feel it.

I loved him too.

Finally, his lips released their hold on mine, but he wasn't finished.

He trailed his way down from my lips to my jaw and neck, then to my collarbone. Coming back up to kiss every inch of my face, lips, eyelids, nose, forehead; you name it. No area left untouched.

In return, I repaid the favor to him by running my fingers down his chest and arms. I kissed every and any area I could reach. His head fell back, extending his neck to allow me better access. I took full advantage of it.

I must have been doing something right, because Edward's breathing was ragged, just as was mine. His hips were grinding his hardness between my legs, which was causing a bubble to form in my lower stomach.

My head nuzzled the crook of his neck as I placed small kisses on the sweet flesh there.

I didn't want to stop. I wanted to move forward. I knew where this was leading, and I so desperately wanted it.

But I had to stop. I couldn't go there just yet. I needed to talk to him first. The kiss had caught me off guard, and my emotions and desires got the best of me. I let my guard down too quickly.

We had to talk.

I leaned my back against the wall, pulling away from him. I placed my hands on his chest and pushed against him gently. His head came forward and he looked at me questioningly.

"Edward," My breathing was almost embarrassing. "We have to stop. We have to talk." I unlocked my legs from behind his back and dropped my feet to the floor.

He looked at me as if trying to figure out what I was going to do now.

"Please don't tell me you're going to run away from me again, Bella. You have to know now there is no where you can run where I won't follow." He leaned forward placing a kiss on my forehead before resting his head against mine.

His smell was so intoxicating. It took me a moment to form a coherent thought.

"I don't know what to say, Edward. I don't know anything anymore."

"Say you love me too, Bella." Edward offered, placing small kisses on my lips.

"You know I do." I brought my hand up to cup his cheek.

"Say it, Bella." He said brushing his thumbs over my cheeks.

"I love you." I whispered.

"Then that is all that matters." He said, his lips pulling into a smile.

"But…"

"No, Bella. We both made a mess of things. Things went unsaid on both sides. We both made shit of things, but we were meant for each other, Bella. I was meant for you and you were meant for me. There is no denying that anymore." He said with such conviction.

"But, what happens if it doesn't work, Edward? What if there is too much damage to sort through and instead of this becoming something good, it puts the finale nail in the coffin? I wouldn't be able to live without you in my life." The thought alone was unimaginable.

"I will never give up on us, Bella. I know what it is like to lose you, and I can't do it again. I refuse to live without you, without us." He pulled me closer to him and buried his face in my hair.

"I'm scared. I don't want to live without us either." I said holding him tight.

"Then we don't have to. I love you with ever fiber of my being, Bella. I have probably always loved you, it just took me a lot longer to figure it out."

He pulled back looking me in the eyes.

"I was always the smarter one." I laughed lightly.

"You were, and you are." He said brushing the back of his hand against my cheek, a smile stretching across his face.

"I can't believe you followed me home. How did you know I was here?"

"I didn't. I went to your apartment. I had to call Alice to get the address, by the way. You didn't answer the door after I begged for about an half an hour for you to please come talk to me. Your neighbor let me know that she saw you leave this morning. I couldn't think where you could have gone, so I was coming home to think of how I could make you listen, and what I could do to prove that I would never hurt you again. When I pulled up and saw your car, I almost had heart failure. To know you were here and we would finally be able to talk and we could try and fix things, was overwhelming. I came in and saw you and you were just as beautiful as you always are." He leaned forward pressing his lips to mine yet again.

"Why did you come here, Bella?"

"I wanted my picture back. I thought you were out of town still, and I knew this was my only chance to come and get it. But I saw these," I waved my hand to my pictures. "Why? Why did you buy these?"

"Because, the moment I saw them, they made me realize that I was in love with you too. I went to the gallery and saw them hanging there, and I saw what everyone else had seen. I saw that I loved you, and not as a friend, but as someone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life." He pulled away from me to lift my chin so that I could look him in the eyes. "I am so stupid, Bella. I don't know how I missed it. I don't know how I went so long without seeing it, without seeing you. I am sorry for ever single ounce of pain I have ever put you through. It was never my intention to hurt you in anyway." His eyes expressed the pain he felt for his actions.

"I know it wasn't. I should have told you, this is on me too, Edward. You weren't alone in this, we both made mistakes."

"But it stops here, Bella. We love each other, and what happened was never intentional. You have to know that," He pleaded for me to believe him.

He didn't have to.

"I know that. I just thought I had finally gotten what I had dreamed of that night, Edward. All I have ever wanted was you." I could see the pain of my words hit him. "Then not even ten hours later, you were back with her without even talking to me. I felt so used and crushed. I just couldn't be around you. I couldn't be in this house. Everything was this horrible memory."

"I'm so sorry! I will never be able to forgive myself for putting you through the last few months. I really would give anything to take them back."

"I know, I would give anything to go back and just tell you, just suck it up and tell you I was in love with you."

"Why didn't you?" He questioned.

"Look at you, Edward, then look at me. We're not exactly on the same level." I said looking anywhere but his eyes.

I felt his finger under my chin as he lifted it so I would look at him.

"Bella, what are you talking about? You've always been so beautiful. I must have really become a jerk if you thought so low of me; that all I went for is looks and not the amazing person you have always been to me. You're so smart and funny."

"They were my insecurities, Edward. If I could have gotten rid of them we probably wouldn't have had to deal with all this heartbreak."

"You know, my Mom says that will make us stronger. We will hold each other more dear now because we know what it feels like to lose each other."

"I don't want to go through this ever again." I said burying my face n his chest. His arms squeezed me closer to him.

"Then we won't." Edward cooed, placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"But what if…" Edward placed a finger against my lips.

"No, Bella. No what if's. If we dwell, then there will be a million reasons not to try because nothing is promised to anyone forever. I do, however, plan on making sure that everyday you know I love you. You know how important you are to me. I will never take you for granted again."

I bit my lower lip and looked up at him. Could I really just let everything go and give us a try? Would a chance at a lifetime of happiness with him be worth the risk of a lifetime friendship?

"Edward what if…" Edward's lips cut me off this time.

His soft warm lips touched mine, and all the what if's flew out the window.

All I knew in that moment was that I wanted him forever, and he wanted me too.

The kiss deepened, and once again I found my legs wrapped around his waist. This time, it was me grinding my hips into his and his erection was back, straining against the confinements of his jeans.

I knew what I wanted, and I knew it was a big risk. I wanted this part of our relationship to start on a happy note. I wanted to explore ever inch of him, and to have him explore every inch of me. I wanted this memory to be prefect and untarnished.

I needed this. I needed him.

"Edward…make love to me." I breathed against his insistent lips.

"Bella, we don't…" I cut him off.

"Edward, please." I begged and ground myself against him.

"Bella, are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure." I said and released the lock on my ankles and stood in front of him.

"I don't think so, Bella." He answered hesitantly. My face fell.

"What do you mean?"

He bent down and scooped me into his arms and started walking towards his bedroom.

"I finally got you. I refuse to let you go for any amount of time."

He carried me bridal style into his bedroom, then set me down carefully on the floor in front of his bed.

He wrapped his arms around me, raising one hand to brush my hair back behind my ear.

"I love you, Bella." He whispered as he gazed deeply into my eyes.

"I love you too, Edward." I stretched up on my toes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my lips to his.

The kiss started out sweet and slow, almost too slow.

I traced his bottom lip with the tip of my tongue and he accepted it immediately, deepening the kiss.

My hands found their way to his hair and I pulled him closer to me.

After a few moments spent blissfully kissing Edward, I slowly dragged my hands from his hair, down his neck, and to his chest. My fingers, trembling in anticipation, began to undo the buttons of his shirt. I made sure my fingers traced a line down his bare chest as I went.

When his shirt was opened all the way, I let my fingers caress the skin above the edge of his pants. His breath hitched and his body trembled in response.

He looked down at me with hooded eyes as I softly ran my hands back up his chest to his shoulders, pushing his shirt down his arms until it fell to the floor. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to the skin covering his heart.

I felt Edward bring his hand up to cup the back of my head, holding me their and placing a kiss on the top of my head.

His heart was beating so fast. I could feel the _thump thump thump _of it beat against my lips.

Edward released his hold on my head and softly dragged his hands to the hem of my t-shirt, his fingers dipping under it caressing the bare skin of my back as he slowly inched it up my body. Once it reached my chest, I leaned back and looked him in the eyes as I raised my arms above my head, letting him know without words to continue.

Once my shirt was off and tossed to the floor, we stood for a moment taking in the sight before us.

"Beautiful." Edward muttered.

He pulled me closer to him, lowering his head to kiss my shoulders. His thumb pushed aside the strap to my bra. I felt it fall loosely to my upper arm.

In return, I placed the same sweet kisses on his chest, and neck. I even got as bold as to taste his skin allowing my tongue to slowly draw a trail from his well form pecks to the base of his neck.

He stopped breathing completely.

A small smile tugged on the corners of my mouth on account of his reaction, so I decided to test my abilities a little further.

I worked my hands down to the waist of his jeans and I lightly placed the tips of my fingers in the waistband, dragging them slowly from side to side.

I felt him stiffen immediately.

I bit my lower lip, slightly smiling at the effect I had on him, and began to undo the button of his jeans.

His breathing had now become erratic and every muscle in his body seemed to have tensed.

I pinched the zipper between my fingers and pulled it down. I could feel the effect I had on him as my hands grazed his very full erection. Once he was unzipped, I pushed his jean down and they fell to the ground.

He stepped out of them and kicked them to the side.

"Bella," He said, his breathing more ragged then before. "Are you sure? We don't have to do this."

"Yes, I want you to make love to me, Edward."

He stepped forward, pressing his lips to mine and nudging me towards the bed. When the back of my knees made contact, he slowly lowered me back and I scooted my way up toward the head of the bed.

He kneeled above me before he bent down and kissed my lips, moving down my neck and chest, trailing kisses down my stomach until he reached the waist band of my yoga pants. As I had done to him, he teased me by licking the skin above where my pants rested.

Soon, I felt his fingers hook the sides and he began to pull them down, kissing the newly exposed flesh as he went. I lifted my hips to help him.

His lips sent fire coursing through my veins.

I now laid in nothing but my black lace underwear and bra that Alice had bought me and insisted I wear.

Edward moved back up my body, laying next to me on his side. He allowed his fingertips to graze my skin lightly while he looked like he had something he wanted to say.

I turned on my side to face him. I brushed a few straw bangs out of his face.

"What's wrong." I asked as I placed a soft kiss on his nose.

"Bella, I made such a mess of this last time, I…I don't know how to do this right. I want to do this right." He said as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Hey," I said lifting his chin so he would look me in the eyes. " You love me, right?" He nodded. "I love you. We both made mistakes last time. But, this time it's right. For both of us."

That must have been what he needed to hear, because he leaned forward once again pressing his lips to mine, and from that moment on, the was no more doubt.

Our tongues caressed one another's sensually. Our hands roamed freely, touching anything and everything they came in contact with. Our breathing was no longer under our control.

I felt Edward's hand come around my back in undo the clasp of my bra and tossed it behind me. My breasts were now pressed against his firm chest.

His lips left my mouth, but not my skin as he made his way down to the newly exposed flesh, tracing my nipple with his tongue, then taking it into his mouth. I bit my lip in response and threw my head back as the sensation soared through my body. He then switched, paying equal attention to the other side.

I felt his hand slide down my side and slip between us. I felt his fingers grazed the lace edge of my panties.

My breathing picked up even faster as I felt him push past the fabric and slowly sweep over the heated bundle of nerves.

My back arched and a moan escaped my lips. I needed more.

I wrapped my arms around Edward's body and pulled him on top of me. He settled between my legs and I could feel his hardness pressed firmly into me.

I lifted my leg, dragging my toes up his thigh before I reached the band of his boxers. I gripped them with my toes and pulled them down. Edward, catching on to what I was attempting to do, removed them the rest of the way.

He hooked onto the sides of the remaining piece of clothing between us and removed the lace panties.

Edward took a moment to reach for his bedside table, and insure our safety this time before coming back to me, settling once again between my legs.

Instead of rushing right into it, he leaned back down and started kissing me with so much passion that I felt it in my toes. My hips lifted on their own accord, rubbing into him.

I broke the kiss and looked him straight in the eyes.

"Edward, make love to me." I whispered and cupped his cheek. I brushed his lips softly with my thumb.

"I love you, Bella." Edward uttered quietly.

"I love you too."

I felt him maneuver himself into my entrance. His lips pressed to mine as he slowly pushed into me.

Both of us had been holding our breath at that moment and we both released it in a moan as his length filled me.

Edward stayed still for a moment to give me time to adjust to him before I moved my hips, encouraging him to continue. He slowly pulled out, his body trembling as he did, and then pressed himself back in.

My head lolled to the side and my eyes closed as every passion filled sensation reeked havoc on my body. I wanted more. I locked my legs around his waist to bring him deeper with each thrust.

I could feel myself getting close as my whole body was clenched in preparation for my release. I locked eyes with Edward, lifting my lips to his before I placed my head back on the pillow. He brought his forehead down to mine, still looking me in the eyes.

"You okay?" He breathed as his thrusts became a little sharper.

I simply nodded, keeping my eyes on his. I lightly kissed his lips as he continued to push into me bringing us closer.

Finally, the bubble that had built in my stomach burst and my walls clenched down bringing Edward with me. With a final thrust, he collapsed on to me breathing heavy. I ran my fingers through his hair as I kissed him over and over again.

"I love you so much." I said in between kisses.

"I love you too, so much." He said returning every kiss.

All of a sudden, everything became so real. I was really here with him and he really did love me like I loved him. Could it be possible that I was getting everything that I had wanted, that this wasn't a dream or a nightmare like before?

Then the tears came, but these were different. They weren't tears from being sad or in pain. These tears were from being beyond happy. In this moment, everything I had ever wanted and more had come true.

"Bella, why are you crying, did I hurt you? Oh god, this was too soon…" I stopped him with a kiss.

"I am so happy, so very happy."

"So you cry?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"Apparently." I said kissing him again.

"Bella," He said, looking serious. " This should have been our first time."

"We're putting it behind us, Edward. fresh start." I leaned up and kissed him again.

He scooted beside me and we laid on our sides snuggled close together, staring into each others eyes. Edward pulled his covers over us. Occasionally, we would share a kiss or stroke one another's face.

We were together. My dream had come true.

The nightmare we had both lived through the past few months was finally over with and we could be together again.

I drifted off to sleep in the warm embrace of Edward, smiling the entire time.

**A/N: One more chapter and a Epilogue me thinks and then our story is over. How ever My first chapter of my new story is with beta and will be starting soon.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Alright all, this is the last chapter only an epilogue left. Thank you all so much for reading this story. Sorry this took so long. I am much better at writing angst /emo type of stuff then the happily ever after stuff.**

**I want to thank ever single person that nominated me and voted fore Realize at the twilight awards. I was beyond blown away when I revieved a message telling me that I won **

**Best Angst**

**Best love triangle **

**Best overall**

**In the all human incomplete round.**

**YOU ALL ROCK!**

**As always, thanks to my amazing Beta Erin, who is still editing my stuff while in school again and running her own mag. She pretty much is my world.**

**DO NOT OWN!**

**Carry on**

_**BPOV**_

I was in the middle of the most amazing dream I had ever had. I had gone to get my picture from Edward's house and while I was there I found out that he was the one that purchased my pictures. While I stood there shocked, taking this new info in, I heard my name called. When I turned, I saw that it was Edward. He had followed me home from Forks. He came running to me and crashed his lips to mine. We said everything that we needed to say; we fought, we cried, and we made love.

I was so happy.

But the happiness was turning into sadness as I realized that this was all just a cruel dream and the morning light that was now dragging me out of my slumber was also bringing with it the reality that I wasn't quiet ready for.

I attempted to keep myself in the dream. I knew the longer I continued to live in the fairytale, the more it would hurt when I finally came to and it was nothing more then a cruel hallucination.

It was inevitable though and my eyes-against my will-were fluttering open.

_Just five more minutes please…_

With my last ounce of protest defeated, my eyes locked on the ceiling above me. It took me a moment to focus, but once I had, I was confused.

This was not my ceiling.

I slowly, oh so slowly, moved my head to the side and noticed this was not my room. It was Edward's. I must have fallen asleep when I came to get the picture.

Thank god he was still back in Forks.

Then I felt it. The bed moved next to me.

"Good Morning, Beautiful." The voice I knew all-to-well spoke.

I was frozen.

My breathing started to pick up and my heart beat erratically in my chest.

This had to be the dream. I apparently had not woken up like I thought.

Then, I felt fingers softly tracing the line of my jaw. I bit my lip as my eyes rolled back into my head at the sensation.

Oh what a cruel, cruel dream this was.

"Argh," I let out a frustrated cry and pulled the pillow over my head.

I felt the bed shake with what I assumed to be the laughter of my dream-Edward.

"Here I thought I was the difficult one to wake up." His velvet voice chuckled.

"I wish I were awake," I complained.

"You are awake, love." He attempted to lift the pillow off my face.

"No, if I were awake, you wouldn't be here." I whined.

"But I am here! You would know that if you removed the pillow from your face." He teased.

"You're not here, and the longer I think you are, the more it is going to hurt when I wake up. So can you just go away now, for my own sanity?" I begged.

There was silence, and I let out a breath as I slowly removed the pillow thinking, _let the pain commence. _

"OH!" I cried out.

Once the pillow was removed I was met by the most beautiful emerald eyes. But they were pained.

"Edward!" I whispered.

"I really have hurt you, haven't I?" He asked, looking away from me.

"Edward, you're really here!" Last night really happened!

"Yeah, apparently that isn't a good thing though." He was voice pained.

"I'm sorry! I just, it seemed to good to be true! Almost like a dream." I said trying to explain my reaction.

"Maybe more like a nightmare." he said, the frown heavy on his perfect lips.

"NO! Not a nightmare Edward. Oh god, I'm so sorry." My stupid mouth.

He sat up, looking away from me and running his hands through his hair, his beautiful sculpted back facing me.

I had hurt his feelings. Great move, Bella.

Before I even gave it a second thought, I was up and had my arms around him, my bare chest pressing against his back.

"Edward, I'm sorry. It's just been a long road to get here. It was too good to be true. Please forgive me, I know it's real now." I said as I placed soft kisses on his shoulder and neck.

"Bella, you have to tell me, and please be honest. Have I hurt you beyond repair? I don't want to make you feel like we have to have a relationship if you don't want it. I will completely understand if it is too much." He said sullen.

I crawled around to the front of him, lifting the sheet that lay across his naked lap and put my legs on either side of him, straddling him. I took his face into my hands, forcing him to look me in the eyes.

"Edward, I am so happy now! Nothing could be better than you and I together." I placed a kiss on the tip of his nose.

"Are you sure?" He asked, his eyes worried.

I thought I could show him rather then tell him.

Feeling more bold and confident now that I was certain that last night truly did happen, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

His response was immediate.

Our lips moved as one in perfect harmony, opening and receiving each other's deepened kiss. Tongues moved together as one, tasting and caressing.

Our chests pressed against one another, expanding and contracting rapidly to allow for our ragged breathing. I could feel as Edward's body reacted to the present way I was sitting, he harden against me. My hips responding to his warm length. I took advantage, and while wrapped in his warm embrace I situated myself so that he was at my center, and took him in fully.

Both of us let out a throaty moan, and my forehead came to rest on his shoulder, and I bit my lip trying to keep from screaming. My hips continued to rock forward, Edward's meeting my rhythm, his arm wrapped tightly around me as his other hand gripped the back of my hair.

I could feel the bubble in my lower stomach begin to expand, so the speed of my hips picked up. Edward's lips continued to trail a path from my lips down my neck to my collarbone.

He leaned down taking one of my breasts into his mouth, tracing his tongue around the hardened nipple, adding to the pleasure of him thrusting between my legs which sent me over the edge. My walls closed in on him and I cried out his name with my release. He followed soon after, burying his face in my neck.

Once the tremors from our release had calmed down, Edward pulled us back and laid me down next to him on the bed.

"I love you, Bella." Edward said as he brushed strands of hair out of my face.

"I love you too." I said as I snuggled closer to him.

We laid there holding each other for awhile, staring into each others eyes and not saying anything. We just enjoyed the moment together.

Everything was right.

After spending the better part of the morning just laying in bed together drinking each other in, we decided on what we were going to do.

We were going to go back home.

Both of us had time to work out our issues alone without hurting our family and friends more on Christmas. It was time to bring on the happy.

Edward booked us a flight for the twenty ninth, and we made our way to the airport when the time came.

The flight back was one of the most enjoyable flights I had ever had. I sat with Edward hand-in-hand. He would brush strands of hair behind my ear and steal little kisses. We just enjoyed each other's company; no more drama.

We were finally happy.

"Are you excited to be going back?" Edward asked as he twirled a piece of my hair around his finger.

" I am. They have all been so worried about us for so long now. It will be nice to show them that that we are fine and that they can stop worrying now." I said as I leaned into Edward's chest.

"There is definitely no need to worry anymore." He agreed.

We sat there in silence for a bit longer.

Edward broke it after a few minutes.

"So, you know, there is something I have always wanted to try." He said with a mischievous grin on his face.

"In your dreams." I said rolling my eyes at his attempt to be cute.

"What?" He asked, feigning innocence.

"Just because I'm in love with you doesn't mean I am willing to become a member of any club involving an airplane, Edward."

"I have no idea where you even got that idea, Bella." He said with a small crooked smile.

"Mmhmm. Sure you don't." I snuggled up closer to him and the plane continued toward home.

Us coming back was a surprise, so we rented a car once we landed and made our way to Edward's house.

we pulled into the driveway of Edward's parents house after a peaceful ride and saw that my parents car was there. It was perfect. We didn't have to call anyone over.

"You ready?" Edward asked as he took my hand and helped me out of the car.

"Of course." I leaned up placing a kiss on his lips.

He deepened the kiss, and I was all too happy to go right along with him. I don't know how long we were lost in the moment, but someone clearing their throat brought us out of our little bubble.

We both turned to see our friends and family with goofy grins on their faces.

"Just how long have you been standing there?" Edward asked with mock annoyance.

"Long enough to see you attempt to eat poor Bella's face." Emmett teased.

My face automatically grew hot as I realized that I had just been ramming my tongue down Edward's throat in front of everyone I knew.

"Well, get inside kids. It's freezing out here." Carlisle called from the porch.

Edward took my hand and we followed the others inside. Everyone all headed down to the basement and sat down.

Once seated, the room was so silent you could her a pin drop.

We knew someone was dying to ask. Alice looked like she was bursting at the seams and Jasper's arm that was draped across her lap seemed to hold her in place.

I noticed Erin and Jake were sitting together and would lean into each other and whisper things back and forth, both had smiles plastered on their faces. Jake's arm was loosely draped around her shoulder and Erin couldn't seem to stop playing with her hair.

It made me smile. It looks like they had gotten to know each other in our absence.

"Okay, enough of this," Emmett bellowed suddenly "so are you two together or not? I mean, I am pretty sure you're together from the little PDA we walked in on, but I would like to hear it straight from the horse's mouth."

Everyone looked to Emmett, then to us.

They, of course, were dying to know the same thing, just not as blunt or impatient as Emmett seemed to be.

"Should we tell them?" Edward asked, squeezing my hand.

"I don't know. Maybe we should just keep it to ourselves a little longer." I teased.

I saw Alice stop bouncing and send me a evil pixie glare.

"Oh come on, after everything we have done for you two in the past few months! Don't torture us." Alice whined.

"Oh, you mean like the two black eyes??" Edward said looking at Rose and Alice.

"Feel lucky that you're still able to produce children, Edward. It could have been much worse, so very worse…" Rose told him.

"Believe the man who had to hide the knifes." Emmett laughed.

"Well, yes! Let's all be happy about that." Edward actually looked a little pale after hearing that knives had to be hidden.

I slowly rubbed circles on his back, happy as well that Emmett knew where to hide the dangerous stuff.

I looked into everyone's anxious faces. They all looked like they were in pain, so I decided to put them out of their misery.

"Yes, we worked everything out. We are together." I said resting my head on Edward's shoulder.

Every single person in the room all let out, "It's about time!" together.

"Wow, you know, this is a room full of ten people. Any of you could helped me out a little." Edward teased.

"Edward, there is only so much someone can do without actually dragging you by the throat and spelling it out." Rose flung at Edward with a flip of her hair.

"It is better that you two worked this out on your own, dear. It will make it that much more important." Esme smiled.

The room filled with chatter about what had happened minus some private details that Emmett of course made sure to ask about in front of our parents.

It was nice to have everyone back together. No more drama; everything taken care of.

It was New Year's Eve now and we were all together as one big family to ring in the new year.

Things had gone wonderfully. Our family and friends were all happy.

Life was pretty close to perfect, in my opinion.

We were gathered around watching the scene unfold at times square and the countdown started.

The huge glowing crystal ball began it's decent as the room filled with the voice's of our loved ones counting down the remaining seconds of two thousand and eight.

10...

Goodbye to every ounce of low self esteem I ever held that kept me from being truthful to Edward.

9.

Goodbye to a year that literally ripped my heart into a million pieces.

8...

Goodbye to a year that held one very stubborn girl, and one very clumsy best friend.

7...

Goodbye to a year that brought just as much happiness as it did heartbreak.

6...

Goodbye to a year that brought me to learn of my talent for photography. Something I don't mind bringing into the next year.

5...

Good bye to a year of painful memories

4...

Good riddance to the year that brought us Tanya.

3...

Good bye to the year that took Edward away from me.

2...

Good bye to the year that brought Edward back to me.

1...

I looked up to Edward and noticed he already had his eyes focused on me.

"I love you, Bella." He said as his emerald eyes pierced mine.

"I love you, Edward." I said as I stared my future in the face.

The room erupted with shouts of "HAPPY NEW YEAR!" and everyone placing kisses to their partner. The sounds of little confetti poppers and paper horns assaulted our ears.

"Happy New Year, Bella." Edward said before bringing his lips to mine.

It was a deep passion-filled kiss, a proper kiss to start out new year and new life together.

"I am so glad last year is over. It was by far the worst of my life." I said once I pulled away from Edward's soft lips.

"As long as we are together, we will never have another year like that again." He said as he rested his forehead against mine.

"And just how long will that be Mr. Cullen?" I asked arching my eyebrow.

"Forever." He said before reclaiming my mouth.

I broke the kiss.

"I like the sound of that." I said smiling against his lips.

Hopefully all the drama was behind us, and the experiences that we had gone through for months and years would, as Esme said, only make our relationship stronger.

But I would always remember this past year as the one that helped us both realize what we meant to each other.

**A/N: Hope it was worth the wait.**


	19. Epilogue

**A/N: So I am so very very very sorry that this has taken forever and a day, but srsly I do not do happy well. I love my angst and this chapter was a bitch to do. But alas it is here this is the end there will be no sequel or anything like that. I will now be 100% focused on my other story Love is Watching Someone Die. **

**I have had a blast writing this, I have loved every single review and every single reader. I never imagined something I wrote would actually effect people the way all you readers have continued to tell me this story has. Thank you all for reading, reviewing and nominating me for awards and such.**

**Special thanks to my amazing best friend for life ERIN!! I didn't know her when I asked her to beta this story, she just seemed like a sweet person and it turned out she was. Because of this story I have an awesome friend for life. Thanks for all your hard work on this story bb, with life and work and class you still did this for me and I love you **

**anyway... here it is my lovies, the end**

**Carry on**

**One Year later.**

**Epov**

I woke up to the feeling of Bella's warm body wrapped around me. Her nose was buried in my neck and her hot breath was causing a certain part of my anatomy that was very much awake to twitch in excitement.

Granted, we were in my childhood bedroom of my parent's house for the holidays and discretion was necessary, I was not about to deny myself the ritual I had become so accustom to over the past year.

I slowly moved Bella so that she was laying on her back. She shifted easily and her eyes remained closed.

Perfect.

Slowly, I kissed my way down her neck to a perfect fleshy breast, sucking in the nipple and flicking my tongue against it.

She tasted amazing. How had I lived without this for all those years I'll never know.

She began to stir and arched her back a bit in response.

So beautiful.

I smiled knowing. Any minute now she would be awake and moaning my name.

I left her chest alone and kissed my way down her stomach, making my way to her hip.

Thank god we fell asleep without clothes on last night. It made discretion so much easier.

I moved down to where I loved to give her my attention, spreading her legs apart and kissing the inside of her thighs up to he warm center.

One slow stroke of my tongue and she was awake.

"Edward," She gasped, eyes bulging.

"Good morning, Beautiful." I smiled against her sensitive skin.

Her hands reached down and entwined in my hair. She tugged me up her body.

"A very good morning to you too." She purred before she placed her lips on mine. Her soft warm lips moved with mine in a rhythm that was all too familiar and I loved every moment of it.

Her legs wrapped around my waist and I wasted no time entering her, making love to her, and enjoying every moment.

This is how I had spent the last year with the most amazing woman I had ever met.

To think I almost messed everything up and missed out on having Bella in my life.

Laughable. Hah!

Sure, things were not always picture perfect. Me and Bella were like every other couple. We had our fights where screaming and sometimes throwing things were involved and we had our petty arguments over the stupidest thing like putting milk back in the fridge with just a bit left, but we also had our amazing make ups.

There was no arguing that Bella had changed my life for the better, though.

We made a lot of decisions in the last year; everything we did we talked about first. I never wanted to go through what we had been through in the past again. We both learned from our experiences.

No bottling things up, ever. It only ended in arguments and no sex.

It was a rule of ours.

Nothing was ever let unsaid.

No secrets.

We knew now that we trusted each other enough to tell the other anything. No matter how afraid we were of what the other might think. All we had to do was look back on what happened and we knew that this was a better way.

When we got home we decided a few things.

We decided that it was best that we wait before living together again. Bella liked her independence. She had never really been alone before and she wanted to continue to take advantage of her new found freedom. And after what I had put her through, I wanted Bella to have that experience. Even though the thought of being without her for any amount of time was unbearable, it was what was in her best interest and that is all that mattered.

Her business was doing amazingly, as expected. She had saved up enough money to buy a small space in the downtown area and hired a few people to help with business. She was booked solid for months in advance and was shooting everything from celebrity weddings to photo shoots for ad campaigns.

She wasastonishing.

I had gotten back into the swing of things. I was working again and found my responsibility. No more showing up late to set or leaving unannounced. I had booked a few more movies and had filmed two movies during this past year. Bella came to set to visit me a few times, but to stick with our plan of trying to not be to dependent on the other like in the past, she only stayed for a bit before leaving to go home and back to her work; her life.

Life was pretty perfect.

Our friends were doing great also.

Emmett had picked up a few new high profiled clients, one being a certain pop princess that had gone a little crazy in the past. It was his job to work her back into shape and get her ready for her appearances once she released her newest album. He had also been saving up money to open a gym where he would focus on working with not just the celebrity clientele but with regular people also.

Alice had made a name for herself as a new up-and-coming fashion designer. She went from being a stylist to the stars to dressing them for award shows when a dress for an A-lister she was working on was ruined on the way to a show. There was not enough time or fabric to create a new one. Alice gave her one of her own creations and once the actress named Alice as the designer on the red carpet, she was bombarded with calls for an "Alice original."

Jasper was now a signed musician and working with some of the biggest names in the music business. His first album had already garnered so much buzz from the critics that you would think he was the second coming of Jesus. Every time we went out, it seriously felt like at any moment we would be pelted by fan girls throwing underwear at him with phone numbers written on it. Jasper detested the attention.

Alice thought that it was hilarious.

Then there was Rose.

Rose had been bumped up to super model status when she was signed with Victoria Secret as one of their newest angels and had the opportunity that landed her as the cover model for Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. It wasn't often that we could go out anymore without some douche bag guy trying to get too touchy or cop a feel of the newest Victoria's Secret Angel.

This never made Emmett happy, but most guys took the hint once they saw the very large man sending them death glares from next to her.

However, anyone who knew Rose knew that she could handle herself.

Or her friends for that matter.

We had the unfortunate pleasure of running into Tanya one night when we were all out at a club having one of our get together nights.

Bella and I had been snuggled together in a booth kissing as usual when I heard a ear piercing voice that was like nails on a chalk board pull me away from the beauty before me.

I turned to see that Tanya was standing their sneering.

She went into some random rant about how she couldn't believe that I left her to be with Bella. As if it were something bad. And that I would be sorry when she ruined my career because she would only hold me back. Then ,there was something about not coming and crying to her when what she said came true because she would only tell me "I told you so."

When She went to turn around, she was greeted by a fist to her overly worked nose.

The person on the giving end was Rose.

Of course Tanya screeched about Rose ruining her face and having a huge shoot tomorrow. She threatened to sue Rose also.

Rose simply shrugged her shoulders then playfully patted Tanya's face.

After that debacle we heard that Tanya had taken her casting couch methods too far by attempting to mess with a very big director who just happened to be a uber Catholic devoted to his wife with like 6 kids. From that point on she was black listed and no one would touch her for shoots or movies.

Her only option was the porn industry… not that she would have a problem with that.

Everything was right in our world.

Once again we were her at our parent's house celebrating the holidays. The whole gang was here. Even Jake and Erin, who had been a couple as long as Bella and I have. They moved in within the first few weeks, Erin suggested obviously. Jake's low-key, up front personality blended well with Erin's toilet humor and bluntness.

They were perfect together.

Erin was no longer working as my assistant. She was now writing a script for an upcoming zombie movie that had been green lighted, I was so happy for her.

Jake was the director of photography. I also heard he planned on proposing to Erin sometime tonight. I smirked at the thought. Jake is going to kill me.

I decided to grow the fuck up. I didn't need someone to baby me, wake me up, ot make my food anymore. I started those things for myself. I let Angela know that the only assistant I would need is someone who would work with me while I was out and who would only do things that she needed them to do. No one would be living with me. I was strictly a paid by the hours job.

And I was better for it.

Everything was perfect.

My family was great, my friends were happy and healthy, and I had the love of my life, Bella, with me.

And tonight, the one year anniversary of being together officially with Bella was going to be a night that would change my life forever.

I was going to ask Bella to marry me.

I figured that last year at this time we made a choice that changed our life for the better so it was the perfect time to ensure that the new year and ever one to come would be perfect.

I had already bought the ring. Alice and Rose came along to help.

It had been burning a hole in my pocket since I had it.

It took huge amounts of self control to not propose the second I saw her once I bought it.

But she deserved to have this moment be just right. So again, for Bella, I sucked it up and waited until the time was right.

**BPOV**

It was New Year's eve and everything was perfect.

I thought back on this time last year and it made me smile to think of what a difference a year has made.

I couldn't believe what it took for us to get to this moment, but I knew that I would never forget it. Everything that happened brought me all the happiness I had now and all I could think about is what Esme said. All that heartache did make me value the relationship between Edward and I even more.

Both of us knew what it was like to live without the other and it was something that I never wanted to experience again.

That year had been filled with misery and this year was filled with happiness. What a perfect storybook ending.

We were all gathered in the living room celebrating the soon to be new year.

I looked around and smiled.

Everyone I loved was here, the people I would hold close to me for the rest of my life. That mattered more to me then anything else in the world were all here together.

We were one big random family.

Jasper and Alice were off in a corner of the room looking out the large window at the falling snow. Alice was tucked snuggly at Jasper's side.

Emmett and Rose were laughing and arguing. Rose leaned up and placed a sweet kiss on Emmett's cheek, halting his booming voice. A lazy smile stretched his full lips and he whisked Rose into his arms.

Jake and Erin were curled up on the couch. Erin's accent was too thick to understand, but she was excited. Jake looked like he was constipated and his fingers were doing a hesitant dance about his left jeans pocket.

The minutes inched closer to midnight and the champagne was being handed out in preparation for the ball to drop.

I was in the middle of a conversation with Erin about how the script was coming along when Edward walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"It's almost time beautiful." He breathed into my ear.

I leaned back into his chest letting my head rest on his shoulder and smile. I felt his lips brush across my temple.

Heaven.

"Okay, I'm going to find Jake. You two are making me ill." Erin playfully gagged as she walked away to find Jake.

"We're not that bad are we?" I asked Edward as I cuddled deeper into his arms.

"I don't care if we are." He said with a chuckle, squeezing me tighter to him.

"Alright everyone, the balls about to drop!" Alice yelled while bouncing up and down, grabbing the room's attention.

We were all standing near the wall that housed the plasma T.V. counting down like fools at the top of our lungs as the ball dropped taking away the last few seconds of the best year of my life.

When we reached one and everyone started cheering and turning to one another I turned to look at Edward only to met with the top of his head.

"Edward, what are you do-" I stopped talking once I realized what was in his hand.

"SHIT!" I heard Jake moan. Edward smirked.

I brought my hand to my now opened mouth and looked around the room at our family and friends who were watching the scene before them with wide eyes in silence.

"Bella," Edward started as he took my hand. "I have known you my whole life. You are my best friend, my support system, my one and only love. I am a better person for having you in my life. You are now and have always been my life. Will you please do me the honor of spending the rest of your life making me the happiest person alive?"

I, of course, stood there with tears in my eyes because I never thought this day would come.

"Yes…yes of course I will marry you!" I squealed, falling to my knees in front of him and wrapping my arms around his neck, kissing him with all I had.

Without removing his lips from mine I felt him take my hand and slide the ring on my finger, where it would stay for the rest of our lives.

"Jake, what he fack is your damage?" Erin asked Jake as she shook his shoulder.

I pried my lips off of Edward's to take in the scene before me.

Jake was visibly shaking. His normally coppery tone was now a snow white. His fingers were doing that same dance over his left pocket. Erin glared at him with her arms crossed and her tiny hip jutted to the side.

"Well, I can't do it now that Edward has one uped me," Jake whined, looking at Erin with a frown.

"Do facking what, Jacob?" Erin huffed as she waved her hands frantically between them. "You are being right dumb about this. Always acting like such a dram-" Erin's rant was suddenly cut off as Jake shyly bent down to one knee.

"Erin…" Jake began as he attempted to take one of her hands. She jerked it away and clutched her cheeks.

"You bastard!" she exclaimed quietly as tears rimmed her brown eyes.

Jake smiled in response. "I facking love you. Will you marry me?"

His fingers reached into his pocket and revealed a simple silver Irish knotted ring with a single emerald in the middle.

"Yes! 'Course I will, you oaf!" Erin cried thickly through her heavy vowels then wrenched Jake from the floor. She wrapped her arms around his neck then her legs around his waist and gave him a delicious kiss on the lips.

Laughs and clapping filled the room as "Happy New Year!" rang from everyone's mouths.

Happy New Year indeed.


	20. Twilight Awards

**So nominations have started again for the Twilight Awards. Make sure you go and nominate your fav stories, I know I have :)**

**Support the amazing writers who works super hard on brining you your fav guilty pleasure.**

www[dot]twilightawards[dot]this-paradise[dot]com


	21. Vote Now

**VOTING IT OPEN!!**

Realize has been nominated for the new awards The Eddie and Bellie awards at http://www (dot)thecatt(dot)net/tw/default(dot)aspx

If you have issues figuring out that link just google the eddie and bellie awards and it is the top one.

Do go vote for your fav stories, and I am sure there are lots from you to choose from, lots of great ladies nominated:)

thanks to everyone who has continued to read this story and review to those who nominate it and pass it on to friends.

All of you are amazing :)


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